This document discusses how to deal with conflicts that arise in the workplace. It defines conflict as a battle over values, status, power or resources where parties try to get their own wishes fulfilled while damaging their rivals. Conflicts typically escalate through stages from disagreement to open hostility. The document recommends acknowledging conflicts early, recognizing them through communication deterioration and personal attacks, and changing one's reaction by identifying beliefs and capabilities. It suggests transitioning conflicts into collaboration by meeting to understand all perspectives, finding mutually agreeable solutions, and maintaining dialogue. Dealing with difficult people may require realizing they have a valid worldview and are acting from fear. The keys to resolving conflicts include having the intention to collaborate rather than manipulate and being open to unexpected outcomes

1. What To Do With The
Problems You Cannot Solve?
By
Mette Bruhn-Pedersen
SQA Days 20
Minsk 24 Nov 2016

2. We Don’t Have Problems!
Challenge
Opportunity
Small bump
in the road
Different
way of doing
things
Just haven’t
found the
solution yet

3. Typical Characteristics
Testing
- A Conflict Prone Business?
• Detail-oriented
• Devoted
• Perfectionist
• Responsible
• Want to do a good job
Normal Day at Work
• Tight deadlines
• Missing requirements
• Many defects
• Unrealistic expectations
(test it all)

4. What Is a Conflict?
Do you have an example of a conflict?

5. Perceptions of Conflict
Lewis A. Coser (1971)
”A conflict is a battle about values or a demand for
status, power or resources, in which the conflicting
parties not only strive to get their wishes fulfilled but
also to neutralise, damage or eliminate their rivals”
Sebastian Nybo (2009)
”A conflict reveals a difference in perception, from
which there arises a tension that can either be used
dynamically with the possibility to change opinions
and perceptions or can lead to a destructive battle
to force one position over the other.”

6. Dealing With Conflicts
ChangeChange
TransitionTransition
AcknowledgeAcknowledge

7. Acknowledge
• See the conflict before it is too late
• Realise how we interact

8. Recognizing Conflicts

9. Open Hostility
Almost don’t see the other as a person
Make negative hurtful remarks about the other party
You are either for me or against me
Goal in this phase is to ”hurt” the other party
Polarisation
•Can hardly be in the same room together or
perhaps workplace
•The fight can continue even though physically
separated
•Can become physical
Personalisation
•See other party in a negative light
•Begin to blame the other party
•Begin to focus on personality not the problem
Problem Grows
•Old unresolved conflicts begin to resurface
•Snide (sarcastic) comments are exchanged
•Negative hurtful comments behind person’s back
Communication Deteriorates
•Interpret negatively what is being said
•Feel misunderstood
•Talk about the person rather than with them
Enemy Image
Have given up talking together
The original problem is forgotten and replaced by a
black and white vision of the world
Energy is used on trying to get the other to apologise
or surrender
Disagreement
•Focus on problem not personalitiess
•Problem is solved and relationships maintained or
strengthened
•Willingness to listen and change point of view
The Conflict Escalator
Disagreement
Personalisation
Problem grows
Communication
Deterioriates
Enemy Image
Open Hostility
Polarisation

10. Change
• Why am I reacting in this way?
• What can I do to change the situation?

11. Triune Brain
Reptilian Brain
Instinct, survival, eating,
aggression, dominance,
reproducing....
Responds by one of the 3-F’s
Fight, Flight or Freeze !
Mammalian Brain
Emotions, parenting, mood,
memory, “value judgements.”
Primate Brain
language, abstraction,
planning, self-awareness,
logical analysis

12. Emotional Hijacked
• You are not “yourself”
PresentPast Future

13. What Can I Do?
• Identity
• Beliefs & Values
• Capabilities
• Behaviour
• Environment
Butterfly picture taken by Uwe H. Friese Bremerhaven, Germany.
Source: Wikimedia Commons

14. Transition
• The process or a period of changing from one state
or condition to another
• Turning conflict into collaboration

15. How To Start
• Meet, acknowledge and understand
• Look for and evaluate possible solutions
• Commit to solutions
• Maintain dialogue
• Look for ways to increase the collaboration

16. The Conflict Triangle
RescuerPersecutor
You are not good
enough
You can’t do it.
You never do enough
It’s your fault.
You are to blame
You are not good
enough. I am
You can’t do it. I
can.
I can’t do it, You can.
I am not good enough,
You are.
It’s not my fault. Its
the others.
I can’t do it
I am not good enough
I always do it wrong
I never do enough
You are not good enough.
Good, so I am needed.
Now I can’t take care of
myself.
Why do you do this
to me?
If it wasn’t for you,
my life would be
easier
(Fight) (Flight)
Victim (Freeze)

17. Collaboration

18. How to Deal with Difficult People?
• They are in the conflict triangle so.....
• They don’t know they are being difficult
• Maybe its me !
• They have a solution that works with their model of
the world
• They are acting from fear at some level
• BUT you have to still deal with this so…….

19. Critical Success Factors
• Intention to collaborate – not to manipulate
• Be open for AN outcome – you may be surprised
• It takes two to tango – and two to collaborate
• Sometimes there are just difficult people – we have
to give up on them .....
• Don’t give up on yourself – ACT!

20. Conflict Free World

21. Summary
• Conflicts are important sources of energy and
inspiration
• Stop the Conflict Escalator
• ACT instead of react

22. Thank You!
Contact Details:
Mette Bruhn-Pedersen
bruhnpedersen@me.com