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Crucial Conversations PG
This document provides an overview of a training course on crucial conversations. The course teaches participants how to identify symptoms of difficult conversations and develop strategies to work through challenges in order to move from "crucial" to productive dialogue. Participants will learn about how high stakes, opposing opinions, and strong emotions can make conversations more challenging and will be given tools to de-escalate tensions through understanding motives, controlling physiology, and establishing mutual purpose and respect. The course uses role plays and exercises to give participants hands-on practice applying the crucial conversations model.
Crucial Conversations PG
- 1. Crucial Conversations Participant Guide Welcometo this life-changing course! This course has the potential to improve your life in many ways, by providing you with tools to handle life’s most difficult conversations. This course is based on the book: Crucial Conversations, Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, written by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillian and Al Switzler. Today will help you identify symptoms, and develop strategies to work through challenges, enabling you to move from “crucial” to “dialogue” when conversations matter most. • Have you ever found yourself in deep weeds in a conversation? • Feeling trapped, wanting to run for cover? • Have you ever become overly aggressive with someone over something they said? • Have you ever yelled at someone, or been yelled at during a conversation? These are all symptoms of conversations that have become crucial.
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- 3. How do thesecircumstances make conversations more challenging? High Stakes:_____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ Opposing Opinions:____________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ Strong Emotions:_______________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ 8/21/16 3
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- 7. 8/21/16 7 Crucial ConversationModel Explain in your own words how the model works: ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ Why is this such a game changer? ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________
- 8. Role Play #1 • You ask your roommate to move her things in the refrigerator off your shelves, and onto hers. • You thought it was no big deal, simply a request to share the space evenly, and you went to all the trouble to label each shelf. • You have no hidden agenda. You like this roommate a great deal. • She comes back with: “There you go again, telling me how to run my life.” • I can’t change the vacuum cleaner bag without you jumping in and giving me advice.”
- 9. Master My Stories 8/21/16 9 Why are motives so important? ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ Are there any motives on the left you would like to move to the right column? Why?___________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________
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- 12. Role Play #2 • Member calls into Communications, says he wants to deposit a large check, then use it to buy a car. He is told to make the deposit, and a supervisor will release the money for him on the next business day. • Member makes a $37,000 deposit 2/19 (Friday). • He needs the funds released 2/22 (Monday) for the purchase of his car. • He calls irate that we can’t release his funds. • We ask for a copy of his check. • He says he doesn’t have a copy– no one told him he needed it! Use what you have learned so far to de-escalate this call.
- 13. Our Stories: SalomehDiaz • If it’s _______ you can talk about ____________ with ____________. • Our _________ create our emo?ons, and we create our __________. • We take in 80% of our ____________ through our __________. • We need to hold on ________ to our _________. Victor Franco, in Man’s Search for Meaning: “When everything is taken from us one thing remains– the power to choose one’s a?tude in any given circumstance.” 8/21/16 13
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- 15. 8/21/16 15 Make theConversation Safe: Apologize Use Contrast Create Mutual Purpose Make it Safe
- 16. Role Play #3 8/21/16 16 Respond to the following statements with your partner: • “You come prancing in here like you own the place.” • “Never mind; if you think the white one looks be2er, I guess you know what’s best.” • “You’re not going to actually send that le2er are you?” • (Looking upset and discouraged.) “Don’t worry. I’m just fine.” • “One more stunt like that and I’m going to the boss.”
- 17. Role Play #3 8/21/16 17 Respond to the following statements with your partner: • “You come prancing in here like you own the place.” • “Never mind; if you think the white one looks better, I guess you know what’s best.” • “You’re not going to actually send that letter are you?” • (Looking upset and discouraged.) “Don’t worry. I’m just fine.” • “One more stunt like that and I’m going to the boss.”
- 18. Our Stories arethe Master Key • What is the cost if I ________ up? • What is the cost if I _______ ______ up? • 90% of US workers say they are working on a project that they know will _________. • 83% of leaders say they encounter _________ _________, while only 13% say they can effecKvely ________ it. • Mutual Respect is like ___________. The moment it is gone, you can’t ____________ anymore. • Mutual Respect: if you don’t have __________, for someone you will have to ______ some. So that we can have dialogue. • Mutual Purpose: how can you _________ that you also ________ about something the other person cares about? • Mutual Purpose: how can you ________ common ground? 8/21/16 18
- 19. Paths to Success • Look for Early _______ Signs • Step Out of the Context of the ____________ , Re-Establish ___________ . • Show that You _________ About Their Best _________ . • Show that You _________ About _________ . • Step Back Into the ____________. • Ask Yourself, “What Do I Really _________?” • Ask Yourself, “If This is What I Really ________ , is This How I Would be __________?” • Step Out of Context, Re-Build _________ , then Return to _________ . 8/21/16 19
- 20. Conversation Practice Work withyour partner and plan a difficult conversation using the attached Conversation Planning document. Use the information you have learned so far in your plan. 8/21/16 20
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- 23. Mission “Empower people tocreate quality conversations & thereby improve the quality of their life.” The concepts of Crucial Conversations fit into the culture at Firefighters First in 3 of our Core Values. Write a few sentences below to describe this from your point of view. Competence Demonstrate Knowledge: We have the depth and breadth of knowledge required to provide soluKons that will improve our members’ financial lives. Ensure Quality: We pay aWenKon to detail and deliver accuracy in all our work. Get Results: We accept responsibility for our acKons and act with a sense of urgency. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Excellence Lead by Example: We manage by fact and set high expectaKons for ourselves and for those with whom we work, including our third-party partners. Care about Means: While the boWom line is important, how we get there maWers. Seek Improvement: We systemaKcally make improvements and consistently raise our performance bar. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Positivity Have Fun: We value bringing laughter and humor in to the work place. Remove Barriers: We maintain a posiKve outlook and find composure and resiliency in the face of adversity. Assume Best Inten?ons: We work to create and sustain posiKve relaKonships. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 8/21/16 23