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Conflict resolution
- 1. Becoming a ConflictCapable Leader
- 2. Adapted from: Thomas-Kilman ConflictMode Instrument Conflict Dynamics Profile, Eckerd College Leadership Development Institute Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher & William Ury
- 3. Think about arecent conflict you’ve had with someone else and then describe it in one or two words
- 4. Where are you? CONFLICTMANAGEMENT COMPETENCY SCALE Novice ExpertExpert I could manage the conflict in my life better if…..?
- 5. Session Objectives Helpyou become more aware of your own conflict style and behaviors Help you recognize conflict styles and behaviors of others Help you better assess conflict situations Teach you practical strategies for negotiating differences and resolving conflicts Allow you to observe and practice collaborative conflict resolution methods
- 6. Session Themes Conflictis inevitable and should not be avoided People can change the way they respond to conflict Ineffective and harmful responses can be avoided Effective and beneficial responses to conflict can be learned The goal of successful conflict management is not its elimination, but to reduce its harmful effects and maximize its useful ones
- 7. Broadly speaking, conflictis … Any situation in which people have incompatible interests, goals, principles, or feelings
- 8.
- 9. “Conflict lies notin objective reality, but in people’s heads. Truth is simply one more argument- perhaps a good one, perhaps not-for dealing with the difference” Fisher & Ury
- 10. Potential Consequences ofConflict Potential Benefits Potential Costs ? ?
- 11. Conflict must addressedon two levels Substance ------------- Process
- 12. Path of Conflict CONSTRUCTIVE RESPONSES Behaviorswhich keep conflict to a minimum DESTRUCTIVE RESPONSES Behaviors which escalate or prolong conflict PRECIPITATING EVENT TASK-FOCUSED CONFLICT (Cognitive) •Focus on task and problem solving •Positive affect •Tension decreases •Group functioning improves PERSON-FOCUSED CONFLICT (Affective) •Focus on personalities •Negative emotions (anger, frustration) •Tension increases •Group functioning decreases CONFLICT DE-ESCALATES CONFLICT ESCALATES
- 13. Conflict Response Categories PerspectiveTaking Creating Solutions Expressing Emotions Reaching Out Winning at All Costs Displaying Anger Demeaning Others Retaliating Reflective Thinking Delay Responding Adapting Avoiding Yielding Hiding Emotions Self Criticizing Constructive Destructive ActivePassive
- 14. Constructive vs. Destructive Role-Playing Allyand ally’s roommate are addressing conflict over dirty dishes in common areas.
- 15. The Retaliatory Cycle “howwe make war” Repetition Perception of threat Anger (emotion) Acting (destructive response) Trigger
- 16. Typical Outcomes ofDestructive Responses Feelings of anger and frustration Judgmental actions Getting even and keeping score Other party does not have needs met Closed channels of communication Refusing to deal with issues Decreased self-confidence Tasks not completed Team performance decreases
- 17. The Conciliatory Cycle “howwe make peace” Person A Inhibitory Reflex Trigger Person B Person A Conciliatory Conciliatory Gesture Gesture Person B Inhibitory Reflex
- 18. Typical Outcomes ofConstructive Responses Win-win solutions Open & honest communication of feelings Both parties’ needs are met Non-judgmental actions Not sticking adamantly to one position Actively resolving conflict (not allowing conflict to continue) Thoughtful responses (not impulsive) Team performance improves
- 19. Conciliatory Gestures Examples Apologizing“I’m sorry that my comments in the staff meeting embarrassed you. It was thoughtless of me.” Owning responsibility “I see now that I have contributed to this problem. I didn’t see that before.” Conceding “I’m willing to meet with you, if you are willing to do it at a time that is convenient for me.” Self-disclosing “I’ve been worried about what you might do to get back at me, and so I’ve been avoiding you.” Expressing positive feelings for the Other “You are a competent and skilled professional.” Initiating both-gain “How do you suggest we solve this?”
- 20. HARD SOFT Getting whatyou want Adversaries The goal is victory Demand concessions Hard on people and problem Distrust others Dig in Make threats Insist on your position Getting along with others Friends The goal is agreement Make concessions Soft on people and problem Trust others Change your position easily Make offers Insist on agreement Which approach best describes you?
- 21. SOFT HARD PRINCIPLED FriendsAdversaries Problem-solvers The goal is agreement The goal is victory A wise agreement reached amicably and efficiently Make concessions Demand concessions Separate the people from the problem Soft on the people and the problem Hard on the people and the problem Soft on the people, hard on the problem Trust others Distrust others Proceed independent of trust Change your position easily Dig in Focus on interests, not positions Make offers Make threats Explore interests Search for a solution they will accept Insist on your solution Develop multiple options to choose from Insist on agreement Insist on your position Insist on using objective criteria
- 22. Thomas-Kilmann Conflict ModeInstrument Please take 20 minutes to complete the assessment individually.
- 24. Assertiveness Cooperativeness (Gettingwhatyou (Getting along withothers) Two basic aspects of conflict handling modes YourYour Conflict = Preference/Skill + SituationConflict = Preference/Skill + Situation ModeMode
- 25. Are any ofthese styles bad? List strengths and limitations of each conflict management style.
- 26. Assertive Cooperativeness Collaborating “Two heads arebetter than one” • Integrating Solutions • Learning • Merging Perspectives • Gaining Commitment • Improving Relationships
- 27. Collaborating Skills • TheAbility to Listen • Non-threatening Confrontation • Analyzing Input • Identifying Concerns
- 28. Overuse of Collaborating •Too much time on trivial matters • Diffused Responsibility • Others May Take Advantage • Work Overload
- 29. Underuse of Collaborating •Deprived of Mutual Gains • Lack of Commitment • Low Empowerment • Loss of Innovation
- 30. Assertive Cooperativeness Compromising “Let’s make adeal” • Moderate Importance • Equal Power – Strong Commitment • Temporary Solutions • Time Constraints • Backup
- 31. Compromising Skills • Negotiating •Finding a “Middle Ground” • Making Concessions • Assessing Value
- 32. Overuse of Compromising •Lose Big Picture/Long Term Goals • Lack of Values/Trust • Cynical Climate
- 33. Underuse of Compromising •Unnecessary Confrontations • Frequent Power Struggles • Unable to Negotiate Effectively
- 34. Assertive Cooperativeness Competing “My way orthe highway” • Quick Action • Unpopular Decisions • Vital Issues • Protection
- 35. Competing Skills • TheAbility to Argue and Debate • The Ability to Use Rank or Influence • Asserting Your Opinions and Feelings • Standing Your Ground • Stating Your Position Clearly
- 36. Overuse of Competing •Lack of Feedback • Reduced Learning • Low Empowerment • Surrounded by “Yes” People
- 37. Underuse of Competing •Restricted Influence • Indecision • Slow to Act • Contributions Withheld
- 38. Assertive Cooperativeness Accommodating “It would bemy pleasure” • Showing Reasonableness • Developing Performance • Creating Good Will • Keeping “Peace” • Retreating • Low Importance
- 39. Accommodating Skills • ForgoingYour Desires • Selflessness • Obeying Orders • Ability to Yield
- 40. Overuse of Accommodating •Ideas Get Little Attention • Restricted Influence • Loss of Contribution • Anarchy
- 41. Underuse of Accommodating •Lack of Rapport • Low Morale • Exceptions Not Recognized • Unable to Yield
- 42. Assertive Cooperativeness Avoiding “I’ll think aboutit tomorrow” • Buying Time • Low Power • Allowing Others • Symptomatic Problems
- 43. Avoiding Skills • Abilityto Withdraw • Sidestepping • Sense of Timing • Able to Leave Things Unresolved
- 44. Overuse of Avoiding •Lack of Input from You • Decisions Made by Default • Issues Fester • Cautious Climate
- 45. Underuse of Avoiding •Hostility/Hurt Feelings • Too Many Causes • Lack of Prioritization/Delegation
- 46.
- 47. Getting to Yes– The Principled Approach People Interests Options Criteria
- 48. 1. Separate thePeoplePeople from the Problem Perceptions Emotions Communication People Issues Substance
- 49. •Separate the substantiveissues from the psychological issues •Deal directly with the people problem •Recognize and understand emotions, theirs and yours •Acknowledge emotions as legitimate •Discuss your perceptions with the other side •Don’t assess blame •Allow the other side to let off steam •Don’t react to emotional outbursts •Listen actively and acknowledge what is being said •Speak to be understood •Agree to put emotions aside 1. Separate the PeoplePeople from the Problem
- 50. • Interests definethe problem, positions don’t • Compromising between positions will not always lead to a wise and efficient agreement • Look beyond opposing positions for shared and compatible interests • There are usually multiple ways to satisfy an interest whereas positions can only be satisfied by one solution • Ask why • Ask why not 2. Focus on InterestsInterests, Not Positions
- 51. Shared interestsoften lie latent in every conflict Look beyond a single answer for shared interests Consider multiple solutions that satisfy interests of both sides Separate the act of inventing options from the act of judging them invent first, decide later Look to advance your interests by finding ways to accommodate theirs 3. Invent OptionsOptions for Mutual Gain
- 52. A wiseagreement should reflect a fair standard independent of the will of each side. Fair standards for the substantive question and fair procedures for resolving conflicting interests Ask a neutral third party to judge or mediate 4. Insist on Using Objective CriteriaCriteria
- 53. Successful Conflict Resolutionuses all four pieces to the puzzle People Interests Options Criteria
- 54. START STOP MORE LESS IndividualActivity
Editor's Notes
- #2 Matt Welcome to Collaborative Conflict Resolution At the heart of today’s session are two basic questions: What is the best way for people to deal with their differences? How do you resolve conflict and achieve a wise outcome without damaging the relationship or without conceding your interests?
- #4 Exercise
- #5 Matt Where do you see yourself on the conflict competency scale and what would it take to move you closer to a “high” competency level? What do you hope to get out of today’s session?
- #6 Mark Review of objectives
- #7 What useful benefits come from conflict?
- #8 Mark Conflict is a Dynamic, Unfolding Process The presence of a precipitating event sets into motion the dynamics of conflict, an active process capable of movement and change. Where it leads is dependent upon the participants. How we respond during the unfolding process when faced with someone who has different or opposing interest, goals, principles or feelings can lead to different outcomes, some harmful and some beneficial,
- #9 Matt Conflict can occur and different levels within the workplace, both interpersonally or organizationally.
- #10 Matt People don’t see the world as it is, they see it through their own lenses and filters. Differences are defined by the difference between your thinking and theirs. When two people differ, the difference itself exists because it exists in their thinking. Understanding the other side’s thinking is not simply a useful activity that will help you solve your problem-their thinking is the problem.
- #11 What useful benefits come from conflict?
- #12 Matt A wise agreement can be defined as one that: meets the legitimate interests of both sides to the extent possible; resolves conflicting interests fairly; is durable; takes community interests into account. It does you little good if you prevail in conflict by imposing your will on the other side or by conceding your interests to maintain a good relationship.
- #13 Matt Conflict resolution takes place at two levels. At one level it addresses the substance of the conflict and at another level it focuses – usually implicitly – on the procedure for dealing with the substance. Why is the process important? The Relationship
- #14 Constructive responses are those which keep conflict focused on the exchange of ideas. Task completion Exchange of ideas Expression of positive emotion Destructive responses are those that escalate and move conflict in a harmful direction - highly damaging Displaying anger or negative emotions Demeaning others Retaliating Trying to win at all costs Avoiding
- #17 Matt People don’t see the world as it is, they see it through their own lenses and filters. Differences are defined by the difference between your thinking and theirs. When two people differ, the difference itself exists because it exists in their thinking. Understanding the other side’s thinking is not simply a useful activity that will help you solve your problem-their thinking is the problem.
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- #50 Separate people from the problem – or the relationship from the substance what does this mean? Discussion People problems often become entangled in the objective merits of the problems. Deal with each separately. People problems tend to fall into 3 categories: perception, emotion, and communication. Your perception isn’t the other person’s reality Speak about you – not the other person’s intentions When people feel their interests are threatened they get emotional People don’t listen or communicate effectively when emotions run high Recognize the people problems, theirs and yours, and deal with them separately
- #51 Separate people from the problem – what does this mean? Discussion People problems often become entangled in the objective merits of the problems. Deal with each separately. People problems tend to fall into 3 categories: perception, emotion, and communication.
- #52 Matt Positions often obscure what your underlying interests are Don’t respond to a position with a position.
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- #54 Matt However well you understand the interests of the other side, however ingeniously you invent ways of reconciling interests, however highly you value an ongoing relationships, you will always face the harsh reality of interests that conflict. No talk of win-win strategy can conceal this fact.
- #55 Matt