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• Learning to live together – Interpersonal abilities
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Chapter 3Interpersonal Communication and the SelfEstelaJeffery653
Chapter 3
Interpersonal Communication and the Self
1
Section 1
COMMUNICATION AND
THE SELF-CONCEPT
Interplay
2
Communication and the Self-Concept
Self-concept: relatively stable set of perceptions you hold of yourself
Self-esteem: part of the self-concept that involves evaluations of self-worth
How does high or low self-esteem affect communication behavior?
All individuals hold a specific perception of themselves, and one piece of such perceptions is feelings of self-worth. People who feel good about themselves have positive expectations about how they will communicate, and those feelings increase the chances that communication will be successful (the same is true for negative evaluations).
3
How the Self-Concept Develops
Reflected appraisal: A mirroring of the judgments of those around you
Significant others: People whose evaluations are especially influential
Social comparison: Evaluating ourselves in terms of how we compare with others
Reference groups: People against whom we evaluate our own characteristics
An individual’s self-concept develops over time, influenced by supportive messages from others, especially those who are particularly influential in our lives, and the way we compare ourselves to other people.
4
Characteristics of the Self-Concept
The self-concept is subjective
We inflate and/or underestimate our self-perception
Why?
Obsolete information
Distorted feedback
The myth of perfection
Social expectations
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5
Characteristics of the Self-Concept
A healthy self-concept is flexible
The self-concept resists change
Cognitive conservatism: Seeking information that conforms to an existing self-concept
Human beings change overtime, and the self-concept can change, too – but typically, it is difficult for such changes to occur because we often try to confirm our existing self-concept instead of allowing it to adjust.
6
The Self-Fulfilling
Prophecy and Communication
Self-fulfilling prophecy: When a person’s expectations of an event and his or her behavior based on those expectations make the outcome more likely to occur than would otherwise have been the case.
Four stages:
Holding expectation (for yourself or for others)
Behaving in accordance with that expectation
The expectation coming to pass
Reinforcing the original expectation
Sometimes, the things we expect to happen influence our behaviors to the point that those things we expect are even more likely to occur because the belief is being reinforced.
7
Types of Self-Fulfilling Prophecies
Self-imposed prophecies
Your own expectati ...
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The Art of Giving and Receiving Feedback
1. United States Government Accountability Office
The Art of Giving,
Receiving, and Eliciting
Feedback
Beverly L. Norwood
Director of Leadership and Executive Programs
U.S. Government Accountability Office
July 26, 2012
Accountability Integrity Reliability
2. How do you react to the prospect of
giving, receiving, or eliciting feedback?
Accountability Integrity Reliability 2
3. Key dimensions of leadership behavior
– GAO 2007
Empowering Personal
People & Teams Integrity
Competence Self Knowledge
Communication Vision
Accountability Integrity Reliability 3
4. GAO Consensus: Self-knowledge is
knowing and understanding…
your personal and professional values, beliefs, needs,
strengths, and weaknesses
your own leadership style and its relationship to your values,
beliefs, needs, strengths, and weaknesses
how you impact others around you—up, down, and sideways
how your style fits with or should be adapted for various
circumstances and people
Accountability Integrity Reliability 4
5. Rules for the Road
• Remain open to improving your self-knowledge
• Be mindful of the emotional responses that
giving, receiving, and eliciting feedback may
trigger for you and the others involved
• Prepare yourself to give, receive, or elicit
feedback by anticipating your reactions and the
reactions of others and by practicing what you
will say and do to maintain a constructive
dialogue
Accountability Integrity Reliability 5
6. Tools for Road
• Clear expectations
• What can you and others control,
influence, and simply have to live with
• The continuum for giving and eliciting
feedback
• Situation-Behavior-Impact (SBI) Model
Accountability Integrity Reliability 6
7. Expectations are critical
Consider…
Have you taken the time to
set clear expectations for
those you supervise?
For example, have you
given your direct reports
examples of work products
that reflect the quality and
level of detail you are
looking for?
Do you know what your
direct reports expect or want
from you?
Accountability Integrity Reliability 7
8. Who Is In Control?
1. We are in
control.
2. We can
influence.
1
3. We have no
2 control.
3
Accountability Integrity Reliability 8
9. Continuum for Giving and Eliciting
Feedback
Accountability Integrity Reliability 9
10. Situation-Behavior-Impact (SBI) Model
• Situation: Capture the situation (e.g., in the meeting
with Joe yesterday, in the kitchen this morning when we
were discussing x, or in the meeting with the requester
on Friday).
• Behavior: Describe the behavior (e.g., you interrupted,
you did not complete your assignment on time, or you
arrived late for work).
• Impact: Describe the impact (“so what?”) on you, on
coworkers, on an engagement/program, or on the
organization (e.g., because you kept interrupting your
team members in the meeting, they all shut down and
we didn’t have a chance to discuss the ideas of others).
Accountability Integrity Reliability 10
11. Giving Effective Feedback
Effective feedback enables the receiver to walk away understanding
EXACTLY what he or she did and the impact that it had on you and/or
the situation. The feedback should be:
Timely
Clear
Specific
Nonjudgmental
Actionable
Remember: Situation, Behavior, Impact (SBI)
Accountability Integrity Reliability 11
12. Giving Effective Feedback
• Creating and delivering a specific message based on observed
performance is key to effective feedback.
• When you tell a direct report, coworker, or even your boss that s/he
is a good leader, or that s/he communicates well, or that s/he needs
to be more strategic, you may believe that you are providing helpful
feedback, but these statements only evaluate or interpret behavior.
• They don’t describe behavior in a sufficiently specific way that a
person can learn and develop by repeating or avoiding the behavior.
Accountability Integrity Reliability 12
13. Giving Feedback: The Dozen Do’s
• Be specific when describing the situation
• Be specific when describing the behavior
• Acknowledge the impact on you
• Judge the behavior
• Pay attention to body language
• Use verbatim quotes (when possible)
• Recreate the behavior, if appropriate
• Give feedback in a timely manner
• Give feedback, check for understanding, then STOP
• Do say “I felt” or “ I was” to frame your impact statement
• Focus on a single message
• Be sensitive to the emotional impact of your feedback
• Source: Center for Creative Leadership: Feedback That Works: How to Build and
Delivery Your Message, Sloan R. Weitzel
Accountability Integrity Reliability 13
14. Giving Feedback: The Dozen Don’ts
• Assume
• Be vague
• Use accusations
• Judge the person
• Pass along vague feedback from others
• Give advice unless asked
• Psychoanalyze
• Qualify your feedback by backing out
• Use examples from your own experience
• Generalize with words like “always” or “never”
• Label your feedback in advance
• Sandwich your feedback with words like “but”
• Source: Center for Creative Leadership: Feedback That Works: How to Build and
Delivery Your Message, Sloan R. Weitzel
Accountability Integrity Reliability 14
15. Receiving Feedback:
• Listen Attentively
• Repeat only what you heard
• Ask for specifics, including what you are doing well
• Say “Thank You”
• Ask if you can check back
Accountability Integrity Reliability 15
16. Common Reasons for Not Eliciting
Feedback
• We don’t know how
• We don’t know who
• We don’t know when
• We don’t believe that we need to ask
• We fear the answer
• We fear the person we’re asking
• We fear the consequences of asking
Accountability Integrity Reliability 16
17. Eliciting Feedback: Consider
Whether you can stand to hear the answer, before
you ask the question
• Who to ask
• When to ask
• How to ask
• How to graciously show understanding if/when others
prefer not to give you feedback
Accountability Integrity Reliability 17
18. Eliciting Feedback: The Dos
• Set the stage
• Ask permission to ask
• Respect those who do not wish to provide feedback
• Explain your purpose/goal
• Explain how you would like to receive feedback (e.g.
Situation-Behavior-Impact—SBI--Model)
• Ask open ended questions (scripted, neutral)
Accountability Integrity Reliability 18
19. Eliciting Feedback: The Don’ts
Don’t…
• Surprise people
• Create a situation where the feedback provider feels
backed into a corner
• Ask threatening questions
• Defend, explain, or rationalize
• Retaliate
• Burn bridges
Accountability Integrity Reliability 19
20. Questions and Contact Information
• Questions???
• Contact information: Beverly Norwood,
Director of Leadership and Executive
Programs, GAO (202) 512-6512 or
norwoodb@gao.gov
Accountability Integrity Reliability 20