Do you think you get enough feedback about how you can be more effective from your boss?.... Your team probably thinks the same about you. Receiving good feedback gives you powerful information that can dramatically decreases the time required to master a skill or help you blow down the barriers that prevent you from getting to the next level. If only you knew.

1. Giving and Receiving Feedback
A hard approach to the soft skills
Introductory Training
Tim Burns

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Today’s Discussion
What And Why Of Feedback
A Five Step Feedback Model
Receiving Feedback
Applying Feedback At Work
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Timothy Burns
What Is Feedback?
“The return of information
about the result of a process
or activity.”

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Types of feedback in the workplace
Formative Evaluative Punitive
More effective future
behavior
Allocating organizational
rewards (formal reviews)
The person giving
the feedback
Ideal Frequency
Often
Ideal Frequency
Sometimes
Ideal Frequency
Never

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To encourage
more
effective
behaviour
in the future.

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Feedback accelerates performance growth
What
others
know or
believe
about me
Public Self
I know about it
Feedback
Blind Spot
I don’t know about it
Feedback shrinks our blind spots by giving us the benefit
of what others already know that is inhibiting
effectiveness – at work and in our personal relationships

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Five Steps (+1) for giving feedback
Ask Gain permission
Observe State what you saw
Pause Check for understanding
Effect The effect on you
Suggest Alternative effective behaviour
+ Discuss Open a dialog (optional)

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There’s a lot going on – the five steps help keep it straight
Individual Behavior Effect on Observer
We judge ourselves
by our intent
Others judge us by the effect of
our behavior on them
Intent
Capability
Situation
Perceived
Behaviour
Actual
Behaviour
Perceived
Impact
Beliefs and
feelings

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If you feel that feedback will give you an
opportunity to do this
You aren’t ready yet

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1. Ask for Permission
How the dialog starts
• “Can I give you some
feedback?”
• “I would like to give you some
feedback, is now okay?”
• “Would you like some
feedback?” (if peer)
Why do this step?
• Prepare the person for the
conversation
• Ensure they are ready to hear
the message - if not, do it at
another time
Wait for their answer Get into the feedback yet

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EXAMPLE
Can I give you some feedback

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Frequent and small Almost no one thinks
they get too much
Tim’s Tip #1: Graze, don’t gorge

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How the dialog starts
• “I’ve observed/noticed that…”
• “When you do X…” (more
informal)
Why do this step?
• Set context
• Observations relate to
behavior
2. State Observation
Be as specific and as objective as
possible
Comment on what you think the
other person thought/intended
Include the distant past

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EXAMPLE
I noticed that you interrupted Matt in the
meeting to make your point about our
implementation plan.

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Judgment
“You looked confident when you
were presenting.”
Description
“You kept your hands in front of
your body and asserted your
points without caveating.”
Tim’s Tip #2: Describe, don’t judge

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3. Check/pause for understanding
How the dialog starts
--pause---
“Do you remember that?”
“Did I get that right?”
Why do this step?
• Receiver can acknowledge the
observation and arrive at the insight
themselves
• Ensure that the (same) observed fact is
agreed upon and discussed
• Disagreement here could mean that your
feedback is not received well
Make sure that you are talking
about the same thing!
Don’t get into justification about
why the behaviour occurred

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EXAMPLE
…

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Tim’s Tip #3: Accept disagreement
Disagreement
accepted about
undesirable
“Behaviour X”
Does behaviour
X reoccur?
No
Yes
Goal Achieved!
Opportunity to give
feedback (no loss)

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4. Describe the effect it has on you
How the dialog starts Why do this step?
• “The effect it has on me is…”
• “It made me feel…”
• “It makes me think that…”
• How you are affected is a
statement of fact
• Your perception and feelings
matter because you make
decisions based on it
Own it! Use “I” or “me”
Get into justification about why
the behaviour (giver or receiver)
occurred
Make it about others

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EXAMPLE
I believe it stifles the discussion and I feel
we are not getting the full team’s
contribution. It also makes me
concerned about how clients might
perceive you.

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4A. Describe the broader impact (if you are trusted as
knowledgeable or have authority)
How the dialog starts Why do this step?
• “Here’s what happens…”
• “[The effect it has on me is that
I believe that] the following will
happen…”
• Impart knowledge
• Share understanding of greater
downstream or ‘second-order’
impact
Clearly connect the dots from
behaviour to other impact
Volunteer this with your
manager
Do this with people who know
more about an area than you
(try asking instead)

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EXAMPLE
Here’s what happens: When you don’t include Suzi in the
meeting, she goes and tells her boss Jim, Jim feels like his
people aren’t involved, then he stalls the project by
raising objections and telling his people not to prioritize
our work.

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Tim’s Tip #4 - Avoid the “Shit Sandwich”
But on the whole
things are fine
But you suck at this…
This was really good…

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5. Suggest (or ask for) alternative behavior
How the dialog starts Why do this step?
• “I think x would be more
effective”
• “Can you please…”
• “You could try…”
• “What can you do differently?”
• Only a different behavior will
achieve a different outcome
• A specific and tangible alternate
increases the likelihood of
behavior change
Ensure the recipient has the
capability to exhibit new
alternative behaviour
Set clear expectations (if
manager)
Say “try harder next time”
Say “don’t”

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EXAMPLE
In your next meeting, wait until the Matt is
finished or he asks for your input before voicing
your opinion.

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5+1 Open a dialog (especially if you’re a gorger)
How the dialog starts Why do this step?
• --pause--
• “What would you like me to
understand?”
• “Let’s talk about what you can
do differently
• “How do you feel?”
• The starting point of a coaching
conversation
• You will grow to understand the
other person’s point of view
more clearly
• If the feedback could be
damaging to the relationship
Express support personally and of
their efforts
Seek to understand their point of
view, empathize or offer
perspective
Dwell on the past – it happened

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EXAMPLE
What do you think?

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Start practicing feedback using the model!
Start positive
Deliver only positive
feedback with the model
until you feel comfortable
with the steps.
Introduce development
feedback
Start small and don’t
venture into history.
Repeat
Give yourself a goal (e.g.
Once/day, 3X week). Do
role play.
Ask for feedback
1
3
2
4
Give yourself the benefits
and create a norm on your
team.

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Receiving feedback: listen long enough to understand
Just listen Clarify, don’t justify
Reflect
If you get an evaluation (e.g.,
“that was good”) ask questions:
• What could I do differently in
the future to have a better
outcome?
• What specifically did I do that
caused you to think that
way?
Probe for root causes
Avoid justifying – it already had
the effect*
Check your ego and
the “fight-or-flight”
response (this is hard)
Ask yourself if this
person is trying to
help?
• If so, listen and
learn
• If not, listen and
say thanks
After the
conversation,
reflect on the
feedback and
decide if or
how to
incorporate it
*Exception: IF you have information that would change their perception AND their perception itself is important to
you, you can surface it (and even then decide if it’s worth it - it will probably still sound defensive)

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Summary – Giving and Receiving Feedback
Ask Observe Pause Effect Suggest Discuss
• Use the model
• Start with positive only
• Try it in ‘low stakes’
situations
• Just Listen
• Clarify, don’t justify
• Reflect later
• Graze, don’t gorge
• Describe, don’t
judge
• Accept
disagreement
• Avoid the shit
sandwich
The Model
Practice Receiving Tim’s Tips

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Feedback?
Additional Resources
• Manager Tools Podcasts on
Feedback (www.manager-tools.com)
• Difficult Conversations (Stone et. Al)
• Ladder of inference (Agyris)