This document discusses effective management and team leadership. It emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence and vulnerability for building strong relationships and culture. Good managers use coaching to develop employees, give constructive feedback, and adapt their leadership style to individual needs. Feedback should focus on observable behaviors, describe the impact, and ask for the other perspective in order to have a productive discussion.

1. Patreon Management Offsite
Joe Greenstein & Saran Chari
January 15, 2016

2. Why are we here?

3. One Big Idea

4. INTENT
Needs
Motives
Stories
Reality #1
BEHAVIOR
Verbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #2
Common
IMPACT
Assumptions
Feelings
Responses
Reality #3
The Net
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)

5. Feelings & Emotions – Why??
Everyone feels them;
we just pretend we
don’t.
Convey crucial
information; absence
of emotion leaves
out half the story.
Emotions indicate
importance. Most
powerful motivator?
Crucial to decision
making
Feelings & Emotions – Why??

6. Disclosure & Vulnerability

7. Self-Disclosure
Will I be less
liked,
respected,
influential
(leader-like)?
Is it relevant?
Will it further the
discussion – the
relationship?
Will others
use this
information
against me?
How will
others
see/assess/
judge me?
“What in
my ‘bubble’
should I
share?”
Self-Disclosure

8. “ VULNERABILITY IS
THE BIRTHPLACE
OF CONNECTION. ”
BRENÉ
BROWN

9. Authentic Leaders
“The single factor distinguishing top
quartile managers from bottom quartile
managers was strength of affection.”
--“Encouraging the Heart: A Leader’s Guide to Recognizing and Rewarding Others”,
Kouzes & Barry
Authentic Leaders

10. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Team & Culture

11. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
What Makes an Effective Team?
1. Participation
2. Collaboration
3. Cooperation (Commitment)
Research: All of these are correlated to
Group EQ
“Building Emotional Intelligence”, Wolfe & Druskat, Harvard Business Review, 2004

12. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
“I’m starting to
feel defensive”
Inward
(my emotions)
Outward
(others’ emotions)
Emotional
Awareness
Emotional
Management
(“Regulation”)
“He seems to be
getting agitated”
• Take a deep breath
• “Could you give
me a sec?”
• Take a walk
“Are you ok?”
EQ (Individual)

13. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Inward
(Our Team)
Outward
(Other Teams)
Emotional
Awareness
Emotional
Regulation
EQ (Group)

14. High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group
Group norms
determine group EQ
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Group EQ

15. Working AgreementsWhat makes a good manager?

16. • Job performance
• Job satisfaction
• Retention
• Absenteeism
• Happiness, Health Care Costs, Etc.…
“People don’t leave jobs, they leave managers”
Working AgreementsDoes being a good manager matter?

17. Working AgreementsSaran’s Story
“If done well, management is among
the most noble of professions.”
-Clayton Christianson

18. • Care for and value their employees as people
• Set clear goals and expectations
• Are good coaches
• Provide timely and relevant feedback
• Listens well and shares information and context
Working AgreementsThe research shows that good managers…

19. Business
Goals/Needs
Employee
Goals/Needs
Working AgreementsWhat do managers do?
Management

20. • What is the context?
• Business Needs
• Employee Personality
• Task relevant maturity
• Skill / Will
• Some Mgmt Style Models:
• Instruct
• Guide
• Empower
• Challenge
Working AgreementsGood Managers use different styles

21. 1. Take your seat
2. Don’t solve problems, build problem-solving
systems
3. Manage in 3 directions
4. If not spending most time communicating you
are doing something wrong
5. Share context, not just information
Working AgreementsTransition to a manager mindset…

22. What is coaching?
Coaching is unlocking a person’s potential to
maximize their own performance.
It is helping them learn rather than teaching
them.

23. Teaching vs Coaching

24. Benefits of Coaching
1. Give-a-Fish vs Teach-to-Fish
2. Coachee feels valued and believed in.
3. Self-driven goals are more motivating
4. Manager gets valuable info

25. When to use / not use coaching
DO Use:
• Working with high-potentials
• Working with knowledge
workers
• When commitment trumps
control
• When issue is about managing
relationships
Don’t use:
• With chronic underperformers
• When you DO have the answers
• When task control more
important than commitment
• When you don’t believe
coachee can’t achieve goal

26. What makes a good coach?
• Presence & Mindset
• Listening
• Powerful Questions

27. Ask powerful questions
• Avoid advice hidden as a question – “have you
considered….”

28. Grow Model
• Goal = What do you want?
• Reality = What’s happening now?
• Options = What can you do?
• Will = What will you do?

29. Feedback & Influence

30. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityWhy is Feedback Important?
1. Personal Development
2. Team Effectiveness
3. Stronger Relationships
Bottom Line: Feedback is how we grow

31. Photo:RobbieGrubbs
Can I give you some feedback?

32. Photo by State Farm [link]
Social situations ≈ Physical threats
Threat Response

33. So… how do we communicate feedback
while minimizing defensiveness?

34. INTENT
Needs
Motives
Stories
Reality #1
BEHAVIOR
Verbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #2
Common
IMPACT
Feelings
Reactions
Responses
Reality #3
The Net
The Net (again)
Feedback

35. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
• Focus on specific, observable behavior
When you do [x]…
• Describe the impact of that behavior on you
I feel [y]…
• Ask about the other person’s motives or
intentions
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?

36. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLet’s try some examples…
1. Saran, you clearly don’t care about this presentation.
2. Saran, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. You are
clearly bored with this presentation.
3. Saran, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. I am
feeling anxious about whether I am doing a good job with
this presentation.

37. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
When you do [x]…
I feel [y == emotion] that / like
And my story is [z].
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?

38. Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
1:1 Feedback

39. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Receiving Feedback
• Look for “Grains of Truth”
– Learning is better than being right
– Goal is understanding, not winning
• Listen and ask clarifying questions
• Acknowledge your feelings
• Gift mentality
– Say “Thank you!”

40. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Complimentary Feedback
• Give more!!!
• Do not praise to buffer criticism
– Avoid “The Sandwich”
• Do not praise to overcome resistance
• Avoid platitudes. Be specific:
– Weak: “Joe, you’re killing it.”
– Strong: “Joe, I’ve noticed you’ve been on time to almost
every meeting this week. I feel grateful for the extra effort.”

41. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Constructive Feedback
• Assume good intent; be curious
• Use a soft start
– Emphasize mutual goals & positive intent:
My intention is…
When you do [x], I feel [y].
• Be aware of your own stress
• Goal is joint problem solving

42. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilitySuggested Topics For Feedback
• Work Product
– Timeliness, quality, quantity, focus area
• Communication & Management
– Too much/ little, choice of format, email etiquette, language
choices, communication style in front of others, transparency of
project status, hiring/firing/promotions
• Role Modeling & Presence
– What energy do you feel from this person, How do they impact
others? What do they model well? Anything you worry about?
Arrival/departure times, attire, how they speak/listen/act?

43. Thanks, good-bye, and stay on
your side of the net 