This document discusses how couples can avoid "poison patterns" that damage relationships during conflict. It notes that while all couples experience about the same degree of conflict, happy couples are able to disagree without letting it poison their friendship. Five specific poison patterns are identified that quickly drain warmth from a relationship: criticism, escalation, contempt, negative interpretation, and withdrawal. The document recommends using a "time out" technique with an agreed word or gesture to take a break before a conflict gets destructive. It also suggests scheduling regular couple meetings to discuss issues apart from heated incidents. With practice, couples can learn to handle disagreements in a way that builds closeness rather than damages their relationship.
http://inspire99.com/how-to-face-an-argument/
Arguments are annoying, I honestly hate arguing with people for many reasons, and most important amongst those is that I hate the idea of heated emotions. It gives me a feeling as if the emotions are running around unbridled and we are finally talking about something which was not even the matter in the first place. Does this sound any familiar? Are you too tired of having these arguments, esp the meaningless types? Here are a few thoughts as to how we can bridle it a bit.
1) Why are you arguing ?
2) Stay to the topic!
3) What is more important?
4) Tempers Talk!
5) Why is the other person doing this?
6) Show the other person RESPECT!
7) Use Softeners!
8) Control your pitch
9) Don’t make it a long one!
10) It’s not a debate, it is a conversation!
...
http://inspire99.com/how-to-face-an-argument/
http://inspire99.com/how-to-face-an-argument/
Arguments are annoying, I honestly hate arguing with people for many reasons, and most important amongst those is that I hate the idea of heated emotions. It gives me a feeling as if the emotions are running around unbridled and we are finally talking about something which was not even the matter in the first place. Does this sound any familiar? Are you too tired of having these arguments, esp the meaningless types? Here are a few thoughts as to how we can bridle it a bit.
1) Why are you arguing ?
2) Stay to the topic!
3) What is more important?
4) Tempers Talk!
5) Why is the other person doing this?
6) Show the other person RESPECT!
7) Use Softeners!
8) Control your pitch
9) Don’t make it a long one!
10) It’s not a debate, it is a conversation!
...
http://inspire99.com/how-to-face-an-argument/
Choose Respect Relationship Spectrum With Sample StoryCamille LoParrino
Here are the dfferences between healthy, unhealthy, and abusive relationships with a sample scenario utilizing all six components of a healthy relatinship.
"I Hate Working With You!" Conflict Resolution for Your Advising CenterAshley Ransom
This was presented at the National Academic Advising Association (NACADA) South Central Region 7 Conference - New Orleans, LA May 4th, 2009; The African American Leadership Conference (AALC) - San Marcos, TX September 12, 2009; The Texas State Leadership Conference - San Marcos, TX September 26, 2009; The University of Texas at San Antonio (UTSA) Advising Conference - San Antonio, TX December 4, 2009; The University of Texas at Austin Professional Development Day, Austin, TX February 10, 2010; Texas Academic Advising Network (TEXAAN) State Conference, San Marcos, TX February 19, 2010; Texas State University - San Marcos Professional Development Workshop September 7 & 8, 2010; National Academic Advising Association (NACADA) National Conference - Orlando, FL. October 6, 2010; and at the Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. Women’s Retreat – San Marcos, TX, October 2011.
let's understand bullying!. in this PDF you will see what is bullying, what are the ways or techniques u can stop it. if you find it helpful then please hit a like.
Deborah Deras, Keynote Speaker, Leadership Trainer and Marketing Consulant facilitated a workshop for the National Latina Business Womens Association, San Diego Board meeting.
Choose Respect Relationship Spectrum With Sample StoryCamille LoParrino
Here are the dfferences between healthy, unhealthy, and abusive relationships with a sample scenario utilizing all six components of a healthy relatinship.
"I Hate Working With You!" Conflict Resolution for Your Advising CenterAshley Ransom
This was presented at the National Academic Advising Association (NACADA) South Central Region 7 Conference - New Orleans, LA May 4th, 2009; The African American Leadership Conference (AALC) - San Marcos, TX September 12, 2009; The Texas State Leadership Conference - San Marcos, TX September 26, 2009; The University of Texas at San Antonio (UTSA) Advising Conference - San Antonio, TX December 4, 2009; The University of Texas at Austin Professional Development Day, Austin, TX February 10, 2010; Texas Academic Advising Network (TEXAAN) State Conference, San Marcos, TX February 19, 2010; Texas State University - San Marcos Professional Development Workshop September 7 & 8, 2010; National Academic Advising Association (NACADA) National Conference - Orlando, FL. October 6, 2010; and at the Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. Women’s Retreat – San Marcos, TX, October 2011.
let's understand bullying!. in this PDF you will see what is bullying, what are the ways or techniques u can stop it. if you find it helpful then please hit a like.
Deborah Deras, Keynote Speaker, Leadership Trainer and Marketing Consulant facilitated a workshop for the National Latina Business Womens Association, San Diego Board meeting.
Moving Forward: Encouraging and Achieving Positive Change in Myself and OthersJohn R. Williams
Discusses the stages that we all go through as we overcome an unwanted habit. Explores what we can do to support someone else's change process. Based on the work of Carlo C. DiClemente and J. O. Prochaska
Understanding Infidelity: What It Is, Why It Happens, How to Cope and How to ...John R. Williams
This outlines the fundamentals of infidelity in marriage: how to define it, why it happens, how to cope with it when it happens, and how to help prevent it. Assumes a faith-based orientation.
A quick overview of best practice treatments for mental disorders. Great for personal study, as flashcards, for study for the NCMHCE or similar exams, or as a presentation.
Cluster A Personality Disorders for NCMHCE StudyJohn R. Williams
Quick review of the essential points— DSM5 diagnosis criteria, assessments, treatments—of these disorders to better prepare for the National Clinical Mental Health Counseling Exam. This was informed by several exam prep programs, and can be used like flashcards or as a presentation
Quick review of the essential points— DSM5 diagnosis criteria, assessments, treatments—of these disorders to better prepare for the National Clinical Mental Health Counseling Exam. This was informed by several exam prep programs, and can be used like flashcards or as a presentation.
Cluster B Personality Disorders for NCMHCE StudyJohn R. Williams
Quick review of the essential points— DSM5 diagnosis criteria, assessments, treatments—of these disorders to better prepare for the National Clinical Mental Health Counseling Exam. This was informed by several exam prep programs, and can be used like flashcards or as a presentation.
Trauma & Stressor Related Disorders for NCMHCE StudyJohn R. Williams
Quick review of the essential points— DSM5 diagnosis criteria, assessments, treatments—of these disorders to better prepare for the National Clinical Mental Health Counseling Exam. This was informed by several exam prep programs, and can be used like flashcards or as a presentation.
This presentation on "Dealing With Conflict in the Field" was given to Christian International School Chaplains in South Korea, November, 2014. The workshop focused on the positive and negative aspects of conflict and gaining an insight into the patterns of conflict.
This is the third webinar in a series featuring Amanda Murphy of The William D. Ruckelshaus Center regarding Tools and Techniques for managing and Resolving Conflict
Whether they take place at work or at home, with your neighbors or co-founder, crucial conversations can have a profound impact on your career, your happiness, and your future. You will learn how to: Prepare for high-impact situations, Make it safe to talk about almost anything, Be persuasive, not abrasive, Keep listening when others blow up or clam up, Turn crucial conversations into the action and results you want
Tools and Techniques for Managing and Resolving ConflictJlindstr
This is the first of a series of webinars that Amanda Murphy of the William D. Ruckelshaus Center presented to Extension faculty and staff on Managing and Resolving Conflict.
Interpersonal Skills include communication skills as persuading, listening, and influencing; Leadership skills as prob;em solving, decision making, conflict resolution and finally Team Management as delegating and motivating
Diversity and culture competence are factors as well
http:/www.saharconsulting.com
Relationships can range from healthy to abusive, and some relationships may be unhealthy, but not abusive. Here’s a breakdown of the relationship spectrum...
Conflict Management Skills for Principals and Vice-PrincipalsTom D'Amico
Conflict management skills for Principals and Vice-Principals. This presentation looks at mediation and conflict management skills for Principals and Vice-Principals. Adult conflict in a school environment can be viewed as an opportunity for positive school improvement.
Conversations about conflict provide parties with the opportunity to examine their own actions and
reactions. This process of reexamination inevitably evokes people’s natural defensive mechanisms.
Defensiveness prevents people from learning and blocks the potential for transformation to occur. This
workshop will look at the internal and external causes of defensiveness, as well as ways that mediators can
intentionally work with this natural phenomena.
An expanded Conflict Resolution Presentations which gives more practical advice on how to use the information.
I had members of the class give real life examples of Conflict Causes as listed on pages 13-18 . This helped bring out some very REAL issues (without centering anyone out) that we were able to provide resolutions for. Worked well. Good Luck.
Examines how the English language can be unwittingly manipulative. And while we think we're communicating clearly, we are subtly hurting each other. This is most true when arguing or disagreeing. Learn some of the bad patterns of speech and the armaments we use during our wars (arguments!). Learn how to spot them so you can then take the high road and partner with each other to develop solutions that suit everyone.
Cluster C Personality Disorders for NCMHCE StudyJohn R. Williams
Quick review of the essential points— DSM5 diagnosis criteria, assessments, treatments—of these disorders to better prepare for the National Clinical Mental Health Counseling Exam. This was informed by several exam prep programs, and can be used like flashcards or as a presentation.
Quick review of the essential points— DSM5 diagnosis criteria, assessments, treatments—of Alcohol Use disorder to better prepare for the National Clinical Mental Health Counseling Exam. This can be used like flashcards or as a presentation.
Somatic Symptom & Related Disorders for NCMHCE StudyJohn R. Williams
Quick review of the essential points— DSM5 diagnosis criteria, assessments, treatments—of these disorders to better prepare for the National Clinical Mental Health Counseling Exam. This was informed by several exam prep programs, and can be used like flashcards or as a presentation.
Schizophrenia Spectrum & Other Psychotic Disorders for NCMHCE StudyJohn R. Williams
Quick review of the essential points— DSM5 diagnosis criteria, assessments, treatments—of these disorders to better prepare for the National Clinical Mental Health Counseling Exam. This was informed by several exam prep programs, and can be used like flashcards or as a presentation.
Obsessive Compulsive & Related Disorders for NCMHCE StudyJohn R. Williams
Quick review of the essential points— DSM5 diagnosis criteria, assessments, treatments—of these disorders to better prepare for the National Clinical Mental Health Counseling Exam. This was informed by several exam prep programs, and can be used like flashcards or as a presentation.
Quick review of the essential points— DSM5 diagnosis criteria, assessments, treatments—of these disorders to better prepare for the National Clinical Mental Health Counseling Exam. This was informed by several exam prep programs, and can be used like flashcards or as a presentation. NCMHCE, mental disorders, treatments
Quick review of the essential points— DSM5 diagnosis criteria, assessments, treatments—of these disorders to better prepare for the National Clinical Mental Health Counseling Exam. This was informed by several exam prep programs, and can be used like flashcards or as a presentation.
Quick review of the essential points— DSM5 diagnosis criteria, assessments, treatments—of these disorders to better prepare for the National Clinical Mental Health Counseling Exam. This was informed by several exam prep programs, and can be used like flashcards or as a presentation.
Quick review of the essential points— DSM5 diagnosis criteria, assessments, treatments—of these disorders to better prepare for the National Clinical Mental Health Counseling Exam. This was informed by several exam prep programs, and can be used like flashcards or as a presentation
Disruptive, Impulse Control & Conduct Disorders for NCMHCE StudyJohn R. Williams
Quick review of the essential points— DSM5 diagnosis criteria, assessments, treatments—of these disorders to better prepare for the National Clinical Mental Health Counseling Exam. This can be used like flashcards or as a presentation.
Quick review of the essential points— DSM5 diagnosis criteria, assessments, treatments—of these disorders to better prepare for the National Clinical Mental Health Counseling Exam. This was informed by several exam prep programs, and can be used like flashcards or as a presentation.
Quick review of the essential points— DSM5 diagnosis criteria, assessments, treatments—of these disorders to better prepare for the National Clinical Mental Health Counseling Exam. This can be used like flashcards or as a presentation.
Quick review of the essential points— DSM5 diagnosis criteria, assessments, treatments—of these disorders to better prepare for the National Clinical Mental Health Counseling Exam. This can be used like flashcards or as a presentation.
1. Handling Differences
Avoiding Poison Patterns
Adapted from Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Stanley, Susan L. Blumberg,
Fighting for Your Marriage, Revised (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2000).
2.
3. Our Mate Has an Emotional
“Bank Account”
1. Affection and care 2. Tensions and hurts
act as deposits act as withdrawals
• Regular deposits • 1 negative interaction
keep the marriage makes a withdrawal
strong and resilient worth 5-10 deposits
4. All Couples Have About the
Same Degree of Conflict
Key difference among
couples is how conflict
is managed
•About 80% of differences
cannot be resolved
•Happy couples don’t let
disagreements poison their
friendship; distressed
couples do
5. What Is Your Parents’ Conflict Style?
1. Volatile • Each style has
• You value frankness and strengths and
passionately fight and make up weaknesses
2. Validating • Key is for you both
• You value closeness and to find a shared
seek to understand each other style
3. Avoidant
• You tolerate differences and
don’t argue much
6. 5 Poison Patterns to Avoid I
These habits quickly drain warmth and safety
1. Criticism: Blame Game
2. Escalation: Ugly Out-doing
7. 5 Poison Patterns to Avoid II
These habits quickly drain warmth and safety
1. Criticism: Blame Game
2. Escalation: Ugly Out-doing
3. Contempt: Painful Put-downs
8. 5 Poison Patterns to Avoid III
These habits quickly drain warmth and safety
1. Criticism: Blame Game
2. Escalation: Ugly Out-doing
3. Contempt: Painful Put-downs
4. Negative Interpretation: Looking for Dirt
5. Withdrawal: Hide & Seek
9. Tool: Time Out
1. Discuss examples of “Time Out” or “Pause” words
or gestures you have seen in other couples
2. Discuss what word or gesture your couple
might use
• Use before a conflict gets destructive
• Break for 20 minutes or postpone discussion to a
later agreed-upon time
11. Issues that Cause Conflict
• Money • Communication
• Children • Careers
• Sex • Housework
• In-laws • Recreation
• Independence • Religion
• Substance abuse
12. Issues Alone Don’t Usually Cause
Fights
Most issues come out during stressful incidents
• Often the only times couples discuss issues
• We often avoid talking about emotionally loaded topics
13. Issues Come Out During Incidents
Incidents
Issues
Unresolved issues build up Need to gain
pressure control over
•Erupt when triggered by incidents issues or they
•Worst times to deal with issues will control you
14. Agree to Discuss Issues
Apart from Incidents
1. During a triggering incident, Protects friendship
agree to talk at a later time time
• Create the time and safety to •Dispels fear of
understand each other explosive incidents
• Meet later •Calms concerns
• Go for a walk about never
• Write each other first talking about
issues
2. Hold regular Couple Meetings
• Save discussion of issues until then
15. Couples Can Learn to
Handle Conflict Well
• Reverse these poison patterns and repair their damage
• Make their relationship safe and protect their friendship
• Use disagreements to build closeness
16. Tool: Discussion Strategies
1. Think about what might be the best way you could
communicate with your partner about an issue that
bothers you.
• Consider good examples you have seen
2. Share this with each other.
3. Look for a strategy you could agree on.
Editor's Notes
Handling Disagreements John R. Williams JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
Handling Disagreements John R. Williams JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
Handling Disagreements John R. Williams JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
Handling Disagreements John R. Williams JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
Handling Disagreements John R. Williams JohnWilliamsCounselor.com Volatile: competitive, individualistic, try to convert the other to your view, tends to have intense sex because of the strong differentiation Validating: Best Friends, seeks to understand more than to win, affirm each other Avoidant: cannot tolerate conflict and will avoid arguments, focuses on points of harmony and love as a way accept and deal with disagreements instead of arguing; problematic since you have not learned to handle disagreements which are particularly inevitable when kids come
Handling Disagreements John R. Williams JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
Handling Disagreements John R. Williams JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
Handling Disagreements John R. Williams JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
Handling Disagreements John R. Williams JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
Handling Disagreements John R. Williams JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
Handling Disagreements John R. Williams JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
Handling Disagreements John R. Williams JohnWilliamsCounselor.com Use examples
Handling Disagreements John R. Williams JohnWilliamsCounselor.com Use examples here to let this slide stay up a while
Handling Disagreements John R. Williams JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
Handling Disagreements John R. Williams JohnWilliamsCounselor.com Happy couple photo here
Handling Disagreements John R. Williams JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
Handling Disagreements John R. Williams JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
Handling Disagreements John R. Williams JohnWilliamsCounselor.com