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  1. 1. <ul><li>QUIZ GRADES </li></ul><ul><li>COMMUNICATION </li></ul><ul><li>A – 38 </li></ul><ul><li>B – 4 </li></ul><ul><li>C – 3 AVG. = 9.033!!!!! </li></ul><ul><li>D – 0 </li></ul><ul><li>F – 1 </li></ul><ul><li>N/S – 2 </li></ul>
  3. 3. <ul><li>“ Love means: I want you to be you.” </li></ul><ul><li>St. Augustine </li></ul><ul><li>“ I want the loved person to grow & unfold for his own sake, & in his own ways, & not for the purpose of serving me.” </li></ul><ul><li>Erich Fromm </li></ul>
  4. 4. <ul><li>I found my lover on his bed, and my heart was sweet to excess, </li></ul><ul><li>I shall never be far away (from) you while my hand is in your hand, </li></ul><ul><li>and I shall stroll with you in every favorite place. </li></ul><ul><li>How pleasant is this hour, may it extend for me to eternity: </li></ul><ul><li>since I have lain with you, you have lifted high my heart. </li></ul><ul><li>In mourning or in rejoicing be not far from me. </li></ul><ul><li>Poem from the late Egyptian empire </li></ul><ul><li>Quoted in Bergman, 1987, p. 5 </li></ul>
  5. 5. <ul><li>Friendship vs. Romantic Love </li></ul><ul><li>Are love & friendship somehow related? (Keith Davis, 1985) </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Essential characteristics of friendship </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Enjoyment </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Acceptance of one another </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>A mutual trust </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>A respect for each other </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Mutual assistance </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Confiding </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>An understanding </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Spontaneity </li></ul></ul></ul>
  6. 6. <ul><ul><li>Things unique to spouses & lovers </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Fascination </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Exclusiveness </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Sexual desire </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Giving the utmost </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><li>“Love” vs. “In Love” </li></ul><ul><li>Romantic relationships are more rewarding, but more volatile & frustrating </li></ul>
  7. 7. <ul><li>How do I know if this is really love? </li></ul><ul><ul><li>How DO you know? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Romantic love almost always involves physical responses when you’re close to that person or thinking about him/her </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>DOESN’T USUALLY LAST!!!! </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Infatuation </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Where do we get our ideal notion of love? </li></ul></ul>
  8. 8. <ul><li>Companionate Love </li></ul><ul><ul><li>“the affection we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply entwined” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Togetherness </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Trust </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Sharing </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Affection </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>A concern for the welfare of the other </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>More than passion </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>This is a realistic love </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Examples – parent/child, long-term adult relationship </li></ul></ul>
  9. 9. <ul><li>Young love is a flame; very pretty, often very hot and fierce but still only light and flickering. The love of the older and disciplined heart is as coals, deep burning, unquenchable… </li></ul><ul><li>Henry Ward Beecher </li></ul>
  10. 10. <ul><li>What researchers say about “love” and being “in love” </li></ul><ul><ul><li>“ love” = companionate love </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>“ in love” = passionate </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Prerequisites for love </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Self-acceptance </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Must love yourself first </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Healthy self-esteem </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Hazan & Shaver (1987) Attachment Theory </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Avoidant Lovers </li></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Anxious-Ambivalent Lovers </li></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Secure Lovers </li></ul></ul></ul></ul>
  11. 11. <ul><ul><li>Self-disclosure </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>MUST RISK VULNERABILITY </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>This is the difference between love & infatuation </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Must overcome your fear of being judged or that the other person will leave you </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><li>Jealousy </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Why do we get jealous? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Emotional reaction to relationship being threatened </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Loss of face, self-esteem, or feeling special </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Involves anger, humiliation, anxiety, & depression </li></ul></ul>
  12. 12. <ul><ul><li>WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED YOU SHOULD DO WHEN YOU FEEL THIS WAY?????? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>COMMUNICATE!!!!!!! </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Who gets jealous? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Low self-esteem </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Unhappy with their lives </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Place high value on things like popularity, wealth, fame, & physical attractiveness </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Gender differences </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Men get jealous about sexual infidelity </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Women get jealous about emotional infidelity </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Women show jealousy when they feel inadequate & try to make themselves look more attractive </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Men show jealousy, then feel inadequate, then seek outside relationships </li></ul></ul></ul>
  13. 13. <ul><li>Sex without Love </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Women usually don’t enjoy sex unless it’s in a loving relationship </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Men more often can enjoy sex without emotional involvement </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Sex & love are NOT synonymous! </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Love without Sex </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Physical contact is important to us; need to be held </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Laumann et al. (1994) – many couples still prefer to reserve sex for marriage, allowing intimacy to grow </li></ul></ul>
  14. 14. <ul><li>Unconditional love </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Feeling do NOT depend on expectations being met by some outside source </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Conditional love = stay as long as needs being met </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Romantic love tends to be conditional </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Unconditional love is closest to companionate love </li></ul></ul>
  15. 15. <ul><li>Maintaining a Relationship </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Factors involved in the beginning </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Physical attractiveness </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Proximity </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Similarity </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>What happens when things change??? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Other factors involved in choosing a partner </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Personality </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Financial resources </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Mutual attraction & love </li></ul></ul></ul>
  16. 16. <ul><li>The Decline of Passion </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Becomes “habit” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Repeated exposure leads to it becoming less positive over time </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Usually become disappointed (not the happily ever after you expected) </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Sex usually becomes ritual and boring </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Growing Together/Growing Apart </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Need to keep things exciting </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Is your partner your best friend? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Need to find new common interests over time </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Don’t have to do EVERYTHING together! </li></ul></ul>
  17. 17. <ul><li>Becoming More Intimate </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Accept themselves as they are </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Recognize his/her partner for what he/she is </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Feel comfortable to express himself/herself </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Deal with your partner’s reactions </li></ul></ul>
  18. 18. <ul><li>Love is an active power in man; a power which breaks through the walls which separate man from his fellow men … In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one yet remain two </li></ul><ul><li>Erich Fromm, 1956 </li></ul>
  19. 19. <ul><li>Bergmann, M. S. (1987). The anatomy of living . New York: Fawcett Columbine. </li></ul>