This chapter discusses relationships and intimacy. It defines intimacy as close emotional connections between people characterized by caring for another. Relationships are more meaningful when both people have separate identities but also work to keep the relationship strong through honest communication and shared responsibility. The chapter also addresses anger, conflict, communication barriers, intimate partner violence, and coping with ending significant relationships.

1. CHAPTER 7:
Relationships

2. Today’s Class:
• Types of Intimacy
• Meaningful Relationships
• Anger and Conflict in Relationships
• Dealing with Communication Barriers
• Intimate Partner Violence and Abuse
• Termination of a significant relationship

3. Relationship Goals

4. intimacy
• Intimate relationships are relatively long-lasting relationships in
which frequent interactions occur in various situations.
• Intimacy is a close emotional relationship characterized by a deep
level of caring for another person
• Types of intimacy shared with another person
• Emotional, intellectual, physical, spiritual, or any combination of
these
• Erikson
• Task of an emerging adult  being able form intimate
relationships
• Avoiding Intimacy – we deprive ourselves of relationships that can
potentially enrich our lives by caring deeply for others and savoring
the time spent with them

5. Meaningful Relationships – Qualities
Each person in the relationship
has:
• Has a separate identity – balance of
togetherness and separateness
• Is able to give and receive honest and
respectful feedback – express feelings
and desires
• Assumes responsibility for his or her own
level of happiness – does not blame
the other when unhappy
• Actively works at keeping the
relationship alive – important to revise
our way of being to see what works and
doesn’t

6. Meaningful Relationships – Qualities (cont.)
Each person in the relationship
• Enjoys being with the other and
is considered an equal
• Finds meaning and sources of
nourishment outside the
relationship
• Is growing and changing and
moving in a direction in life that is
personally meaningful

7. Meaningful Relationships – Qualities
(cont.)
Each person in the
relationship
• Encourages the other to
become all they are capable
of becoming rather than
being controlling
• Does not expect the other to
do for him or her what he or
she is capable of doing
• Has a commitment to the
other

8. Meaningful Relationships
• Relationships are more meaningful when they are dynamic
than fixed
• All of the guidelines/qualities can be applied to all
relationships
• Friendships
• Couples
• Parent-child
• Important for individuals to put forth effort and take
responsibility

9. Anger
• Powerful emotion
• Passion can be the driving force
for life OR the momentum for
anger
• Early childhood messages
influence how we reactions to
anger
• When we are angry
• When we face someone else
who is angry
• Anger is a valid emotion
• It’s not about not
becoming angry, its
about what we do with
our anger
• How you will react
• And channel that
emotion

10. A few tips in dealing with anger:
• Value the recognition
and expression of
anger
• Express anger in a
way that does not
assassinate another’s
character
• Don’t hold on to
anger or nurse
grudges
• Recognize danger
signs when anger gets
in the way of
relationships
• Talk more about
yourself than about
what is wrong with the
other person
• Decide when it is
better not to express
anger

11. Dealing effectively with conflict and
confrontation
• Conflict can be a healthy sign of individual
differences
• If conflict emerges, keep the following points in
mind:
• If you confront a person, know why
• View confrontation as a caring act – as
clarifying
• Accept responsibility for your own feelings
• Clarifying a conflict should be to build
closeness “intimacy” in a relationship

12. If conflict emerges, keep the
following points in mind:
• Tell others how you are struggling with them
• Don’t walk away from conflict
• Be open to forgiving others who have hurt you
• Be willing to forgive yourself
• for your reactions, words, feelings

13. Communication Barriers
• Barriers
• Effective Personal Communication

14. Barriers to Effective
Communication
• Hearing only what you want to
hear
• Being overly concerned about
getting your
point across
• Silently rehearsing what you will
say as you are “listening”
• Becoming overly defensive
• Making assumptions about the
other person without checking
them out

15. Effective Communication
• One listens, the other speaks
• Listener
• does not rehearse what they
have to say
• Takes a moment before
responding
• Use of specific vs. vague
statements
• No critical judging
• Honesty
• Room for each other’s point of
view
• https://www.youtube.com/watc
h?v=piNZI2nf6pY

16. I-messages

17. i-MESSAGE
• Example: I don’t like it
when you make
decisions without
consulting me,
because I feel like my
opinion doesn’t count.
• Tips when delivering
• Look at the person you
are speaking to
• Use a kind voice and
caring language
• Be respectful of feelings

18. Intimate Partner
Violence and Abuse
• Intimate partner violence or domestic abuse involves
exerting power and control over others
• It can take the form of physical, sexual, emotional,
psychological, or economic abuse
• Abusers use tactics to increase their victim’s dependence
on them
• If you believe you or someone you know, are in an abusive
relationship, exercise great caution in how you interact with
your partner.

19. Behaviors of an Abusive
PERSON
• Humiliating
• Criticizes
• Blames you for their behavior
• See you as property
• Very jealous
• Controlling
• Limits access to resources (money, car, phone)
• Explosive in their temper

20. Victims of domestic
violence
• Victims may rationalize their choice to stay by saying that
their situation is not so bad and is likely to improve
• Victims often excuse their partner’s behavior and find fault
with themselves for bringing about the abuse
• Victims may have legitimate concerns for their safety and
the safety of their loved ones if they leave
• College counseling centers, community agencies, and
hotlines offer services to assist victims of intimate partner
abuse

21. Gay and Lesbian
Relationships
• Sexual orientation refers to the gender or genders
that a person is attracted to physically, emotionally,
sexually, and romantically.
• Many people in same-sex orientation experience
discrimination and oppression
• Hate crimes often include physical assault and are
directed against a victim because he or she is of a certain
race, ethnic group, religion, or sexual orientation.
• Homophobia, the irrational fear of homosexual
people and strong negative attitudes about
homosexuality, sometimes leads to hate crimes

22. Coping with the Termination of a
Meaningful Relationship
• Allow yourself the
time to grieve
• Express your anger
without violence
• Take responsibility for
your own part in the
relationship
• Find a support
network
• Take care of other
aspects of your life
• Make use of writing in
your journal
• Be willing to forgive —
both yourself and the
other person
• Seek closure and
learn from the
experience
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