The document provides advice on preparing for marriage and choosing a spouse. It emphasizes the importance of personal development, such as gaining education and developing good character traits, communication skills, and conflict resolution abilities. It also stresses the need to carefully consider compatibility factors like background, beliefs, personality and interests when selecting a partner to avoid issues that could lead to divorce. Overall, the document encourages focusing on self-improvement and choosing a well-suited spouse to help ensure a successful marriage.

1. The best
preparation for
marriage is not
only to choose
the best
spouse but it is
also to work on
being the ideal
spouse for
someone.

2. There are 1 million divorces in the USA
every year.

3. {p

4. Causes of Divorce
1) Lack of Commitment
> There was no real love in the
first place, only infatuation
2) Too much arguing
> When a woman becomes a
nagger
3) Infidelity
 When trust is gone,
the marriage is at a dead end
4) Marrying too young
 Some people marry for the wrong
reasons like running away from
parental authority or for money

5. 5) Unrealistic Expectations
> When a person falls from
the expectation of the other
6) Lack of Equality
When one partner feels that
he/she has more
responsibility than he/she
should have
7) Lack of Preparation
People go into marriage
without being mentally,
emotionally matured; no
financial plans of preparation
Marriage was an accident and
the child was unexpected
8) Abuse: physical, mental,
emotional, verbal

6. Prior to October 1, 1935 polygamy could be freely practiced and
recognised under civil law inThailand. The old family law divided
wives into three categories, all in accordance of the way in which
they would become wives. There were three categories for a
polygamous marriage, the first called "Mia Glang Muang," who
would be the "official wife" that the husband's parents had
"acquired for him," the second known as "Mia Glang Norng," the
"minor wife" whom the man attained after his first marriage, and
the third, "Mia Glang Tasee," the title given to slave wives that
were purchased from the mother and father of their prior owners.

7. ."[5
While polygamy has since been abolished, it is still very much alive
in Thailand. Even still, such unions are not recognised under Thai
law as in accordance with the law that states "A man or a woman
cannot marry each other while one of them has a spouse.”
In these kinds of relationships, there is a high level of jealousy,
envy, distrust and emotional distress. It is like living in hell on
earth. One male one female marriage is still the best.

8. HOW TO PREPARE YOURSELF FOR MARRIAGE
1) Get a good education: Whether you are a boy or a girl, if you
are highly educated, chances are you will get married to an
educated person, too. Of course, it is your choice. If you want
a successful marriage, both spouses should be able to sustain
the needs of the family like shelter, food, education, medical
expenses, vacations during holidays, parties, etc. And the
money needed here is big time!

9. There is a usual theme in some TV series or movies wherein a
wealthy girl falls in love with a not-so-wealthy boy. The parents
usually do not approve of their relationship and in the end the
lovers elope. The parents are portrayed as the villains and the
heroes are the young couple. These kinds of movies encourage
teens to decide based on emotions only and to neglect careful
planning about family expenses like buying a house, a car or the
children’s education. Most movies and TV series only emphasize the
emotional part of a relationship and not the practical side.

10. 2) Develop your Character
Many people try to attract a mate by improving the
physical aspect like putting make up, buying
expensive clothes and shoes or going through
cosmetic surgery. But the best preparation is to
mold the inner person because it will be needed to
deal with the other person and what will you teach
your kids?

11. Character traits important in
marriage
1) Honesty: very important to
build trust. There should be no
secrets between a couple
2) Humility: Need to resolve
conflict. There would be no
divorce if women realize that
the husband is the head of
family and he has the final
say in matters
3) Patience: Needed to tolerate
the weaknesses of your partner
4) Temperance or self-control:
Needed in resolving conflict
5) Kindness and Thoughtfulness:
Needed to keep the fires of the
relationship

12. ];
6) Trust: Until proven guilty,
You have to trust your partner
totally and completely
7) Consideration:
Understanding that people
make mistakes
8) Forgiving spirit:
Be ready to forgive, forget and
start a new slate
9) Respect: By not neglecting
the importance of the other
Sometimes a partner makes
decisions without the consent
of the other
10) Discipline: Needed to help
you, your spouse and the
children to succeed in life

13. 3) Develop your Communication and Interpersonal Skills
Do not be naïve. Expose yourself to many different kinds of people.
a) Learn to have a give and take relationship with others. Do not abuse
other people’s kindness or allow others to abuse your kindness.
b) Learn to express your ideas and feeling in a tactful way. Some
women use the cold treatment, screaming and shouting, crying, avoid
talking about the problem, talking to other people about marital
problems which are not effective ways to express yourself. Some
men do not know how to express their feeling of aggression than by
hitting their spouse or the walls of their house

14. c) Learn Conflict Resolution skills
d) Learn Power Sharing Skills
e) Develop your Self-esteem and self-confidence

15. Make sure you have Sensible Principles to Live By
Some people have faulty thinking which makes them
difficult to live with
1) Survival of the Fittest
People who hold this view are very competitive,
hostile and are happy if they were able to take advantage
of another person.

16. 2) Machiavellianism: The end justifies the means
Niccolo Machiavelli was an Italian historian, politician,
diplomat, writer based in Florence. He says that it is all right
to use violence and deceit to stabilize political power.
Ex.: 1) Robin Hood: He stole from the rich to give to the poor
2) Cheating your way to graduation: If you practice this
then you are to be called Machiavellian

17. 3) Some people think that they can do bad things and can get away from them
or they will not reap the consequences of their actions. In Physics,
remember Newton’s Third Law of Motion which states that “ For every
action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” This also applies to our
daily lives. But there is a saying that says “If you plant a wind, you will
reap a whirlwind.” Sometimes the consequence of our actions are long term
or not immediate that’s why we think that we were not punished for our
wrong doings. But wait and see in the future.
So some bad marriages are a consequence of our wrong doings when we
were younger.

18. The more good things
we do, the more
good things will
happen to us. The
more bad things we
do, the more bad
things will happen to
us.

19. 4)
Because of pride, it is difficult for people to change
their ideologies and habits. Sometimes they refuse to
make a deeper study because it will prove that these new
ideas are better than theirs. We should be willing to
change our way of thinking and our way of living for the
better.

21. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SKILLS
1) COLLABORATIVE MODE
(win-win)
 The process of working through
differences that will lead to
creative solutions that will satisfy
both parties concerned
> Used when people are matured and
open-minded
2) AVOIDANCE MODE
(no win-no lose)
 Withdrawing, ignoring faults,
avoiding arguments, postponing a
forum etc.
 Drawback: may make matters
worse, outwardly there is no
conflict but the conflict is bad
internally, so couple just drift
away from each other until they
feel too far from each other and
then end in divorce

22. 3) ACCOMMODATING MODE
(you win-I lose)
 Forgetting about your needs or
wants in favor of the other
 If used to often, the other partner
will eventually abuse your
kindness
> The partner being abuse feels
cheated and wants out of the
relationship
4) COMPROMISING MODE
( you win some-I win some)
 Negotiations, finding a middle
ground
Drawbacks: Long term objectives and
values may be compromised in
the process
> One partner may not comply with
the agreement

23. 5) COMPETITION MODE
(I win- you lose)
 Using arguing and debating
skills
 Asserting your opinions
 Make use of this only if you
are very sure that you are on
the right side.
> Used usually about buying
things like furniture,
appliances, or financial
decision making about buying
through cash or installment,
kid’s education, etc.

24. GUIDELINES IN CHOOSING A
SPOUSE
There will be no person
who has all these
qualification but this is
only to help you at least
have a sound basis of
choosing someone who
will be your lifetime
partner. It is up to you to
weigh the standards and
also it depends on your
values or what are
important to you.

25. 1) CHOOSE SOMEONE WHO IS OF THE SAME
ECONOMIC STATUS AS YOURS
What if the daughter of a business tycoon falls in love with you. Why not? It is
your chance to get rich! But think twice! Usually, money talks. If you are a girl and
you married a rich man, the problem is that the family of your husband will look
down on your family. So the in-law relationship will not be good. If you are a boy,
there is another problem. Since your wife is richer than you, usually you cannot be
the leader in the family especially when talking about the assets. The same is true
if you marry someone who has a lower status than you, your family will look down
at your spouse’s family.

26. 2) INTELLIGENCE AND EDUCATIONAL ATTAINMENT
Boys: Choose a girl who is as smart as you but not smarter than you
Girls: Choose someone who is as smart as you but not less smart than you
If the boy is smarter than the girl, he will be the leader in the family
but if the woman is smarter than the man, the man cannot be the
leader in the family because if the husband makes decisions and they
result in bad consequences, the leadership will be assumed by the
wife.

27. 3) APPEARANCE
Choose someone who has the
same level of attractiveness
a) If the other spouse is more
attractive than the other
there will be a feeling of
insecurity that can lead to
jealousy.

28. 4) AGE: IN GENERAL, WOMEN MATURE FASTER THAN MEN
A) Women should choose men who are older than them but not too
old
B) Men should choose women who are younger than them but not
too young (3-5 year gap is all right) More than that: generation gap
If the spouses are the same age, the woman is still more
matured than the man so she can still usurp the
authority of the man.

29. 5) CULTURAL BACKGROUND
There will be more harmony in the marriage and the family if both spouses have
more or less the same cultural background. It is wise to marry someone who has
the same nationality. Thai marrying Thai, etc.
Some Asians dream to get married to Caucasians but it is not as glamorous as it
seems to be.
 There will be many sources of interracial conflict and poor communication
> There is also the question of discrimination
Ex. Asian women are quite conservative but Caucasian men are very liberal-minded

30. 6) RELIGIOUS BACKGROUND
It is wiser to marry someone with the same religious background as
yours. It will help you avoid conflict about religious beliefs.
Ex.: Christians give tithes or 10 % of their income. So if the husband
does not agree, it will be a source of conflict
> The children will be confused as to what religion to follow

31. 7) FAMILY AND MEDICAL BACKGROUND
Make sure the person has a good, reputable background. Some people appear to be wellto-do but the family is involved in illegal business.
Make sure also that the family of the person has no serious medical congenital defects like
autism, cancer, schizophrenia, etc.
Is he/she the child or divorced parents? Is he a victim of abuse? Did he grow up with his
parents or other relatives? Does he have traumatic experiences that can affect your
marriage? Do you think you can survive dealing with his parents?
This can only be accomplished with long term dating so try to know the person well before
allowing yourself to fall in love with that person

32. 8) BEHAVIORAL BACKGROUND
Do a background check about the person.
How does the person treat family
members, neighbors, friends, classmates,
teachers and other adults? Does he
disrespect his parents or treat his siblings
unkindly? What do his neighbors say
about him? Does he bully his classmates
or talk against adults on their back. Does
he have a criminal record? Is he a liar? Is
he a member of a gang? Is he an alcoholic
or a drug addict? Does he get into trouble
very often? Does he have a bad temper?
Some people are disillusioned to thinking
that they can change a person during the
marriage but this rarely happens because
any hint of a bad behavior doing the
courtship will be full-blown after the
wedding because during the courtship
each one is just trying to impress each
other.

33. 9)RELATIONSHIP BACKGROUND
Do not ever get involved with
someone who had many
relationships in the past. It can
be that this person has poor
interpersonal skills, is looking for
perfection: he/she has very high
expectations of their partner and
usually have loose morals. Your
relationship with this person will
be filled with distrust,
uncertainty, and doubt. He/she
will always be comparing you to
the other partners he had. And
his past relationships can be a
source of conflict and argument.
Be careful because these people
are usually good looking,
talented, popular, well-to-do and
intelligent.

34. 10) SYMPATHY
The mother instinct of a girl
and the father instinct of a
boy often causes a person to
feel attracted to a person
because of sympathy.
Sympathy may feel like
romantic love but it is not a
good foundation for
marriage. If you feel sorry
about a person stay away
from him or keep your
distance. This happens
during counseling and when
dealing with handicapped
people.

35. 11) INTERESTS
Some people say that both
partners should have the
same interests. But if this is
the case, the relationship can
be stunted and they lose their
identity in the marriage. It is
good if they have something
in common but they also have
other interests. This way,
they keep their own identity
which makes the relationship
exciting and they learn from
each other.

36. 12) PERSONALITY
Sometimes, people with the
same personality get along
well. It is good if both of you
are extrovert or introvert. But
in some cases, it is wise to
choose a partner who has a
personality that complements
yours. If you love to talk, get
someone who loves to listen.
If you are very dependent, get
someone that is independent.
If you have a bad temper, get
someone who is kind and
understanding, etc.

37. 13) CONVICTIONS/IDEOLOGIES
Marry someone who has the
same conviction as yours.
Sometimes the woman wants the
kids to go to the best schools and
get their PhD’s but the man
thinks that the kids should follow
what their heart tells them. Some
women are workaholics but the
husband is an easy-going person.
The standard of cleanliness of the
wife is a lot higher that the man.
The woman is an atheist but the
man is Christian or Buddhist.
You may not know but he may be
a communist, socialist, Satanist
etc. The man may be conservative
Sad to say, these only surface after a period
of being with the person. Try to discover
about this during the courtship period.
During your dates you should discuss issues
like abortion, divorce, euthanasia, political
views , philosophical views , instead of
saying “sweet nothings.”In many cases of
divorce, the partners discovered too late
that they have opposite views about some
issues because the courtship fast-tracked
to the romantic and sexual stages

38. STAGES OF COURTSHIP
IDEAL PROCESS OF
COURTSHIP
1) Mental and Spiritual : Know about the
person completely
2) Emotional: Become emotionally
attached: Feeling “in love”
3) Physical and Sexual
Intimacy
USUAL OR MODERN PROCESS
OF COURTSHIP
1) Physical and Sexual Intimacy
2) Emotional: Become emotionally
attached: Feeling “in love”
3) Mental and Spiritual: Know
about the person
completely

39. 14) FINANCES
Watch how this person manages
his/her finances. Is he a spend-thrift?
Does he/she know how to budget
money? Does he live on debts or has
he overused his credit cards? Does he
pay his debts? Does he have savings?
Is she materialistic, too fashion
conscious, too meticulous about his
looks, his clothes, his shoes, his
phone, his computer, etc. ?Does she
love eating out too much or going
places too much? Does he live above
his means? Does he choose branded
clothing over simple ones? In other
words, is this person “high
maintenance” which means it costs a Is she prone to impulse buying? Does
she want to live up with the Joneses?
lot to maintain her lifestyle. This is
called Narcissism or being Narcissistic. Is he too stingy or too generous?

40. 15) WORK ATTITUDE OR ETHICS
Does this person change jobs very
often? Does he do his best in his job
at the same time have time for other
things? Is he a workaholic?
Is he lazy? Is she a responsible person
or waits until the last minute to
submit reports, etc?
Does she get along well with her
colleagues or there is constant conflict
with them? How does he see his
boss? Is he willing to do menial jobs
as an additional source or income or
when he loses his job?
Is he resourceful, diligent, follows the
rules in his workplace or does he try
to cheat on his boss by sneaking out
during office hours, etc.

41. 16) VIBRATIONS AND CHEMISTRY
As much as possible, get
married to one of your
friends. A friendship is a
good foundation for a good
romantic relationship.
When you are with the
person, you feel
comfortable, relaxed or it is
all right to be yourself. But if
you feel nervous, uneasy,
uncomfortable, that will not
make a good mate. You
should affirm each other’s
value or worth.

42. DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FRIENDSHIP AND ROMANCE
Friendship
1) Loyal commitment to
unselfishly meet the
needs of another
person;
2) Can share friends with
other friends
3) Operates on character
4) Can exist even if only
one person wants it to
exist
Romance
1) Chemistry that excites
and thrills the senses
and emotions an has
expectations
2) Excusive and
possessive
3) Operates on
“atmosphere”
4) Romance demands
mutual consent and
mutual response.

43. 17) OTHER PHYSICAL CONSIDERATIONS
Generally the man
should be taller
than the woman.
The man should
look more
powerful than the
woman so that he
can have some kind
of control over her.