Counselling process and skills

COUNSELLING PROCESS AND SKILLS

INTRODUCTION
• The preparatory stage is very important because
unless the counsellor gets the counsellee
interested in beginning counselling, nothing will
happen.
• This stage can be called as attending as it is
meant for paying attention to each other.
• In the first meeting between the counsellor and
counselee, they get to know each other and some
briefing and discussion takes place about the
counselling need and service.

• The clients often come with unclear and
ambiguous ideas about their own problems.
They are vague and uncertain in their
communication
• The counsellee has many questions in his/her
mind, such as, is the counselor interested in
me? Is he/she willing to give me time and
listen carefully? Can I share my intimate
thoughts and feelings with him? Does the
counsellor has anything I can Use? Would he
be successful in my world? Can he help me?

• On the part of counsellors the basic skills
required at this stage are social skills,
attending physically, observing and listening
and the attitudes required are respect,
genuineness and empathy.

PREPARATORY STAGE
• The preparatory stage is very important for the
counselor and the counselee.
• This stage is prior to the actual counseling process.
• It is the point when the client/person is getting ready
to accept professional help.
• The preparatory stage helps the client to get to know
the counselor better, and to obtain reassurance and
even crisis support when necessary.
• At this stage, the client and the counselor approach
each other and try to understand the possibilities of
working out an agreement between them.

• The counsellor explains the nature and goals of
counselling, and they get agreed upon the
practical arrangements for counselling with the
client.
• This stage is important for the counsellors as it
helps them to know the client better, and make
appropriate plans for the intervention.
• These plans include taking up the client for
counselling or referring the client to another,
appropriate treatment service.
• Thus, the preparatory stage is important for the
client and the counsellor to begin the process of
understanding and accepting one another.

ATTITUDES IN PREPARATORY STAGE
• A capable counsellor must possess a number
of personal qualities and develop the proper
attitudes to make a client feel at ease and to
build rapport so that a client can self-disclose.

EMPATHY
• Empathic understanding is the ability to see
things from the client’s perspective.
• Without this quality a counsellor will be unable
to comprehend the problems, experiences,
thoughts and feelings of another person, and will
not be able to offer clients the level of supportive
understanding that they will require.
• The counsellor’s full attention and empathy
encourages a client to relax and trust and
encourages self-disclosure.

CONGRUENCE AND WARMTH
• A counsellor should be agreeable and act appropriately
to provide the client with a comfortable foundation for
the counselling relationship. Only by creating a friendly
atmosphere can the counsellor encourage interaction
and disclosure.
• Maintain warmth and genuine understanding.
• Use appropriate body language such as a non-
threatening posture, while maintaining eye contact and
respecting the client’s personal space.
• Maintain a reassuring and comforting way of speech –
the tone of voice, speed of speech and style of
delivery.

RESPECT
• Counsellors must at all times show respect for
clients and their welfare. They must also remain
impartial and non-judgmental.
• A client must feel comfortable, safe and confident
that confidentiality will be maintained at all times
and also that the counsellor is committed to
helping, encouraging and supporting.
• Whilst maintaining a professional focus a
counsellor must be able to show a genuine
openness.

POSITIVE REGARD
• It is of vital importance in the counselling relationship that the
counsellor demonstrates a positive acceptance of the client and
that the client is valued and respected.
• A positive, unconditional regard for the wellbeing of a client is the
basis from which clients can explore their thoughts, feelings and
experiences, and develop an understanding and acceptance of their
emotions.
• A counsellor must not judge in any way. This may be difficult in
some situations, but is the basis of a counselling relationship built
on trust.
• Accepting a client shows the individual that you are there to
support them through the counselling process, regardless of their
weaknesses, negativity or unfavourable qualities.

IMPORTANT VALUES
• At all times counsellors must show a commitment
to values such as the following:
• Human dignity
• Alleviating personal distress
• Appreciating the differences in culture
• Remaining non-judgmental
• Ensuring the integrity of the client/counsellor
relationship
• Maintaining client confidentiality and ethical
principles.

ATTENDING SKILLS AND BASIC
COMMUNICATION SKILLS
• The preparatory stage is very important because unless the
counsellor gets the counsellee interested in beginning
counselling, nothing will happen. This stage can be called as
attending as it is meant for paying attention to each other.
• Communication is the process of sending and receiving
messages, either verbally or non-verbally, between people.
• As this is a continuous process, it will affect the
relationships that exist between people who are
communicating with each other.
• Developing effective communication skills cannot be left to
chance. It requires experiences that provide opportunities
to observe, practice and give and get feedback from others.

Communication skills include:
• empathy building and active listening;
• giving and receiving feedback;
• verbal and non-verbal communication;
• assertion and refusal skills;
• negotiation;
• cooperation and teamwork;
• relationship and community-building skills.

Effective communication
• Is fundamental to developing responsible
behaviours in relation to health care and
positive participation within social groups,
relationships and the general community.
• Enhances personal relationships and self-
esteem.
• Is necessary between adolescents and
teachers, parents and others, if complex and
sensitive issues are to be discussed in an
open, honest and non-threatening way.

• Will be enhanced in a supportive and
accepting environment.
• Will encourage people to openly discuss
sensitive issues with a counsellor. People will
become aware of a wider range of ideas and
values relating to these issues, giving them
access to many solutions to their problems.
This in turn can help clients to build resilience
and make informed decisions on their own.

A) ATTENDING BEHAVIOR
• Good attending behavior demonstrates that you
respect a person and are interested in what
he/she has to say.
• The effect of attending is an encouragement to
the person to go on talking about his/her ideas or
feelings freely.
• Without using words, you are communicating
that you are listening to the person.
• There are several components of good attending
behavior:

• Eye Contact: Looking at a person is one way of
showing interest in that person. However, you
can make a person feel uncomfortable if you
stare at them too intensely. The best way of
showing that you are listening to someone is
by looking at them naturally.
• Posture: This is a natural response of interest.
It’s best to lean slightly towards the person in
a relaxed manner. Relaxation is important,
since you want to shift focus from yourself so
that you are better able to listen to the person
you are talking with.

• Gesture: You communicate a great deal with your
body movements. If you flail wildly with your
hands or if you cross your arms over your chest
and hunch your shoulders with your head bent
downwards, you are very likely to communicate
some unintended messages.
• Facial Expressions: A good listener’s facial
expressions indicate responsiveness. Examples:
smiling, eye-brow raising, frowning, when
appropriate.
• Verbal Behavior: A good listener’s comments
relate to what the other person is saying. By
directing your comments and questions to the
topics provided by your friend, you show interest
in what he or she is saying.

B)OBSERVING
• By accurately observing non-verbal behaviour, a
counsellor can gauge the affect her/his words and
actions have upon the client. Skilled client observation
also allows the counsellor to identify discrepancies or
incongruities in the client’s or their own
communication.
• When is it used?
Observation is a skill that is utilised throughout the
entire counselling interview.
• Examples
Observing body language, tone of voice and facial
expressions.

• For example, when a client enters into the
office of the counsellor, the counsellor can
gain some indication of how the client is
feeling about the session (are they reticent,
comfortable, awkward?) by the way the client
walks in, takes their seat, and greets the
counsellor.
• If a client is resentful about the counselling
session taking place, they may keep their eyes
lowered, seem dismissive of the counsellor
and sit in a closed position, not encouraging
communication.

• A counsellor can also gauge the effectiveness
of their words by carefully observing the facial
expression and eye contact of a client.
• If a counsellor asks a question that the client
may find embarrassing to answer, the client
may lower their eyes, or their head, or look
away. This will tell the counsellor that the
client might be uncomfortable with that
statement or question.

C)LISTENING ATTENDING BEHAVIOR
• Bolton, in his book People Skills (1979), describes
attending as giving all of your physical attention
to another person.
• The process of attending, whether you realize it
or not, has a considerable impact on the quality
of communication that goes on between two
people.
• For example, by attending you are saying to the
other person "I am interested in what you have to
say", however, a lack of good attending
communicates that "I really don't care about
what you have to say."

1)BODY POSTURE
• The body can be used as a tool to facilitate
good communication.
• This is done through positioning the parts of
the body so that they invite and hold an
interpersonal relation.
• A relaxed alertness expressed by body
posture seems best suited for fostering good
communication.

Bolton offers these suggestions to establish a
posture of involvement:
• Lean toward the speaker. This will
communicate energy and attentiveness.
• Face the other squarely (i.e., your right
shoulder to the speakers left). This
communicates your involvement. It is
especially important for you to position
yourself so that you are at eye level with the
speaker if you are seen as a authority figure.
This will circumnavigate feelings of threat and
can greatly aid in forming an interpersonal
relationship.

• Maintaining an open posture is also important
for fostering interpersonal relatedness. A
closed posture (i.e., crossed arms and or legs)
often communicates coldness and
defensiveness.
• You also need to be aware of your proximity to
the speaker. We all have a concept of
"personal space." When those boundaries are
crossed it puts the other on the defensive and
makes them feel uncomfortable. However, to
much distance communicates aloofness and
disconnectedness.

2)BODY MOTION
• Body motion, it's a funny thing! Have you ever paid
attention to what your hands were doing during the
course of a conversation? Some of us simply shove
them in our pockets or let them hang aimlessly by our
sides.
• Body motion is good but it can be over done if you are
not careful. The purpose of gesturing when you are
listening is to encourage the speaker to continue
speaking. This can most easily be done with a periodic
head nod. A good listener moves his or her body
in response to the speaker.

3)EYE CONTACT
• Effective eye contact says that you are visually
attuned to what the speaker is saying.
• Good eye contact involves focusing on the
speakers face and occasionally shifting the focus
to other parts of the body.
• The key is that the other is aware that they have
your attention because your eyes are "on them".
Good eye contact should seem natural to the
other person. What ever you do, don't "stare
them down." This makes you seem anxious and
sometimes critical of them.

4)ENVIRONMENT
• The environment where the communication
takes place is also an important factor in
whether an interpersonal relationship can be
formed. It is not always posible to move the
conversation into a private room or office, but
every attempt should be made to reduce the
number of distractions that are present.

• In his book, The Skilled Helper (1998), Gerad Egan
offers what he has labeled the Micro Skills of
Attending. They are very close to the information
I have presented above from Bolton's People
Skills. He has developed the following acronym to
help counseling students remember these vital
skills in communication.
• S - face the client squarely
• O- have an open posture
• L- lean into the conversation
• E- eye contact
• R- be relaxed

D)QUESTIONS
• Questions during the counselling session can help
to open up new areas for discussion. They can
assist to pinpoint an issue and they can assist to
clarify information that at first may seem
ambiguous to the counsellor. Questions that
invite clients to think or recall information can aid
in a client’s journey of self-exploration.
• Counsellors should be knowledgeable about the
different types of questioning techniques,
including the appropriate use of them and likely
results. It is also important to be aware and
cautious of over-questioning.

• Asking too many questions sends a message
to the client that the counsellor is in control
and may even set up a situation in which the
client feels the counsellor has all the answers.
In determining effective questioning
techniques it is important to consider the
nature of the client, their ongoing relationship
with the counsellor and the issue/s at hand.
• There are two main types of questions used in
counselling: (1) Open and (2) Closed.

Open Questions
• Open questions are those that cannot be
answered in a few words, they encourage the
client to speak and offer an opportunity for the
counsellor to gather information about the client
and their concerns.
• Typically open questions begin with: what, why,
how or could.
• For example:
1. What has brought you here today?
2. Why do you think that?
3. How did you come to consider this?
4. Could you tell me what brings you here today?

• “How” questions tend to invite the client to talk
about their feelings.
• “What” questions more often lead to the
emergence of facts.
• “When” questions bring about information
regarding timing of the problem, and this can
include events and information preceding or
following the event.
• “Where” questions reveal the environment,
situation or place that the event took place
• “Why” questions usually give the counsellor
information regarding the reasons of the event or
information leading up to the event.

• How? Most often enables talk about feelings
and/or process.
What? Most often lead to facts and information.
When? Most often brings out the timing of the
problem, including what preceded and followed
it.
Where? Most often enables discussion about the
environment and situations.
Why? Most often brings out reasons.
• It should be noted that care must be taken by the
counsellor when asking “why” questions. Why
questions can provoke feelings of defensiveness
in clients and may encourage clients to feel as
though they need to justify themselves in some
way.

Closed Questions
• Closed questions are questions that can be answered with
a minimal response (often as little as “yes” or “no”). They
can help the counsellor to focus the client or gain very
specific information. Such questions begin with: is, are or
do.
• For example:
1. Is that your coat?
2. Are you living alone?
3. Do you enjoy your job?
• While questioning techniques can be used positively to
draw out and clarify issues relevant to the counselling
session, there is also the very real danger of over-using
questions or using questioning techniques that can have a
negative impact on the session. The wrong types of
questioning techniques, at the wrong time, in the hands of
an unskilled interviewer or counsellor, can cause
unnecessary discomfort and confusion to the client.

E) SKILLS OF ACTIVE LISTENING
• Active listening is the practice of listening to a speaker
while providing feedback indicating that the listener both
hears and understands what the speaker is saying.
• Therapists and other mental health professionals regularly
practice active listening, but active listening is not exclusive
to therapy.
• Business professionals, medical doctors, and other people
who frequently interact with the public may use active
listening as a tool to ensure good customer service and
stronger communication.
• Many relationship counsellors advocate active listening for
couples and spend several therapy sessions encouraging
couples to practice active listening skills. Active listening is
also an important skill for parents to use with their
children.

COMPONENTS OF ACTIVE LISTENING
• There are three primary aspects of active listening:
• Comprehending – In the comprehension stage of
listening, the listener actively analyzes and listens to
what the speaker is saying without distraction or
thoughts about other topics.
• Retaining – Retaining requires the listener to
remember what the speaker has said so that the
speaker’s full message can be conveyed. Some people
may opt to take notes or use memory tricks when
practicing active listening.
• Responding – Responding is the act of providing both
verbal and nonverbal feedback to the speaker that
indicates the listener is both hearing and
understanding what the speaker has said.

EXAMPLES OF ACTIVE LISTENING
• In active listening, the speaker must feel heard. Listeners can utilize
several techniques to accomplish this end. Nonverbal cues used by
an active listener might include:
• Head nods
• Smiles
• Appropriate eye contact
• Leaning forward toward the listener
• Verbal cues used by an active listener may include statements such
as:
• “Mm-hmm”
• “I see”
• “How strange”
• “Tell me more”
• Any other statements that encourage the speaker to continue
• Therapists engaged in active listening frequently reflect back a
portion of the speaker’s words of the emotions conveyed by the
speaker.

conclusion
• On the part of counsellors the basic skills required at the
preparatory stage are social skills, attending physically,
observing and listening and the attitudes required are
respect, genuineness and empathy.
• The social skills include greeting skills, politeness skills and
kindness skills.
• Greeting skills means using the customary ways of greeting
clients nicely, in mutual self-introduction, in acknowledging
them and what they want to say.
• Politeness skills are an expression of one’s sensitivity to the
feelings and opinions of others, of one’s respect for others,
of one’s gratitude to others.
• And kindness skills are about expressing one’s good wishes
for others and readiness to do something for others.

• The skills of attending physically consist of the
counsellor’s ability to give his/her full attention to
the counsellee and to communicate his/her
interest through non-verbal messages.
• The skills of observing at this stage consist of the
counsellor’s ability to see the counsellee’s
behaviours and take clues from their non-verbal
messages. The observation helps the counsellor
in understanding how the client feels.

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