Counselling the family

1. FAMILY LIFE CYCLE
The emotional and intellectual stages you pass through from childhood to
your retirement years as a member of a family are called the family life
cycle.
Not everyone passes through these stages smoothly. Situations such as severe
illness, financial problems, or the death of a loved one can have an effect on
how well you pass through the stages.
Evelyn Duvall (1977) developed eight stages of family life cycle.

2. STAGES

3. THE STAGES OF THE FAMILY LIFE
CYCLE ARE:
• Independence/ Bachelor stage/Single Adult/Young Adult/Unattached
• Coupling or marriage.
• Parenting: babies through adolescents/ Full nest 1( younger than 6), Full
nest 2 (6 and older), Full nest 3( working or in college).
• Launching adult children/ Empty Nest 1
• Middle Aged (empty nest to retirement)
• Retirement(Empty Nest 2) or senior years/ Solitary Survivor.

4. FAMILY LIFE CYCLE: 3 MAIN STAGES
• The family life cycle may be divided into three major stages, the
beginning family, the expanding family and the contracting family and
adds eight sub stages to these three major stages.

7. YOUNG ADULT/ INDEPENDENCE
• Independence this generally occurs in adolescence/young adulthood.
Markers of the beginning of the family life cycle in an individual are
supporting yourself emotionally, physically, socially, and financially,
development of unique qualities and characteristics that define your
individual identity.
• Family Task : separating from family and connecting with peers as well
as initiating a career.

8.  SPECIFIC GOALS OF THE STAGE:
• Learn to see yourself as a separate person in relation to your original
family-parents, siblings, and extended family members.
• Develop intimate peer relationships outside the family.
• Establish yourself in your work or career.
• Establish your Identity, or who you are in the world.
 SOME OF THE CHALLENGES OF THIS STAGE INCLUDE:
• Desiring more autonomy but not getting it
• Struggling with sexual and personal identity
• Finding a sense of belonging in the world
• Retaining a relationship with your family of origin as independence is
fostered
• Lacking good models for making the move to a healthy fulfilling adult life

9. NEWLY MARRIED ADULTS
• The next stage is when a partner is selected for an extended period of
time that tests your ability to commit to a new family and a new way
of life.
• When you join families through a marriage or committed union, you
form a new family system, which includes both partner’s personal
ideas, expectations, and values that have been shaped by the
relationships and experiences from the family of origin.
• Family Task: Individual independence to couple/dyadic
interdependence.

10.  SPECIFIC GOALS FOR THIS STAGE OF THE FAMILY LIFE
CYCLE ARE:
• Forming a new family with your partner.
• Make adjustments to unrealistic expectations
• Learn advanced interpersonal communication.
• Improve problem-solving skills.
• Develop common spiritual and emotional development goals.
• Set and manage boundaries in relationships.
• Learn when to place the needs or importance of the other person
above your own.
• Realigning your relationships with your family of origin and your
friends to now include your spouse

11.  SOME OF THE CHALLENGES OF THIS STAGE INCLUDE:
• Transitioning into the new family system.
• Including your spouse or partner in your relationships with friends
and family members.
• Being committed to making your marriage work.
• Putting the needs of another ahead of your own.
• You and your partner will have less stress if the transition into a new
family system is smooth, and less stress often means better health.

12. CHILD BEARING / FULL NEST 1
• This is one of the most challenging phases of the family life cycle. The
decision to have children is one that affects your individual
development, the identity of your family, and your relationship.
• Divorce rates peak during the parenting stage. Children are so time-
consuming that skills not learned in previous stages will be difficult to
pick up at this stage. Your ability to communicate well, maintain your
relationships, and solve problems will be tested.
• Family Task : interdependence to incorporation of dependence

13.  SOME OF THE CHALLENGES OF THIS STAGE INCLUDE:
• Mismatched parenting values between biological parents
• Setting positive boundaries with family of origin
• Unrealistic expectations regarding child-rearing
• Gender disparities in the home and at work regarding caregiving
• Securing good, affordable , safe childcare

14. FAMILIES WITH PRESCHOOL-AGE
CHILDREN/ FULL NEST 1
 When the oldest child is between the ages of 2 ½ and 6
The developmental tasks includes:
• Satisfying the needs and interests of preschool children
• Coping with demands on energy and attention with less privacy at
home.

15. SPECIFIC GOALS WHEN YOUNG CHILDREN JOIN YOUR FAMILY ARE:
• Adjusting your marital system to make space for children.
• Taking on parenting roles.
• Realigning your relationships with your extended family to include
parenting and grand parenting roles.

16. FAMILIES WITH SCHOOL-AGE
CHILDREN / FULL NEST 2
When the oldest child is between the ages of 6 to 13 the
developmental tasks includes:
• Promoting educational achievement
• Fitting in the community of families with school-age children
• Family Task: Dependence to facilitation of beginning separations-
partial independence.

17. FAMILIES WITH TEENAGE CHILD/
FULL NEST 3
 When the oldest child is between the ages of 13 and 20
developmental tasks includes:
• Allowing and helping children to become more independent
• Coping with their independence
• Developing new interests beyond child care
• Family Task : Support of facilitation of continuing separations-
independence.

18. SPECIFIC GOALS DURING THE STAGE OF PARENTING ADOLESCENTS
INCLUDE:
• Shifting parent-child relationships to allow the child to move in and
out of the family system.
• Shifting focus back to your midlife relationship and career issues.
• Beginning a shift toward concern for older generations in your
extended family.

19. LAUNCHING ADULT CHILDREN/
EMPTY NEST 1
• This begins when your first child leaves home and ends with the
“empty nest.” When older children leave home, there are both
positive and negative consequences. If your family has developed
significant skills through the family life cycle and their own childhood
development, your children will be ready to leave home and handle
life’s challenges.
• Family Task : Partial separations to first complete independence.

20.  SPECIFIC GOALS ARE:
• Strengthen your partner relationship
• Re-evaluate your career goals
• Developing adult relationships with your children
• Accept new members into your family through your children’s
relationships
• Reassessing your beliefs about life
• Self-examination, education, and counseling can enhance your life
and help ensure a healthy transition to the next phase

21.  SOME OF THE CHALLENGES OF THIS STAGE INCLUDE:
• You may not have moved through the phases with the appropriate
tools and attitudes
• You may not have taught your children the skills they need to live well
on their own.
• If you and your partner have not transitioned together, you may no
longer feel compatible with each other.
• Some parents, women in particular, may feel a lack of purpose
• Your health and energy levels may decline
• You may also be caring for aging parents in this phase, which can be
stressful and affect your own health.

22. MIDDLE-AGED ADULTS
• Higher income
• Although widows often have financial hardships
• But happily married widows choose to remarry more often
• Old age not poverty stricken or neglected
• Sandwich generation: Must raise dependent children & dependent
parents.
• Intermittent extended family: Take in other relatives in time of need.

23. RETIREMENT(EMPTY NEST 2) OR
SENIOR YEARS/ SOLITARY SURVIVOR
• Welcoming new family members or seeing others leave your family is often
a large part of this stage as your children marry or divorce or you become a
grandparent.
• This stage can be a great adventure where you are free from the
responsibilities of raising your children and can simply enjoy the fruits of
your life’s work. Retirement can be a fulfilling and happy time.
• Becoming a grandparent can bring you great joy without the responsibility
of raising a child. Those who are without adequate support systems or not
well off financially, though, may have a more difficult time in this phase of
life.
• Family Task: Continuing expansion of independence.

24.  SPECIFIC GOALS TO REACH FOR AT THIS FINAL STAGE OF
YOUR FAMILY LIFE CYCLE INCLUDE:
• Maintaining your own interests and physical functioning, along with
those of your partner, as your body ages.
• Exploring new family and social roles.
• Providing emotional support for your adult children and extended
family members.
• Making room in the family system for the wisdom and experience of
older adults.
• Providing support for the older generation without doing too much
for them.

25. • Dealing with the loss of a partner, siblings, and other peers, and
preparing for your own death.
• Reviewing your life and reflecting on all you have learned and
experienced during your life cycle.
 SOME OF THE CHALLENGES OF THIS STAGE INCLUDE:
• Being able to support other family members as you explore your own
• Maintaining your relationships
• Caring for elderly parents
• Changes in your financial or social status

26. LATE LIFE
• This stage is relatively new and necessary and development marches
on. The key emotional principle is accepting the shifting of
generational roles.
• Women are far more likely than men to experience the death of a
spouse. Both men and women whose spouses die face a difficult
period of adjustment.
• There is a loss of identity and a variety of physical and emotional
consequences of bereavement. Those who talk over various matters
with the dying spouse make a better adjustment to the death than do
others.

27. • Many eventually remarry, although widows are less likely to do so
than are widowers. Companionship is one of the most common
reasons that both men and women remarry after the death of a
spouse.
• Family Task: Facilitation of family mourning. Working through final
separations

28.  GOALS OF THIS STAGE ARE:
• Maintain our own interests and functioning as a couple in face of
physiological decline
• Shift focus onto the middle generation and support them as they
launch their own children.
• Deal with the loss of our spouse, siblings, and peers and the
preparation for our own death and the end of our generation.
• Make meaning and retain a sense of being valuable

29.  SOME OF THE CHALLENGES OF THIS STAGE INCLUDE:
• Declining physical and mental abilities
• Possible death of other family members and friends
• Normal aging such as wrinkles, aches, pains, illness, and loss of bone
density
• The chances of having a mental or chronic physical illness does
increase with age.
• Loss of meaning in life and/or increased death anxiety

30. DEVELOPMENTALAND EMOTIONAL
ISSUES IN THE FOLLOWING STAGES

31. YOUNG ADULTS
• Sexuality is also a lifelong process. Infants, children, teens, and adults are
sexual beings. Just as it is important to enhance a young adult’s physical,
emotional, and cognitive growth, so it is important to lay foundations for
his/her sexual growth.
• Adults have a responsibility to help young people understand and accept
their evolving sexuality.
• Each stage of development encompasses specific markers. The following
developmental guidelines apply to most youth in this age group.
• Adjust to new physical sense of self :-
• Adjust to a sexually maturing body and feelings
• Develop and apply abstract thinking skills

32. • Define a personal sense of identity
• Renegotiate relationship with parents/caregivers
• Adopt a personal value system
• Develop stable and productive peer relationships
• Meet demands of increasing mature roles and responsibilities
However, each young person is an individual and may reach these
stages of development earlier or later than others the same age. When
concerns arise about a specific young adult’s development, parents or
other caregivers should consult a doctor or other developmental
professional.

33. NEWLY MARRIED
• The developmental tasks and issues for couples in this stage of the
marriage cycle are challenging. The major developmental tasks do not
come in single file and the stresses and points may pile-up on one
another.
• Formation of marital system
• Transitioning from single to couple life
• Realignment of relationships with extended families and friends to
include spouse

34. • Adjustment of career decisions to married life
• Dealing with changing issues of time, sex and money
• Becoming a couple is indeed one of the most complex and difficult
transitions of the marital life cycle; however, it is usually romanticized
to be the easiest and most joyous.

35. • The 2000 research on newly marrieds by the Center for Marriage and
Family at Creighton University identified time, sex and money as primary
issues causing stress in the new marital system.
• Couples reported that they did not have enough time for the relationship
because they were consumed by careers, social obligations and children.
• Sex was often not sufficient or satisfying because of lack of time and
energy.
• Money was generally an ongoing source of disagreement or stress.
• Good conflict resolutions skills around these and other stressors is the
greatest predictor of satisfaction in the early marriage. This
interdependence allows good conflict resolution and includes a balance of
positive and negative interactions

36. CHILD BEARING
• Often one or both parents experience difficult emotions during pregnancy,
or after the birth of a child.
• It is normal to have occasional negative thoughts, dreams or fleeting
doubts.
 Developmental Tasks:
• Adjusting to increased family size
• Caring for an infant
• Providing a positive developmental environment
Common issues
• worries about the birth
• lack of sleep
• Worries about how you’re coping as a parent.

37. BECOMING A MUM
• Sometimes the happy emotions of motherhood are mixed up with
feelings of loss, fear, worry, guilt and frustration. She might think:
• What if I make too many mistakes?
• Will people think I’m a bad mother?
• What about my old life?
• It is normal to ask yourself lots of questions when you’re going
through a major life change, like having a baby.
• Big changes in your life can leave you feeling overwhelmed, especially
when things don’t happen the way you expected.

38.  BECOMING A DAD
• Some fathers can feel unprepared for the reality of having a newborn.
• Some fathers can feel fierce, protective, overwhelming love for their
child straight away, for others it may take a bit longer.
• Fatherhood is just as challenging as motherhood, though not always
for the same reasons. He might think:
• I want to help with the baby, but I don’t know how.
• Its stressful managing work and family commitments.

39. • He might also notice his relationship with his partner changes a lot
too. It’s normal to feel confused, stressed and out of your comfort
zone when you have a new baby. With any new or difficult situation,
sometimes he can able to cope with the challenge, and sometimes he
can feel overwhelmed. Fatherhood is no exception.

40. FAMILIES WITH PRE-SCHOOL
CHILDREN
 Developmental guidelines
• Relationships with others
• Self-awareness
• Emotional regulation
• Independence
• Emotional Literacy

41.  Consider the following in your daily
interactions with preschoolers:
• Be responsive to children’s interaction attempts and build on what children
say.
• Engage in frequent, developmentally appropriate social interactions with
children and adults throughout your daily experiences and routines.
• Follow children’s leads, cues and preferences.
• Include emotion words in conversations with children.
• Make books available that discuss feelings and social interactions.

42. • Ask children meaningful questions about their actions, interests,
events and feelings.
• Encourage children to use their words and talk to their peers when
conflicts arise. Use developmentally appropriate language and
provide conversation models and cues for children to follow if they
need help solving a problem.
• Ensure that you are sensitive to children’s unique needs, experiences,
and backgrounds.
• Reach out to children’s families and be responsive to their needs and
preferences.

43. FAMILIES WITH SCHOOLAGE
CHILDREN
As a family child care provider, you support school-age children’s social-
emotional development. You can do this by:
• Providing opportunities for children to identify and understand their
feelings and emotions and to discuss them with others
• Encouraging critical thinking, problem solving, and supervised risk taking
• Working hard to create an environment that is structured and safe and that
allows children to learn and discover
• Demonstrating respect for others

44. • Providing an environment that recognizes, embraces, and celebrates
diversity
• Providing an environment that is nurturing and inclusive to children
with special needs
• Acknowledging the contributions of all children to the community
• Encouraging children and youth to experiment with a variety of
activities, materials, and experiences to discover talents and
preferences

45. FAMILIES WITH TEENAGE
CHILDREN
• Adolescence can be a difficult time your child is going through rapid
physical changes as well as emotional ups and downs. Young people
aren’t always sure where they fit, and they’re still trying to work it
out.
• Adolescence can also be a time when peer influences and
relationships can cause you and your child some stress. Supporting
each other can be vital to getting through these challenges.
• During this time family is still a secure emotional base where the child
feels loved and accepted, no matter what’s going on in the rest of his
life.

46. • Family can build and support child’s confidence, self-belief, optimism
and identity. When your family sets rules, boundaries and standards
of behaviour, you give your child a sense of consistency and
predictability.
• Supportive and close family relationships protect the child from risky
behaviour like alcohol and other drug use, and problems like
depression.
• Your support and interest in what your child is doing at school can
boost his desire to do well academically too. Strong family
relationships can go a long way towards helping your child grow into a
well-adjusted, considerate and caring adult.

47. • And family relationships tend to stay strong right through. For
teenagers, parents and families are a source of care and emotional
support.
• Families give teenagers practical, financial and material help. And
most teenagers still want to spend time with their families, sharing
ideas and having fun.
• It’s normal for teenagers to be moody or seem uncommunicative, but
they still need you. Your child still loves you and wants you to be
involved in her life, even though at times her attitude, behaviour or
body language might seem to say she doesn’t.

48. LAUNCHING STAGE
• May divorce at this time without children present (empty nest which is not
always negative).
• Boomerang generation: Children return home due to high unemployment,
housing cost, low wages, divorce and personal problems.
• Ideally, the transition from dependence to independence is a gradual,
smooth, mutually agreed on and satisfying process. There are times
though when this is a highly emotional and conflicted time of family life.
Parent and young adult alike can be experiencing confusion and inner
turmoil about the impending separation.
• This can be especially hard if there have been difficult and unresolved
separations in the family’s life, like a turbulent divorce.

49. MIDDLE AGED ADULT
• During middle adulthood, the aging process becomes more apparent.
Around the age of 60, the eyes lose their ability to adjust to objects at
varying distances, known as presbyopia.
• Most people between the ages of 40 and 60 will need some form of
corrective lenses for vision deficits. Middle-aged adults are also at higher
risk than younger adults for certain eye problems, such as glaucoma.
• Hearing also further declines. Skin continues to dry out and is prone to
more wrinkling, particularly on the sensitive face area. Age spots and blood
vessels become more apparent as the skin continues to dry and get thinner.
• The muscle-to-fat ratio for both men and women also changes throughout
middle adulthood, with an accumulation of fat in the stomach area.

50. • Women experience a gradual decline in fertility as they approach the
onset of menopause the end of the menstrual cycle around 50 years
old.
• This process involves hormonal changes and may last anywhere from
six months to five years.
• Because of the shifting hormone levels, women going through
menopause often experience a range of other symptoms, such as
anxiety, poor memory, inability to concentrate, depressive mood,
irritability, mood swings, and less interest in sexual activity.

51. RETIREMENT AND LATE LIFE
• Retirees can be overwhelmed by the number of adjustments and
choices to be made when they begin retirement. They can experience
“choice dilemma” because they are new to their current situation.
• Depending upon the robustness of their personality, and the fact that
aging can be a significant influence upon self-confidence, some
retirees may not trust their ability to make appropriate decisions
because there is so much at stake.
• Others may feel they can no longer muster the energy needed to act
upon imminent decisions and lapse into procrastination and decision
paralysis.

52. • If retirees enjoyed their careers, they may experience a type of
grieving once the initial excitement of retirement has subsided. It is
not easy for some retirees to accept that there may be no demand for
them to return to the occupational niche they occupied for so long.
• As retirees gaze at their tools, professional libraries, and diplomas,
they may struggle with feelings of isolation and grief for a career that
has passed its “best-before date.”
• Female retirees who are mothers may have already experienced
grieving their children leaving home (i.e., the “empty nest”
syndrome), so that the loss of their careers may have an even deeper
impact.

53. • If retirees look old enough, they may experience the stereotype of
being assumed to be physically frail, hard of hearing, with poor vision
and slow comprehension. Even when this stereotype is the basis for
kind assistance, it can be wounding.
• Retirement can also lead to a renegotiation of domestic
responsibilities and territorial disputes regarding cooking, shopping,
household chores, and work spaces.
• For men particularly, no longer being a “breadwinner” and having a
partner who is not retired can result in their feeling that they are
living a shameful and parasitic existence.

54. • If a retiree’s partner is working, that retiree may begin to spend many
hours home alone. This can lead to insecurity and anxiety unless the
retiree is able to find meaningful engagement with others in a shared
activity.
• If a male retiree’s partner is a homemaker who did not seek
employment, he may find that she has a full life outside their shared
living arrangement. This can create problems if the home-alone male
becomes too dependent upon his partner.

55. WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND THE FAMILY
LIFE CYCLE?
• Mastering the skills and milestones of each stage allows you to
successfully move from one stage of development to the next.
• If you don't master the skills, you may still move on to the next phase of
the cycle, but you are more likely to have difficulty with relationships
and future transitions.
• Family life cycle theory suggests that successful transitioning may also
help to prevent disease and emotional or stress-related disorders.
• Whether you are a parent or child, brother or sister, bonded by blood
or love, your experiences through the family life cycle will affect who
you are and who you become.
• The more you understand about the challenges of each stage of the
cycle, the more likely you are to successfully move on.

56. WHAT CAN DISRUPT THE NORMAL CYCLE?
• The stress of daily living, coping with a chronic medical condition, or
other life crises can disrupt the normal life cycle. Ongoing stress or a
crisis can delay the transition to the next phase of life. Or you may
move on without the skills that you need to easily adapt and
transition to the next phase of life.
HOW CAN I IMPROVE MY FAMILY LIFE CYCLE?
• Be assured, you can learn missed skills and improve your and your
family's quality of life at any stage. Self-examination, education, and
perhaps counseling are ways to improve yourself and your family life.
These are also actions that can help you manage other issues, too,
such as going through a divorce or being a part of a non-traditional
family structure.

57. THANK YOU