This document provides information on anger management and assertive behavior. It defines anger and discusses how anger becomes problematic when not managed in a healthy way. Expressing anger assertively through open communication is presented as the healthiest approach, as opposed to suppressing or aggressively expressing anger. The document also outlines signs of passive-aggressive behavior and provides tips for becoming more assertive, such as using "I" statements and practicing new behaviors. Irrational beliefs that can contribute to anger are defined, and cognitive techniques like thought stopping are presented as ways to challenge irrational thoughts.

1. A Guide to Assertive Behavior
ANGER MANAGEMENT

2. Anger Management
 Anger isn’t always bad
 But if anger is handled poorly, it can be harmful

3. What is Anger?
 Anger is a feeling of displeasure or hostility
 Anger is a warning bell that tells you something is
wrong in a situation
 Anger is an unpleasant emotion, but it’s also a
normal healthy emotion
 Anger is a natural response to perceived threats
 Anger becomes a problem only when you don’t
manage it in a healthy way

4. Componentsof Anger:
 Your emotions  This component of anger
involves feelings such as sadness, disappointment
or frustration
 Your body  Anger can cause physical signs and
symptoms, such as muscle tension, increased
heart rate and increased blood pressure as your
body releases adrenaline – the fight-or-flight
hormone
 Your thinking  How you think can cause or
worsen anger, or it can help you cope with it in a
healthy way.

5. For Example:
 Your anger may be fueled by thoughts that the
world is out to get you, or that your partner “never”
does what you ask
 A healthy response is to acknowledge that it’s OK
to be frustrated, and look for solutions instead of
focusing only on what’s wrong

6. So it’s Not “Bad” to feel Angry?
 No, being angry isn’t always a bad or negative
thing
 Being angry can motivate people to listen to your
concerns
 It can prevent others from walking all over you

7. What Causes People to Become Angry?
 People today are faced with multiple stressors –
 Bills
 Drugs
 Peer pressure
 Racial conflicts
 Health care issues
 War
 There’s a lot of stress in society in general and in
our personal lives as well

8. What Causes People to Become Angry?
 There are so many reasons such as being unheard,
ignored, sad, frustrated or disrespected
 Also, if you were taught that being angry is a
negative thing, you may not have learned how to
express anger appropriately
 So your frustrations simmer and make you
miserable, or buildup until you explode into an
angry outburst

9. Thereare Two Basic Reactions to Anger:
1. Expression  This is the act of conveying your
anger. Expression occurs along a continuum,
from having a reasonable, rational discussion to
erupting into out-of-control violence. It’s the
difference between talking to someone calmly
and physically assaulting them
2. Suppression  This is an attempt to hold in or
ignore your anger. You may think you shouldn’t
be angry or that you’ll lose control if you let
yourself feel any anger

10. Suppressionof Anger
 The danger in this passive approach is that you
may not protect yourself when the need arises
 You may also become passive-aggressive, where
you don’t express your anger assertively or directly
but scheme to retaliate because you haven’t
learned how to express anger constructively

11. Expression of Anger
 Expressing yourself in an assertive – not an
aggressive – manner is the healthiest approach to
handling anger
 Being assertive means that you state your concerns
and needs clearly and directly, without hurting
others or trying to control them

12. How to Be More Assertive
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE
ASSERTIVE?

13. How to Be More Assertive:
 Let’s start by defining what it is not
 Being assertive does not mean being aggressive
 Assertive behavior is not hostile, blaming,
threatening, demanding, or sarcastic
 Assertiveness differs from aggression in that
standing up for yourself does not trespass on the
rights of others
 Assertiveness means communicating what you
want in a clear manner, respecting your own rights
and feelings and the rights and feelings of others

14. Assertiveness
 Being assertive is an honest and appropriate
expression of one’s feelings, opinions, and needs
 Assertiveness is also often associated with positive
self-esteem and a better self-image
 Out-of-control anger is a learned behavior, so you
have to unlearn it
 It may help to get counseling or to take an anger
management class to help change your response to
frustrating situations

15. Does Everyone Need an AngerManagement
Classor Counseling?
 Not everyone who gets angry needs an anger
management class or counseling
 You may get ticked off that your television remote
control doesn’t work and throw it across the room
 Do you have an anger management issue if that’s
about the extent of your anger, and how to keep
your anger under control?

16. DoYou Need an AngerManagement Classor
Counseling?
 If your anger regularly causes you to do things you
regret, hurts those around you, or is taking a toll
on your personal relationships, or
 If you have run-ins with the police, you physically
harm someone, people are afraid of your reactions,
or you try to intimidate someone with your anger,
you definitely need help controlling your anger
 You may benefit from an anger management class,
counseling or both

17. Can Anger HarmYour Health?
 There is some evidence that inappropriately
expressing anger can be harmful to your health
 Whether you’re overly passive and keep your anger
pent up, whether you’re prone to violent outbursts,
or whether you’re quietly seething with rage, you
may have headaches, sleep difficulties, high blood
pressure or digestive problems
 There’s even some evidence that stress and
hostility related to anger can lead to heart attacks

18. How to Be More Assertive
HOW DO YOU BECOME
MORE ASSERTIVE?

19. How DoYou Become More Assertive?
1. Develop a value and belief system, which allows
you to assert yourself. In other words, give yourself
permission to be angry, to say ”No”, to ask for help,
and to make mistakes. Avoid using tag questions.
(“It’s really hot today, isn’t it?”), disclaimers (“I may
be wrong, but . . “), and question statements
(“Won’t you close the door?”) all lessen the
perceived assertiveness of speech

20. How DoYou Become More Assertive?
2. Resist giving into interruptions until you have
completed your thoughts. (Instead, say – “Just a
moment, I haven’t finished.”)
3. Stop self limiting behaviors, such as smiling too
much, nodding too much, tilting your head, or
dropping your eyes in response to another person’s
gaze
4. When saying “No”, be decisive. Explain why you
are refusing but don’t be overly apologetic

21. How DoYou Become More Assertive?
5. Use “I want” or “I feel” statements. Acknowledge
the other person’s situation or feelings followed by
a statement in which you stand up for your rights.
e.g., “I know you’re X, but I feel . . . “
6. Maintain direct eye contact, keep you posture
open and relaxed, be sure your facial expression
agrees with the message, and keep a level, well-
modulated tone of voice

22. How DoYou Become More Assertive?
7. Use “I” language (this is especially useful for
expressing negative feelings.) “I” language helps
you focus your anger constructively and to be clear
about your own feelings. For example:
 When you do (Behavior)
 The effects are (Results)
 I feel (Emotion)
 Remember: Stick to the first person, and avoid “you
are”

23. How DoYou Become More Assertive?
8. Listen and let people know you have heard what
they said. Ask questions for clarification
9. Practice! Enlist the aid of friends and family and
ask for feedback. Tackle less anxiety-evoking
situations first. Build up your assertiveness
muscle. Don’t get discouraged if you behave non-
assertively. Figure out where you went astray and
how to improve your handling of the situation next
time. Reward yourself each time you’ve pushed
yourself to be assertive regardless of whether or
not you get the desired results

24. Ask
 (verb) To put a question to:
 (verb) To seek an answer to: ask a question
 (verb) To seek information about: asked directions
 (verb) To make a request of: asked me for a loan
 (verb) To make a request for. Often used with an
infinitive or clause: ask a favor of a friend, asked to
go along on the trip, asked that he be allowed to
stay out late
 (verb) To make inquiry; seek information
 (verb)To make a request; asked for help

25. Commend
 From Latin commendare (“to praise”).
1. (verb) To congratulate or reward
2. (verb) To praise or acclaim
3. (verb) To entrust or commit to the care of
someone else

26. Commendatory
 Serving to commend or compliment;
complimentary

27. Compliment
 (noun) An expression of praise, congratulation or
encouragement
 (verb) to compliment, to pay a compliment; to
express a favorable opinion

28. Passive-Aggressive Behavior: How Can I Recognize it?
SYMPTOMS OF PASSIVE-
AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR

29. Passive-Aggressive Behavior:
 Passive-aggressive behavior is a pattern of
expressing your negative feelings in an indirect
way – instead of openly addressing them

30. Passive-Aggressive Behavior:
 People who are passive-aggressive appear to agree
with the requests of others
 They may even seem enthusiastic about them
 But they don’t perform a requested action on time
or in a useful way, and may even work against it
 In other words, they use nonverbal behavior to
express anger or resentment that they can’t express
verbally
 An example is showing up very late to a meeting
that you didn’t really want to attend and then
making up excuses for your lateness that deflect
attention from the real reason you were late

31. Signsand Symptomsof Passive-Aggressive
Behavior Include:
 Resentment and opposition to the demands of
others
 Complaining about feeling underappreciated or
cheated
 Procrastination
 Stubbornness
 Inefficiency
 Memory lapses
 Sullenness
 Irritability
 Cynical Attitude

32. Passive-Aggressive Behavior:
 Although passive-aggressive behavior can be a
feature of some psychiatric disorders, it isn’t
considered a mental illness
 Researchers are studying how to classify habitual
and problematic behaviors such as passive-
aggressiveness
 If such behavior is troublesome or interferes with
your relationships or daily activities, consult a
therapist who can help you identify and change the
behavior

33. Summaryof Behaviors:
Passive Assertive Aggressive
Honest Honest Dishonest
Indirect Direct Direct or Indirect
Sometimes Socially
Acceptable
Socially Acceptable NOT Socially Acceptable

34. Awfulize
 (verb) To imagine (something) to be as bad as it
can possibly be: one way to make yourself
miserable is awfulizing a situation, or imposing
impossible standards upon yourself and others

35. Irrational Beliefs
1. Avoidance  One cannot and must not face life’s
responsibilities and difficulties and it is easier to
avoid them
2. Past Conditions  One’s past history is an all-
important determiner of one’s present behavior
and because something once strongly affected
one’s life, it should indefinitely have similar effect
3. Perfect Solutions exist  There is invariably a
right, precise and perfect solution to human
problems and it is awful if this perfect solution is
not found

36. Irrational Beliefs
4. Fairness  People absolutely must act
considerately and fairly and they are damnable
villains if they do not. They are their bad acts
5. It is not my fault  Emotional disturbance is
mainly externally caused and people have little or
no ability to increase or decrease their
dysfunctional feelings or behaviors
6. Acceptance  It is a dire necessity for adult
humans to be loved or approved by virtually every
significant other person in their community

37. Irrational Beliefs
7. Fear of Failure/Rejection  One absolutely must be
competent, adequate and achieving in all important
respects or else one is an inadequate, worthless person
8. Awfulizing  It is awful and terrible when things are
not the way one would very much like them to be
9. Rumination  If something is or may be dangerous
or fearsome, then one should be constantly and
excessively concerned (worried) about it and should
keep dwelling on the possibility of it occurring
10. Blame and Punishment  If results are not ideal,
then their must be someone to blame and punish

38. Rationalization
 The cognitive process of making something seem
consistent with or based on reason
  In psychology and logic, rationalization is the
process of constructing a logical justification for a
belief, decision, action or lack thereof that was
originally arrived at through a different mental
process . . .
 Rationalize  (verb) to apologize, defend, explain,
clear away, or make excuses for by reasoning. To
justify an immoral act, or illogical behavior

39. Irrational, Rational and Rationalizing
Irrational Rational Rationalization
You have to . . . I want . . . Who Cares?
You got to . . . I would like . . . Fuck it!
You should . . . It would be better if . . . So what?
You need to . . . I would prefer . . . Whatever!
You ought to . . . I don’t care. Who gives a shit?
You must . . . I feel . . . Same Difference.

40. Thought Stopping
 Thought habits can take the form of behavior
chains, with one automatic thought leading to
another unhelpful thought, that can ultimately
lead people toward biased, mistaken conclusions
which cause them to feel or act badly
 One cognitive technique popular in the scientific
literature that you may see in many self help books
is called “thought stopping” or “thought
suppression”.
 This technique uses a variety of strategies in order
to help a person deliberately try and stop thinking
certain thoughts

41. Thought Stopping
 For instance, you will see advice encouraging
people to silently think “STOP!” when they find
themselves engaging in unwanted thoughts or
habits, or to wear a rubber band around their
wrist, that can be snapped (to create a sharp
stinging sensation that is painful) in order to
interrupt the “bad thought” habit

42. Thought Stopping
 When you find your self “awfulizing”, thinking in
absolutes such as “never/always”, or other
irrational beliefs, imagine a stop sign and change
what you are thinking!