The friend decision isn't made in a single choice, but through a series of choices over many years. We often misjudge others based on quick appearances and should instead make an effort to get to know people better before forming opinions of them. Building strong relationships requires making deposits through kind acts and keeping promises, rather than withdrawals like gossip or breaking trusts.

1. “The friend decision isn’t one
single decision. It’s a series of
decisions made again and again
over many years.”

2. BE SLOW TO JUDGE
• Snap Judgments:
• Are a form of positional thinking -- right/wrong,
good/bad, desirable/undesirable. Each time we
make one of these judgments, we are either
accepting or rejecting someone or something.
• Of 582 teens surveyed, 88% believed they were
judged solely by their physical appearance.
• We cut ourselves off from all kinds of friends
because we are too quick to judge

3. LOOKING BACK…
“There were a handful of people I got to
know better in college that I thought in
high school were snotty or too cool. It
turns out, when I got to know them
better, they weren’t that way at all and
I realized I probably misjudged pretty
much everyone.”
-- Sabrina

4. YOU MAKE THE EFFORT
• Be proactive and make the effort first.
Don’t just wait for friends to come to you
• Keep trying and don’t shut yourself off
by feeling sorry for yourself
• “Always have faith that conditions will
change…”

5. LOOKING BACK…
“I think I realized that most everyone
around you, popular or not, is
struggling to feel like they fit in. The
more I talk to people as adults the
more I realize pretty much everyone
at that age is insecure, some just
hide it better than others.”

6. BUILD THE RBA
Deposits Withdrawals
Do small acts of kindness Do little mean things
Say you’re sorry Be too proud to apologize
Be loyal Gossip and talk behind people’s
back
Keep promises Break promises
Listen a lot Talk too much

7. MAKE YOURSELF MORE LIKEABLE
*You can’t make people like you*, but you
can always make yourself more likable
• Are you someone YOU would like to be
around?
• FOCUS ON THE THINGS YOU CAN
CONTROL, NOT THE THINGS YOU CAN’T

8. SELF INVENTORY
• Have you been told that you’re obnoxious, too loud,
inappropriate, or just won’t shut up?
• Do you ask people about their lives, or is it always about
you? Can those around you barely get a word in?
• Could you practice better hygiene, bathe more often, use
deodorant, or wash you hair and clothes more
frequently?
• Do you think you’re better than everyone else? Or, are
you always putting yourself down by talking about what a
loser you are and how everyone hates you?
• Do you take yourself way too seriously or always have to
be funny and make everything a joke?

9. BE INCLUSIVE
 “I just wish I would have realized that I didn’t need to try to be friends with
the ‘popular kids’ and realized who my true friends were. Now that I am
older the only friends I’m still friends with are the ones that Igrew up with
that were not necessarily some of the ‘poplar kids’. I think we try so hard to
fit into the cool groups that sometimes we miss what is right in front of us.”
-- Katie
 As a high school student you should be able to get along with everyone
and especially not limit yourself to only “your people.”
-- Dave
 “The older I wish I would have invested interest in people outside “our
group” of friends. I would have loved for everyone to feel like I genuinely
cared about them like I am learning to now.”
-- Shannon
“Even the kids who seem to have everything often
feel insecure”

10. TREAT UNKINDNESS WITH KINDNESS
Abraham Lincoln was
often criticized for trying
to make friends with his
enemies instead of trying
to get rid of them. He
replied, “Isn’t that
what I’m doing
when I make an
enemy a friend?”

11. LIFT OTHERS
“Thee lift me and I’ll lift thee and we’ll
both ascend together”

12. PEER PRESSURE
• When you feel pressured by people in your age
group to act a certain way
• Makes you do stupid things, you wouldn’t normally do
• Positive Peer Pressure:
• When your friends expect good things from you
• Negative Peer Pressure:
• When your friends persuade you to conform or do
something you don’t want to do

13. PREPARATION
Tough Situation What I Will Do About It
My friends start making fun of
someone.
I feel pressured to lie, cheat, or
steal.
I’m offered drugs.
A boyfriend or girlfriend starts
pressuring me to get more physical
than I would like.
My friends want me to go
somewhere or do something that I’m
not comfortable doing.

14. GET CLEAR ON YOUR GOALS
BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND
• BE CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT
• WIN THE DAILY PRIVATE VICTORY
• Get in touch
• Review your goals, ambitions, or mission
statements
• Visualize the challenges you will face and decide
NOW how you will handle them

15. CHOOSE A STRONG SUPPORT SYSTEM
• People who inspire you to be your best
• People who hold each other accountable
• People who will help you make good choices,
EVEN if they’re not popular choices
You are who you hang out with! You’re better off
having no support system at all than having the
wrong kind!

16. RED FLAGS
You’re doing stuff you don’t feel good about, like stealing,
fighting, or doing drugs
You feel like you’re being used
Your life feels out of control
You have to change your clothes, language, friends or standards in ord
keep your friends