Learning Pool: Work/Life Balance 2: Managing Stress Successfully

My Adventures in Stress – Bad & Good

Work
Money
Relationships
Health

© www.soulambition.co.uk

Your Story?


How do you currently try to manage stress?

Exercise
Relaxation
Talking issues through
Escapism
Comfort eating/drinking
Other?


What is stress?
First used in biological sense by Hans Selye, in the 1930s
Reaction to a stimulus (stressor) – real or imagined
“A condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives
that demands exceed the personal and social resources the
individual is able to mobilize” (Lazarus)
Can be +ve (eustress) or -ve (distress)
Eustress is necessary to thrive
Distress can cause severe problems when very acute or
chronic


Some common sources of distress

Social – problems or trauma in relationships with
partners, friends, family, co-workers, etc
Biological – chronic pain, poor sleep, poor diet,
depression, poor mobility, etc
Environmental – conditions at home or work
(noise/light/temperature levels etc)
Life Changes – unemployment, debt,
bereavement, sudden illness, etc

What is eustress?

“A condition or feeling experienced when a person
perceives that demands can be met with the personal
and social resources the individual is able to mobilize”!
“Rising to a challenge”
Performance – giving “the edge”
Feelings of excitement, anticipation, positive
expectation – nervousness isn't overwhelming
“Flow” – aka happiness!

Know the difference!

Eustress is positive and aids performance –
relaxation would impair performance! (E.g. Think
performing arts, sports)
Eustress should be sought out/created – 'stretch'
goals, leaving comfort zone
Distress must be managed – the source(s) and
the reaction(s)
Distress can be a great source of learning
Most importantly: choose your story.

Some symptoms: Distress

Poor concentration/memory
Anxiousness/racing thoughts
Irratibility/'snapping'
Feelings of overwhelm
Depression
Poor sleep (too much, too little, heavy dreaming)
Isolating yourself, or inability to be alone
Procrastinating or neglecting responsibilities
Using food, alcohol, drugs etc. to manage mood

More symptoms: Distress
Skin conditions
Headaches
Nausea/dizziness
Chest pain
Digestive problems
Frequent colds
Unexplained bruises
Poor hair health
Nail biting, etc


Coping with Distress


Identify the Source(s):
External – other people, environment/circumstances
Internal – my perceptions (aka my story), shaped by
beliefs, previous experiences, other people's stories


Blame v. Responsibility:

My Business
Your Business
Any Other
Business

[Adapted from “Loving What Is”, Byron Katie]


What Can You Change?
Yourself: Focus on “my business”
Your story – challenge beliefs, use “wouldn't it be nice if...” if
positive thinking feels too much
Get positive story in place, then...
Other people – ask for what you need, say no, ask to be
heard (you can only ask, not demand)
Environment – make changes where you can, consider
leaving – perhaps temporarily (e.g. from an argument) or
permanently (e.g. from a job – all about choice


“Resilience is the human capacity to deal
with, overcome, learn from or even be
transformed by adversity”

[Edith H. Grotberg,1999]


What Resources
Can You Draw On?


Internal resources:

Self-belief – how have you overcome adversity in the
past? With which skills?
Choose your thoughts (use mood as guide) – what's the
better-feeling thought? (Re-framing)
Perspective: mountain or molehill?
Take issue(s) just seriously enough to plan helpful
action...
...Don't catastrophise! Play down importance &
likelihood of consequences (without sticking head in
sand!)

Internal resources (continued):

Find lesson or opportunity for growth
Use your imagination – creative problem-solving,
visualisation
Hope & trust – even before finding solution
Positive self-talk – words like determination,
courage, opportunity, solution, energy, etc; “I can
handle it!” (with help)
Be kind to yourself!
Appreciate what is good, to help mood, energy
levels & perspective

Internal resources (continued):

Activity management: prioritise (Covey's “4
Quad's” – urgency/importance)
Try choosing top 3 critical to-do's
Say no/yes carefully, only so many hours in the
day!
Review tasks: automate, delegate, ditch
Break down goals/large tasks into manageable
tasks
Create new habits, behaviours & structure
Revive interests & passions, find new ones

Physical resources:

B.R.E.A.T.H.E! Slow and low...
Get ample, regular sleep
create right environment
say 'stop!' when find yourself ruminating,
avoid mental stimulation before sleep
consider notebook/pen by bed
maintain routine
Get plenty of hydration!
Exercise (interval training)
Eat well – watch sugar, caffeine, over-processed
food, trans fats etc

Physical resources (continued):

Meditate (YouTube a good resource)
Get massages (professional, friend/partner, 'The
Genie'!)
Practice Yoga, T'ai Chi, etc
De-clutter – rooms, inbox, social life, mind
Make the most of your environment
Escape?
Take considered action. Theory is not enough &
ignoring problems can make them worse.

People/informational resources:

Friends & family
Colleagues, boss, HR, Trade Union, etc
Professionals – GP, C.A.B., coaches, mentors, trainers,
dieticians, etc
Forums, support groups
Websites, courses, webinars, podcasts
Philosophical and/or spiritual resources
Don't bottle things up; seek help and/or info
Use feedback constructively (no such thing as 'failure' –
constant learning)


Create an exciting, inspiring vision of
yourself handling things well,
being focused and in control
and adapting to changes
as life happens.


Perception is reality.

Choose a healthy, helpful story.


Recommended Reading

Total Relaxation (Book & CD) – John Harvey
Developing Resilience: A Cognitive Behavioural
Approach - Michael Neenan
The Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle
Loving What Is - Byron Katie


Recommended Reading (continued)

Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in
Everyday Life - Thich Nhat Hanh
Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel By Changing
the Way You Think - Christine A Padesky and Dennis
Greenberger


Send your questions and comments to
tracy@soulambition.co.uk

For ideas, inspiration,
useful links and motivation:

www.soulambition.co.uk
www.facebook.com/soulambition


Learning Pool: Work/Life Balance 2: Managing Stress Successfully

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