That conference tap, tap, tap communication

Ta p , Ta p , Ta p , i s t h i s t h i n g o n ?

Ta p , Ta p , Ta p , i s t h i s t h i n g o n ?
Angela Dugan
Director, Agile Coach

1. Communicating openly and honestly at all times is
HARD
2. Speaking from a place of vulnerability is
RIDICULOUSLY HARD
3. Without 1 and 2 you're going to really struggle to be
an effective and happy member of ANY team
4. The days of working alone at your desk like a hermit
are largely over
Angela@PolarisSolutions.com Twitter: @OakParkGirl URL: http://www.polarissolutions.com

“if you don’t have anything nice to say…”

Angela Dugan
Agile Coach, Manager of Humans
Polaris Solutions
Email me: Angela@PolarisSolutions.com
Our Website: www.PolarisSolutions.com
Tweet at me: @OakParkGirl

URL: http://www.polarissolutions.com

1. communication
2. conflict
3. feedback

People, People, People
This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-SA

• not admitting when a story is blocked during stand-up and then working
tons of overtime but not logging it
• aversion to experimenting with new technologies or tools for fear of
“bucking status quo” or “wasting time” if it fails
• feedback is anonymous, vague, and effectively useless to avoid awkward
confrontations and conversation
• resisting jumping in when someone else is struggling for fear it will
negatively impact your output
• allowing your team mate/your department/your company to squander time
on bad ideas rather than raising concerns and voicing a potentially
unpopular opinion

Angela@PolarisSolutions.com Twitter: @OakParkGirl
This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY

recognition
+ gratitude
+ curiosity
square squad*

i don’t want the other person/people to get mad at me
what if they yell/cry/quit? I don’t know if I will know how to handle
that?
i don’t want other people to think I am a jerk
what if I am wrong? I don’t want to look like an idiot

URL: http://www.polarissolutions.com
~Brene Brown, “Dare to lead”

step into vulnerability
generous assumptions
active listening
“see” the other person

recognition
+ gratitude
+ curiosity
sharing is caring

a coworker has spinach in their teeth. do you:
1. Say nothing, you think it will be funny and embarrassing when they
realize it later after everyone else has seen it
2. Say nothing because it’s so embarrassing and you don’t want to make
them feel self conscious
3. Call it out at the meeting table in front of everyone before the meeting
has started
4. Pull them aside as soon as you notice and let them know they have
something in their teeth, and you didn’t want them to walk into the
meeting like that because you assume they’d feel as silly as you have
when it’s happened to you

where do each of these fall in the quadrants we just discussed?
1. Say nothing, you think it will be funny and embarrassing when they realize
it later after everyone else has seen it
2. Say nothing because it’s so embarrassing and you don’t want to make
them feel self conscious
3. Call it out at the meeting table in front of everyone before the meeting has
started
4. Pull them aside as soon as you notice and let them know they have
something in their teeth, and you didn’t want them to walk into the meeting
like that because you assume they’d feel as silly as you have when it’s
happened to you

feedback on the “ummm” problem during a presentation:
1. Manipulative insincerity: say nothing, smile, clap politely, then complain to other
attendees as you leave the room about how bad the “ummms” were
2. Ruinous empathy: say “I loved the part about conflict, I can use that to improve my next
retro. Could use a little polishing, but overall, I wouldn’t change a thing!”
3. Obnoxious aggression: “you said “ummm” 167 times, I was counting, it was distracting”
4. Radical Candor: “I learned a lot during that talk, your story about confronting your boss
on your review really resonated with me. I did notice you said “ummm, a lot. It was
distracting me from the content, and I was wondering if you were nervous or
unprepared. If you worked on kicking that habit, I think the talk would be even more
effective. I can help you practice!”

feedback to a people manager on their performance:
1. Manipulative insincerity: you’re my favorite boss, I love working for you (gripes
about them to coworkers in private)
2. Ruinous empathy: You’ve done some really great things with 1:1s this year that
employees have liked, you should feel great about the job you’re doing!
3. Obnoxious aggression: I don’t really know what you do most days, but we’ve
seen a 15% increase in employee engagement!
4. Radical Candor: I really appreciate that you spend time to get to know your
team. Bob mentioned that in your last 1:1 with him, that you asked about his
daughter’s big soccer tournament. That kind of investment in relationship
building has helped employee engagement increase 15% this year.

Take time and give time
Context and clarity
Practice
“The story I’m telling myself…”

“don’t take it personally…”

1. learn to recognize signs your body is giving you
2. develop a square squad for support and practice
sessions
3. clear is kind, unclear is unkind
4. it’s personal
5. people, people, people

Email: Angela@PolarisSolutions.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/andugan
Slideshare.NET: http://www.slideshare.net/angelabinkowski
Polaris Solutions website - http://www.polarissolutions.com/
I’ll also be spending some time in OPEN SPACES!

That conference tap, tap, tap communication

That conference tap, tap, tap communication

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