The document provides guidance on basic peer counseling skills for volunteers. It discusses why people may choose to speak with a peer rather than a professional and the differences between the two. The document outlines techniques for active listening like attending, questioning, reflecting, affirming and validating the speaker. It emphasizes creating a supportive environment where the speaker feels heard, understood and able to make their own decisions. The document advises avoiding rescuing, abandoning or telling the speaker what to do.

1. Peer Counseling Skills The TRIP Basics PROJECT DATE

2. Ice Breaker People Bingo

3. What is a Peer Counselor? WHY MIGHT SOMEONE GO TO A PEER INSTEAD OF A PROFESSIONAL? WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A PROFESSIONAL AND A PEER?

4. Peer Support Peers share a distinctive history and a particular social context Peers often share similar values, experiences and lifestyles Peers are often the first people we turn to for support and can play a valuable role

5. Who do you go to for support? What was it about the person that made you choose them? What did they do that you found helpful? Unhelpful?

6. What was it about the person that made you choose them? • Friendly • Sincere • Kind • Warm • Patient • Approachable • Interested • A good listener • Trustworthy • Honest

7. What did they do that the interaction did you find helpful? • Reassured me that it isn’t unusual to find some decisions/situations difficult • Open minded, didn’t judge me • Helped me clarify things • Listened to me • Didn’t tell me what to do • Didn't interrupt me • Didn’t argue with me • Didn’t Judge me

8. Person -Centered Peer Counseling Non directive People are experts on their own life, thoughts, feelings People are capable of making their own decisions Highly values the experience of the person and the importance of their subjective reality Recognizes everyone as unique

9. Rescuing Abandoning Sometimes we may feel responsible, but we can’t solve other people’s problems –only they can. We don’t want to tell people what to do but create a situation where someone feels more capable to make their own decisions

10. Let peers know they are heard Allow peers to feel understood, that they are not alone Assist peers in getting a clearer idea of what they think and feel Give peers “food for thought” Allow peers to vent and release tension, at least for a short while Can’t always find solutions in one discussion Just one small change can cause a series of changes

12. Basic Skills (BLS) When used effectively this sequence will flow like a conversation Attending Active Listening Questioning Reflecting Affirmations Validation Normalizing

13. Attending What to you think it looks like when someone is listening to you?

14. S - Face the other S quarely O - Open Non Defensive Body Posture L - Lean Slightly In E - Eye Contact R - Relaxed * Follow the lead of the person you’re supporting

15. Good Listening: Is it more then just being silent

16. Active Listening Active listening requires the listener to suspend their own thoughts and judgments Attend exclusively to the message of the other Need to understand the message in terms of others meanin gs, frames of reference Understand in terms of the peers reality not our own

17. Communication Activity: If you Listen will you understand?

18. Communication is Complicated! What is meant, what is said and what is heard are sometimes very different things!! Room for interpretation In order to make sure you understand and to show understanding you need to check in

19. Open and Closed Questions What are closed and open ended questions Examples: DO YOU FEEL UPSET? HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

20. Question Activity: Find out about your partners day using closed questions

21. Activity: Now change those questions into open ended questions

22. Closed Questions Encourages short or single-word answer Often emphasize factual content Can definitely be useful sometimes Can also demonstrate lack of interest Can feel like an attack, being “grilled” Restrictive - you don’t really get very far

23. Open Ended Questions Designed to explore…. Are you going to break up with them? What are you going to do next?

24. Can begin a conversation: How are you? Where would you like to begin? Would you like to talk about it? Can help elaborate on a point: How did you feel when… How do you feel about… Can help to focus: What happened today? When you say your family doesn’t understand, what do you mean by that? Can provide specific facts: What happened after that?

25. Try and avoid: “ Why” Questions Leading and Either or Questions Poorly Timed Questions Too many Questions

26. Ref lec tion s? What are they?

27. R eflec tions This is when you say back in your own words what the person has told you. *You do not add anything new Example: Peer: “Describes an argument between himself and his father over the father’s refusal to lend him money.” TRIP! Volunteer: “You asked your father for a loan and he refused”

28. P: One thing about myself I would like to change is my moodiness PS: You never know if your going to be up or down P: No it’s not that, I can tell how I am going to feel, it’s more I overreact to things PS: Even little things seem to upset you P: yes, sometimes, mainly I think I worry too much PS: You often find yourself worrying P: Yes, often there is nothing I can do about it, but still I go over it again and again in my mind PS: That’s hard P: Yes, I get myself all worked up and even lose sleep PS: You even find yourself worrying at night P: Yes, that’s what I wish I could change

29. Refle ctio n of F eeling This is when you name what you think a person may be feeling or experiencing. *You add something new Example: Peer: Describes an argument between himself and his father over the father’s refusal to lend him money. TRIP! Volunteer: “you feel hurt that your dad wouldn’t lend you the money”

30. I got wasted last night and instead of taking care of me, my friends bailed. What the ef! They are supposed to care what happens to me I wanted to try e. My friends say it’s harmless, but I read an article that said it could kill me?! I’m not sure I want to try it anymore... I think my partner cheated on me, but I am not exactly sure. I kind of want to confront them, but I am not sure if that’s going to help or make things worse

31. Batting Practice Get into a circle One person will act as the “Pitcher “ “ Pitcher” will provide a statement in which the “Batter” will reply with a short reflection 3 swings per statement then switch

32. Affirmations are when you highlight the person’s strengths and acknowledge things they are doing that are positive. Affirmations build confidence in one’s ability. Ex. It takes a lot of courage to think about changing Ex. It is a difficult decision but the fact that you are taking the time to get informed is awesome *To be effective, affirmations must be genuine and congruent

33. Validation acknowledges the worth of the caller and their right to their feelings. It reassures people that it is ok to have the feelings they have and recognizes the callers realities and experiences as being genuine Ex. That must be difficult. You have every right to be upset Ex. You take pride in your appearance and it hurts when someone doesn’t acknowledge that

34. Normalizing/Disclosure helps people to feel like they are not alone or crazy for feeling the way they do or being in the situation they are in Ex. There is nothing wrong with you Ex. You are not alone. Lots of people feel this way You may want to disclose a similar situation you have had or that of someone you know. Be careful! This may come across as trivializing that person’s experience Normalize -Don’t minimize!

35. Sharing Information and Resources Check to make sure the person wants the information before giving it Build on what the person already knows, so find out what that is Make sure the information is relevant and that the person is open to it. Be careful that you don’t lecture or get preachy. Do not overload people with too much information. Small bits at a time Do not confuse information\referrals with advice. Present the information or referral as an option.

36. Problem Management Brainstorm alternatives/options Pros/Cons Goal Setting/Planning

37. Activity: What not to do?

38. What Not To Do: Ordering or commanding Warning Threatening Moralizing or preaching Advising and giving solutions Lecturing, intellectualizing Judging or criticizing Praising, agreeing Reassuring sympathizing Diversion, distraction Minimizing

39. Role Plays Discuss something that you can personally speak about for a sustained amount of time This is practice so try not to make the role play too difficult (ex. extended silence, demanding advice, resisting everything) Topics may be: Made up, a decision you are trying to make, a habit you are trying to change

40. Self Care To be able to care for others, you need to care for yourself! Be aware of your own needs and feelings Make sure you get support Recognize limits and set boundaries....

41. Self care activity: Progressive relaxation

42. Boundaries A limit or edge that defines you as separate from someone else Allows for safe, healthy and positive relationships Necessary for peers and TRIP volunteers

43. Setting a Boundary If you have never or hardly ever said no, your first attempts may feel awkward or even rude. It gets easier! Do not let people place conditions on your helping them. You will find it helpful to use gentle refusal when: A person makes unrealistic demands on you A person wants guarantees A person demands advice A person asks questions that make you uncomfortable A person is verbally abusive You just want to end the conversation

44. Example: Someone asks to borrow money Step One : Reflection – Let the person know that you hear behind the question or demand. This will demonstrate that you understand what is happening. “ It sounds like you are pretty desperate for money right now”. Step Two : The refusal: setting your limits or saying “no” – Say as clearly as you can what your limits are (and if you choose – your reason.) “ I can’t lend you money right now, (because…”) Step Three: Offering the invitation. Say clearly what you can, and/or are, willing to do. “ BUT maybe we can look at other options or other funds you can tap into.” This invitation shows that even though you can’t meet the specific request, you are still concerned and want to keep your focus on that friend and her or his feelings.

45. Try it: “ Hey. I have got a lot of Sh*t with me and it’s getting pretty heavy. Would you mind keeping it at the TRIP! booth for me?” Step 1: Acknowledge Step 2: Refuse Step 3: Options

46. Don’t worry! What if I don’t know what they want from me? What if I say the wrong thing? What if I don’t know the answer?