This document provides guidance on handling employee conflict and difficult situations with confidence. It defines conflict as an opposition between contradictory impulses. Conflict occurs when people perceive a threat to their needs due to a disagreement. In the workplace, conflict can arise from interpersonal differences, team issues, limited resources, and organizational structures and roles. If not resolved, conflict can lead to poor performance and low morale. The document outlines different conflict management styles like collaboration, compromise, avoidance, and competition. It emphasizes the importance of listening, reflecting, interpreting, summarizing, and asking questions to have honest conversations. Feedback should also engage the other person, unpack issues, facilitate learning, discuss options, and agree on actions. Dealing with difficult people requires

1. C A T A L Y S T
C O N S U L T I N G
Handling employee conflict and difficult situations
with complete confidence
2 2 n d F e b r u a r y 2 0 1 9
KATHY KRAUS
DEPUTY MD

2. What is conflict
▪ The word conflict has been derived from a Latin word ‘Conflicts’ which means ‘strike two
things at the same time’
▪ Conflict is an opposition or a tug-of-war between contradictory impulses
▪ ‘A conflict is the anticipated frustration entailed in the choice of either alternative’

3. When does conflict occur
▪ Conflict occurs when
people perceive that, as a
consequence of a
disagreement, there is a
threat to their needs,
interests or concerns
▪ Conflict occurs when
more than one, equally
powerful desires or
motives present at the
same

4. Workplace conflict

5. Types of conflict in the workplace
Interpersonal
conflict
Personal differences
- up bringing, culture,
education,
experience, values
and traditions
Lack of information -
often the result of a
communication
break down
Team conflict
New problems,
values, people within
the team
Different goals
between teams
Limited resources -
within and between
teams
Organisational
conflict
Structure and roles
Leadership
External forces –
government, Eskom,
SARS

6. What happens when we don’t resolve conflict

7. People cope with conflict differently
Collaboration
Compromise
Competition
Avoidance
Accommodation
I check out and don’t participate
“Ostrich syndrome”I pick my battles
I come up with fresh thinking, new ideas,
better solutions
I will win at all costs
It’s my way or no way
I always put other’s needs before my own
I am not important
I think of others needs / greater good
before my own needs
I can’t please everybody
I always have to make a sacrifice
I can resolve the most important
issues
I can’t make a decision until we all agreeI will find a win-win solution

8. We need to shift our mindset

9. We need to communicate better

10. Honest conversations require skills
ReflectListen Interpret
Summarise FeedbackQuestion

11. Listen
What we normally do
Listen to reply
Interrupt
Get ourselves ready to answer
Filter everything
Evaluate against our paradigms
Want to be understood
What we should do
Listen to the verbal message (the
facts)
Listen to the non verbal message
(mood, needs, beliefs, conflicts,
feelings, language)
Listen to the wider context and
setting
Be respectful
Listen to understand
Be patient
Check our own perspectives and
filters

12. Listen with empathy
▪ “You feel…”
▪ “It is important for
you…”
▪ “It seems as if…”
▪ “What bothers you
is…”
▪ “From what you say
it seems…”
▪ “It makes you feel…”
▪ “Are you saying…?”

13. Reflect
▪ Reflecting is one way of expressing to another that we recognise
their internal frame of reference and their concerns.
Reflecting Feelings
▪ Examples of reflecting feelings are: “In other words, you can’t
stand him.” “He makes you feel guilty all the time.” “It really
hurts to be rejected.”
Reflecting Experience
▪ Examples are, “you are smiling (behaviour description); but I
sense you are really hurting inside” (reflection of feeling). “You
say you really care about her (description); but almost every
time you talk about her you clench your fists (description); it
seems you strongly resent her” (feeling)
Reflecting Content
▪ Example, “Her remark really cut me.” You respond, “
It really hurt.”

14. Interpret
▪ Interpreting is an active process of explaining the meaning of events to a person so that they are
able to see their problems in new ways.
▪ The main goal is to teach the person to interpret events in their lives by themselves.
▪ Interpreting is closely related to reflecting; the main difference being that interpreting adds your
perspective to the persons’ basic message.
Paraphrase to check your understanding
Add your understanding of what his message means “Is this a fair statement…?”
Keep the language simple (use their words)
Offer ideas “The way I see it is…” “I wonder if…” “Try this one on for size…”
Ask for feedback on your interpretations “Have I understood you correctly…”

15. Summarise
Summarising involves a
process of tying together into
one statement several ideas
and feelings at the end of a
discussion unit or the end of
a session.
▪ Gives the person a feeling of movement in exploring
ideas and feelings, as well as awareness of progress in
learning and problem solving.
▪ Helps to finish a session on a natural note
▪ Helps to clarify and focus a series of scattered ideas,
▪ Helps to clear the way to go on to a new idea.
▪ Helps to reassuring the person that you have been
tuned in to his messages all along.

16. Ask questions
▪ Use more open, rather than closed, questions to encourage sharing
more personal feelings and thoughts.
Open questions usually begin with the “W” words:
▪ Of these, “what” is probably the most powerful question, since it
is the most open of all and leads to the greatest disclosure of
new information by the other person?
You may want to put the “What” into a phrase such as:
▪ When you wish to deepen a relationship it is recommended that
“Why” questions are avoided (they imply criticism and threats).
Closed questions usually begin with a verb, such as:
▪ “Can…?”, “Is it…?”, “Do you…?” “Don’t you think…?” “Have you…?”
▪ Confirming information: ‘Have I got that right?’
▪ Moving the conversation along: ‘Can we continue?’
▪ Closing a conversation down: ‘Have we finished?”

17. Ask questions – some examples
Purpose Coaching examples
Gather general information
‘Can you tell me more about what happened with her?’
‘Could you say more about that?’
‘What else is there to say about that?’
Gather specific information
‘Specifically, what was it about her that you didn’t like?’
‘Can you tell me what she actually s aid?’
‘What words did she use that upset you?’
Shift someone’s attention to the present moment,
e.g. if they’re becoming angry about something and
you want them to relax a little.
‘Okay, what else do you want to say about that to me right now?’
‘So, what seems important about that right now?’
‘Can you think of any other information that would be relevant about that for us here, now?’
Understand someone’s values.
‘What was it about her words that upset you?’
‘What is important to you about that?’
‘What would you have wanted her to say?’
‘What do you value in this relationship?’
Help someone appreciate another person’s values.
‘What was important to her in this situation?’
‘What might be her reasons for acting like that?’
Help someone appreciate something from someone
else’s perspective.
‘What do you think her experience was?’
‘What might she be feeling at that point?’
‘What might her intention have been?’
Help someone come to a conclusion
‘What are your thoughts about that now?’
‘What is the conclusion you are drawing about that now?’
Influence someone to action. ‘What could you do about that right now?’
Prepare someone to overcome barriers to taking
action.
‘What might stop you from doing that?’
(follow-up) ‘So how will you overcome that?’
Influence someone to think about a situation
positively.
‘How have you benefited from this?’
‘What will you get by sorting this whole matter out now?’
‘What’s the positive/up side of this?’
Influence someone to think about the effects of an
action.
‘What are the risks associated with your action?
‘How will this affect your other colleagues?’
‘Who else is affected by this?’
Help someone gain learning from an event or
circumstance.
‘How has talking this through affected your views on the situation?’
‘What learning have you taken from this?’
‘How would you react if that kind of situation happened again?’

18. Give feedback
Source: https://www.officevibe.com/blog/infographic-employee-feedback

19. Why do we get it so wrong
Under pressure
We wing it

20. A framework for honest conversations
1.
Engage
2.
Unpack
3.
Learn
4.
Options
5.
Action

21. Honest conversations – some examples
Thanks for making time
•How was ...
•I’d like to chat about
happened last week
•What happened was
difficult/hurtful/awkward
•Reflecting back on the
situation, I can see how I
played a part
•I am sorry for ...
•I’d like to find a win-win
solution or way forward
How I felt was ...
•How did you feel?
•I understand
•I felt I had lost ...
•What did you feel you
lost?
•I understand
•My intent was ..., but it
seems my impact was ...
•What was your intent
and impact?
•I understand
In hindsight, we are most
wise
•If we could have this
situation over: how could
we do it differently?
•How could we think /feel
differently?
•How could we act
differently
•What incorrect
assumptions did we
perhaps make?
•What can be developed /
worked on by me to
prevent this happening
again?
So where to from here?
•I would like to prevent
this happening again
•I would like to rebuild the
trust
•What can I do to start
building the relationship?
•What else?
•Can I suggest that …
Thanks for all the
suggestions
•Can we agree to ...?
•I know it may take time,
but I am willing to ...
•Is there anything else?
•I really appreciate your
time and willingness to
work through this
•I look forward to ...
Engage
Unpack
Learn
Options
Action
•Build rapport
•Explain what happened
from the observer view
•Offer that you played a
part – apology?
•Unpack feelings
•Unpack loss vs.. gain
•Unpack intent vs..
impact
•If we could have this
situation over: how
could we do it
differently?
•What can I work on to
prevent this happening
again?
•Decide on what we
can/can’t live with
•Decide on what you are
willing to sacrifice / let
go of to move forward
•Forgive and forget
•Agree specific actions
•Focus on building trust
and relationship

22. Dealing with difficult people

23. GLAD
MAD
SAD
BAD
FEAR
CHOICE = RESPOND = VICTOR
(respons-able, learn, adapt, grow)
NO CHOICE = REACT = VICTIM
(moan, defend, blame, complain)
Personal
Power
VICTOR (powerful)
VICTIM (powerless)
Dealing with difficult people
Choice?

24. Dealing with difficult people
▪ Different ideas
▪ That’s a great addition. Let
explore more how we can
integrate these 2 ideas.
▪ That’s quite different to what I
had in mind, can you tell me
more about how that would
work
▪ It looks like our objectives may
differ slightly. You need xyz, we
need abc. Is there some way to
address both these objectives
with a combination of
approaches?
▪ Also a great idea. Let’s look at
the pros and cons of each and
then make a choice or maybe
choose the best of both

25. Dealing with difficult people
▪ Challenges/Concerns
▪ I understand/hear your concerns. Lets
explore the concerns and see if they are
manageable, and at the same time, lets
all put alternative suggestions on the
table
▪ Of course there is always a better way of
doing things and I am keen to deliver the
best xxx . Let’s check our assumptions or
perceptions about the client’s needs
before deciding what idea may work the
best
▪ That’s an important point / I see your
point / You have a point … help me
understand more about the needs that
you have
▪ That’s fair comment. In summary it
seems that you would like abc and we
are suggesting xyz. Lets arrange a
discussion to ensure we are on the same
page

26. Dealing with difficult people
▪ Attacks
▪ I can understand your frustration. There
have been numerous reasons for this
going “pear-shaped”, some of which we
take full responsibility for, but also many
of which are beyond our control. Lets not
dwell on the past or who’s to blame. Lets
rather learn our lessons and focus on
getting it right this time.
▪ I realise that this has a huge impact on
your department. I’d like to explore with
you a way to make it work that works for
you.
▪ Ouch! Lets keep this discussion
constructive. Any alternative ideas or how
we can build on the ideas presented so
far?
▪ I’m sure our meeting ground rules don’t
include …. Lets focus on what the client
needs and the best way to deliver that

27. Thank you

28. Contact Us
Kathy Kraus
Phone +27 73 201 2024
Email Kathy@catalystconsulting.co.za
Web www.catalystconsulting.co.za
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