The document outlines strategies for improving relationships through win-win communication by emphasizing mindfulness, empathy, and non-violent communication. It stresses the importance of understanding others' perspectives and needs while being assertive in expressing one's own needs. Practical examples and steps are provided for effective communication and conflict resolution.

1. how to improve our
relationships using
win win communication

2. Improving the quality of our attention,
we can reach a state of 100% presence
and 100% observation,
which means mindfulness

4. 1. stop 2. calm yourself 3.rest
Tip: three steps before you decide/act

5. Non Violent Communication promotes
comprehension of oneself and others
through authenticity and empathy.
The aim is to develop relationships
within a win-win culture

6. WIN-WIN
LOSE-WIN
LOSE-WIN
LOSE-LOSE

7. Empathy enables us to connect with
the other person’s point of view. The
word comes from a Greek word
meaning “perceive the subjective
experience of someone”

10. Who are we empathizing with?
- Who is the person we want to understand?
- What is the situation they are in?
- What is their role in the situation?
What do they need to do?
- What do they need to do differentely?
- What job(s) do they want or need to get done?
- What decision(s) do they need to make?
- How will we know they were successful?
What do they see?
- What do they see in the marketplace?
- What do they see in their immediate environment?
- What do they see others saying and doing?
- What are they watching and reading?
What do they say?
- What have we heard them say?
- What can we imagine them saying?
What do they do?
- What do they do today?
- What behaviour have we observed?
- What can we imagine them doing?
What do they hear?
- What are they hearing others say?
- What are they hearing from friends?
- What are they hearing from colleagues?
- What are they hearing second hand?
What do they think and feel?
- Pains: what are their fears, frustrations and anxieties?
- Gains: what are their wants, needs, hopes and dreams?
- What other thoughts and feeling might motivate their behaviour?

11. If we connect with our needs and we express
them in a respectful way (without judging,
reproaches, or aggression), we are being
assertive and this increases the probability that
these needs will be listened to and satisfied.

13. reaction objective facts emotion need request
fight
“Your neighbours
have a large dog in
a doghouse next to
your garden. They
like to let the dog
out for a time every
day. Lately it has
gotten into your
garden and
destroyed several
plants. You call your
neighbours to tell
them about the
situation”
? ?
Your stupid dog has ruined my
garden. I knew from the start
that you were too irresponsible
to keep it under control. If it
comes onto my property again,
I’ll call the pound
avoidance
(paralysis
or flight)
? ? nonexistent
assertiveness ? ?
I’ve noticed that you sometimes
let your dog run loose.
Recently it has been digging in
my garden and it has killed
several plants. Could we reach
an agreement so that your dog
can’t run in my garden?

14. 4. Request, don’t
demand. What can
you ask for or do
to be in harmony
with your own
needs?
3. Clearly establish
your needs? What
do you need in this
situation? If all
your needs were
satisfied, you
wouldn’t
experience strong
emotions.
1. Distinguish
between
observation and
judgement. Which
one are you really
responding to?
What is really
happening? What
did you see or
hear?
2. Define your
emotions. Think
about the emotions
that come up as a
result of the
situation? What
are you feeling?

15. what’s happening? how do I feel? What do I need? What can I ask for?
Observation: You have
gone to work before
dawn and got home
after 10 o’clock at night,
every day for the last
three weeks
I feel… angry,
discrepant, anxious,
disconcerted,
surprised, bored,
confused, dejected,
annoyed, dissatisfied,
alone...
I need…
affection,
attention,
communication,
company,
connection,
contact,
support...
Could we… go to
the park this
afternoon?
Judgement: Your work
has become more
important to you than
your family
I feel… abandoned,
betrayed, swindled,
scorned, rejected,
ignored,
disregarded...
I need… to feel
loved
Could we… spend
more time
together?

16. integrate lessons learned and celebrate
observe facts without evaluating or judging
identify where you feel uncomfortable
recognise needs through (self)empathy
make a proposal to enrich our life
explore possible scenarios or strategies to reach consensus
put solutions into practice based on the agreements

17. what have we learned? Have we celebrated it?
what is the objective situation?
what are the apparent causes of the problem??
what are the deeper causes of the problem?
does a win-win solution exist?
what are the potential solutions?
how can we put the solution into practice?

18. credits & additional references:
• How to meditate in a moment by Martin Boroson in youtube
• Atlas of emotions
• Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument
• Empathy Map - Gamestorming
• The basics of Non Violent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg in youtube
gratitude:
Thank you very much to my family, friends and teachers cause they help me to improve

19. Xavier Santotomás Mena
facilitador de proyectos
xsantotomas@gmail.com
+34 651 55 77 54
Me dedico a la facilitación de proyectos
que tienen en su centro un ganar inclusivo:
el desarrollo como persona, la creación de
comunidad alrededor del proyecto y la
regeneración del entorno medioambiental.
Asimismo me encanta dibujar, crear
historias y todo tipo de contenidos que
faciliten la comprensión del desarrollo de
los proyectos
http://pistascreativas.net

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