Delivered by Nuala O'Sullivan on 28.05.12

1. Influencing with Body Language
May 2012
Nuala OSullivan
Occupational Psychologist

2. Communication
The problem with communication…
is the illusion that
it has been accomplished”
George Bernard Shaw
“The process by which entities exchange
information and establish a common
understanding”
(French et al, 2009:514)

3. Overview of the Session
Introduction to Influencing
Influencing Skills
NLP overview
Active Exercises
Body Language Briefing
Kinesics & Cultural context

5. Expressions to Ponder

6. Can you read?

7. Influencing Qualities:
Empathetic
Impartial
Non-judgmental
Professional
Honest
Creative
Flexible
Fair
Approachable

8. Skills for the Listener
Active Listening –
Good listening requires a series of skills:
– Concentration for a long time
– Understand another’s point of view
– Ability to read between the lines
– Refusal to be drawn into emotional
language
– Ability to elicit information by probing
– Probing Questions should be open
– Examine your own perceptions

9. Perception that the circles Move ?

10. Drawing Out

11. Drawing Out

12. Active Listening
Attend to what is said
Encoding depends on attention
Allow uninterrupted speech
Cues: visual/auditory/kinaesthetic
Body Language
Eye movements
Reflect back
Confirm reflection

13. Verbal clues to cues
Visual: I see what you mean….
…from my point of view…look at it this way…I
imagine/visualise it like this…
Auditory: I hear what you’re saying…I’d like to
echo…it sounds like a good idea
Kinaesthetic: In touch with these new ideas..
I’m sensing some resistance.. I just feel..that
fits in with…

14. Non Verbal sensory clues
Visual – Visual
Remembered
construct
(eidetic)
Auditory – Auditory
construct remembered
Kinaesthetic
– Auditory
+ smell & taste

15. Influencing by Listening
Allow the speaker to speak
This clears their mind to listen themselves
Speaking 2nd ensures your message is heard
To disagree first agree: common ground
Ask a question rather than directly disagree
“What would happen if….”
Pacing by probing and listening

16. Signposting
Attention is distracted by organising mind
Think @ 3,000 words per minute
Speak @ 160-200 words per minute
Listeners only half attend as they organise
May easily misinterpret what we say
Signposting helps listeners to organise
Organised material is clearer
Helping to organise like this builds rapport

17. Useful Signposts
On the one hand…yet on the other hand
Not only….but also….
Here’s a suggestion. If we…..
Playing devil’s advocate what happens if….
Let me check that with you, what I understand is…
Here’s an example. When I was….

18. Signpost Exception
Do not signpost Disagreement
Signposting disagreement breaks rapport
Swiftly following with valid reasons is useless
Too late
Instead:
Describe no more than 2 compelling reasons
Offer to discuss alternatives
Keep channel of communication open

19. Rapport Breakers
Formal Speak
At this moment in time (now)/I will (I’ll)
Parental Language
You must remember/ you should / you ought
Irritators / Insulting Language
With respect..With all due respect…
I hear what you’re saying but…Obviously…
This is a generous/ I’m being reasonable
Lets be honest…let’s be reasonable…

20. Behavioural Triggers: Defend/ Attack:
Dogma triggers dogged behaviour:
“Listen, we have got to…”
= 60% disagreement or…
How would you feel if…?How do you think
people would react if we suggested that..
= 66% agreement
Suggest & encourage rather than bulldoze

21. Inclusive Jargon: Medics
Black Hole
Blamestorming
Circling the Drain
Departure Lounge
FLK
Gerifix
GLM
GOK
GPO
TEETH

22. Informal communication - jargon
Black hole A patient whose problems you never reach
the end of
Blamestorming A session of mutual recrimination in which
a team tries to find someone to blame for
an error
Circling the Said of a patient expected to die soon
drain
Departure Geriatric ward
lounge
FLK Funny looking kid
Gerifix A combination of medicines prescribed to
elderly patients
GLM Good looking mum
GOK God only knows
GPO Good for parts only
TEETH Tried everything else, try homeopathy

23. Signposting Verbal
Frame comments
Prime listener
Use reflective listening to incorporate elements
of recent script to introduce own idea
As you were saying…
It’s interesting to note what you mentioned
about…
I agree with you that X is vital and it can be
further enhanced with Y….etc.

24. Sign posting Non Verbal
Intention
Breath: intake/exhale
Looking away as speaker closes indicating
readiness to respond
Touching lips: ready to speak now
Nodding:
fast = irritated
slow = sympathetic

25. Counter Proposals
Listen to their proposal first
Explore by probing
Encourage an environment of thinking it through
Suggest that it may not be ideal
Propose
Suggest it as if it has just occurred to you
Offer it as a possible solution
– not THE solution

26. Influencing Change
Logic
Appeal to Ego
Visualisations
Towards & Away from Language
Open Questions
Hand over the solution
Frame the situation in relation to context
(McCormack 2005)

27. Communicating Uncomfortably
Listen; allow speaker to exhaust
Relax body language to openly receptive
Examine perspective
Is the speaker giving you an honest account?
Are they open to listening or distressed?
Pick up on common theme
Develop
Include where possible
State case simply
Invite response

28. Techniques for feedback
Active listening
Agree where possible & empathise
Make your point unemotionally
Find some middle ground
Praise what is praiseworthy
Encourage communication
Promote good working practices
Allow mistakes as learning tools

29. Reading the Unwritten
Touching face/nose
Imaginary itch
Coughing
Crossed Body
Looking away
Hands steepled
Rubs back of neck
Patting lips
Rubs side of neck vertically
Foot flexed

30. ... parallel or not?

31. Framing
Active listening cues areas of interest
Use hooks to re-engage common areas
Pointedly assert how it will affect them
Outline potential of new ideas to them
Use body language to show unruffled
Have a plan to gain commitment

32. Framing using EI
Performance Review
– Group A – negative performance feedback
comments but positive emotional signals
– Group B – reverse
– Group B felt worse than Group A
Delivery more important than the message itself
Marie Dasborough 2006 (appraisals)

33. Reframing
Select the most positive aspect to emphasise
Use non-emotive language
Acknowledge what complainant is saying
Emphasise your problem solving focus

34. Reframing
I’m fed up with your service over the last 15
years it’s gone from bad to worse.
Why do you ALWAYS have to be so difficult
when I’m only trying to get on with my work?

35. Reframed Responses
What I hear you saying is that you’ve been a
loyal customer for 15 years and now there are
some factors you think we can help you with
now. We’re here to look at your concerns
today.
I can see that you’re trying to get on with
things and I’d like you to tell me how I can
help you

36. Agreements
Be positive: agreement is possible
Find common ground
Ask each to bring something to the agreement
Look for a Win-Win situation
Use SMART objectives

37. Listen
Listen to language
Listen to body language
Listen to cues
Listen to your own body states
Use feedback to adjust your communication.

38. Influencing Goals to be:
Positive
Clear
Agree times
Agree measures
SMART (Locke & Latham 1990)

39. Dilemmas & Dangers
Accepting the presenting problem at face value
Buying into roles
Halo & Horns Effect
Being bullied by the most assertive
Becoming overprotective of vulnerable parties
Little Boy Story

40. Perception that the circles Move ?

42. Your performance is affected by:
Personal history
Attitudes
Personal Perceptions
Self-beliefs
Learning experiences
Ability to learn from these experiences
Learning styles, habits and preferences

43. You should see a man's face and also a
word...
Hint: Try tilting your head to the right, the
world begins with 'L'

44. References for Follow up
BALDWIN Dasborough, M. T. (2006). Cognitive asymmetry in
employee emotional reactions to leadership behaviors. The
Leadership Quarterly. Vol. 17 163-178.
CIPD (2008) The Psychological Contract: A Fact Sheet. Wimbledon:
CIPD.
CONWAY, N., and BRINER, R. B. 2005. Understanding Psychological
Contracts at Work: A Critical Evaluation of Theory and Research.
Oxford: Oxford University Press.
DASBOROUGH, M. T. 2006. Cognitive asymmetry in employee
emotional reactions to leadership behaviors. The Leadership
Quarterly, 17, 163-178.
ELLIS, A. 1957. Rational psychotherapy and individual psychology.
Journal of Individual Psychology, 13, 38-44
TREPPER, T., Dolan, Y., McCollum, E. & Nelson, T. (2010). Steve de
Shazer and the Future of SFT. Jnl of Marital & Family Therapy. Vol.
32. No. 2 p133-139