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Introduction to Conflict Styles Copyright 2009 Riverhouse ePress www.ConflictStyleMatters.com
Two factors strongly shape our choice of conflict style:  How hard do we push for the things we want ,  our agenda?and…
How much  attention do we give to the relationship?
Relationship and   own Agenda When we put the two factors together, we get five different styles of responding to conflict.    Each has a different focus, and a unique set of strengths and weaknesses.
We’re doing it my way... Let’s just get the job done.  (We’ll worry about the relationship later...) High focus  on own agenda DIRECTING Focus on own agenda: High Focus on relationship:  Low  I win/you lose.How?Assert, control, compete. Insist, demand, defeat. Low focus on relationship
High focus on relationship HARMONIZING Sure, I’m flexible . Whatever you’re happy with is fine with me.... Focus on own agenda: Low Focus on relationship:  High  I lose/you win.How? Agree, go along, give in, affirm. Low focus on  own agenda
Low focus on relationship AVOIDING Let me out of here…!    I don’t want to talk about it… Conflict?  What conflict? Focus on own agenda: Low Focus on relationship:  Low I lose/you lose.How? Withdraw, remain silent, walk away,postpone discussion, delay responding. Low focus on  own agenda
High focus on  own agenda Let’s talk this through… My preference is….. And I want to hear and understand  yours….. COOPERATING Focus on own agenda: High Focus on relationship:  High I win/you win. How?  Dialogue.Agree to talk things through.Assert self and support the other. High focus on relationship
If we each back off and accept half of what we want, we can get an agreement and move on… COMPROMISING Focus on own agenda: Medium Focus on relationship:  Medium We both win some/We both lose some. How?Bargain, strike a deal, find a little something for everyone.
“When the only tool you have is a hammer, everything you see is a nail.”   Mark Twain Each style is a valuable tool , essential for situations all of us face.  We handle conflict better when we are skilled in using all five styles.Then we can choose the response most likely to bring a good outcome. www.ConflictStyleMatters.com

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Intro To Conflict Styles

  • 1. Introduction to Conflict Styles Copyright 2009 Riverhouse ePress www.ConflictStyleMatters.com
  • 2. Two factors strongly shape our choice of conflict style: How hard do we push for the things we want , our agenda?and…
  • 3. How much attention do we give to the relationship?
  • 4. Relationship and own Agenda When we put the two factors together, we get five different styles of responding to conflict. Each has a different focus, and a unique set of strengths and weaknesses.
  • 5. We’re doing it my way... Let’s just get the job done. (We’ll worry about the relationship later...) High focus on own agenda DIRECTING Focus on own agenda: High Focus on relationship: Low I win/you lose.How?Assert, control, compete. Insist, demand, defeat. Low focus on relationship
  • 6. High focus on relationship HARMONIZING Sure, I’m flexible . Whatever you’re happy with is fine with me.... Focus on own agenda: Low Focus on relationship: High I lose/you win.How? Agree, go along, give in, affirm. Low focus on own agenda
  • 7. Low focus on relationship AVOIDING Let me out of here…! I don’t want to talk about it… Conflict? What conflict? Focus on own agenda: Low Focus on relationship: Low I lose/you lose.How? Withdraw, remain silent, walk away,postpone discussion, delay responding. Low focus on own agenda
  • 8. High focus on own agenda Let’s talk this through… My preference is….. And I want to hear and understand yours….. COOPERATING Focus on own agenda: High Focus on relationship: High I win/you win. How? Dialogue.Agree to talk things through.Assert self and support the other. High focus on relationship
  • 9. If we each back off and accept half of what we want, we can get an agreement and move on… COMPROMISING Focus on own agenda: Medium Focus on relationship: Medium We both win some/We both lose some. How?Bargain, strike a deal, find a little something for everyone.
  • 10. “When the only tool you have is a hammer, everything you see is a nail.” Mark Twain Each style is a valuable tool , essential for situations all of us face. We handle conflict better when we are skilled in using all five styles.Then we can choose the response most likely to bring a good outcome. www.ConflictStyleMatters.com