This document discusses conflict management and provides a framework for understanding and analyzing conflict situations. It begins by defining conflict and explaining that conflict is a natural part of human relationships. It then discusses common feelings and actions associated with conflict, as well as different conflict styles. The rest of the document provides a model for understanding the sources and escalation of conflict, and gives strategies for de-escalating conflict through listening, using "I-messages", and analyzing the issues, goals, and perspectives of each side. The goal is to help people have more productive conflicts by focusing on issues rather than personal attacks.

1. Conflict Management
Candyce Reynolds, Ph.D..
University Studies

2. Conflict
What is it?

3. Conflict
Why do we
do it?

4. Conflict
Why do we
care?

5. Goals for Today
 Understand the nature of conflict in
human relationships
 Identify ways that conflict can be positive
or negative
 Examine a framework for analyzing
conflict situations
 Analyze a personal conflict

6. What we know….
 Conflict is a naturally occurring
phenomenon for human beings
 People do not get involved in conflict
situations unless they have some stake in
the relationship or outcome or both

7. What we know….
 One can never truly resolve conflict, one
can only manage conflict
 The costs of unmanaged conflict can be
high, but the gains from using differences
creatively can also be great
 Conflict can either be productive or
dysfunctional

8. First Trick for Conflict
Management

9. Know Yourself

10. What feelings do you
have when you are in
conflict situation?

11. Common Feelings
Associated with Conflict
Anger
Frustration
Fear
Excitement

12. Common Actions
Associated with Conflict
Fight Flight

13. Your History with Conflict
 How was conflict perceived in your
family/community?
 How did your family/community
deal with conflict?

14. You can decide...
 Understanding the impact of your
family and community on your ideas
about conflict can allow you to make
decisions about how you deal with
conflict now
 We are our history
 We make our history

15. What is your conflict
style?

16. Conflict Styles
R
E
L
A
T
I
O
N
S
H
I
P
High Importance
Low Importance
High
Importance
GOALS
3 5
1 2
4

17. Conflict Styles
R
E
L
A
T
I
O
N
S
H
I
P
High Importance
Low Importance
High
Importance
GOALS
3 5
1--Turtle 2
4

18. Turtle--Withdrawing
 Avoid conflict as all costs
 Give up their personal goals &
relationships
 Believe it is hopeless to try to resolve
conflict
 Feel helpless
 Easier to withdraw than face conflict

19. Conflict Styles
R
E
L
A
T
I
O
N
S
H
I
P
High Importance
Low Importance
High
Importance
GOALS
3 5
1 2--Shark
4

20. Shark--Forcing
 Try to overpower opponents by forcing
them to accept their solutions
 Not concerned with needs of others
 Do not care about how others perceive
them
 Believe in winning and losing
 Winning gives them a sense of pride
 Try to win by attacking, overwhelming,
& intimidating others

21. Conflict Styles
R
E
L
A
T
I
O
N
S
H
I
P
High Importance
Low Importance
High
Importance
GOALS
3--Teddy Bear 5
1 2
4

22. Teddy Bear--Smoothing
 Relationships most important, goals of
little importance
 Want to be accepted and liked by other
people
 Believe conflict should be avoided in
favor of harmony
 Fearful that conflict will hurt someone

23. Conflict Styles
R
E
L
A
T
I
O
N
S
H
I
P
High Importance
Low Importance
High
Importance
GOALS
3 5
1 2
4--Fox

24. Fox--Compromising
 Moderately concerned with relationships
and goals
 Willing to sacrifice part of their goals and
relationships in order to find agreement
for the common good

25. Conflict Styles
R
E
L
A
T
I
O
N
S
H
I
P
High Importance
Low Importance
High
Importance
GOALS
3 5--Owl
1 2
4

26. Owl--Confronting
 Value their own goals and relationships
 View conflicts as problems to be solved
 See conflicts as improving relationships
by reducing tension
 Seek solutions that satisfy both parties
 Not satisfied until solution is found and
tension is reduced

27. Which style is better?

28. Some styles are more
useful than others
when...

29. Uses of the “Turtle”
 When issue is trivial
 When potential damage of confrontation
outweighs the benefits
 To let people cool down & reduce tension
 When gathering information
 When others can resolve the conflict
more effectively

30. Uses of the “Shark”
 When quick, decisive action is vital
 On important issues where unpopular
actions need to be implemented
 To protect yourself against people who
take advantage of noncompetitive
behavior

31. Uses of “Teddy Bear”
 When you realize you are wrong
 To learn from others
 When issue is more important to the
other person than to yourself
 As a goodwill gesture to maintain
cooperative relationship
 To allow others to experiment

32. Uses of “Fox”
 When goals are important, but not worth
the effort or disruption
 When opponents with equal power are
strongly committed
 To achieve temporary settlements to
complex issues

33. Uses of “Owl”
 To find an integrative solution when both
sides are too important to compromise
 When your objective is to learn
 To work through hard feelings which
have been interfering with a relationship

34. Second Trick for Conflict
Management

35. Understand Process of
Conflict
Expectations (explicit)
Anticipation (implicit)
Experience Unfulfilled
Expectations
Resentments
Build
Gather
evidence for
a case
Give up
intervene

36. Why & how do we get in
conflict situations?

37. The issues
 The facts: present situation, problems
 The goals: how things ought to be, the
future conditions sought
 The methods: the best, the easiest, the
quickest, the most ethical
 The values: the beliefs about priorities
that should be observed in choosing goals
& methods
 The history: what has gone on before

38. Components of a Conflict
Situation
 Frustration--when you feel blocked.
 Conceptualization of problem-- “What’s
going on?”
 Conceptualization of behaviors &
intentions-- “What does that mean?”
 Outcome--emotional, cognitive,
behavioral

39. Types of Conflict
Positive Dysfunctional
Productive Unproductive
Depersonalized Personalized
Focused on Issues Focused on Feelings
Cooperative Competitive

40. What can we do???
How do we intervene???
 Accept that you will have conflict
 Work toward having positive vs.
dysfunctional conflict
 Use conflict management skills
– De-escalation
– “I”- Messages

41. Indicators of Escalation
 Competition
 Righteousness
 Not Listening
 Spreading to new
issues
 Dealing in
personalities
 Threats
 Intentional Hurt
 Violating Social
Rules

42. Indicators of De-escalation
 Listening. Trying
to understand.
 Showing Tact.
Concern for
other’s feelings.
 Goodwill gestures.
 Appeals to De-
escalate.
 Airing feelings.
 Finding
alternatives.

43. “I”-Messages
Describe:
 Behavior
 Feelings
 Consequence
Beware of war words!!

44. Analyzing a Conflict
Situation
 Conflict was between________
 It centered around_________
 I wanted___________
 and felt frustrated because __________
 In my view, the key issue was _______
 The other person probably thought the
key issue was ___________

45. Analyzing a Conflict
Situation
 Predominant conflict style I used_____
 Escalation behaviors I used________
 De-escalation behaviors I used______
 Major outcomes_____________
 Differences over: facts, goals, methods,
values, history___________
 What would I do differently next time?

46. Small Group
 Break into small groups
 Take 7 minutes to fill out sheet. Write
about problem that you are willing to
share with group. (Could be something
that has happened in your group!)
 Share worksheet with group
 Get feedback about possible alternative
ways of viewing and/or handling conflict
 Discuss common themes

47. Large Class
 Each group share their common themes
 Questions, comments