This document provides guidance on how to handle difficult people. It begins by describing common traits and behaviors of difficult people, such as being pushy, hostile, or complaining frequently. It then discusses various strategies for coping with difficult interactions, such as remaining calm, removing yourself from the situation, or changing your attitude. The bulk of the document categorizes and profiles eight common types of difficult people, like "steamrollers" and "know-it-alls," and recommends behaviors to use with each type, such as standing up to steamrollers while asking open-ended questions of "clams." General tips are offered like using "I" statements and listening actively. The document concludes by providing steps to develop an action plan for dealing with

1. Handling Difficult People
By group
.

2. Do You Know Difficult People?
 What are their characteristics?
 Traits?
 Attitudes?
 Behaviors?

3. How Do You Cope With Them?
 Think of a recent conflict with a Difficult
person?
 Describe the situation
 Who was involved?
 How did they act?
 How did you respond?
 Were you pleased with the outcome?
 Is there a more effective way?

4. You Have Options
1. Stay and do nothing
 Use for a short duration situation but this
option builds resentment if used long-term
 Example: Suffering thru a rude customer
1. Remove yourself from the situation
 Use when you are losing control or when
you have a choice
 Example: Don’t go to lunch with annoying
coworkers. Make other plans instead.

5. You Have Options
3. Change your attitude
 Try to see the person or situation differently
 Everyone is difficult at some point
 Our personality differences make us rich
 Understand where others are coming from
 Threatened? Frustrated?
 We all have hidden problems to deal with
 Example: A boss with a sick child is hostile
 Understand what others want

6. You Have Options
4. Change your behavior
 Employ effective learnable
strategies for handling difficult
people
 If what you’re doing isn’t working,
try new approaches
 The following are guidelines. Not all
strategies work for all people all of
the time.
 Let’s take a look

7. Identifying Common Types of DPs
 Steamrollers
 Snipers
 Complainers
 Clams
 Ultra-Agreeables
 Perpetual Pessimists
 Know-It-Alls
 Indecisives
* Clearly not every DP fits neatly into one of these simple categories

8. The Steamroller
“Gonna roll right over you”
Their Behavior:
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Hostile & Pushy
Intimidating
Controlling
Superior
Your Goal:
 Command Respect

9. The Steamroller
Your Behavior:
 Remain calm
 Speak quietly & deliberately
 Above all, stand-up for yourself
(but do so appropriately)
 Try to get the DP to sit down
 Avoid a head-on fight if possible
 Be ready to be friendly once
the incident has passed

10. The Sniper
“I’ve got you in my sights”
Their Behavior:



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Secret attacks & hidden back-stabbing
Innuendo, digs & non-playful teasing
Negative undertones & superior attitude
Avoids confrontation
Your Goal:
 Bring the sniper out of hiding

11. The Sniper
Your Behavior:
 Be aware of what is happening
 Surface the attack with questions
 Flush out the real problem & deal
with it
 Point out facts &
consequences
 Try to provide a peaceful
alternative
 Seek group confirmation (snipers
hate being exposed to others)

12. The Complainer
“I’m so blah, blah. . .”
Their Behavior:
 Points out problems but doesn’t
offer any ideas or solutions
 Feels powerless
 Strong sense of what “should”
be happening
 Self-validating (others don’t change)
Your Goal:
 Form a problem-solving alliance
And another
thing …
blah, blah,
whine, whine

13. The Complainer
Your Behavior:
 Listen & acknowledge but do not
agree or apologize
 Ask questions to get them to think
 Focus on problem-solving. Ask
“What action do you plan to
take?”
 Continue asking “What do you
plan to do?”
 State facts - avoid argument
And another
thing …
blah, blah,
whine, whine

14. The Clam
“No comment”
Their Behavior:
 Silent
 Unresponsive
Your Goal:
 Persuade the clam to talk

15. The Clam
Your Behavior:
 Ask open-ended questions
 If response is “I don’t know” ask
them to take a guess
 Provide enough time for a
response but set time limits
 Present two options & ask them to
choose
 Lighten-up & watch for non-verbal
signals

16. The Ultra-Agreeable
“Sure, I’ll do it”
Their Behavior:




Quick to agree
Slow to deliver or follow-through
Over commit themselves
Need to be liked &
make others feel liked
Your Goal:
 Get a commitment you can count on

17. The Ultra-Agreeable
Your Behavior:
 Make honesty non-threatening
 Focus on realistic commitments
 Surface underlying issues that
prevent them from taking action
 Establish a relationship;
take personal interest in them
 Propose win-win solutions

18. The Perpetual Pessimist
“It will never work”
Their Behavior:
 Believe everything will fail (although they
are personally competent)
 “It won’t work” as mantra
 Tap potential for despair in others
Your Goal:
 Transition to problem-solving

19. The Perpetual Pessimist
Your Behavior:
 Be alert to being “dragged down”
 Use them as a resource
 Ask what has been done before;
what worked, what didn’t & why
 Set-up a “worst case scenario” to
demonstrate that even the worst
outcome isn’t horrible or
insurmountable
 Don’t argue

20. The Know-It-All
“Let me tell you all about it”
Their Behavior:
 Think they know everything & will be happy
to share it with you - - ad nauseam
 Feel that your ideas are inferior
 Can be condescending & pompous
Your Goal:
 Open the know-it-all’s mind to new ideas

21. The Know-It-All
Your Behavior:
Turn them into a “mentor”
Ask for their opinion
Listen carefully & acknowledge
Present your views as alternatives
Be prepared & know your stuff but
don’t challenge or try to be a
counter expert
 Ask questions firmly but don’t
confront

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22. The Indecisive
“On the other hand . . .”
Their Behavior:
 Post-pones decision-making until it is too
late & the decision makes itself
 Doesn’t like confrontation so hints
& evades the issue
 In a perpetual state of “I don’t know”
or “gathering information”
Your Goal:
 Help the indecisive think decisively

23. The Indecisive
Your Behavior:
 Give scenarios: “Either this or this
will happen. Which is best?”
 Help them problem-solve & clarify
options
 Establish a comfortable
relationship
 Make it easy for them to be direct
by being pleasant, reassuring & by
surfacing conflicts & issues

24. General Responses to DPs
Remain calm
Listen actively
Try to diffuse the situation
Use “I” statements instead of “you always”
statements
 Be firm, consistent, persistent & confident
 Try to lessen your exposure to the behavior
 Try to reduce the causes of the behavior
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25. Difficult People Action Plan
 Assess the situation
 What is the behavior, with whom does it
occur, how frequently?
 Why do you think it is occurring?
 Has the person acted the same in similar
situations?
 Is my reaction out of proportion?
 Was there a specific trigger?
 Will open, direct discussion help?

26. Difficult People Action Plan
 Stop wishing “they” were different
 Give up this magical wish. It will drive you
crazy.
 Very rarely does someone wake-up one
morning a totally different person. It’s not
going to happen.
 Deal with the situation as it is
 Blaming is not helpful

27. Difficult People Action Plan
 Get some distance between you & the
behavior
 Labeling the behavior can sometimes help
understanding
 Formulate a plan for interrupting the
interactions
 Negative versus positive
interaction
 Change your behavior to break
the cycle

28. Difficult People Action Plan
 Implement your plan
 Timing & preparation are important
 Assess & modify accordingly
 If it’s not working try something else
 Unfortunately, sometimes just abandoning
the effort & removing yourself is the best
option
o Transfer
o Walk away

29. Handling Difficult People
The End