Conflict occurs when there are incompatible needs or differing opinions between parties. There are two main approaches to dealing with conflict: conflict management, which tries to manage the conflict without ensuring all parties use the same process, and conflict resolution, which aims to create a solution satisfying all involved. Groups can either fear and avoid conflict, resulting in decreased productivity, or embrace debate and discussion, allowing them to solve problems and access diverse perspectives quickly. The document then discusses types of conflict and assessing conflict handling modes before providing an overview of coaching and effective communication.

2. Conflict is …Conflict occurs when people have needs or concerns that appear to be incompatible.Conflict is a difference of opinion.

3. Conflict management describes the approach of dealing with a conflict by trying to manage it, without necessarily having each party use the same method or process.Conflict resolution describes the approach of working together to create a solution that satisfies the needs and concerns of all parties involved.

4. Groups Fearing and Avoiding Conflict:Create a unproductive culture through boring, meaningless meetings Operate in the backdrop of covert politics and personal attacks Ignore controversial topics that are critical to collective successFail to access all the opinions and perspectives of individualsDecrease productivity through disingenuous posturing, manipulating others’ perceptions, and interpersonal risk management

5. Groups Embracing Conflict and Debate:Engage in meaningful meetings and conversationsExtract and exploit the best thinking of all team membersSolve real and important problems quicklyMinimize politics and maximize productivity Discuss significant and meaningful topics

6. Types of ConflictCommon DisagreementsCompany PolicyCritical Issues

7. Activity – TKI AssessmentComplete the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument according to the directions in the booklet. When complete, score your results.

8. Conflict Handling ModesAssertiveness is the attempt of the individual to meet their own needs.Cooperativeness is the attempt of the individual to meet the needs of the other person.

9. Conflict Handling ModesCompeting“The ends justify the means.” “My way or the highway.”Accommodating“Kill your enemies with kindness.” “It would be my pleasure.”Avoiding“Leave well enough alone.”“Let’s discuss it later.”Collaborating“Two heads are better than one.”Compromising“Let’s split the difference.”“Let’s make a deal.”

10. TKI ModelTwo Heads Better than OneMight Makes RightCompetitive(win)Collaborative(win-win)Split the DifferenceConcernFor Self:AssertivenessCompromise(find middle ground)Accommodating(yield)Avoidance(delay) Kill with KindnessLeave Well Enough AloneConcern for Others:Cooperativeness

12. Coaching is facilitating another person’s learning, performance, development, and ability to change.

13. Flawless Coaching – 8 Key ConversationsWhat outcomes/results are required by when?What progress has been made?To what extent is this worthy of your pursuit?What are the vital-few breakthrough behaviors that will produce required outcomes?What critical decisions and disciplines are strongly linked to the required outcomes?In what ways will resistances and obstacles be navigated?What is the accountability process for progress reflection and evaluation?What are the next steps and when is our next check-in?

14. Typical Coaching SituationsNew To Position or TeamPerformance IssueGroupsDevelopment Opportunity

15. Coaching Methods Every coaching conversation is different and requires its own unique set of methods or techniques from the manager. The following list provides leaders with some tools to have effective coaching sessions. Educate / Inform

16. Champion / Sponsor

17. Encourage / Support

18. Counsel / Guide

19. ConfrontThe SHARE ModelS Situation – Provide a “place in time” that can be easily identified.HAHow it was Approached – Describe the exact behavior that was observed. RResult – Describe the importance of the behavior, the contribution or thedetraction it caused. E Expectation – What behavior do they need to reinforce or redirect?

20. Employee InteractionTreat the person respectfullyBe accessible and approachableUnderstand by listeningState your position

21. Characteristics of Effective FeedbackSpecific

22. Based on Behavior

23. Timely

24. Frequent

25. Balanced

26. Constructive

27. Accurate

28. Partnering to release trapped value in leaders, teams, and organizationsSM

31. What you think and feel…What you SAY…Sure, No problem. This is really a good idea. I will work out the details of the implementation. You are CRAZY – there is no way we can possibly do that…Unintended Nonproductive Consequences…He doesn’t handle the truth well, I need to be positive here and manipulate his opinion of me

32. 7 % Verbal38% Vocal (volume, pitch, rhythm)55% Body Movement (mostly facial)Listening is 93% non-contentCommunication is Not Content Oriented

34. Six Purposes for Human CommunicationGet needs metFigure things outMake sense of ambiguous situationsGain advantageBuild collaborative relationshipsExpress and understand ourselves

35. Hidden AgendasHidden Agendas are dysfunctional tacit assumptions that we assume help us:1) to build up and support your position in the world2) to promote ulterior motives and needs.I’m Good – I am the hero of my stories

36. I’m Good (But you’re not)

37. You’re Good (But I’m not)

38. I’m Helpless, I Suffer

39. I’m Blameless

40. I’m Fragile

41. I’m Tough

42. I Know it AllListening DerailersComparing – You don’t allow all data in because you’re too busy seeing if you measure up

43. Mind Reading – You distrust what people say, trying to figure out what they really mean

44. Rehearsing – You don’t have time to listen when you are rehearsing what you are going to say next

45. Filtering – Selectively listen to only high-priority emotional issues and mind-wander during the rest

46. Judging – Negatively label people or messages either prior or in midstream communication

47. Dreaming – Half-listening; topics brought up trigger memories that you dive into

48. Identifying – Refer everything back to your own experience & you interrupt to tell your stories

49. Advising – You are the great problem-solver, and you typically miss the person’s feelings & pain

50. Sparring – You are arguing and debating with everyone – i.e. put-downs; compliment discounting

51. Being Right – Avoid criticism or being wrong at all costs – twist facts, shouting, accusations, etc.

52. Derailing – Suddenly changing the subject – i.e. joking it off – using humor to derail the conversation

53. Placating – Right...Right...Yes. Wanting people to like you, you agree with everything instead of listeningTwisted ThinkingAll or Nothing – if a situation is short of perfect it must be a total failure

54. Overgeneralization – single events are interpreted as never-ending patterns with the use of “always” or “never”

55. Mental Filtering – single negative details are dwelt on excessively, negatively distorting remembrance of complete & balanced reality

56. Discounting the Positive – the outright rejection of positive experiences. Creates residues of joylessness & inadequacy

57. Jumping to Conclusions – “Mind-Reading” is arbitrarily (without knowing) concluding that someone is reacting negatively to you. “Fortune-Telling” is the prediction of worse-case scenarios

58. Magnification – the exaggeration of personal problems/shortcomings and the minimization of desirable qualities

59. Emotional Reasoning – assuming that negative emotions / fears reflect reality

60. “Should” Statements – telling yourself that things “should” be different than the experience of reality. Directed against the self “should” = guilt and frustration, directed against others “should” = anger

61. Labeling - #1 in the extreme – “I/they = losers”

62. Personalization – holding yourself responsible for an event not entirely under your control

63. Blame – holding others responsible for your problems. Non-Verbal ListeningNon-judgmental, non-defensive thinking and behavior

64. Avoid assumptions

65. Move toward to other

66. Lean forward

67. Uncross arms & legs

68. Make eye contact

69. Project warmth and stay focused mentally

70. Smile

71. Let your responses show on your face

72. Be comfortable with pauses, silence, and strong emotionMethods ObservationsThoughtsFeelingsNeeds Attributes DirectImmediateClear, complete, accurateStraightSupportive, caring, compassionate

73. The Progression to Connection: Interest – that which engages, arouses, and persuades 2. Attention – a condition of readiness involving a selective narrowing or focusing of consciousness and receptivity 3. Focus – concentrated and directed attention 4. Connection – synchronous mutual attachment at multiple layers and levels