2. Conflict is … Conflict occurs when people have needs or concerns that appear to be incompatible. Conflict is a difference of opinion.
3. Conflict management describes the approach of dealing with a conflict by trying to manage it, without necessarily having each party use the same method or process. Conflict resolution describes the approach of working together to create a solution that satisfies the needs and concerns of all parties involved.
4. Groups Fearing and Avoiding Conflict: Create a unproductive culture through boring, meaningless meetings Operate in the backdrop of covert politics and personal attacks Ignore controversial topics that are critical to collective success Fail to access all the opinions and perspectives of individuals Decrease productivity through disingenuous posturing, manipulating others’ perceptions, and interpersonal risk management
5. Groups Embracing Conflict and Debate: Engage in meaningful meetings and conversations Extract and exploit the best thinking of all team members Solve real and important problems quickly Minimize politics and maximize productivity Discuss significant and meaningful topics
6. Types of Conflict Common Disagreements Company Policy Critical Issues
7. Activity – TKI Assessment Complete the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument according to the directions in the booklet. When complete, score your results.
8. Conflict Handling Modes Assertiveness is the attempt of the individual to meet their own needs. Cooperativeness is the attempt of the individual to meet the needs of the other person.
9. Conflict Handling Modes Competing“The ends justify the means.” “My way or the highway.” Accommodating“Kill your enemies with kindness.” “It would be my pleasure.” Avoiding“Leave well enough alone.” “Let’s discuss it later.” Collaborating“Two heads are better than one.” Compromising“Let’s split the difference.” “Let’s make a deal.”
10. TKI Model Two Heads Better than One Might Makes Right Competitive (win) Collaborative (win-win) Split the Difference Concern For Self: Assertiveness Compromise (find middle ground) Accommodating (yield) Avoidance (delay) Kill with Kindness Leave Well Enough Alone Concern for Others: Cooperativeness
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12. Coaching is facilitating another person’s learning, performance, development, and ability to change.
13. Flawless Coaching – 8 Key Conversations What outcomes/results are required by when? What progress has been made? To what extent is this worthy of your pursuit? What are the vital-few breakthrough behaviors that will produce required outcomes? What critical decisions and disciplines are strongly linked to the required outcomes? In what ways will resistances and obstacles be navigated? What is the accountability process for progress reflection and evaluation? What are the next steps and when is our next check-in?
31. What you think and feel… What you SAY… Sure, No problem. This is really a good idea. I will work out the details of the implementation. You are CRAZY – there is no way we can possibly do that… Unintended Nonproductive Consequences… He doesn’t handle the truth well, I need to be positive here and manipulate his opinion of me
32. 7 % Verbal 38% Vocal (volume, pitch, rhythm) 55% Body Movement (mostly facial) Listening is 93% non-content Communication is Not Content Oriented
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34. Six Purposes for Human Communication Get needs met Figure things out Make sense of ambiguous situations Gain advantage Build collaborative relationships Express and understand ourselves
48. Identifying – Refer everything back to your own experience & you interrupt to tell your stories
49. Advising – You are the great problem-solver, and you typically miss the person’s feelings & pain
50. Sparring – You are arguing and debating with everyone – i.e. put-downs; compliment discounting
51. Being Right – Avoid criticism or being wrong at all costs – twist facts, shouting, accusations, etc.
52. Derailing – Suddenly changing the subject – i.e. joking it off – using humor to derail the conversation
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54. Overgeneralization – single events are interpreted as never-ending patterns with the use of “always” or “never”
55. Mental Filtering – single negative details are dwelt on excessively, negatively distorting remembrance of complete & balanced reality
56. Discounting the Positive – the outright rejection of positive experiences. Creates residues of joylessness & inadequacy
57. Jumping to Conclusions – “Mind-Reading” is arbitrarily (without knowing) concluding that someone is reacting negatively to you. “Fortune-Telling” is the prediction of worse-case scenarios
58. Magnification – the exaggeration of personal problems/shortcomings and the minimization of desirable qualities
60. “Should” Statements – telling yourself that things “should” be different than the experience of reality. Directed against the self “should” = guilt and frustration, directed against others “should” = anger
73. The Progression to Connection: Interest – that which engages, arouses, and persuades 2. Attention – a condition of readiness involving a selective narrowing or focusing of consciousness and receptivity 3. Focus – concentrated and directed attention 4. Connection – synchronous mutual attachment at multiple layers and levels
