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COPING WITH
DIFFICULT PEOPLE
     Deexan Cases
Difficult people may impede our
goals , threaten our self esteem
and self acceptance, act in
arrogant   and   annoying   ways,
frustrate us, and use unpleasant
methods .
 Coping with difficult people
How to cope with Difficult People?
    There are two reasons why we should manage our
     emotions before dealing with a difficult person;


  It’s more comfortable to relate with
   others without our self esteem and self
   acceptance threatened.

  We can think more clearly and behave more
   effectively when dealing with difficult
   people if we are not severely emotionally
   upset with them.
The Source of Our
Emotions and Behavior
• Our emotions and behavior are
 result mainly from our beliefs and
   self talk, rather than from the
  actual events and people in our
                 lives.
• It’s not unpleasant people,
  who cause our distress, but
rather our beliefs and self talk
      about them and their
             behavior.
• We are responsible for creating
  our own emotions. If difficult
  acting people upset us, we have
  given them permission to do so.
ABC OF Our EmOtiOns




Actions of a
 difficult     Anxiety,
  person       Anger,
               Heightened
               Frustration
What do we tell ourselves that disturbs us so much when
 we are around troublemakers and other difficult people?

•   We all experience frustration in dealing with others. Frustration with others
    is not getting what you want from them. Low Frustration Tolerance results
    from believing, “ Others absolutely must give me what I want and behave as I
    want, and if they don’t, it’s awful and I-can’t-stand-it.




Work on increasing LFT, something over which we have considerable control.
  Changing the other person is something over which we usually have little or no
  control.
What causes low frustration
tolerance and how do we improve your LFT
        so we feel less distressed?

          To detect your beliefs which cause low
 frustration tolerance, ask yourself, “ What am I
  saying to myself about this person? What am I
telling myself about his or her actions? What am I
   insisting or demanding that this person do or
                    stop doing?
When you feel extremely frustrated or upset
  with others, silently repeat coping self talk
   statements to yourself. Repeating these
statements will help to increase your ability to
 tolerate the frustration. The following are
       examples of coping statements:
      » “I dislike this person’s behavior, but I can stand it.”
      » “Sometimes relationships are frustrating , but I can
        stand the frustration.”
      » “Life is tough , but I can take it.”
      » “Human behavior is absurd.”
      » “I don’t like it, that’s ok,
Six Irrational Beliefs that cause emotional
                    distress;
1. It is a dire necessity for me to be loved or approved by almost
   all others, who are significant to me.
2. I must be thoroughly competent, adequate and achieving, in
   all important respects, in order to ve worthwhile.
3. The world must be fair.         People must act fairly      and
   considerately and if they don’t, they are bad, villanous,
   wicked or incredibly stupid; they should be severely blamed
   and punished.
4. There isn’t much I can do about my anxiety, anger,
   depression, or unhappiness because my feelings are caused by
   what happens to me (and how people treat me)
5. I’m quite dependent on others and need someone stronger
   than myself to rely upon; I cannot run my own life.
6. I must become very anxious, angry or depressed over someone
   else’s problems and disturbances, If I care about that person.
Rational Beliefs which can replace
     the above Irrational Beliefs;

 Work on uprooting your irrational beliefs and
   adopting rational alternative beliefs so that
     difficult people “won’t drive you crazy.”

   Continue disputing and challenging your
    irrational beliefs until you can stand the
           behavior of difficult people.

 When relating to a difficult person, turn your
     demand that she change your behavior.
    Acknowledge to yourself your preference
   that she change your behavior, but that it’s
   not essential for your happiness or survival.
FIRST DEAL WITH OUR
OWN DISTRESS, THEN
 WITH THE DIFFICULT
      PERSON
Methods For Coping With
     Difficult People
Acknowledge that it’s not unpleasant
 people, but rather our beliefs about
 them and their behavior, which primarily
 cause our distress.
To cope with difficult people, first
 manage you emotional reaction to them.
Focus on changing your feelings of anger
 to less intense feelings of annoyance,
 displeasure or disappointment.
Methods For Coping With
     Difficult People
Express your annoyance and
 displeasure, but not intense anger.
 You don’t have to become angry first
 before expressing your annoyance.
Be assertive, rather than passive or
 aggressive, in stating what you want.
Negotiate with your difficult person
 and be willing to compromise.
Methods For Coping With
     Difficult People
Walk out of the room and separate
 until both of you have calmed down.
 As you leave, say something like, “We
 need a break from this discussion.”
Accept your difficult person but not
 his behavior. People are fallible and
 your difficult person is no exception.
Forgive the person for his foolish,
 unreasonable, and illogical behavior.
Complete the Difficult people and
 ABCDE Self Analysis and
 Improvement form.
Try to see the other person’s point of
 view.
Leave the position and become
 involved in a pleasant activity.
Review again this list of SOS methods
 for dealing with difficult people.
Accept what you can’t change.
YOU CAN’T MANAGE
  RELATIONSHIPS
UNTIL YOU MANAGE
 YOUR EMOTIONS
Five Abilities Of Emotional
       Intelligence

      Knowing our Emotions
     Managing our Emotions
  Recognizing Emotions in Others
 Managing relationships with others
 Motivating ourselves to achieve our
                Goals.
Thank you!!!

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Coping with difficult people

  • 2. Difficult people may impede our goals , threaten our self esteem and self acceptance, act in arrogant and annoying ways, frustrate us, and use unpleasant methods .
  • 4. How to cope with Difficult People? There are two reasons why we should manage our emotions before dealing with a difficult person;  It’s more comfortable to relate with others without our self esteem and self acceptance threatened.  We can think more clearly and behave more effectively when dealing with difficult people if we are not severely emotionally upset with them.
  • 5. The Source of Our Emotions and Behavior
  • 6. • Our emotions and behavior are result mainly from our beliefs and self talk, rather than from the actual events and people in our lives.
  • 7. • It’s not unpleasant people, who cause our distress, but rather our beliefs and self talk about them and their behavior.
  • 8. • We are responsible for creating our own emotions. If difficult acting people upset us, we have given them permission to do so.
  • 9. ABC OF Our EmOtiOns Actions of a difficult Anxiety, person Anger, Heightened Frustration
  • 10. What do we tell ourselves that disturbs us so much when we are around troublemakers and other difficult people? • We all experience frustration in dealing with others. Frustration with others is not getting what you want from them. Low Frustration Tolerance results from believing, “ Others absolutely must give me what I want and behave as I want, and if they don’t, it’s awful and I-can’t-stand-it. Work on increasing LFT, something over which we have considerable control. Changing the other person is something over which we usually have little or no control.
  • 11. What causes low frustration tolerance and how do we improve your LFT so we feel less distressed? To detect your beliefs which cause low frustration tolerance, ask yourself, “ What am I saying to myself about this person? What am I telling myself about his or her actions? What am I insisting or demanding that this person do or stop doing?
  • 12. When you feel extremely frustrated or upset with others, silently repeat coping self talk statements to yourself. Repeating these statements will help to increase your ability to tolerate the frustration. The following are examples of coping statements: » “I dislike this person’s behavior, but I can stand it.” » “Sometimes relationships are frustrating , but I can stand the frustration.” » “Life is tough , but I can take it.” » “Human behavior is absurd.” » “I don’t like it, that’s ok,
  • 13. Six Irrational Beliefs that cause emotional distress; 1. It is a dire necessity for me to be loved or approved by almost all others, who are significant to me. 2. I must be thoroughly competent, adequate and achieving, in all important respects, in order to ve worthwhile. 3. The world must be fair. People must act fairly and considerately and if they don’t, they are bad, villanous, wicked or incredibly stupid; they should be severely blamed and punished. 4. There isn’t much I can do about my anxiety, anger, depression, or unhappiness because my feelings are caused by what happens to me (and how people treat me) 5. I’m quite dependent on others and need someone stronger than myself to rely upon; I cannot run my own life. 6. I must become very anxious, angry or depressed over someone else’s problems and disturbances, If I care about that person.
  • 14. Rational Beliefs which can replace the above Irrational Beliefs;  Work on uprooting your irrational beliefs and adopting rational alternative beliefs so that difficult people “won’t drive you crazy.”  Continue disputing and challenging your irrational beliefs until you can stand the behavior of difficult people.  When relating to a difficult person, turn your demand that she change your behavior. Acknowledge to yourself your preference that she change your behavior, but that it’s not essential for your happiness or survival.
  • 15. FIRST DEAL WITH OUR OWN DISTRESS, THEN WITH THE DIFFICULT PERSON
  • 16. Methods For Coping With Difficult People Acknowledge that it’s not unpleasant people, but rather our beliefs about them and their behavior, which primarily cause our distress. To cope with difficult people, first manage you emotional reaction to them. Focus on changing your feelings of anger to less intense feelings of annoyance, displeasure or disappointment.
  • 17. Methods For Coping With Difficult People Express your annoyance and displeasure, but not intense anger. You don’t have to become angry first before expressing your annoyance. Be assertive, rather than passive or aggressive, in stating what you want. Negotiate with your difficult person and be willing to compromise.
  • 18. Methods For Coping With Difficult People Walk out of the room and separate until both of you have calmed down. As you leave, say something like, “We need a break from this discussion.” Accept your difficult person but not his behavior. People are fallible and your difficult person is no exception. Forgive the person for his foolish, unreasonable, and illogical behavior.
  • 19. Complete the Difficult people and ABCDE Self Analysis and Improvement form. Try to see the other person’s point of view. Leave the position and become involved in a pleasant activity. Review again this list of SOS methods for dealing with difficult people. Accept what you can’t change.
  • 20. YOU CAN’T MANAGE RELATIONSHIPS UNTIL YOU MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS
  • 21. Five Abilities Of Emotional Intelligence Knowing our Emotions Managing our Emotions Recognizing Emotions in Others Managing relationships with others Motivating ourselves to achieve our Goals.