Emotional regulation or handling

Proyecto MuseTeam 1
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ERASMUS + 2018-1-ESO1-KA204-050530 “MUSETEAM” Emotional intelligence included in learning by projects to improve social inclusion
Name and Surname…………………………
Brochure
Emotional Regulation or Handling

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ERASMUS + 2018-1-ESO1-KA204-050530 “MuseTeam”
Contents
INTRODUCTION. EMOTIONAL HANDLING ................ 3
MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS ....................................... 5
1. Body Perception. Breathing................. 7
2. Stress Control….................................. 9
3. Anger Control.................................... 21
4. Infographies … ...................................34
20 keys to living without anxiety
50 relaxing methods
5. Bibliography..................................... 35
INTRODUCTION. EMOTIONAL HANDLING
The World Health Organization has predicted that by 2020, anxiety and depression will
be among the leading causes of disability in the world, surpassed only by
cardiovascular disease.
What is Emotional Management or Regulation? It consists of the ability to moderate or
manage our own emotional reaction to intense situations, whether positive or negative.
It regulates the ability to tolerate frustration and feel calm and relaxed about goals that
are set as too far away or unattainable. (Figure 1)
How is this aptitude used? Choosing well the
thoughts to which they are going to lend
themselves attention in order not to be carried
away by the his first impulse and, even,
learns to generate, in an alternative way,
adaptive thoughts in order to control possible
emotional alterations ,
i.e., "count to 10 before acting."
In his blog, Rafael Bisquera defines emotional handling as the ability to handle
emotions appropriately. It implies becoming aware of the relationship between
emotion -you feel-, cognition- you think- and behavior- you do-; to have good
facing strategies; capacity to self-generate positive emotions, etc.
Gross (1999, p 275) defines regulation as the ability to express the right amount of
anger in a context-appropriate way.
If we look at a continuous line, the regulation processes are activated almost
automatically along with our emotional processes. We usually regulate negative
emotions (anger, stress...) but sometimes also positive emotional states that
could not be adequate.
Fig. 1: Emotional handling

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Fig. 2 Emotional Regulation Process
Excessive self-control Anxiety,
Stress, anger
It doesn't affect me, Affective deregulation
I put up with it
SELF-REGULATION
An always positive attitude can be dangerous and cause people to ignore, for
example, their health problems or engage in risky behaviour.
In the same way, not all anxiety is bad. A low level of anxiety can help maintain
the kind of attention we need to get things done. In fact, suppressing emotions
can also sometimes be a good strategy in a short-term situation.
According to Rafael Biquera, the micro-competences that make it up are:
 Appropriate emotional expression - The ability to express emotions appropriately.
It implies the ability to understand that the internal emotional state does not need
to correspond with the external expression. This refers to oneself as well as to
others. If this is mastered, it implies that you know how to anticipate the
consequences of your emotional expression and behaviour that are triggered
when you relate to other people.
 Regulation of emotions and feelings. - It is the emotional regulation itself. This
means accepting that feelings and emotions must often be regulated. This
includes: frustration tolerance to prevent negative emotional states (anger,
stress, anxiety, depression); impulsivity regulation (anger, violence, risky
behaviour); perseverance in achieving goals despite difficulties; ability to defers
immediate rewards in favour of others longer term but higher order ...

 Coping Skills: Ability to face challenges and conflict situations, and the emotions
they are generated with. It is necessary to manage the intensity and duration of
emotional states.
 Competence to self-generate positive emotions - The ability to voluntarily and
consciously experience positive emotions (joy, love, humour) and the enjoyment
of life.


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Activity 1.
Each group should give an example of events or thoughts that provoke opposing
feelings1 (positive versus negative) and debate about them:
Joy: it is as if the heart became lighter
because our desires have been fulfilled.
Sadness: a loss (of a person, valuable thing,
freedom...) or a disgrace desire for isolation
and passivity.
Happiness: Plenitude feeling, not lacking
anything.
Depression: deep and continuous sadness,
with appetite lost, no desire to laugh...
Sense of humor: has social projection, we
laugh at ourselves and others.
Nostalgia: it's a soft but deep sadness when
you remember a person, landscape, animal
or thing that you loved very much.
Hope: to see as possible something
pleasant that we very much want.
Despair: intense distress and dismay at the
total loss of hope
Optimism: Interpreting failures and
difficulties as a sign that more effort is
needed (Seligman). "See all colour pink" or
"see the bottle half full"
Pessimism: throwing in the towel in the face
of overcomeable difficulties (Seligman) "see
everything in colour black" or
"see the bottle half empty"
Surprise: Something strange and
unexpected provokes a feeling (positive or
negative) on which our attention is focused.
Courage: act decisively, rejecting fear,
although the difficulties are known
(otherwise it would be imprudence).
Fear: an unpleasant desire to escape is felt
in the face of a threat or danger.
Shame: it's an unpleasant desire to hide,
when others discover some fault of ours that
we wanted to keep hidden.
Audacity: bravery that edges the limit,
exposing itself to probable dangers or
failures. The extreme is temerity. Phobia: intense and irrational aversion to
animals, height or enclosed spaces.
Chart 1: Definitions of feelings collected by Segura Morales (2011)
1 Definitions of feelings belong to Manuel Segura Morales (2011). Young people and adults with behavioural problems. Narcea
S.A. of Ediciones. Madrid. Sociocultural Collection- pp 95-108.

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Motivation: positive disposition to carry out
any activity, either hard and work, or play
and sport.
De-motivation: passivity in front of stimuli
(stimulus can be an activity, a movie, a song)
because we think it's not worth it.
Interest: feeling attracted and captured by a
person, a book, a film... There is a desire to
know more.
Boredom: inner tiredness when faced with
something repetitive or without interest, which
makes time extend "that roll will never end".
Healthy envy: wanting something equal to what others have, but not wanting them to
lose it.
Envy: sadness or anger at the good of others, with the desire to lose it
Jealousy: fear that someone else will take away the love of the person we love.
Anger: indignation for an offense someone makes us or for finding an obstacle
that impedes us from doing or getting what we want. It can lead to pulling away or
destroying the one who offends us.
Resentment: prolonged hatred with desire for revenge
Humility: seeing
what is good in
others and not
feeling superior to
anyone. We are all
equal and each has
his or her own
qualities.
Healthy Pride: joy and respect for oneself when one realizes one's
worth or a well-done action.
Malignant pride: awareness of one's own worth, but accompanied by
haughtiness and contempt for others. The bad thing about this pride is
contempt for others.
Pride: evil pride taken to the extreme. It is a feeling
with total contempt for others. It is to think oneself smarter, prettier
or stronger.
Chart 1: Definitions of feelings collected by Segura Morales (2011) cont.

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HANDLING YOUR EMOTIONS
1.- BODY PERCEPCION. BREATHING2
It may seem obvious, but sometimes we forget that breathing is very physical and
closely related to the emotional world. Breathing is more limited when the body is
rigid, and breathing expands when the body is in a elastic state.
You don't have to be an athlete to breathe well even though sport activates
breathing. We can mobilize and stretch our body, if we do we will notice that our
inhalations and exhalations become wider and more pleasant ("breathing well
produces pleasure"). Figure 3.
Our way of breathing changes according to our mood or what we are experiencing: we
breathe quickly if we are nervous or scared, or slowly if we are relaxed.
You could answer this question before you keep reading:
2 Spanish link http://tecnicasderespiracion.com/
Fig. 3. Breathing exercises
The following sentence is true ( ) or false ( )
The lungs are responsible for collecting and expelling the air in the breath.

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The statement is false, because the muscle responsible for breathing is the
respiratory diaphragm. It is located under the lungs and separates the thorax from
the abdominal area, occupying a large surface.
Activity 2.
We are going to perform a breathing exercise so that you are aware of the sensations of
your abdomen when entering and exiting the air.
Find a comfortable sitting posture. Place your hand on your belly, close your eyes and
make contact with your breath. Breathe deeply, hold the air for a few moments in your
lungs and breathe out, expelling as much air as you can. Repeat twice.
Now allow the air to enter without forcing your lungs, feel how your chest fills, from the
clavicles to your abdomen, until it fills completely with air. At the same time, feel the
tensions in your body and let them go when you breathe out.
Visualize how the air that penetrates when you breathe in cleanses your body.
Fig. 4. Diaphragm
Inhalation Exhalation

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2. STRESS CONTROL
The Real Académica Española (RAE) defines stress as "that situation of an individual, or
of any of their organs or apparatuses, which, by demanding from them a higher than normal
performance, puts them at close risk of becoming ill".
Two ideas stand out from this definition:
a. "... demand for higher than normal performance...".
b. "... the near risk of becoming ill", because of this exigence.
Stressors or stressful situations are those that represent a threat, danger, challenge or
insecurity to the beliefs, values, feelings, ways of thinking and acting of the individual who
lives them. Some examples of stressors: (time of exams, falling ill, getting along badly with
colleagues, separation, divorce or conflicts with family or partner, being unemployed,
experiencing financial hardship, suffering an accident, speaking in public, flying in an
airplane, entering an elevator ...).
Not all stressful situations produce a stress response.
Activity 3.
We propose you to choose three stressful daily events that discomfort you and
three other situations, more or less pleasant that bring joy to your life.3
You have to answer rating from 1 to 3: low (1), medium (2), high (3).
3 "Stress-free tests." Material from the Latina Municipal Board. Madrid City Council
My stressful events
(Stressors)
My pleasures.Joys
(enhancers)
Rating
Degree of stress it
causes me.
Rating
Grado de placer
que me produce
Low
1
Medium
2
High
3
Low
1
Medium
2
High
3
Ex. Wake up early Ex.Take a bonbon.
∑ Sum ∑ Sum
Total stressors Total enhancers

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A) Rate your answers stressors y enhancers according to the following chart:
Solutions:
1. If the sum of your enhancers exceeds stressors, congratulations! You have
managed to find your balance.
2. If the sum of your stressors exceeds the sum of enhancers, you have to do
something, because your situation is critical. You can:
a. Modify the stressful situation or your attitude towards them, to
mitigate and if possible eliminate their negative effects.
b. Select more and better uplifts, that is, look for situations, motives,
small joys or moments of daily pleasure: the time to eat, your favorite TV
show, play video games, chat with friends, read a novel.
2.1. Stress at examination time.
The percentage of high school students experiencing symptoms of anxiety, stress,
and depression associated with testing is growing. Figure 5.
•Before the test, when the day and time are known, there is usually a decrease in the
immune system, i.e., students become ill with viral or bacteriological infection.
Concern also increases and obsessive and destructive thoughts appear: "I won't
have time to study", or you feel emotionally hypersensitive (irritable and in a bad
mood), it can diminish your capacity for attention and learning.
• During the test, it may appear an irregular breathing and shortness of breath,
tachycardia, and the first thought, "How difficult! I don't know the answers, I don't
have time to finish.
•After. At the end of the exam they have a feeling of exhaustion, but the rest of the
physiological symptoms disappear automatically and our body is controlled by
calm. In some cases, new fears begin to appear when we wait for the notes and
thoughts of frustration, underestimation and sadness may occur: "no matter how
much I study...", "what will they think of me?...".

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Activity 4.
What are your reactions to the tests?
In this questionnaire there are 27 questions that are the most common reactions that
appear in the exam. Each question admits only one answer of four: almost never (1),
sometimes (2), often (3), almost always (4). We have to answer in our own reactions
from the moment we are told the card of the examination until before we are examined.
Almost
never
1
Sometimes
2
Often
3
Almost
always
4
1. I experience headaches
2. I have trouble falling asleep
3. I have feelings of suffocation
4. I feel discomfort in my stomach
5. I sweat a lot in hands, armpits, feet
6. I sleep badly
7. I feel tired and fatigued
8. I feel tachycardia, my heart is beating excessively
9. I feel dizzy, vomit
10. I want to eat
11. I get a nervous tic "eye"...
12. I take medicine for my nerves
13. I stop practicing my sport or hobbies.
14. I lose interest in my appearance cleanliness, dressing...
15. I watch more time television, games, mobile
16. I drink more coffee, tea,...
17. I go to the family doctor
18. I bite my nails
19. I find it difficult to attend and concentrate
20. I'm afraid something bad will happen.
21. I have the impression that I will suspend
22. I am invaded by desires to leave everything
23. I feel sad and depressed
24. I have the impression that I am going to go blank
25. I feel slower or clumsy, I don't think
26. I have the impression that I do not study enough
27. I am obsessed about whether or not I will pass

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Exercise correction:
• Selects all answers marked with an "often" or "almost always.
• Classify the answers into three sections:
PHYSIOLOGICAL ANSWERS (questions 1 to 9) Example: I sleep poorly
BEHAVIOUR RESPONSES (questions from 10 to 19) Example: I get a
nervous tic in my eyes, face, neck...
COGNITIVE ANSWERS (questions from 20 to 27) Example: I have the
impression that I will go blank....
Figure 6. Stressful situations

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Now that we have identified the answers or reactions to the exams, we can
know the techniques and strategies to control them (Figure 6).
2.2. Breathing rhythm control.
We have read that one of the physiological responses is breathing alteration.
We propose you the following exercise of control of the breathing rhythm (Figure
7):
1. Adopt a completely comfortable body position.
a. Sitting on a chair or sofa, with your back straight or upright enough; or
b. Lying on your back
2. The place has to be quiet, ventilated, with enough light...
3. We will take the respiratory cycle as the unit of measurement. 1 breathing
cycle consists of a full INHALATION (to take in air) + full EXHALATION (to expel
the air) of air.
Te proponemos el siguiente ejercicio de control del ritmo respiratorio (Figura 7):
1. Adopta una posición corporal completamente cómoda.
a. sentado en una silla o sofá, con la espalda lo suficientemente recta
o erguida; o
b. tumbado boca arriba
2. El lugar ha de ser tranquilo, ventilado, con suficiente luz…
3. Tomaremos como unidad de medida el ciclo respiratorio. 1 ciclo
respiratorio está compuesto por una INHALACION (tomar aire) +
EXHALACIÓN (expulsar el aire) completa de aire.
4. All exercises are always started by expelling all the air from the lungs. Just
when inhaling, the cycle begins, it ends just when all the air in the lungs is
exhaled, and then another
cycle begins, and so on.
If you want to reduce physiological
activation (tachycardia, rapid
breathing, sweating...) you have to
breathe slowly, about 10 cycles per
minute.
Inhalation Exhalation
diaphragm
tight abdominal
waist
Breathing Rhythm control

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Activity 5.
Practice controlling your breathing rhythm.
Follow the instructions of the exercise of control of the breathing rhythm, both when
inhaling and above all when exhaling, our breathing will be slow; that is, we will try
to take in the air very slowly and we will expel it in the same way, slowly. What does
it mean to breathe slowly? It is the time it takes to inhale or exhale. This time has to be
extended. For example, the inhalation of air is slower when we take 5 seconds to fill our
lungs, for example, than when we take 2 seconds. And the exhalation is slower when we
take 5 seconds to empty our lungs than when we take two.
Let us now begin activity 4 with this instruction. Essays 1, 2, 3, 4, (for one minute)
Do not do this exercise for more than 5 minutes.

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2.3. Control de ritmos cerebrales con técnicas de relajación.
Our brain is formed of neurons. Each one
of them has the capacity to retain and
carry a minimum amount of information
and each one of them establishes
connections (synapses) that allow us to
agglutinate information about what we
perceive, feel, think, do... (fig.8)
These synapses are executed through
bioelectric waves that are produced by
the exchange of sodium ions (Na+) and
potassium ions (K+) that are registered in
the neuron membranes and that
constitute the cerebral rhythms. Chart 2
There are different rates or levels of brain activation. Each rhythm has its
importance and its place. None of them is positive or negative. Each is necessary
to accomplish a task or activity.
RHYTHMS OR LEVELS OF
BIOELECTRICAL
ACTIVATION
BRAIN WAVES ACTIVITIES EXAMPLE
BETA rhythm.
They are waves that
activate to the maximum
the brain. Maximum alert
state. (20 cycles per
second)
- Drive a car.
- Having insomnia.
- Take an exam
- Euphoria, joy.
- Aggressiveness, stress, depression.
ALPHA rhythm.
They are brain waves
emitted in the state of
relaxation. They range
from 8 to 13 cycles per
second.
- Lying on the beach sunbathing.
- Listening to music or reading a
book.
- Appears in relaxing and pleasant
situations.
- Chat placidly.
- States of security, confidence.
- Improves attention and memory.
TETHA, DELTA rhythms
It's either slow waves or
very slow waves. Low level
of brain activation.
- Sleep and dream.
- Sensation of fatigue or tiredness.
- Emotional state of disinterest and
boredom.
Chart 2: Brain rhythm and activities example.
Figure 8. Chemical synapses. Cells do not touch

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There are several electronic devices (sensors) that control brain rhythms: the
"electroencephalogram", the so-called "truth machine" or polygraph (Figure 9).
The latter also detects various physiological responses such as heart rate, blood
pressure, body temperature and breathing.
WE CAN ACHIEVE THE SAME RESULTS USING RELAXATION.
Relaxation consists of repose and physical and psychic rest; it is about
diminishing to the minimum our physical activity (muscles in repose, stillness,
immobilization) and psychological (cessation or diminution of our imagination,
memory, thoughts).
Activity 6.
Practice the relaxation exercises:
- Sit in the chair, with your back upright and leaning against the backrest. Clothes should
be loose-fitting.
Deepening (1 to 3 minutes)
- We took a breath and
- We exhale... slowly... at the same time that we notice our feet (not moving our feet or
any other part of the body) for a brief time of 5 seconds.
Figure 9. Polygraph.

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- We inhale... and exhale at the same time as we pay attention to... follow the
sequence ... + calves, …+ thighs, ... + both legs, ... + back, ...+abdominal muscles, ... +
arms, ... + forearms, ... + hands and ...+ face muscles.
Fullness (1 to 3 minutes)
 In this phase we are relaxed: the body is at rest. We breathe slowly. We experience
well-being, tranquillity... happiness. We inhale and exhale gently.
Return (2 to 3 minutes)
- It is advisable not to leave the state of relaxation abruptly. The return to the normal state
should be gradual and progressive.
We can follow the same sequence of the deepening phase:
- We take a breath and
- We exhale... slowly... at the same time that we pay attention to our feet (do not move
our feet or any other part of the body) for a short time of 5 seconds.
- We inhale... and exhale at the same time as we pay attention to... follow the
sequence ... + calves, …+ thighs, ... + both legs, ... + back, ...+abdominal muscles, ... +
arms, ... + forearms, ... + hands and ...+ face muscles.
Activation
 We take air as we open and close our fists 3 or 5 times.
 Breathe in and flex your arms 3 or 5 times.
 Take a breath and stretch your legs 3 or 5 times.
 Take a deep breath (3 times).
 We open our eyes, we breathe deeply. We return to the normal state of vigil.
Activity 7
Write down your results. Learning to relax can be achieved in just a few
sessions.
session level reached date
very
bad
bad regular good very
good

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2.4. Systematic Desensitization (S.D.)
Systematic desensitization is used to attenuate, and eventually eliminate,
physiological and cognitive reactions produced by certain stressful situations,
such as examination fear, fear of going to an interview.
When we know the date of the examination, the first symptoms of anxiety appear,
from then on, the memory of the examination martyrs our body and worry
overwhelms our heads.
How do we prepare so that this does not happen? So let's relax just when the
thoughts, images, memories, scenes... are associated with the exams.
Instructions.
1- We will learn to relax.
2- We will select the anxiolytic situations with which we want to work. We
propose you some of them from lower to higher level of intensity.
1. They announce the date of the exam.
2. I make the first preparations for the exam and I think it will be difficult to
pass.
3. I imagine my route from my home to CEPA on exam day.
4. There are 2 weeks left for the exam.
5. There is 1 week left for the exam and my preparation is not adequate.
6. My study place, my notebooks... cause me discomfort as soon as I see
them.
7. I think about the teacher, my classmates, the classroom, the topics...
8. I have 5 days left. I still can't study but I think it will give me time.
9. There are a few days left, 2 or 3 and I feel powerless.
10. Today is the day before the exam.
11. Today I've got the test today. I imagine the journey from my home to class.
12. I'm on the exam. The questions are on paper. I don't know them yet. I turn
to paper, and...
3- The exercise consists of thinking about the first stressful situation, the one
of less intensity, while we relax. The duration of each exercise is 10 - 15
seconds. It is repeated 5 and 7 times. When we achieve relaxation we rest.
4- Before moving on to another exercise we must think of a pleasant situation
(being on the beach sunbathing with a very cold drink ...)
5- . Each day we can work on a situation that we will write down on the card.
6- If we apply this technique 10 or 20 days before the exam, we will arrive
calmer to the exam.
Activity 8

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Write down the results in your Systematic Desensitization (S.D.)
Select your stressful situations and
write them down
Mark with an x the level of relaxation
achieved thinking in stressful situations.
Optimum Not optimal
They announce the date of the exam
training 1
training 2
training 3
training 4
training 5
training 6
training 7
I'm making the first preparations for the exam, and I think it's going to be hard to pass.
training 1
training 2
training 3
training 4
training 5
training 6
training 7
Create your S.D. card for all other stressful situations. You can make your own
list.

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2.5. Cognitive Restructuring (C.R.)
Cognitive restructuring is a technique that consists of substituting the negative
thoughts that "crush" our mind: "I am going to suspend", "I am a disaster", "I am
not worth anything", "I don't have time to study", "I will never pass"...) with other
more positive ("if I study a lot...", "I have skills for ...") and realistic ones that
substitute them.
Negative thoughts are "conversations with oneself" that contain self-reproaches
and undervaluations of our person and our possibilities ("I am not worth
anything"). These thoughts tend to be erroneous, false, and lead us to feel bad
(sad, depressed...), and not to act (for what) or to do it in an erroneous way
(instead of studying I go to the movies).
These negative thoughts include in our feelings and behaviors.
Instructions
The technique of Cognitive Restructuring consists of associating (substituting,
changing or counteracting) negative thoughts with more positive ones.
Steps:
1. Identify 3 or 5 negative thoughts related to the test. For example, "I'm not worth
anything".:


 --
1. Analyze each thought to see why I think this way, how I feel, when it comes
to mind, and how I act or not when it appears. We write it on the card
2. Look for a positive contrary thought that is realistic and objective. We add
a feeling of well-being and optimism and finally, we observe and perform
the behaviors and actions related to those thoughts. We write it on the
card.
3. Talk to colleagues to find out their thoughts, feelings and how they react.

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Activity 9 Train yourself with the cognitive restructuring card.
NEGATIVE THOUGHTS (T-) POSITIVE THOUGHTS (T+)
 “I'm not worth anything”
What rations do I have ?
……………………………………..
……………………………………..
How do I feel ?
Useless............................................
.........................................................
.....
When you came to me, did you
come to mind ?
Watching TV.................................
.....................................................
What have you done to resolve the
situation ?
I'm looking forward to studying it
though. I ask myself to
chatear..........................................
................................................
“I recognize that I have some skills”.
What reason do I give?
I'm good at science……….…………
……………………..…………………….
How do I feel?
Proud, because most of my
classmates/relatives/girlfriend/children
………………………………………
What do I do to solve it?
 I'm planning the study for …..
 " I'm not worth anything."
What reasons do I have?
……………………………………..
……………………………………..
How do I feel?
…………………………………
When you came to me, did you
come to mind?
………………………………….
What have you done to resolve the
situation?
I would like to study it, however. I
ask myself what I
think...............................................
......................................................
.................................
What reason do I give?
………………………………………………
………………………………………………
How do I feel?
………………………………………….
What do I do to solve it?
 …..

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3. IRRITATION CONTROL
Goleman (1996) points out that very intense emotions or those that last
longer than necessary can lead to real emotional imbalances, even reaching
pathological states. Nor is it a question of living happily at all costs, but of
finding a balance.
Anger emerges when a person is subjected to situations that produce
frustration or are aversive.
Emotional imbalances are triggered by four types of situations:
 Frustrations. A bad school grade, the leaving of the couple.
 Irritating events. A lost key, a pen banging on the table sound.
 Verbal and non-verbal provocations: an ironic comment from a partner,
an incorrect overtaking on the road.
 The lack of correction and injustices: an out of place criticism, a
disproportionate distribution of taxes.
The emotional pattern goes through the following process (Figure 10):
 The person is faced with a "Rational Phase" imbalance.
 He " triggers " in any circumstance and in an aggressive or hostile way, gives "free
rein" to his emotions. He is not in a position to rationally address the solution of the
problem, therefore, the best thing to do is to "listen". " Trigger phase"
 This activation does not always last and will end up being exhausted. "Slowing and
cooling phase".
 From this moment on, you can intervene, empathizing, which is not the same as
agreeing or agreeing with you. "Confrontation Phase".
 If something really empathizing has been said, the person usually calms down little
by little. "Cooling phase".

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If we want to handle it, we must know how it manifests itself. There are three
types of response to an anger situation:
1- Explosive Response.
It manifests itself by shouting,
being violent, shouting at
another, breaking things.
Anger manifests itself on
others (Figure11).
2- Implosive Response
(Figure 12).
It manifests itself
passively, does not
react, endures to the
limit, lowers its head,
play dumb, does not
speak to avoid conflict,
but may act hypocritically or explode in a moment.
Figure 11. Explosive anger response
Figure 12. Implosive
Anger Response
Figure 10. Emotional Pattern.

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Figure 13. Assertive anger
response.
3- Assertive Response
It's a behavior in which the person
does not assault or submit to the will
of others, but manifests its beliefs and
defends its rights.
Gross (1999) points out that anger can be regulated from two points of view:
A ) Focused on the antecedents of emotion.
It is regulated by following these steps:
1- Select the situation.
2- Modify the situation
3- Deploy attention
4- Cognitive change
B ) Focused on the emotional response
 Respose Modulation
Adler, Rosen and Silverstein (1998) approach that anger has to be regulated
from two points of view: the regulation of one's own anger and the regulation
of the other's anger.
a) a) One's anger is regulated through self-awareness, determining what
situations induce that inappropriate anger, and deciding whether we
should express that emotion.
b) b) It analyzes the way to regulate the anger of the other by identifying the
signs of anger that emits the other, evaluates the meaning of the
expression is responded to anger strategically.
Domingo Gallego, Catalina Alonso, Ana M. Cruz and Luis Lizama4 present
4
Gallego, Domingo J.; Alonso, Catalina M.; Cruz, Ana M y Lizama, Luis Implicaciones educativas de la
Inteligencia Emocional. UNED. Curso de Formación del Profesorado. Pp 69 -103

24
the following examples:
a) Focused on the antecedents of emotion.
The anger may be more lasting and difficult to control depending on the
internal arguments we use. Let's see two examples, provoked by a seemingly
insignificant situation when not finding the car keys:
EXAMPLE 1
“Oh, my God!, I'm gonna be late for work. What a problem! Who the hell took the car
keys? This is unbearable. Everything has to happen to me. I'm sure they went to the
garbage. In this house everything goes like this. If I don't worry about things nobody
does. And of course, they're going to reprimand me for being late for work without
notice and I'll have to stay until later.…”
EXAMPLE 2
“…Really!? Now I can't find the car keys... where are they? Don't get nervous and
think. If I get nervous, I'm sure I won't find them. I'll try to remember but first I'll call
work and tell them I'll be late. I may have to stay to catch up, but that doesn't matter
now. I'll look in my room, if I don't find them I'll have to go to work by bus and keep
looking this afternoon. When I find them, I'll make three copies so that the same thing
doesn't happen to me again. …”
Activity 10
a) Answer these questions taking into account examples 1 and 2.
1. Is my anger justified?
2. Is my anger appropriate?
3. Is it based on my own problems and am I getting even or is it really a
relationship problem I live with?
4. What are my automatic thoughts?
5. How will I be interpreting the actions of the other person(s)?
6. Am I attributing to it meanings that might not exist?
b) Complete taking into account how the situation in examples 1 and
2 has been regulated.
1) Select the situation.
2) Modify the situation.
3) Display attention.
4) Cognitive change.

25
3.1. Anger Management Behaviors
WHAT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE DONE IN CASES OF ANGER AND RAGE.
 Refuse to listen.
 Reject irritation or try to calm down, as it usually generates the "rebound effect".
 Adopt a defensive (institutional/personal) attitude before hearing the reason for the
problem.
 Turn up the volume and change the voice modulation.
 Stand in a confrontational posture. Look for a comfortable environment sitting
sideways.
 Do not look for the alliances of the environment.
WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE TO CONTROL ANGER:
Focused on the background of emotion
 If you are very angry with a person it is best to count to 10 before giving
them an answer (explosive response, implosive response, assertive
response). It is also a good idea to listen to the person to find out the
reason for their irritability (active listening) and to find out what they feel
(empathy).
 Postpone the time for discussion:
o Time Out. It is very useful to get away from the person or situation
that produces anger, and do some mild physical exercise, but for
quite some time (more time the greater the anger we feel). Strong
physical exercise (boxing, soccer) is not recommended, because
by increasing adrenaline, anger can increase.
o Conflict resolution meetings. A weekly schedule is agreed upon with
a quiet place to discuss the views of the members of the
relationship.
Focused on the emotional response
 Cognitive restructuring.
 Assertive training.
 Problem solving

26
http://es.slideshare.net/112TES/curva-d
http://es.slideshare.net/GerardoViau/ma
http://es.slideshare.net/Argelia73/manu
e-la-hostilidad
nejo-de-ira-o-enojo?related=1
al-de-autocontroldelenojo?related=3
Activity 11
Gerardo Viau Mollinedo proposes the example of an angry person who uses an
assertive response, time out and implosive response.
Explains which of the answers in the "balloon" explains the couple's behavior.
Activity 12
a- What do you think as a group of the first two techniques. You use them.
Do you know others?
b- When a person is angry with us, what does each of the members of the
group usually do?
3.1.1. Time out
If the discussion can't stop. Move away and stop arguing for 10 to 15 minutes if
the people involved do not listen to each other or there is aggression, physical or
verbal violence. In this way we avoid losing control of the situation.
Steps to follow:
- Physical withdrawal from discussion.
- Dealing with something else for a few minutes.
- Go back and be assertive.
Activity 13
Watch the video on how to use the time-out technique5.
Represent a peer discussion between two people.
5 Original video that appears in the spanish versión: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sdeqiawuAE
Figure 14: Sequence of response angry person.

27
3.1.2.- Assertive Behavior
Assertiveness is the ability to self-affirm one's own rights, without allowing oneself
to be manipulated or to manipulate others. Assertive behaviour means knowing
how to defend one's own needs against the demands of others without resorting
to aggressive or violent behaviour.
Assertiveness is the middle
point between the inhibited
behaviors of shy or insecure
people and the violent
behaviors of aggressive and
selfish people.
Let's take as an example that
someone asks for the car from
someone else who does not
want to lend it, he can react in
different ways:
Aggressively (explosive response): "I don't feel like lending it to you!" Inhibited
(implosive response): "well... I'll lend it to you..."
Assertively (assertive response): "I'm sorry, but I'm not in the habit of lending it".
The psychology blog presents us with models of assertive responses (Fig.15)
 Positive assertiveness: It consists of expressing something positive to another
person, for example, "I like the way you have done it", "I consider you very
important to me" or "I thank you for remembering me".
 Spontaneous assertive response: when you see yourself " trampled upon" by
others, when you are interrupted, disqualified or devalued. For example, "let
me finish and then you talk", "I don't need you to tell me what to do", "I don't
like being criticized". These answers are given with a firm and clear but not
aggressive voice.
 Staggered assertive response: when the person does not feel allude in spite
of our assertive messages, it is necessary to increase our initial response
step by step, with patience and firmness.
Figure 15. Assertive Responses.

28
 Empathetic assertive answer: it is a question of putting oneself in the place of
the other to make them understand that we understand their point of view and
from there make them understand ours. For example: "I understand that you
have a lot of work but I need you to fulfill your commitment to me”.
It is one of the most effective strategies for resolving conflicts in relationships.
The first step is to identify the behaviour we don't like, the second step is to
communicate what that behaviour makes us feel, the third is to show our
preference for another type of behaviour and the fourth step is to reinforce that
person if he or she changes and does what we ask. For example:
1. "When you yell at me..."
2. "You make me feel bad..."
3. "...therefore, I beg you to moderate your tone of voice."
4. "...and I'll pay more attention to what you tell me."
 Assertive response to aggressiveness or submission: It's about making the
other see the consequences of his behaviour on me and suggesting a more
appropriate one. For example, an aggressive person who tries to impose his
point of view "I see that you are angry and you don't listen to me, why don't
you stop for a moment and listen to what I want to say? Another example with
a person of inhibited nature: "Since you don't express yourself, you confuse
me a little, could you tell me about your point of view?
If you observe the previous answers you can observe that the MESSAGE IS ON
THE LEVEL OF ME, and THE MESSAGE DOES NOT APPEAR TO YOU.

29
Activity 14.
Convert the following "you messages" by properly formulating a "I message"
(Figure 16. I Messages)
- "I don't know why you're late." I MESSAGE.
- "I'm nervous about your mess" I MESSAGE.
- "I don't allow you to talk to me like that" I MESSAGE.
- I don't know how you can be so irresponsible in your work" I MESSAGE.
- You could have told me that we have to deliver the work tomorrow" I
MESSAGE.
L. Adams describes the assertive response following this principle: "Whenever I am
deprived of the satisfaction of my needs by any action of yours, I will tell you sincerely
and without blaming you in what way I have been affected, so that you have the
opportunity to modify your behaviour with respect to my needs...".
Fig. 16
STATEMENTS THAT MUST DISAPPEAR
I'M AN IMBECILE, AN IDIOT,
I STILL
LOVE HIM.
IT'S NORMAL FOR ME TO HURT,
IT'S ALL VERY
RECENT.
BETTER WAY

30
Assertive techniques for dealing with discussions (Figure 17):
 Scratched disc technique: it is a matter of repeating the same argument over and
over again, patiently and calmly without entering into discussions.
 Fog bank: the other person is considered right, but avoiding further
discussions. It is said in a calm and convincing tone of voice, transmitting to
the other person that he or she is partly right in what he or she says.
 Assertive postponement: the discussion is postponed until another time
when the situation is more under control.
 Relativize the importance of what is being discussed: it is a question of
making people understand that sometimes it is more important not to engage
in discussion and to understand that it leads nowhere. For example,
interrupting a discussion with a comment such as "Perhaps this discussion is
not as important as we are giving it".
 Ignore technique: the discussion is not followed by the other, but through the
verbal and non-verbal language is communicated to them that it is not
inconsideration to ignore the topic of discussion.
 Self-revelation. Technique of differentiating a behavior from a way of being:
Figure 17: Assertive techniques.

31
the other is made to see that even though one may have made a mistake, that
does not imply that he is a bad person. For example, " Although today I have
arrived late, that does not mean that I am unpunctual".
 Free information. Technique of the assertive question, in it, one starts from
the idea that the criticism of the other is well-intentioned (even if it is not). A
question is asked to clarify what we have done wrong and how we can do it
well. For example, "How do you want it to change so this doesn't happen again?
Activity 15. Practice of assertive strategies.
In order to acquire habits and strategies of assertive response you will have to take
the following steps:
 Describe clearly and concretely the behaviours you need to improve, for
example: "Tell X that I don't want to accompany him". Make a list of all the
situations where you need to be more assertive.
o I define my goals.
o I describe the situation and/or behavior I wish to criticize
o I express my feelings with "I MESSAGES".
o I suggest or ask for changes with “I MESSAGES”.
o I praise and appreciate the acceptance of criticism.
Discuss with your group the example shown in Figure 18.
Figure 18. Assertive language

32
You've reported what you want instead of what isn't: "walk
slowly" instead of "don't run".

33
 Rate on an imaginary scale from 0 to 10 the degree of difficulty that you
have to face assertively those situations that you have described in your
list. From your list rank the situations from the least difficult to the most
difficult.
 Choose and start with the least difficult and write down the assertive
answers you would like to practice in this situation. If you can't imagine an
assertive person in the same situation, what would she or he say, how
would she or he behave? If you still can't think of anything, consult directly
with someone who has good assertive talents.
 Rehearse these assertive responses in your own voice using a tape
recorder, video recorder, or in front of a trusted person who can support
you. You can also do the essay in an imaginary way (return to the exercise
of emotional change of our experiences through breathing and relaxation).
 Practice your chosen situation. The more times you can repeat them, the
more assertive training you will be achieving. When you feel safe in this
situation move on to practice the next one on your list of situations.

34
4.- INFOGRAPHIES

35

36

37
BILIOGRAPHY
 Gallego, Domingo J.; Alonso, Catalina M.; Cruz, Ana M y Lizama, Luis
(2010). Implicaciones educativas de la Inteligencia Emocional. UNED.
Curso de Formación del Profesorado. pp 69 -103
 Manuel Segura Morales (2011). Jóvenes y adultos con problemas de
conducta. Ed. Narcea S.A. de Ediciones. Madrid. Colección
Sociocultural- pp 95-108
 Exámenes sin estrés”. Material de la Junta Municipal de Latina.
Ayuntamiento de Madrid
Adaptado y traducido el proyecto ESPABILA-T
The support of the European Commission for the preparation of this publication does not imply
acceptance of its contents, which is the sole responsibility of the authors.
Therefore, the Commission is not responsible for the use that may be made of the information disclosed
here.

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