Presentation given at the SUNY Empire State College 2019 Fall Student Conference - Communicating well during highly emotional, high stakes situations is extremely difficult. Drawing from Kerry Patterson’s book, Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, this session will focus on strategies and tools for managing what Patterson defines a crucial conversation: “A discussion between two or more people where the stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong”( p.3). We will explore key concepts and tools to help us manage crucial conversation situations with our family, friends, and in the workplace.

2. PRESENTATION DESCRIPTION:
Communication Strategies and Tools for Managing Difficult Conversations
Communicating well during highly emotional, high stakes situations is extremely difficult.
Drawing from Kerry Patterson’s book, Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes
Are High, this session will focus on strategies and tools for managing what Patterson defines a
crucial conversation: “A discussion between two or more people where the stakes are high,
opinions vary, and emotions run strong”( p.3). We will explore key concepts and tools to help
us manage crucial conversation situations with our family, friends, and in the workplace.

3. Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenney, Ron McMillian, and Al Switzler
“A discussion between two or
more people where the stakes
are high, opinions vary, and
emotions run strong”(p.3).

4. Crucial Conversations: Past & Future
Think about a recent conversation that could have gone better and
one that might be coming up that you want to go well.
This could be professional or personal situations with your boss,
coworker, direct report, friend, or family member

5. • Avoid situations or dodging encounters.
• Holding back what's really on your mind or say yes when you mean no just to keep the peace.
• Use sarcasm or jokes.
• Cut people off or change the subject when a conversation doesn't go in the direction you'd like.
• Become competitive and attempt to "win" or be seen as "right" at all cost, making it hard for the other person to express
their views.
• Become defensive and redirect the conversation toward what's "wrong" with someone instead of
dealing with an issue.
• Use sweeping generalizations (e.g., “Everybody agrees…” or "You always ..." or "You never...")
• Hurl personal insults in an attempt to shut another person down.
• Be unwilling to look critically at your own position or behavior and how it's impacting the situation.
• Go silent (or become quietly angry) and justify doing so by concluding that the other person has no clue, will never be
open to your point of view, or isn't smart enough or interested enough to participate in resolving the issue.

6. • Determine exactly what you are addressing. The nature and severity of the issue will determine, in part, how the conversation should be
framed and how it unfolds.
• Know your purpose for the conversation. Stay focused on purpose, even when your buttons are being pushed or emotions run high.
• Choose the right time and place.
• Maintain a positive environment. If the conversation takes a negative or overly emotional turn, acknowledge that fact and try to direct that
energy toward a useful purpose.
• Strive for mutual understanding with heightened awareness. Engage your compassion gene at the highest possible level.
• A challenging conversation is as difficult for the person you're speaking with as it is for you. Go in assuming that you have something to
learn. Don't presume that you know what someone else thinks or how they feel in a given situation.
• Listen carefully, ask questions, and observe your own thoughts as they pass through your mind over the course of the conversation. Stay
fully present.
• Separate evidence from interpretation. Getting to the core of an issue by separating fact from perception early on during a conversation will
result in a more successful (not to mention shorter) dialogue.
• Before getting too far into a conversation, and especially before coming to conclusions, dig a little deeper by saying, "Tell me a little more
about that" or by simply keeping silent for a few seconds to allow the other person to elaborate.
• Manage your own emotions.

7. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFaXx3pgaxM

8. https://brocku.ca/vp-academic/wp-content/uploads/sites/65/Crucial-Conversations-Resources.pdf

9. https://brocku.ca/vp-academic/wp-content/uploads/sites/65/Crucial-Conversations-Resources.pdf

10. https://brocku.ca/vp-academic/wp-content/uploads/sites/65/Crucial-Conversations-Resources.pdf

11. https://brocku.ca/vp-academic/wp-content/uploads/sites/65/Crucial-Conversations-Resources.pdf

12. Assess your Style Under Stress - free of charge on line at www.crucialconversations.com
https://www.lynda.com/Business-tutorials/High-Stakes-Communication/5022324-2.html
https://thepowermoves.com/crucial-conversations-summary/