Qualities and Attributes of a Good Counselor

Qualities and AttributesQualities and Attributes
of a Good Counselorof a Good Counselor
■■ GenuinenessGenuineness
■■ ListeningListening
■■ UnconditionalUnconditional
positive regardpositive regard
■■ BelievingBelieving thethe
clientclient
■■ Cultural sensitivityCultural sensitivity
■■ Showing the wayShowing the way
■■ HonestyHonesty
■■ PatiencePatience
■■ Free expressionFree expression
■■ KnowledgeableKnowledgeable
■■ Being inBeing in
controlcontrol
■■ EmpatheticEmpathetic
■■ Non-Non-
judgmentaljudgmental
Book Reference: Kabir, SMS (2017).
Essentials of Counseling. Abosar
Prokashana Sangstha, Banglabazar, Dhaka-
1100 ISBN: 978-984-8798-22-5, Dkaka -
1100; smskabir@psy.jnu.ac.bd;
smskabir218@gmail.com 1

Qualities of a good counselorQualities of a good counselor Good counselors should stay away fromGood counselors should stay away from
 Qualities perceived in theQualities perceived in the
counselor that can help thecounselor that can help the
client feel secure enough toclient feel secure enough to
engage in self-explorationengage in self-exploration
 Pushing or threatening the clientPushing or threatening the client
 Offering their opinionOffering their opinion
 Judging the client or their lifestyleJudging the client or their lifestyle
 Self-confidenceSelf-confidence  Telling a client they “know” how they feelTelling a client they “know” how they feel
 EmpathyEmpathy  Imposing your own beliefsImposing your own beliefs
 AcceptanceAcceptance  Sidestepping the client’s present problemSidestepping the client’s present problem
 GenuinenessGenuineness  Minimizing the client’s problemMinimizing the client’s problem
 TrustworthinessTrustworthiness  InterruptingInterrupting
 ConfidentialityConfidentiality  Taking responsibility for the client’sTaking responsibility for the client’s
problem and decisionsproblem and decisions
 CompetenceCompetence  Becoming immersed in the client’sBecoming immersed in the client’s
situationsituation
 Using words such as “should” andUsing words such as “should” and
“must”“must”
 Blocking strong emotionsBlocking strong emotions
Qualities of good counselorsQualities of good counselors
1100 ISBN: 978-984-8798-22-5, Dkaka -

We are all influenced by the society and culture withinWe are all influenced by the society and culture within
which we live, develop and mature. Society andwhich we live, develop and mature. Society and
culture contribute to the development of personalculture contribute to the development of personal
attitudes, values and beliefs.attitudes, values and beliefs.
Our attitudes, values and beliefs -Our attitudes, values and beliefs -
Guide day-to-day behaviorGuide day-to-day behavior
Influence our interpretation, explanation andInfluence our interpretation, explanation and
response to eventsresponse to events
Are usually specific to the culture in which theyAre usually specific to the culture in which they
evolvedevolved
Vary between and within countries, regions andVary between and within countries, regions and
groups.groups.
Counselor Self-awareness:Counselor Self-awareness:
Addressing attitudes, Values andAddressing attitudes, Values and
BeliefsBeliefs
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Role of the CounselorRole of the Counselor
The rapport of the client and counselor is anThe rapport of the client and counselor is an
important factor in counseling.important factor in counseling.
The counselor must -The counselor must -
•be likable and exhibit interpersonal skills,be likable and exhibit interpersonal skills,
•be flexible and able to meet individual needsbe flexible and able to meet individual needs
by providing person-specific attention,by providing person-specific attention,
•be available for multiple sessions,be available for multiple sessions,
•have something very applied and concrete tohave something very applied and concrete to
offer,offer,
•exhibit a caring attitude.exhibit a caring attitude.
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A counselor must attempt toA counselor must attempt to
facilitate a client to solve their ownfacilitate a client to solve their own
problems yet demonstrate a genuineproblems yet demonstrate a genuine
concern and compassion for theconcern and compassion for the
clients’ dilemmas.clients’ dilemmas.
The counselor must individualizeThe counselor must individualize
interaction depending on clients’interaction depending on clients’
personality type.personality type.
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Initially the counselor can listen and at appropriateInitially the counselor can listen and at appropriate
times reflect by restating or rephrasing what the clienttimes reflect by restating or rephrasing what the client
had expressed. This serves two purposes. First it allowshad expressed. This serves two purposes. First it allows
the client to feel he is being heard. And secondly, itthe client to feel he is being heard. And secondly, it
allows for any misunderstandings to be identified andallows for any misunderstandings to be identified and
corrected.corrected.
When the counselor feels he understands the just ofWhen the counselor feels he understands the just of
what the client is communicating, the counselor canwhat the client is communicating, the counselor can
proceed with questions. These questions can pertain toproceed with questions. These questions can pertain to
feelings, thoughts, beliefs, expectations, pastfeelings, thoughts, beliefs, expectations, past
experiences, preferences, or other details relating to theexperiences, preferences, or other details relating to the
issue.issue.
1100 ISBN: 978-984-8798-22-5, Dkaka -

The client may express a goal they wish to achieve.The client may express a goal they wish to achieve.
The counselor and the client may want to explore theThe counselor and the client may want to explore the
ultimate objective behind the goal. They may exploreultimate objective behind the goal. They may explore
other options in addressing the ultimate objective andother options in addressing the ultimate objective and
the real issues behind the desired goal.the real issues behind the desired goal.
After further discussion the counselor may chooseAfter further discussion the counselor may choose
explain the benefits of holistic health, developing onesexplain the benefits of holistic health, developing ones
identity, and the concepts of self-responsibility. Theidentity, and the concepts of self-responsibility. The
counselor must realize that information given to thecounselor must realize that information given to the
client may take time for the client to effectivelyclient may take time for the client to effectively
implement into their lives. The counselor and the clientimplement into their lives. The counselor and the client
should discuss how these concepts relate to the clientsshould discuss how these concepts relate to the clients
issues.issues.
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The counselor should encourage the client toThe counselor should encourage the client to
ultimately draw their own conclusions and choose theultimately draw their own conclusions and choose the
direction the want to take in resolving the issue.direction the want to take in resolving the issue.
Creativity should be exercised to make the newCreativity should be exercised to make the new
behavior as rewarding as possible. Other techniquesbehavior as rewarding as possible. Other techniques
that may be implemented to increase adherencethat may be implemented to increase adherence
include: behavioral logs and contracts, peer or familyinclude: behavioral logs and contracts, peer or family
support, friendly competition, and verbal recognition.support, friendly competition, and verbal recognition.
The ultimate goal as a counselor isThe ultimate goal as a counselor is
to help others understandto help others understand
themselves and their existence sothemselves and their existence so
theythey bothboth may live to fullymay live to fully
experience what it is to be human.experience what it is to be human.
1100 ISBN: 978-984-8798-22-5, Dkaka -

Being a GoodBeing a Good
CounselorCounselorCounselors facilitate full and confidential expression of theCounselors facilitate full and confidential expression of the
client’s feelings, without diverting any attention to their ownclient’s feelings, without diverting any attention to their own
feelings. The potential to be a good counselor can be shown iffeelings. The potential to be a good counselor can be shown if
certain qualities exist.certain qualities exist.
JudgmentJudgment
Patience and AcceptancePatience and Acceptance
ExperienceExperience
EducationEducation
Practice, Practice, PracticePractice, Practice, Practice
Genuineness and WarmthGenuineness and Warmth
DiscretionDiscretion
Social SkillsSocial Skills
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Whether working with couples or individuals,Whether working with couples or individuals,
the following skills help counselors to establishthe following skills help counselors to establish
a positive environment, clarify what the client isa positive environment, clarify what the client is
saying, gather information, and offer supportsaying, gather information, and offer support
and encouragement.and encouragement.
1. Attending Behavior1. Attending Behavior
2. Closed and Open-Ended Questions2. Closed and Open-Ended Questions
3. Paraphrase3. Paraphrase
4. Summary4. Summary
5. Reflection5. Reflection
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Orienting oneself physicallyOrienting oneself physically
and psychologicaland psychological
Encourages the other personEncourages the other person
to talkto talk
Lets the client know you’reLets the client know you’re
listeninglistening
Conveys empathy.Conveys empathy.
Attending BehaviorAttending Behavior
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SHOVLER (Or SOLER – the underlined)SHOVLER (Or SOLER – the underlined)
•SS:: Face the otherFace the other SSquarelyquarely
•HH:: HHead nodsead nods
•OO:: Adopt anAdopt an OOpen Posturepen Posture
•VV:: VVerbal Followingerbal Following
•EE:: SpSpeeechech
•LL:: LLean toward the otherean toward the other
•EE:: MakeMake EEye Contactye Contact
•RR:: Be RelativelyBe Relatively RRelaxedelaxed
What Does Attending Behavior LookWhat Does Attending Behavior Look
Like?Like?
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Four Types of
Counseling
Interventions
1.1. Open-Ended QuestionsOpen-Ended Questions
2.2. Closed-Ended QuestionsClosed-Ended Questions
3. Challenging3. Challenging
4. Reflection4. Reflection
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Questions that clients cannot easily answer with “Yes,”, “No,” orQuestions that clients cannot easily answer with “Yes,”, “No,” or
one- or two-word responsesone- or two-word responses
““Tell me about your family while you were growing up”Tell me about your family while you were growing up”
““Why is that important to you?”Why is that important to you?”
““How did you feel when that happened?”How did you feel when that happened?”
““What did you do when she said that?”What did you do when she said that?”
““What are your reasons for saying that?”What are your reasons for saying that?”
Open-Ended QuestionsOpen-Ended Questions
Purposes of Open-Ended QuestionsPurposes of Open-Ended Questions
•To begin an interviewTo begin an interview
•To encourage client elaborationTo encourage client elaboration
•To elicit specific examplesTo elicit specific examples
•To motivate clients to communicate.To motivate clients to communicate.
1100 ISBN: 978-984-8798-22-5, Dkaka -

Closed-Ended QuestionsClosed-Ended Questions
Questions that the other can easily answer with a “Yes,”Questions that the other can easily answer with a “Yes,”
“No,” or one- or two-word responses“No,” or one- or two-word responses
““Are you going to have the test done?”Are you going to have the test done?”
““Did you drink before you got into the car?”Did you drink before you got into the car?”
““Do you drink often?”Do you drink often?”
““Do you exercise?”Do you exercise?”
““Do you like your job?”Do you like your job?”
Purposes of Closed-Ended QuestionsPurposes of Closed-Ended Questions
•To obtain specific informationTo obtain specific information
•To identify parameters of a problem or issueTo identify parameters of a problem or issue
•To narrow the topic of discussionTo narrow the topic of discussion
•To interrupt an over-talkative clientTo interrupt an over-talkative client
1100 ISBN: 978-984-8798-22-5, Dkaka -

Closed vs. Open-Ended QuestionClosed vs. Open-Ended Question
ExamplesExamples
CC: Are you scared?: Are you scared?
OO: How do you feel?: How do you feel?
CC: Are you concerned about what you will do: Are you concerned about what you will do
ifif
the test results are positive?the test results are positive?
OO: What do you think you might do if the test: What do you think you might do if the test
results are positive?results are positive?
CC: Is your relationship with your husband a: Is your relationship with your husband a
good one?good one?
OO: Tell me about your relationship with your: Tell me about your relationship with your
husband.husband.
1100 ISBN: 978-984-8798-22-5, Dkaka -

Reflection is the echoing back of the last few wordsReflection is the echoing back of the last few words
that the client has spoken.that the client has spoken.
e.g.:e.g.: Counselee:Counselee: We moved to Bangalore from gulf atWe moved to Bangalore from gulf at
the beginning of last year but none of us really settledthe beginning of last year but none of us really settled
down. My wife never did like living in such a large city.down. My wife never did like living in such a large city.
I found it difficult to get a job….I found it difficult to get a job….
CounCounselor:selor: You found it difficult to get a job…You found it difficult to get a job…
Counselee:Counselee: Well, it was difficult to start with,Well, it was difficult to start with,
any way. I suppose I didn’t really try hardany way. I suppose I didn’t really try hard
enoughenough
Counselor:Counselor: You didn’t really try hardYou didn’t really try hard
enough …enough … (more later-below)(more later-below)
ReflectionReflection
1100 ISBN: 978-984-8798-22-5, Dkaka -

Though challenging and confronting are notThough challenging and confronting are not
associated with counseling, there are times theyassociated with counseling, there are times they
are appropriate and even necessary.are appropriate and even necessary.
Counselee:Counselee: There is no one in thisThere is no one in this
organization that I can talk to at allorganization that I can talk to at all
Counselor:Counselor: No one?No one?
CounseleeCounselee:: I have always been a failure,I have always been a failure,
never been any good at anything.never been any good at anything.
Counselor:Counselor: Always?Always?
ChallengingChallenging
1100 ISBN: 978-984-8798-22-5, Dkaka -

The counselor rephrases the content of the client’s message.The counselor rephrases the content of the client’s message.
Example -Example -
Client:Client: “I know it doesn’t help my depression to sit around or stay in“I know it doesn’t help my depression to sit around or stay in
bed all day.”bed all day.”
Counselor:Counselor: “It sounds like you know you should avoid staying in bed“It sounds like you know you should avoid staying in bed
or sitting around all day to help your depression.”or sitting around all day to help your depression.”
Purposes of ParaphrasingPurposes of Paraphrasing
•To convey that you are understanding him/herTo convey that you are understanding him/her
•Help the client by simplifying, focusing and crystallizing what theyHelp the client by simplifying, focusing and crystallizing what they
saidsaid
•May encourage the client to elaborateMay encourage the client to elaborate
•Provide a check on the accuracy of your perceptionsProvide a check on the accuracy of your perceptions
When to use itWhen to use it
•When you have an hypothesis about what’s going on with the clientWhen you have an hypothesis about what’s going on with the client
•When the client is in a decision making conflictWhen the client is in a decision making conflict
•When the client has presented a lot of material and you feelWhen the client has presented a lot of material and you feel
confusedconfused
ParaphrasinParaphrasin
gg
1100 ISBN: 978-984-8798-22-5, Dkaka -

Steps in ParaphrasingSteps in Paraphrasing
Client, a 40-year-old woman:Client, a 40-year-old woman: “How can I tell my husband I“How can I tell my husband I
want a divorce? He’ll think I’m crazy. I guess I’m just afraid towant a divorce? He’ll think I’m crazy. I guess I’m just afraid to
tell him.”tell him.”
StepsSteps
•Recall the message and restate it to yourself covertlyRecall the message and restate it to yourself covertly
•Identify the content part of the messageIdentify the content part of the message
•Wants divorce, but hasn’t told husband because he will think she’sWants divorce, but hasn’t told husband because he will think she’s
crazycrazy
•Select an appropriate beginning: E.g., “It sounds like,” “YouSelect an appropriate beginning: E.g., “It sounds like,” “You
think,” “I hear you saying,”think,” “I hear you saying,”
•Translate the key content into your own words: Want a divorce=Translate the key content into your own words: Want a divorce=
break off, split; E.g., “It sounds like you haven’t found a way to tellbreak off, split; E.g., “It sounds like you haven’t found a way to tell
your husband you want to end the relationship because of hisyour husband you want to end the relationship because of his
possible reaction. Is that right?”possible reaction. Is that right?”
•Confirm the accuracy of the paraphraseConfirm the accuracy of the paraphrase
Practice: Get into triads/dyads and do thePractice: Get into triads/dyads and do the
following paraphrases together.following paraphrases together.
1100 ISBN: 978-984-8798-22-5, Dkaka -

A collection of two or more paraphrases orA collection of two or more paraphrases or
reflections that condenses the client’s messages or thereflections that condenses the client’s messages or the
sessionsession
Covers more materialCovers more material
Covers a longer period of client’s discussion.Covers a longer period of client’s discussion.
Purposes of a SummaryPurposes of a Summary
•To tie together multiple elements of client messagesTo tie together multiple elements of client messages
•To identify a common theme or patternTo identify a common theme or pattern
•To interrupt excessive ramblingTo interrupt excessive rambling
•To start a sessionTo start a session
•To end a sessionTo end a session
•To pace a sessionTo pace a session
•To review progressTo review progress
•To serve as a transition when changing topics.To serve as a transition when changing topics.
SummarySummary
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Steps in a SummarySteps in a Summary
Example- Client, an young girlExample- Client, an young girl
•At the beginning of the session -At the beginning of the session -
““I don’t understand why my parents can’t liveI don’t understand why my parents can’t live
together anymore. I’m not blaming anybody,together anymore. I’m not blaming anybody,
but it just feels very confusing to me.” [Said in abut it just feels very confusing to me.” [Said in a
low, soft voice with lowered, moist eyes]low, soft voice with lowered, moist eyes]
•Near the middle of the same session-Near the middle of the same session-
““I wish they could keep it together. I guess I feelI wish they could keep it together. I guess I feel
like they can’t because they fight about me solike they can’t because they fight about me so
much. Maybe I’m the reason they don’t want tomuch. Maybe I’m the reason they don’t want to
live together anymore.”live together anymore.”
1100 ISBN: 978-984-8798-22-5, Dkaka -

(a)(a) Recall key content and affect messagesRecall key content and affect messages
•Key content: wants parents to stay togetherKey content: wants parents to stay together
•Key affect: feels sad, upset, responsibleKey affect: feels sad, upset, responsible
(b)(b) Identify patterns or themesIdentify patterns or themes
•She is the one who is responsible for her parents’She is the one who is responsible for her parents’
break-upbreak-up
(c)(c) Use an appropriate sentence stem and verbalize theUse an appropriate sentence stem and verbalize the
summarization responsesummarization response
•e.g., “I sense,” or “You are feeling”e.g., “I sense,” or “You are feeling”
(d)(d) SummarizeSummarize
•e.g., “Earlier today you indicated you didn’t feel likee.g., “Earlier today you indicated you didn’t feel like
blaming anyone for what’s happening to your parents.blaming anyone for what’s happening to your parents.
Now I’m sensing that you are feeling like you areNow I’m sensing that you are feeling like you are
responsible for their break-upresponsible for their break-up
(e)(e) Assess the effectiveness of your summarizationAssess the effectiveness of your summarization
Steps in a SummarySteps in a Summary
1100 ISBN: 978-984-8798-22-5, Dkaka -

Practice:Practice: A 30-year-old man who has been blaming himself forA 30-year-old man who has been blaming himself for
his wife’s unhappiness: I really feel guilty about marrying herhis wife’s unhappiness: I really feel guilty about marrying her
in the first place. It wasn’t really for love. It was just ain the first place. It wasn’t really for love. It was just a
convenient thing to do. I feel like I’ve messed up her life reallyconvenient thing to do. I feel like I’ve messed up her life really
badly. I also feel obliged to her. [Said in low, soft voice tonebadly. I also feel obliged to her. [Said in low, soft voice tone
with lowered eyes]with lowered eyes]
Practice:Practice: A 27-year-old woman who has continually focused onA 27-year-old woman who has continually focused on
her relationships with men and her needs for excitement andher relationships with men and her needs for excitement and
stability- First session: I’ve been dating lots and lots of men forstability- First session: I’ve been dating lots and lots of men for
the last few years. Most of them have been married. That’sthe last few years. Most of them have been married. That’s
great because there are no demands on me. [Bright eyes, facialgreat because there are no demands on me. [Bright eyes, facial
animation, high-pitched voice] Fourth session: It doesn’t feel soanimation, high-pitched voice] Fourth session: It doesn’t feel so
good anymore. It’s not so much fun. Now I guess I miss havinggood anymore. It’s not so much fun. Now I guess I miss having
some commitment and stability in my life. [Soft voice, loweredsome commitment and stability in my life. [Soft voice, lowered
eyes]eyes]
1100 ISBN: 978-984-8798-22-5, Dkaka -

A verbal response to client emotionA verbal response to client emotion
ExampleExample
Client:Client: “So many things are going on right now: another“So many things are going on right now: another
hectic semester has started, my dog’s sick, and my mom’s illhectic semester has started, my dog’s sick, and my mom’s ill
too. I find myself running around trying to take care oftoo. I find myself running around trying to take care of
everything. I’m not sure I can take it anymore.”everything. I’m not sure I can take it anymore.”
Counselor:Counselor: “You’re feeling pretty overwhelmed by all the“You’re feeling pretty overwhelmed by all the
things that are going on right now.”things that are going on right now.”
Purposes of a ReflectionPurposes of a Reflection
•Helps clientsHelps clients
•Feel understoodFeel understood
•Express more feelingsExpress more feelings
•Manage feelingsManage feelings
•Discriminate among various feelings.Discriminate among various feelings.
ReflectionReflection
1100 ISBN: 978-984-8798-22-5, Dkaka -

Steps of a ReflectionSteps of a Reflection
Client, a 50-year-old steelworker now laid off: “Now look, what can I do?Client, a 50-year-old steelworker now laid off: “Now look, what can I do?
I’ve been laid off over a year. I’ve got no money, no job, and a family to takeI’ve been laid off over a year. I’ve got no money, no job, and a family to take
care of. It’s also clear to me that my mind and skills are just wasting away.care of. It’s also clear to me that my mind and skills are just wasting away.
[Said in a loud, critical voice, staring at the ceiling, brow furrowed, eyes[Said in a loud, critical voice, staring at the ceiling, brow furrowed, eyes
squinting]squinting]
aa.. Listen closely and observe behaviorListen closely and observe behavior
•Watch nonverbal behaviorWatch nonverbal behavior
•Verbally reflect the feelings back to the clientVerbally reflect the feelings back to the client
b.b. Identify the feeling categoryIdentify the feeling category
c.c. Identify the intensityIdentify the intensity
d.d. Match the feeling and intensity of a wordMatch the feeling and intensity of a word
e.e. Feed back to the clientFeed back to the client
f.f. Add content using the formAdd content using the form
““You feel ___ , because _____.”You feel ___ , because _____.”
g.g. Check for accuracyCheck for accuracy
Practice: Get into your triads/dyads and do the following paraphrases together.Practice: Get into your triads/dyads and do the following paraphrases together.
1100 ISBN: 978-984-8798-22-5, Dkaka -

ThThanankk
YYououBook Reference: Kabir, SMS (2017).
1100 ISBN: 978-984-8798-22-5, Dkaka -

Qualities and Attributes of a Good Counselor

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