The document provides 10 rules and 10 pitfalls to avoid when writing a personal statement for graduate school admissions. The top rules include narrowing your focus to 1-2 key themes or experiences, telling a story, and showing rather than just listing accomplishments. Major pitfalls to avoid are repeating information found elsewhere, complaining, preaching, discussing money or disadvantaged backgrounds unless truly relevant, and using clichéd or gimmicky introductions, conclusions, or formats. Advice is given to focus the statement, show not tell about yourself, and avoid common mistakes that could undermine your application.

1. Seat 11
Seat 10
Seat 9
Seat 8
Seat 4
Seat 3
Seat 2
Seat 1
Tony Haines
Tommy Tran
Yekaterina
Mutilin
Yawa
Mensah
SeongGan
Han
Sharetha
Mizzell
Steven
Forte
Sungmin
Ahn
Stephanie
Guerrero
Taylor Bernas
Thao
Nguyen
Thanh
Van Pham
Michelle Ha
Mustabeen
Ashfaq
Monika
Sabalpara
Nayan
Mainkar
Omar
Alkhader
Philip
Sadighian
Pooja Shah
Peter
Franke
Katrina
Pineda
Kaitlyn
Simpson
Lauren
Anderson
Lhamo
Tsering
Meekyung
Chon
Melanie
Snyder
Gireesh
Reddy
Heesbu Jang
Heather
Coley
Jan
McClenny
Jillian
Stemmle
Jorge
Benitez
Jessica
Griffin
Bianka Patel
Candice Lee
Cara Vu
Christina
Hagood
Chunjoo
Park
Danielle
Blankenship
Dylan
Rodene
Geoffrey
Tiblin
Abaineh
Manyahlihal
Aaron Andrus
Addisalem
Kemal
Allison
Jones
Alessandra
Hamlin
Andrew Lin
Ashley
Clottey
Brian
McGehee
Row H
Row G
Row F
Row E
Row D
Kyla Bass
Row C
Row B
Row A
Harrison
Sun
Front of room
This is a mirror image of the classroom.
Megan
Reed

2. Personal Statement:
•Used to distinguish yourself from other candidates
•Used to highlight things that may not be available elsewhere
•Used to describe your motivation for what you are applying for
•Should include:
•Answer to a prompt
•A theme or focus
•Opening statement that includes a “hook”
•Middle section that describes and explains your experience and motivation
•Concluding statement that restates the focus and answers the prompt
In your groups, discuss the opening statements for the following personal
statements.
•Is there a hook to grab your attention?
•Can you determine what profession the student is looking to enter?
•Does the opening paragraph give you positive or negative impressions of the
student?
•Does the opening make you want to read any further?

3. 1. What it takes to be a doctor underlies in more than just a dream. The depth and
value of a good doctor is monumental, however I feel many doctors are not striving to
reach their full potential. By not putting their heart and soul into their work a lasting
negative impression continues to be branded into generalizing doctors and the field as
a whole. There is a vivid lack of passion in a field that can’t afford to sustain even a
diminutive amount.
2. “She will be okay.” I have seen the incredible elation that can be created when
these few simple words are issued from the mouth of a physician. A thankful sign
escaped the child’s father, while the mother hugged her tightly and cried tears of joy,
both parents immeasurably relieved that their daughter was not, in fact, poisoned by
the lamp fluid she drank only an hour before. That night, as I left the ER after my
mentorship, I was filled with an indescribable feeling of satisfaction – a feeling that
continues to leave me in awe, and which has further strengthened my desire to
become a physician so I too can possess the ability to heal patients and restore
families.
3. My interest in dentistry began around Christmas 1980. As a four year old little boy, I
can remember sitting dangerously close to our one and only television set with my
brother at my side and Mama and Daddy sitting behind me to watch my favorite
Christmas special – Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer. Most little boys watch Rudolph
and aspire to be Yukon Cornelius, embarking on adventures, fighting bumbles and
saving the day. In this respect, I was not like most little boys. I watched with rapt
attention for Hermie to stand up to the head elf and proclaim his desire to be a dentist.

4. Do
•Prepare an outline and create a draft.
•Answer all the questions being asked.
•Make sure your essay has a theme or a thesis.
•Provide evidence to support your claims.
•Make your introduction unique.
•Write clearly and make sure it is easy to read.
•Be honest, confident, and be yourself.
•Be interesting and positive.
•Make sure your essay is organized, coherent, and concise.
•Write about yourself and use examples from your own life experiences.
•Use a mixture of long and short sentences.
•Discuss your future goals.
•Mention any hobbies, past jobs, community service, or research experience.
•Speak in the first person (I…).
•Mention weaknesses without making excuses.
•Discuss why you're interested in the school and/or program.
•Show, don’t tell (Use examples to demonstrate your abilities).
•Ask for help.
•Proofread and revise your statement at least 3 times.
•Have others proofread your essay.
About.com

5. Don’t
•Have any grammar or spelling errors. (Proofread!)
•Be wordy or use jargon (don’t try to impress the readers by using big words).
•Swear or use slang.
•Digress or be repetitive.
•Be boring.
•Generalize.
•Include cliches.
•Use gimmicks.
•Be comical (a little humor is okay but remember it can be misconstrued).
•Be defensive or arrogant.
•Complain.
•Preach.
•Have your essay focus too much on other individuals.
•Discuss politics or religion.
•Give excuses for a low GPA.
•Make lists of accomplishments, awards, skills, or personal qualities (Show,
don’t tell).
•Write a term paper or an autobiography.
•Summarize your resume.
•Include information already cited on the application.
•Forget to proofread.

6. INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Individually, write name on top of form and complete Section A.
2. In your groups, each person should discuss the main points of
their personal statement, and any concerns or questions.
3. Pass your form and personal statement to the right and complete
Section B for each student in your group. Make corrections on the
personal statement.
4. After everyone is done, discuss in your group the main strengths
and areas for improvements seen for each personal statement.
5. Make a list of strengths and areas for improvements for whole
class discussion.
Revise personal statement based on comments and post on
blackboard. Due February 14

7. Writing the Personal Statement: Top 10 Rules
Strive for depth rather than breadth. Narrow focus to one or two key themes,
ideas or experiences
Try to tell the reader somet

8. Writing the Personal Statement: Top 10 Pitfalls
Do not submit an expository resume; avoid repeating information found
elsewhere on the application
Do not complain or whine about the "system" or circumstances in your life
Do not preach to your reader. You can express opinions, but do not come
across as fanatical or extreme
Do not talk about money as a motivator
Do not discuss your minority status or disadvantaged background unless you
have a compelling and unique story that relates to it
Do not remind the school of its rankings or tell them how good they are
Do not use boring clichéd intros or conclusions
"Allow me to introduce myself. My name is..."
"This question asks me to discuss..."
"I would like to thank the admissions committee for considering my
application."
"It is my sincere hope that you will grant me the opportunity to attend your
fine school."
"In sum, there are three reasons why you should admit me..."
Do not use unconventional and gimmicky formats and packages
Do not submit supplemental materials unless they are requested
Do not get the name of the school wrong
Do not incorporate technical language or very uncommon words
Stewart, Mark Alan. Perfect Personal Statements. New York: Simon & Schuster
Macmillan, 1996.