Relationship Building Success
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In our jobs, we are constantly challenged with leading people that do not report to us. Therefore, we must rely on other forms of influence to drive results in our project teams. Getting results through others is most effective when you have built a strong relationship. In this talk, Justin will draw from his experience at c3/consulting (and the knowledge of others at c3) to share thoughts about: - Starting the conversation with someone new that you want to know - Determining what you have to offer - Forming habits that will lead to stronger relationships in the long run
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Relationship Building Success
- 1. Relationship Building Success Justin Graham
- 2. a little about me Justin Graham PMP, CBAP
- 3. Erie, PA
- 6. 12 years
- 10. INTROVERT
- 13. A whole TEAM : communication research follow-up
- 15. he knew that great relationships rankings change money
- 21. 1 self-assess 2 start 3 support & sustain
- 22. 1 self-assess
- 23. relationships in your life: • • • • job place of worship school non-profit
- 24. are interactions with the right PEOPLE important?
- 26. are your relationships helping your work?
- 31. 1 sincerity 2 competence 3 reliability 4
- 32. 1 2 3 4 sincerity competence reliability care Source: Mark Cappellino – markcappellino.com
- 33. what do you have to offer?
- 35. NOW, how can you USE THEM ?
- 36. 1 self-assess: trust & what you have to offer
- 37. 2 start
- 38. 2 start state your goal set a plan start a conversation
- 39. state your goal:
- 40. what do you want?
- 41. how could the right relationships make it possible?
- 43. who are the people care about you that should ?
- 44. set a plan
- 45. establish: • credibility • common ground • what YOU have to offer
- 46. credibility
- 47. common ground
- 48. what YOU have to offer
- 49. credibility common ground something to offer
- 50. do your homework
- 51. connect the dots
- 52. people care about: money learning career growth humor wellness giving back spirituality
- 53. set a plan: what do you offer?
- 55. be brave!
- 56. how can I be brave! help?
- 57. how can I give before you receive
- 61. think warm & show care
- 62. listen
- 63. 3 support
- 64. follow up or fail
- 67. help be brave!
- 68. build it before you need it
- 69. you will need it
- 70. connect with people they care about
- 72. 1 engaging
- 73. 2 vulnerable
- 74. 3 transparent
- 75. 4 consistent
- 76. 5 caring
- 77. 6 genuine
- 78. 7 generous
- 80. 1 hour
- 82. 1 self-assess
- 83. 1 self-assess: trust & what you have to offer
- 84. 2 start
- 85. 2 start state your goal set a plan start a conversation
- 86. 3 support
- 87. 1 self-assess 2 start 3 support & sustain
- 88. develop habits that build relationships
- 89. surround yourself with the right people
- 90. how will I do this?? who do I know?
- 91. real networking is about making other people successful
- 92. you can be a connector
- 93. it’s who you know
- 94. just do it!
- 95. thanks.
Editor's Notes
- Today I want to talk to you about relationship building & how it can play an important role in your professional success. But first, a little more about me:
- My name is Justin Graham. I’m a consultant with c3/consulting. Anyone familiar with the second certification there?
- I’m originally from Erie, PA where I was born and raised.
- I moved to Nashville to attend Vanderbilt University, and ended up actually getting two degrees there. Someone called that a “double dore” the other day. I’d never heard that before.
- I enjoy running 5k’s. Fun runs, not serious running!
- I’ve been in consulting for the last 12 years.
- For the last 8 years, I’ve been at c3. Almost since the very beginning.
- not only at my company, but also at my clients, community, and co-workers. Consulting keeps me on my feet. I was speaking to a group of Vanderbilt students a few weeks ago, and I tell them that consulting is like “dog years.” The amount of experience you get is amazing.
- Because of the way we work with our clients and in the community, I’ve really learned to appreciate the important of relationship building. This has not always been easy for me.
- I happen to be a natural introvert. This means that I get recharge from being alone. I have always been this way, and I really kept to myself for the first part of my life through school, and most of college, until I met this guy:
- Anyone know who this is? This is Gordon Gee, the former Chancellor of Vanderbilt University. I got the opportunity to work as a student assistant in his office. I observed the inner workings of how his office supported him.
- This was a man who understood relationships, people, and politics. He was always out in the Vanderbilt community. He schedule was full of events where he was with people.
- What I saw was that he believed in the value of relationships so much that he had a full team of people, on a different floor, that were dedicated to managing his communication, researching people, and following up with people that reached out to him.
- Aside from this elaborate system, and more importantly, he surrounded himself with the right people that could advance what was important to his position.
- He knew that relationships with the right people would mean higher rankings for the university, advancements for the university in the right way, and higher donations from powerful people. This was the first time that I ever saw someone manage relationships so intentionally.
- I saw proof that success breeds success and that the rich do get richer. I learned that poverty isn’t just lack of money, it’s lack of people who could help you make more of yourself. I saw that leaders who instinctively and intentionally establish a strong network of relationships are able to create great businesses.
- So by watching Gordon Gee, and other mentors since then, I’ve realized that successful people and leaders are masters at relationship building, and that they’ve developed habits that build and maintain connections with the right people.
- In my time, at c3, I’ve been able to build meaningful relationships with clients, prospects, mentors, mentees, and new friends through my daily interaction. Because of my role at c3, my schedule is made of meetings with all of these people. c3 also has strong people-based culture in that we believe that lasting change is accomplished through people. So much so that we recently changed our tagline to “dedicated to the people that make change happen.”
- The more I grow in my career, the more I understand that it’s all about relationships.
- So, today, I want to share what I’ve learned with you, and how an introverted “doer” / non “people person” can develop awareness and habits that lead to better relationships with people that can help you meet your goals. I want to really focus on teaching you these things.
- I like to think about going about this in three steps: 1. Self-Assess2. Start-State Your Goal-Set a Plan-Start a Conversation3. Support and Sustain
- If you’re not used to thinking about relationships in this way, it’s helpful to self-assess, meaning understand how relationships currently play a role in your professional life and the things you’re doing or NOT doing to cultivate them.
- Think about how relationships with others play a role in your professional life. in your job? Your career? Your church, school, nonprofit organization?
- Are interactions with the right people important?
- I hope this is what you’re thinking. Because relationships are important at all those places.
- Do your current relationships help or hurt your work? Your output? Your professional success?
- The first thing that is important to understand is that Relationships are built on TRUST. Think about how other people perceive you, and how much other people trust you and how that could be affecting your relationships.
- A friend named Mark Cappellino here in town breaks down trust into 4 areas. This means that people decide whether they trust you based on the following four domains.
- The first is Sincerity – Is what you say the same thing as what you do? Do your actions and your words align?
- The second is Competence – Can you deliver on what you promise?
- The third is Reliability – Are you consistent? Can people rely on you?
- The final is Care – Do you care about the same things that the other person cares about? Understanding how “trustworthy” you are in others’ eyes can help you be aware of what might be helping or hurting you in your relationships. Do your actions match your words? Can you deliver? Are you consistent? An do you genuinely care about the same things and show it?
- When it comes to building new relationships, it’s all about bringing something to the table. If you don’t remember anything else from this lunch, remember this.
- Assess your Assets – What do you have to offer? Answer: You have more to offer than you probably think. Do you have: Relationships with someone else?A great job or source of revenue?Access to information that may be valuable to people?Expertise in an area?Time to offer?You have these things!
- Now, how can you use them to be valuable to other people? You have one of these things!How could you leverage these assets you have to bring something that is interesting to someone else?
- So the first piece in understanding relationship building is understanding what you have to offer. This is going to make you more confident and able to start a conversation with a new person.
- The next thing is to just start doing it.
- And starting to do it means doing three things: Stating your goal, setting a plan, and finally starting a conversation.
- So let’s go. You need to State your goal – What do you want to accomplish? A new job? A new client? A connection to someone else? An elected position?
- It’s about understanding what you want.
- and how the right people in your life could make it possible. How could people help you with your goals? Do they know something more than you? Do they have access to resources or knowledge that you don’t have?
- Widen your lens! You might always need to go straight to the top or right to the center.
- Stating your goal is about understanding who the people are that could change your life if they were in it.
- The next step is to set your plan for approaching the right person.
- And that is all about establishing credibility, common ground, and what you have to offer.
- Credibility means basically establishing that you’re not crazy. The easiest way to establish credibility is through a mutual connection. You could also do it through alignment with an organization.
- Common ground means finding something to connect about, something to “bond” over. It could be talking about kids. It could be a common alma mater. It could be having a shared interest.It helps to establish some common ground. You have to do your homework! Google and LinkedIn are your best friends. Find out what you have in common. It sort of becomes a building block for the relationship.
- Figure out what you have to offer: How could you help them? Again, you have to do your Homework. Understand who that person is and what their needs are.
- I recently needed to Connect with Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital as part of a non-profit I work with called Phoenix Club. I established credibility through a mutual connection: a friend that I was on a non-profit board with that used to work with the Senior Director of Development. I led her to our website and discussed partnerships with other organizations (social proof).I establishedcommon ground by letting her know that I worked for c3 with Beth Chase (I cleverly sent the message from my c3 e-mail). She and I had that in common and we immediately starting bonding about it right away. Something to offer in this case was easy. In exchange for a partnership, my group would give Vanderbilt money. This was important to her as it was her role. It worked this time, but it doesn’t always work.
- That was successful because I did my homework. I went through a mutual connection and I found out what she cared about. You have to do your homework. Understand who that person is and what their needs are.
- Find out what they care about, and find a connection to yourself, other people, or resources you have access to. Connect the dots. Offer Help.
- Generally speaking, Here is what people care about:Relationships and social connections with othersFinancial SuccessCareer GrowthPhysical wellnessSpiritualityIntellectual StimulationHumorGiving Back
- So setting a plan is about understanding what you have to offer. How can you help this person in any of those areas I just mentioned? What is your plan?
- The next step is to just start a conversation.
- You have to be brave! Sometimes a little bold. Don’t be afraid to reach out. You have to put yourself out there. Remember to think about “How can I help YOU”. Put yourself out there with the knowledge that you might fail. 1 out of 5 times it might succeed. The other times, it will fail.
- in relationship building, It’s much better to give before you receive.
- When you’re talking to someone in person, FOCUS! Make eye contact. This is especially important at a networking reception. Don’t let your eyes dart around the room. It makes it look like you’re looking for a better offer. Make the person you’re talking to feel like the only person in the world that you care about at that moment.
- Remember: communicatecredibility, common ground, and what you have to offer. You may not have very long to communicate this.
- Also when talking face to face, Establish some familiarity and some intimacy. Smile. Don’t you want to shake hands with this guy?
- Think warm and show care. Seek common ground.
- Finally, shut up and listen. Ask questions, show interest, and let people talk about themselves.
- After the initial contact, it’s important to support & sustain the relationship.
- You’ve got to follow up. Do it within 1-3 days of the initial meeting.
- if nothing else, THANK THEM for their time. Your gratitude is valuable. Make sure they know you appreciate the time they gave you.
- After that, you need to periodically check in. Think of ways to help, congratulate, or show care or interest. Remember that a big part of trust is caring about the same things. This takes some finesse and some intentional thought. I set up google news alerts about important people that I have relationships with. I set it up for their names, their companies, and anything else that is important to them. If they win an award or accomplish something, I send them a note congratulating them. If I learn about something that I think they could benefit from, I connect the dots and let them know about it.
- Thus, you keep the relationships with the people that matter by helping them.
- Build it before you need it, meaning before you need something specific: How can you use your assets to build a relationship to establish trust and credibility?Once you have established great relationships, it’s much easier to ask people for help.
- You will need it. Statistically speaking, most of the people in this room will be a job seeker within the next five years. And that’s just one example. For PM’s, build it before you’re in the heat of the battle. Help those people. When I’m a PM, I make it a point to build a relationship with the right people.
- also, when it comes to powerful people, Connect with people they care about. This can be helpful if a person is particularly powerful. For executives, the assistants are gatekeepers! Make good friends with them.
- So all that brings me to 7 traits that I’ve developed personally that I believe are important in relationship building:
- The first is to be engaging.When interacting socially and interpersonally with someone, make it all about the other person. Ask lots of questions about them.
- The second is to be vulnerable. Show that you’re not perfect. People will instantly connect with you more when they see your humanity.
- If you want something specific, you don’t have to hide it. Just make sure you make it clear how you can help the other person.
- Be consistent. Be reliable. Deliver on your promises. Remember reliability is one of the pillars of trust.
- Show CARE. Demonstrate the shared things that you care about. Be real about it.
- Be genuine. As I just said, the care has to be real. People will smell phoney and keep you away.
- Finally be generous, Always bring something to offer, and don’t keep score. Give without expectation of return. What goes around comes around.
- By showing these traits, I’ve found that people respond very well. This is what works for me. Develop ways to show these things that work for you and are consistent with who YOU are.
- I personally try to devote one hour per day to relationship building. This can be sending e-mails, phone calls, networking meetings, LinkedIn, Facebook, or other forms of social media. This talk, in a way, is a way of showing generosity. I’m hoping that I’m bring you all something that is valuable, and you’ll appreciate it.
- SO think about what will work for you to develop better relationships.
- So to summarize: First self Assess,
- which means understanding the state of your current relationships and how you’re building them (or not). Understanding how trustworthy you are, and what you have to offer.
- The second piece is just starting. State your goal, set a plan (credibility, common ground, something to offer), and then start the conversation. You really have to be brave, think warm, and be generous.
- Finally, support that relationship by following up and showing that person that you care.
- So you and I may not have an office of people dedicated to writing letters for us like Gordon Gee, but we can come up with habits that help us develop meaningful relationships.
- We can be so much more successful by surrounding ourselves with the right people to advance our professional goals.
- So when I’m faced with a challenge, instead of just thinking “How am I going to do this?” I think “Who do I know that can help?” You should think the same way.
- I’ve learned that real networking is about making other people more successful. You can be a connector and in so doing build some great relationships.
- I’ve learned that relationships are critical to my professional success. It’s who you know, not what you know.
- So I want to empower all of you today to think about ways to begin building relationships that will make your life better and help you meet your goals.
- Thank you for your time!