This document discusses interpersonal communication and related concepts. It begins with an outline of topics covered in an interpersonal communication unit, including effective listening skills, assertiveness, and asking questions. It then defines interpersonal communication as the process of sending and receiving information between two or more people through verbal and nonverbal channels. Key aspects covered include types of communication, basic elements like communicators and messages, importance of skills like listening, and principles of communication being contextual and complicated.

1. Interpersonal Communication
 Unit Outline
 Lecture
 Introduction to Interpersonal Communication
 Effective Listening Skills
 Assertiveness
 Asking Questions Effectively
 Out-of-class activity
 Reading
 Communication skills selftest
 Process of sending and receiving information between two or more people
 Types of Interpersonal Communication
 Dyadic communication (two people)
 Public speaking
 Small-group communication

2.  Basic elements
 Communication channels
 Direct channels: obvious, under control of sender
 Verbal (spoken or written) or Non-verbal (colour, sound,
controlled body movements)
 Indirect channels: recognized subliminally, subconsciously, not under
direct control of the sender
 Body Language
Interpersonal Communication: What for?
 Gaining Information about other individual
 For interacting more effectively
 Better prediction about how they think, feel, and act
 How? Passively (by observing them), Actively (having others
engage them) or Interactively (engaging them ourselves)
 Better Understanding others
 Words can mean very different things depending on how they
are said or in what context

3.  What and how are sent simultaneously, and both affect the
meaning
 Establishing Identity
 Roles we play and public self-image we present
 Interpersonal Needs
 Inclusion, Control and Affection
Interpersonal Conflict
 Expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive
incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party
in achieving their goals
 Important concepts in definition:
 The two sides must communicate about the problem
 Often involves perceptions
 Common Problems:
 Avoiding conflict: damaging, greater problems in the future
 Individuals blaming other individuals
 Adopting a win-lose strategy

4.  Effective Listening
 “You have two ears and one mouth. I suggest that you use them
in that proportion”
 Assertiveness
 “Too many of us fail to fulfill our needs because we say no
rather than yes, or perhaps later in life, yes when we should say
no”
 Effective Questioning
 “Only the crystal-clear question yields a transparent answer”
Effective Listening: Active Listening
 Communication = Speaking & Listening = good speaking and effective
listening skills
 Difference between Hearing & Listening?
 Effective Listening Tips
 Make an effort to block out outer distractions.
 Resist the urge to day dream.
 Try to understand and correctly interprete body language.

5.  Pay attention to tone also, as it is vital to the correct interpretation of
the message.
 Have an open mind. Try not to make judgments about the speaker or
the message.
 Don't hesitate to ask and clarify (do not interrupt, jot questions down)
 Big mistake: being preoccupied on what you want to say.
Assertive Communication
 Appropriately direct communication, open and honest, and clarifies one’s
needs to the other person
 Natural to some, but skill that can be learned
 Greatly reduces the level of interpersonal conflict, reducing a major source
of stress
 Features of assertive people:
 assume the best about others and respect themselves,
 think “win-win” and try to compromise
 In contrast, individuals behaving aggressively
 tend to employ disrespectful, manipulative or abusive tactics
 make negative assumptions about motives of others

6.  don’t think of the other person’s point of view at all
 win at the expense of others, and
 create unnecessary conflict
Effective Questioning Techniques
 Open Questions (what, why, how): long answers
 Developing an open conversation
 Finding our more detail
 Finding out the other person's opinion or issues
 Close Questions: short answers, yes or no.
 For Gathering facts, testing your understanding or the other person's
 Concluding a discussion or making a decision
 Frame setting
 Misplaced closed question: kill the conversation, awkward silences
 Funnel Questions
 Start with general questions, then focus on a point in each answer, and
ask more and more detail at each level
 Tip: start with closed questions and progress to open ones

7.  Good for:
 Finding out more detail about a specific point
 Gaining the interest or increasing the confidence of the person you are
with
 Rhetorical Questions
 An answer is not expected, they are statements phrased in question
form
 For engaging the listener
 Probing Questions
 Strategy for finding out more detail
 Tip: ask ‘Why?’ And use ‘exactly’.
 Good for:
 Gaining clarification to ensure you have the whole story and that you
understand it thoroughly
 Drawing information out of people who are trying to avoid telling you
something

8.  Leading Questions
 That will lead the respondent in your way of thinking
 To be used with care
 Can be seen as manipulative and dishonest
 How:
 Phrasing the question so that the "easiest" response is yes
 Adding personal appeal to agree
 Choice between fixed options
Effective Questioning Tips
• Learning: Ask open and closed questions, and use probing questioning
• Relationship building: Ask about what they do or enquire about their
opinions. In affirmative way, ask for opinions
• Managing and coaching: Rhetorical and leading questions. Help reflect and
commit to suggested courses of action
• Avoiding misunderstandings: Use probing questions to seek clarification,
particularly when the consequences are significant
• De-fusing a heated situation: Calm a colleague by using funnel questions to
get them to go into more detail about their grievance

9. • Persuading people: Open questions will help others to embrace the reasons
behind your point of view
According to Petersen (2007), good communication is just as important in
business, family, and social life. Listening well matters for coworkers, when
intimacy is not the goal, but being able to work together effectively is. It helps
keep friendships vital and even makes a difference in casual relationships where
you merely want ease.
Stewart (2009) defines interpersonal communication as the type or kind of
communication that happens when the people involved talk and listen in ways that
maximize the presence of the personal (p. 33).
Interpersonal communication is the process by which people exchange
information, feelings, and meaning through verbal and non-verbal messages: it is
face-to-face communication.
In the information age, we have to send, receive, and process huge numbers
of messages every day. But effective communication is about more than just
exchanging information. Effective communication requires you to also understand
the emotion behind the information.

10. Interpersonal communication is not just about what is actually said - the
language used - but how it is said and the non-verbal messages sent through tone of
voice, facial expressions, gestures and body language.
When two or more people are in the same place and are aware of each
other's presence, then communication is taking place, no matter how subtle or
unintentional.
Without speech, an observer may be using cues of posture, facial expression,
and dress to form an impression of the other's role, emotional state, personality
and/or intentions. Although no communication may be intended, people receive
messages through such forms of non-verbal behaviour.
Elements of Interpersonal Communication
Much research has been done to try to break down interpersonal
communication into a number of elements in order that it can be more easily
understood. Commonly these elements include:
The Communicators
For any communication to occurthere must be at least two people involved.
It is easy to think about communication involving a sender and a receiver of a
message. However, the problem with this way of seeing a relationship is that it
presents communication as a one-wayprocess where one personsends the
message and the other receives it. While one personis talking and another is
listening, for example.
In fact communications are almost always complex, two-wayprocesses,
with people sending and receiving messages to and from each other
simultaneously. In other words, communication is an interactive process. While
one personis talking the other is listening - but while listening they are also
sending feedback in the form of smiles, head nods etc.

11. The Message
Message not only means the speech used or information conveyed, but also
the non-verbal messages exchanged such as facial expressions, tone of
voice, gestures and body language. Non-verbal behaviour can convey additional
information about the spoken message. In particular, it can reveal more about
emotional attitudes which may underlie the content of speech..
Noise
Noise has a special meaning in communication theory. It refers to anything
that distorts the message, so that what is received is different from what is intended
by the speaker. Whilst physical 'noise' (for example, background sounds or a low-
flying jet plane) can interfere with communication, other factors are considered to
be ‘noise’. The use of complicated jargon, inappropriate body
language, inattention, disinterest, and cultural differences can be considered
'noise' in the context of interpersonal communication. In other words, any
distortions or inconsistencies that occur during an attempt to communicate can be
seen as noise.
Feedback
Feedback consists of messages the receiver returns, which allows the sender
to know how accurately the message has been received, as well as the receiver's
reaction. The receiver may also respond to the unintentional message as well as the
intentional message. Types of feedback range from direct verbal statements, for
example "Say that again, I don't understand", to subtle facial expressions or
changes in posture that might indicate to the sender that the receiver feels
uncomfortable with the message. Feedback allows the sender to regulate, adapt or
repeat the message in order to improve communication.
Context
All communication is influenced by the context in which it takes place. However,
apart from looking at the situational context of where the interaction takes place,
for example in a room, office, or perhaps outdoors, the social context also needs to
be considered, for example the roles, responsibilities and relative status of the
participants. The emotional climate and participants' expectations of the interaction
will also affect the communication.

12. Channel
The channel refers to the physical means by which the message is transferred from
one person to another. In face-to-face context the channels which are used are
speech and vision, however during a telephone conversation the channel is limited
to speech alone.
Four Principles of Interpersonal Communication
These principles underlie the workings in real life of interpersonal communication.
They are basic to communication. We can't ignore them.
Interpersonal communication is inescapable
We can't communicate. The very attempt not to communicate communicates
something. Through not only words, but through tone of voice and through gesture,
posture, facial expression, etc., we constantly communicate to those around us.
Through these channels, we constantly receive communication from others. Even
when you sleep, you communicate. Remember a basic principle of communication
in general: people are not mind readers. Another way to put this is: people judge
you by your behavior, not your intent.
Interpersonal communication is irreversible
You can't really take back something once it has been said. The effect must
inevitably remain. Despite the instructions from a judge to a jury to "disregard that
last statement the witness made," the lawyer knows that it can't help but make an
impression on the jury. A Russian proverb says, "Once a word goes out of your
mouth, you can never swallow it again."

13. Interpersonal communication is complicated
No form of communication is simple. Because of the number of variables
involved, even simple requests are extremely complex. Theorists note that
whenever we communicate there are really at least six "people" involved: 1) who
you think you are; 2) who you think the other person is; 30 who you think the other
person thinks you are; 4) who the other person thinks /she is; 5) who the other
person thinks you are; and 6) who the other person thinks you think s/he is.
We don't actually swap ideas; we swap symbols that stand for ideas. This
also complicates communication. Words (symbols) do not have inherent meaning;
we simply use them in certain ways, and no two people use the same word exactly
alike.
Osmo Wiio gives us some communication maxims similar to Murphy's law (Osmo
Wiio, Wiio's Laws--and Some Others (Espoo, Finland: Welin-Goos, 1978):
 If communication can fail, it will.
 If a message can be understood in different ways, it will be understood in
just that way which does the most harm.
 There is always somebody who knows better than you what you meant by
your message.
 The more communication there is, the more difficult it is for communication
to succeed.
These tongue-in-cheek maxims are not real principles; they simply humorously
remind us of the difficulty of accurate communication.
Interpersonal communication is contextual
In other words, communication does not happen in isolation. There is:
 Psychological context, which is who you are and what you bring to the
interaction. Your needs, desires, values, personality, etc., all form the
psychological context. ("You" here refers to both participants in the
interaction.)
 Relational context, which concerns your reactions to the other person--the
"mix."

14.  Situational context deals with the psycho-social "where" you are
communicating. An interaction that takes place in a classroom will be very
different from one that takes place in a bar.
 Environmental context deals with the physical "where" you are
communicating. Furniture, location, noise level, temperature, season, time of
day, all are examples of factors in the environmental context.
 Cultural context includes all the learned behaviors and rules that affect the
interaction. If you come from a culture (foreign or within your own country)
where it is considered rude to make long, direct eye contact, you will out of
politeness avoid eye contact. If the other person comes from a culture where
long, direct eye contact signals trustworthiness, then we have in the cultural
context a basis for misunderstanding.
Importance of Interpersonal Communication Skills
Interpersonal Skills are the skills we use when engaged in face-to-face
communication with one or more other people.
What we say is an important way of getting our message across - but using
our voice is only the tip of the iceberg. We actually communicate more
information using non-verbal signals, gestures, facial expression, body language
even our appearance.
Listening is a vital interpersonal communication skill. When we
communicate we spend 45% of our time listening. Most people take listening for
granted but it is not the same as hearing and should be thought of as a skill. Active
Listening provides a lot more information about how to listen effectively and can
help you to avoid misunderstandings. Ineffective Listening deals with some of the
bad habits you or other people have picked up when listening. Reflection and
clarification are both common techniques used to ensure that what you have heard
and understood is what was intended.

15. Good interpersonal communication skills enable us to work more
effectively in groups and teams, which may be either formal, like at work, or
informally - in social situations.
Interpersonal communication skills are essential to developing other key
life skills. Being able to communicate well with others is often essential to solving
problems that inevitably occur both in our private and professional lives. Decision
making is another area which can benefit from good communication skills as it
often requires communicating complex information so that the most appropriate
decision can be made.

16. INTERPERSONAL SKILLS
• All about working with other people
• An ability to get along with others while performing the job
• Characteristic traits like Manners, attitude, courtesy, habits, behavior and
appearance which helps us to communicate and maintain relationship with
others
Interpersonal Skills While Working
• Take the relationship viewpoint:
– Effective relationships within the organization
– Effective relationships with suppliers
– Effective relationships with competitors
• Internally
– In Teams
– Across Teams
– Within and between departments and business units
• Externally
– With Suppliers
– With Customers
• To gain real competitive advantage through such relationships in the long
term is dependent upon your level of interpersonal skills

17. Why Interpersonal skills needed?
Tips To Improve Interpersonal Skills
• Smile
• Be Appreciative
• Pay Attention
• Practice Active Listening
• Bring People Together
• Resolve Conflicts
• Communicate Clearly
• Humor Them
• Empathy/See It On Their Side
• Don’t Complain (Too much)

18. REFERENCES:
Burley-Allen, M.(1995). Listening: the forgotten skill: A self-teaching guide. (2nd
ed.). New York, NY: John Wiley& Sons.
Petersen, J.C. (2007). Why don’t we listen better? Communicating & connecting in
relationships. Tigard, OR: Petersen Publications
Stewart, J. (Ed.). (2009). Bridges not walls: A book about interpersonal
communication (10th ed.). New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.
Carbonell, M. (1987). Uniquely you. Retrieved from
https://www.uniquelyyou.com/humanbehaviorscience.php#personality
Baxter, L. A. (2007). Problematizing the problem in communication: A dialogic
perspective. Communication Monographs, 74, 119-125.
Villaume, W.A., & Bodie, G.D. (2007). Discovering the listener within us: The
impact of trait-like personality variables and communicator styles on preferences
for listening style. International Journal of Listening, 21(2), 102-123.
Mehrabian, A. (1981). Silent Messages: Implicit Communication of Emotions and
Attitudes (2nded.). Belmont, CA: Wadsworth
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/importance-interpersonal-communication-skills-
communication
http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/interpersonal-
communication.html#ixzz4S9Js6QWC
http://www.pstcc.edu/facstaff/dking/interpr.htm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTRpdwHIiCk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDhFKkHN8To&index=11&list=PLwZK1LY
ffIAjY2ipmQgETrCG7bJCbpZZj
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CqLFKyT2Df8&list=PLwZK1LYffIAjY2ipm
QgETrCG7bJCbpZZj&index=24