The document outlines the concept of intentional conversation, emphasizing its importance in effective communication when stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions are strong. It distinguishes between two types: intentional dialogue for understanding and intentional confrontation for addressing issues, providing guidelines and a structured plan for each approach. Successful outcomes hinge on mutual respect, proper planning, and the willingness to grow and reconcile.

1. Intentional Conversation
Mini-Workshop
Bukal Life Care
Presented by
Robert Munson, ThD

2. Communication
There are four basic forms of human
communication:
-Verbal
-Non-Verbal
-Written
-Visual
<We will focus on
Verbal and Non-verbal>

3. Intentional Conversation?
Definition: A crucial conversation is a discussion
between two or more people where
(1) stakes are high
(2) opinions vary
(3) emotions run strong.
(Patterson)
In these situations, there is a desire
of one to change the mind of
the other or gain understanding
(of the other or from the other).

4. Intentional Conversation?
Definition: A crucial conversation is a discussion
between two or more people where
(1) stakes are high
(2) opinions vary
(3) emotions run strong.
(Patterson)
In these situations, there is a desire
of one to change the mind of
the other or gain understanding
(of the other or from the other).

5. Communication with a Purpose
One-Way
Two-Way
Communication Communication
Teaching/
Seeking
Understanding Lecture
Dialogue/
Discussion
Seeking
Change
Argument/
Apologetics/
Confrontation
Preaching/
Polemics
We will focus on two-way communication, so we will
focus on dialogue and confrontation.

6. When is an Intentional
Conversation needed?
Whenever you
-feel uncomfortable,
-have second thoughts, or
-try to avoid saying what you need to say,
what you aren’t saying is your hard
conversation. (Abrams)

7. What if we need to have an intentional
conversations but don't?
-Our beliefs and our actions are not aligned
-We experience a high level of tension,
discomfort, stress.
-We give support to what is wrong through
silence and inaction.
-Our trustworthiness can be questioned.
-Relationships we want to protect become
strained and damaged.

8. Successful Intentional
Conversations require a
PLAN
Goal, Situation, Script
<As such, it will feel strange...
artificial... fake. But give it a chance.
Preaching and teaching utilizes
plans.>

9. Plan (Goal/Situation/Script)
Action/Conversation
Evaluate
Follow-up

10. 1. Goal
a.
b.
c.
d.
Seek to understand?
Seek understanding?
Seek to change?
Seek change?
<Should the goal be known by the other
or a surprise?>

11. 2. Situation
a. When would be a good time?
b. What would be a good place?
c. What would be the right
emotional state?
<Can a location of a meeting affect
the outcome?>

12. 3. Script
a. Semi-structured
b. Thought through
c. Practiced
<Should one use notes?>cc

13. Intentional Dialogue
This is for gaining understanding.
Typically, the need for dialogue is related more
to understanding of values and feelings more
than about facts.
v
Typically, the need is to focus more on
perceptions than “truth” or blame.

14. Intentional Dialogue
<See Handout. Divide into groups and then into
2s. Others can critique.>




“A” share a BIG moment (happy or sad).
“B” Mirror
v
“B” Validate
“B” Empathize

15. Intentional Confrontation
Guidelines (Maxwell)
-Confront ASAP (right time and place)
-Separate the person from their actions
-Only confront what the person can change
-Give person the benefit of the doubt
v
-Be specific
-Avoid sarcasm
-Avoid words like ‘always’ and ‘never’
-Express feelings
-Give a “game plan”
-Affirm the person

16. Intentional Confrontation
A Simple 3-Step Plan is the “A.I.R.” Plan
 “A” is for Awareness. Make the other aware of
the situation/concern.
 “I” is for Impact. Make the other aware of the
v
impact on work/relationship/others.
 “R” is for Request. Make the other aware of
what you desire to be different.
<Note: if no resolution is achieved, seek
collaboration. “What do you think can be done
to resolve this issue?>

17. Intentional Confrontation
<See Handout. The handout is a plan for
personal relationships. Break into groups and
then into 2s. “A” and “B”>
 Frustrating Behavior
 My Feeling
v
 My Story
 My Reactive Behavior
 My Fear
 My Childhood Response
 My Desire

18. Intentional Confrontation
If you simply want to attack or blame... you don't
need intentional communication/ confrontation.
Intentional communication in confrontation is
beneficial when the goal is correction and
v
reconciliation.

19. Is Intentional Conversation
Always Successful?
NO!!!
-Intentional dialogue requires mutual respect.
-Intentional confrontation requires a willingness
for both parties to grow and reconcile.
(Mediation may be required).
v
Other types of intentional conversation can also
fail (ask any salesman... no words can
guarantee results).
All one can do is plan for success.

20. References
-Leverington, John and Becky. Marriage
Encounter Training Handouts. October 2012.
Narramore Christian Foundation. Chiang Mai,
Thailand.
-Maxwell, John. “Developing the Leaders
Around You.”
-Maybin, Sarita. “If You Can’t Say Something
Nice, What Do You Say?”
-”courageousintentionalconversations.ppt” at
http://2011e1690.wikispaces.com.