The document covers various topics around communication skills: - It identifies 5 levels of communication from superficial to validating and provides examples. - It describes assertive behavior and its positive impact on communication. - It explains what validation is and basic steps to validate others by acknowledging and understanding their feelings. - Key terms related to communication skills like active listening, empathy, and conflict resolution are defined. - Effective communication techniques like I-messages and we-statements are explained to resolve conflicts constructively.

1. Chapter: 13

2. Objectives
 Recognize many ways you communicate with others
 Evaluate the importance of good listening skills
 Judge the importance of communicating a positive
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image of yourself
Identify five levels of communication
Describe assertive behavior and its effect on
communication
Analyze communication skills that work well with
parents
Describe group behaviors that involve violence
Recognize sexual harassment if it occurs

3. Levels of Communication “SPV”
Superficial
Communication making up the
majority of our communication.
Talking about the weather,
Personal
home, school, food, etc.
Communication involving
opening up and talking about
feelings, beliefs and opinions
that mean something to you.
Validating
Communication reinforcing
people’s feelings about
themselves.

4. Levels of Communication
Questions
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Can a relationship remain stable for an extended period
of time if they communicate in a superficial state? Why?
Which levels of communication must a relationship
strive for in order to grow? Why?
Which was more difficult to share in group? Events,
Influences, Personal qualities, Compliments. Why?
What are some reactions that occurred in your group?
Explain why these occurred.
Why is it more difficult to share personal qualities and
compliments.
Why would you communicate superficially?

5. Reasons for keeping Communication
Superficial:
 I may be hurt.
 I don’t want to hurt their feelings.
 They will misinterpret what I say.
 They won’t be receptive
 It will put our relationship at risk.
 I will be out on a limb and won’t be
supported.
http://www.mnadr.state.mn.us/workplace/pdf/Keepcomm.pdf

6. What Validation Is
 To validate someone's feelings is first to accept
someone's feelings. Next, it is to understand them, and
finally it is to nurture them.

7. Basic Steps to Validation
 Acknowledging the other person's feelings
 Identifying the feelings
 Offering to listen
 Helping them label the feelings
 Being there for them; remaining present physically
and emotionally
 Feeling patient
 Feeling accepting and non-judgmental

8. Example of Validating
 I hear you.
That hurts
That's not good
 Wow, that's a lot to deal with
I would feel the same way.
(I would be sad/hurt/angry/jealous, etc. too)
 That is sad.
That sounds discouraging.
That sounds like it would really hurt
That must really hurt.
 I know just what you mean.
I would feel the same way.
I can understand how you feel.
It sounds like you are really feeling ____.
It sounds like is really important to you.

9. Conflict
 1. to come into collision or disagreement; be
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contradictory, at variance, or in opposition; clash:
2. to fight or contend; do battle.
3. a fight, battle, or struggle, esp. a prolonged struggle;
strife.
4. controversy; quarrel: conflicts between parties. 5.
discord of action, feeling, or effect; antagonism or
opposition, as of interests or principles: a conflict of
ideas.
6. a striking together; collision.

13. Terms to Know
 Communication – any means by
which you share a message with
another person
 Verbal Communication – use
words to send or receive a message
 Body Language – A form of nonverbal communication

14. Terms to Know Cont.
 Non-verbal Communication –
use factors other than words ex.
Gestures, facial expressions, eye
contact, and body movements
 Active Listening – Type of
listening in which a person
indicates to the sender that a
message has been heard and
encourages further
communication

15. Terms to Know Cont.
 Feedback – Communicating to the other person how
you feel about what was said
 Passive listening – Taking in the words and offers no
sign of hearing or understanding
 Empathy – Process of seeing things from another
person’s view

16. Terms to Know Cont.
 Assertive – To express your
feelings directly
 Cliques - A narrow, exclusive
group of people held
together by common
interests
 Mediator – Third party that
helps resolve conflicts

17. Terms to Know Cont.
 Hazing – A social groups
intentional infliction of
physical and emotional
abuse
 Bullying – Refers to
infliction of physical,
verbal, or emotional abuse

18. Terms to Know Cont.
 Conflict Resolution – A form of meditation that solves
disagreements in a positive way.
 Sexual Harassment – Unwelcome sexual advances,
requests for sexual favors for other verbal or physical
conduct of sexual nature.

19. Levels of Communication
 Level Five
 Little conversation – weakest
level
 Often referred to as cliché
 Level Four
 Draw out very little from other
or yourself
 Not interested in conversation

20. Levels of Communication
 Level Three
 Engage in conversation
 Willingness in this level is to share your ideas and
judgments with others
 Carefully restrict ideas until you know what other’s
reactions will be.

21. Levels of Communication
 Level Two
 Become increasingly open
to others and expose
feelings and emotions
 Strong desire to tell how
you feel in being
completely honest
 Do not judge others
around you

22. Levels of Communication
 Level One
 Completely open and honest
with others
 Have courage to reveal deepest
thoughts and feelings to others
 Want to know and understand
what another person is feeling
and why

23. Motivator
 Hammer Communication
or
 Often we really communicate destructively and
constructively with people we are surrounded
with. Whole days can be ruined because of
destructive communication. Put – down take 14
positive remarks to erase.

24. Hammer of Communication
THE CLAW IS LIKE
DESTRUCTIVE
COMMUNICATION.
THE SHANK IS LIKE
NON-VERBAL
COMMUNICATION:
It is sharp and dangerous
and is used to destroy and
tear down relationships.
It is strong and can
be used to support
construction or
destruction.
THE HANDLE OF THE
HAMMER IS LIKE US– IT
IS THE DRIVING FORCE.
We are in control of our
communication and
choose to use it in a
constructive or destructive
manner.
THE HEAD IS LIKE
CONSTRUCTIVE
COMMUNICATION.
It is smooth and rounded
and is used to build and
help put things together.

25. What is an I-Message?
 Not accusing are not
belittling
 Use these to take
responsibility for how you
feel
 These messages are less
threatening and help keep
lines of communication open

26. What is a You-Message?
 Often used but more
negative than an Imessage
 Creates confrontation
when you do not mean to
 Accusing and belittling

27. What is a We-Statement?
 Offers a further step in
improving communication
particularly in families
 These indicate the problem
existing in a group or
relationship
 Minimize individualistic
aspects of a problem and
emphasize togetherness

28. Results of Win-Win Solutions
•More creative in Thinking up solutions
•Take more responsibility for helping everyone
have needs met
•Feeling of mutual respect
•Love grows deeper with every conflict resolved.

29. Communication One-Way Map
Communicating thoughts and feelings in a positive way during a heated
conflict is often difficult. The following map will help to guide you along
the communication I-way. Practice will help you master the "I-way."
Before getting on the communication I-way, it is important to learn which
signs to look for and to understand a few rules of the road in conflict
management.

30. Rules of the Road:
No "You" statements. Use statements that
begin with the word "I". Do not use statements
that include the word "you," because these
statements make people feel defensive.

31. Slow. Remember, it takes time to settle a conflict.
Go slow at first, because conflict resolvers usually
encounter some rough roads in the beginning.
Keep using your I-way map to reach safer roads

32. Detour Ahead. Sometimes tempers are flaring so
much that it may be necessary
to take a temporary detour from the communication
I-way.
Once the tempers have calmed down, you may
begin using I statements to solve the problem.

33. Exit Ahead. Most conflicts can be resolved
through effective communication. However, if
you begin to feel threatened or unsafe, you
should exit the communication I-way and seek
safety.

34. Construction Zone. Construct an I-way statement
by following these directions:
• use the word "I"
•state how you feel
•state the specific behavior that you do not like
•state your willingness to cooperatively resolve the
problem

35. Merge Ahead. After using properly
constructed I-way statements, individuals can
begin to share ideas for how to solve the
problem. Often, the best solution is reached
when two people merge their ideas together

36. End of Construction. After
reaching a solution that the
two individuals agree will
work, they can resume
normal activities.

37. Cliques
 Often put pressure on teens to pretend they are
something they are not
 Provide support and security
 Give teens an identity

38. Hazing
 Involves humiliation or
physical distress
 Teens with high selfesteem see hazing for
what it is, hostile people
feel they have power over
others

39. Bullying
 Form of violence including theft, staling money, harsh
pranks, and imposed territorial bases
 Target people who seem weaker or smaller than their
self

40. Gangs
 Network of people that are
involved in criminal activity
and violence
 Gangs are formed for a sense
of belonging and protection

41. A Little Respect Goes A Long Way