Conflict arises from perceived threats to our needs and interests, based on our unique perspectives. When conflicts occur, we should assess whether we are responding rationally or primitively. Effective conflict resolution requires open communication, mutual understanding of different viewpoints, and finding an optimal solution that addresses both parties' concerns. The document provides a 10-step method for resolving conflicts through recognizing issues, listening to understand different feelings, finding acceptable solutions, and treating each other respectfully.

1. Module 9

2. Conflict Resolution
Conflict is basically a disagreement in which we experience a
threat to our needs, interests, or concerns. Conflict is perceived
through the lens of our perspective or worldview, as well as our
state of mind. It’s based on our interpretation of the situation,
not necessarily an impartial view of it.
When conflict arises, we need to ask ourselves if we are
functioning out of our primitive brain or evolved brain and try to
maintain a reasonable, rational, logical stance.

3. Your Thoughts:
1. What are some key sources of conflict in your workplace
and/or a relationship?
2. When do conflicts tend to occur?
3. How do you respond to these conflicts as they arise?

4. Why does conflict
occur?
• Problems at the workplace or in relationships are more
complicated to solve than individual problems. Issues of different
values, needs, and beliefs are not easy to resolve.
• Research studies in human behavior indicate that conflict is
inevitable in human relationships. They also show that conflict
occurs more over perceived differences than real ones.
• People anticipate barriers to getting their needs met that may or
may not be real.
• People have unique ways of dealing with conflicts in their lives.
Coming to understand your style and motives of the other
person, will help you resolve relationship conflict more effectively.

5. Understanding all forms of conflict
Lack of Communication
Failure to share ideas & feelings in an
intimate relationship sets up a
situation where the other person
may try to fill in the gaps.
Lack of Effective Leadership or
Decision Making
Lack of agreement about who’s in
charge or how things are going to get
done in any relationship can be a
source of conflict.
Value Conflicts
Attitude, belief, and expectation
differences may interfere with
making decisions if people are
inflexible and hold rigid, dogmatic
beliefs about the “right way” to do
things.
Gender Role Differences
When people perceive their own and
their person’s roles differently,
problems can arise.

6. Understanding conflict continued…
5. Not pulling one’s own weight-
Accomplishing tasks and
achieving goals is a necessary
element of all kinds of
relationships. When tasks are
not completed, people may
become frustrated and angry.
6. Change & Transition- change
and transition are givens for
people in relationship. However
human beings tend to prefer
secure, predictable patterns to
the unknown.
7. Unresolved Baggage- Unless
thoroughly discussed and
adequetly worked through,
people’s past unresolved
conflicts inevitably have a
negative impact on
relationships.
8. Distorted Beliefs about
Conflict- ”Harmony is normal,
and conflict is abnormal” It is
normal, natural and inevitable
whenever people interact
together.
9. Destructive Patterns- Because
relationships have the ability to
amplify the strengths and
weaknesses in each person’s
personality, conflicts can
become a destructive power
struggle.

7. Conflict Resolution Styles
1. Denial or Avoidance of the Conflict- The hope that the problem will simply go away on its own. It usually doesn’t, so this
is an ineffective approach.
2. Giving in rather than Confronting the conflict- A very passive approach. These people sometimes viewed as martyrs,
sometimes they are fearful, and sometimes they are seeking appreciation. It is ineffective as it does not generate creative
solutions, or regular submission diminishes self-esteem and creates resentment & a sense of hopelessness.
3. One Person gets Angry & Blames the Other Person- “You’ve hurt me and I am going to punish you back.” It leads to a
stormy relationship in which each person must win at almost any price.
4. Seeking an Innovative, Fair, Optimal Solution for both People- This is the approach adopted by people who want to
create healthy relationships. They learn skills required to control their angry and competitive feelings and their passive
and aggressive impulses.

8. 10 Step Conflict Resolution Method
Choose Choose a Mutually Acceptable Solution. Find the best solution that works for all parties involved.
Recognize & Identify Recognize & Identify Optional Solutions. Agree upon a solution to the problem. Brainstorm, work together.
Identify Identify your share of the Problem. Each person accepts some responsibility for the problem.
Verbalize Verbalize the conflict Issues. Each person should get in touch with his/her own thoughts, needs, and feelings.
Focus on Focus on Feelings. Attend to the emotions first. Try to understand what emotions the other person is expressing.
Listen Listen Carefully. Communication can be hard when emotions are strong and feelings are involved.
Treat Treat each other with Respect.
Select
Select an appropriate time & place to discuss the issues. You need to select a time & place that will allow for adequate understanding and
mutual effort int the resolution process.
Recognize
Recognize Conflict Issues. Healthy people do not want to look for conflicts. However, when a problem does arise, you will find it useful to
accept the problem as an opportunity to seek understanding of yourself & each other.
Find Find Ok – ness within yourself. Take a few deep breaths or whatever you need to be okay prior to attempting to resolve conflicts.

9. Before working through a conflict
Is the problem issue really worth the effort to resolve it?
Will talking about these issues really improve our relationship?
Am I willing to spend the necessary time and energy talking about the issue
and helping the other person by listening?
Have I chosen an appropriate time and place for this confrontation?

10. Suggested Ground rules for Conflict Resolution
One person speaks at a time
Mutually agree to listen to one another, try to understand the other person’s
point of view before responding.
Agree to maintain confidentiality unless there is a clear understanding regarding
who else needs to know further information.
Agree to communicate openly, respectfully, and directly with each other.
Agree not to personally attack each other’s character.

11. Exercise: What’s
the overall
message you’re
getting about how
to solve a conflict
with someone?
• What are your thoughts on how
you think you should resolve
conflicts going forward through
your life?
Homework: Practice 10 step conflict resolution method
this week. & Work on Anger log