The document discusses assertiveness and provides characteristics of different communication styles such as passive, aggressive, and assertive. It notes that assertive people are able to respect themselves and others' rights, have balanced relationships, and feel in control without needing to control others. The document also provides tips and techniques for communicating assertively, including using "I feel" statements, being aware of body language, and knowing how to respectfully say "no". Overall, the document promotes assertiveness as an effective communication style.

1. ASSERTIVENESS
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2. ASSERTIVENESS
It is the ability to clearly
communicate one’s opinions,
needs , wants, interests,
feelings, etc. to another
in a non-defensive and
non-threatening way.
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3. CHARACTERISTICS OF :
1 SUBMISSIVE people
find themselves taken advantage of,
exploited and in some
situations scapegoated.
 These people usually tend not to respect
themselves and are sometimes cruelly referred to as
“doormats”.
 Tend to avoid conflict and responsibility
 Seek out others who can protect them but whom they
nevertheless control
 Payoffs are able to manipulate and control
others through a style which s often praised
for its “selflessness”.
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4. CHARACTERISTICS OF :
2 FLIGHT people
avoid or run away from conflict situations
 Is probably the worst response
because it implies a total
abrogation or denial of
responsibility and control over
a situation.
 Payoff : none
 They have relative peace and
quiet but they have difficulty
asserting their rights or
gaining any meaningful
objectives for themselves. 4

5. CHARACTERISTICS OF :
3 “FIGHT” or Aggressive people
tend not respect the rights of others and,
consequently, they often invoke in other people
feelings of fear, helplessness and anger.
 Are often counter-attacked or lose
control of a situation and are
often left with a sense of guilt.
 Payoff : They are often able to
achieve their objectives and
control those around them.
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6. CHARACTERISTICS OF :
4 Assertive people
tend to respect themselves and their own rights
 They have better balanced relationships with fewer
bad feelings.
 Tend to be less
anxious and have a
sense of control
without needing to
control others.
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7. Assertiveness Skills
The four-part Assertive Conversion
1. “I feel …”
2. “Here’s why…”
5. “Here’s what I think is
fair…”
8. “When you do this it
will/I’ll…”
( Use as needed) “If you choose not to do this…”
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8. Feedback Must Be Carefully Handled Because
You Are Taking Someone From….
Unconsciously
Incompetent
Consciously
Incompetent .
Consciously
Competent
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9. Assertiveness Skills
The Four Basic Styles of
Interpersonal Relationships
• Passive : 3. Assertive :
Chooses to be the victim There are no victims.
Says, “ I’m OK. You’re OK
Says, “ You’re OK, I’m not
too.”
so hot.”
5. Aggressive : 4. Passive /Aggressive :
Creates victims.
Chooses to be the victim and
Says, “ I’m OK. You’re not
creates victims
so hot.”
Says, “ I’m not so hot and
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neither are you!”

10. “Behavior is a
mirror in which
everyone shows
his image.”
Sharon Anthony Bower, “Asserting Yourself”,
National Press Publications, 1995
Tip : Assertive Behavior Is a Choice.
Choose not to.
Give yourself “ permission to pause.”
Decide to “ go for it ” now. 10

11. Tip : Assertive Behavior Is Situational
Passive Active
Depression Violence
Aggressive
Aggressive
Abusive
Passive
Withdraw
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12. Know how to
Tip :
say “No” 12

13. The Power of a Positive Two-Letter Word
• Listen to the request.
• Ask questions to get details.
• Stop. Pause. Think.
(Stay silent for 5-10 seconds. The person will explain
more as he/she talks to fill the silence.)
• Decide immediately.
Ask yourself : Do I feel stressed?
Do I feel challenged?
• Give reasons.
• Offer alternatives.
Taken from prioritize, Organize: The Art of Getting It Done, National Press Publications.
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14. Two “No ” scripts to Open Negotiations
“_________, there’s
nothing I’d like better
than to do what you
propose, but you know
my rule. Never do
anything unless I can do
it well. And I can’t do
that now because there
“No to are too many other things
PEER” on my schedule that must
( from Prioritize, Organize )
be done first” 14

15. Two “No ” scripts to Open Negotiations
“You have
assigned my team
five tasks. In the
time you’ve given
us, we can
complete three of
these tasks. Which
three are your
“No to SUPERVISOR”
priorities?” 15
( from Prioritize, Organize )

16. • Your Natural No Different Ways of
This is your own idiosyncratic
version.
2. Reflective Listening, Then No
Reflect back the content and
feeling of the request and then
say no. ( Adapted from Bolton, 1987, 196-9)
3. The Reasoned No
Say no and give a succinct reason for it.
4. The Rainy Check No
Say no this time, but suggest that the other person
asks again. 16

17. 5. The Broken Record Different Ways of
For use with very aggressive or
manipulative people (e.g. sales
people). Simply use a one-
sentence refusal and repeat it no
matter what the other says.
6. The Flat No ( Adapted from Bolton, 1987, 196-9)
Rarely used by assertive persons but simply
saying “no” is appropriate at times.
7. The Celebrative No
This is a dramatic gesture to signify refusal (like
Martin Luther pinning his theses to the door of the
Wittenberg church). 17

18. threatening part of the message is “surrounded” on
each side by positive and descriptive message. A
reinforcement sandwich looks like this:
I appreciated the way in
which you were able to do
the report on the PMR
although,
I was not as happy with
your concluding remarks
on the CALL REPORT
which could be reworded.
A Reinforcement
Sandwich
I have confidence in your
ability to do this.
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19. Here the message was
given in a way that
was helpful. It was
not evaluative or
judgmental. Neither
was it vacuous praise
which is equally
dangerous for good
communication.
Instead it was descriptive and concrete. When
giving praise these are two essential
prerequisites. This technique is useful with
particularly sensitive people.
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20. Good communication
and assertiveness
skills are the essential
building blocks for the
conflict manager.
Without these there is
little hope that conflict
will be handled
appropriately. They are
worth, therefore,
careful consideration
and practice.
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21. Assertiveness Skills
Body
Languag
e 21

22. Passive Aggressive Body Language
• Shoulders • Appears rigid. Physical
bent forward • Hands placed Appearance:
• Often jeans on hips.
on objects or • Moves quickly
walls. from place to
• Slumps while place.
sitting in • Walks ahead
chairs of others
• Ready to lurch
forward at any
moment.
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23. Passive Aggressive Body Language
• Blank • Lowers Facial
eyebrows. Expressions
• Eyes are
looking down. • Rolls eyes
• Pouting. upward to
• Inappropriate show
use of smiles. displeasure.
• Mouth is
turned down at
corners.
• Turns head
quickly for
emphasis.
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24. Passive Aggressive Body Language
• Constantly
handling
• When hands are Gestures
used for
objects like emphasis,
coins, pens, fingers are
paper clips, slightly apart .
etc. • Arms and
• Often chews hands invite
on pens and closeness.
• Index finger is
pencils.
• Hands are at or directed to
oneself.
over the mouth
• Nodding of
head in
agreement. 24

25. Passive Aggressive Body Language
• Does not make • Stares. Eye
eye contact • Moves quickly. Contacts
with other • Looks at clock
people. or watch all
• Looks to see the time.
how others are
responding
while someone
is speaking to
him.
• Excessive
blinking.
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26. Passive Aggressive Body Language
Tone of
• Difficult to • Clear. Voice
hear. • Appropriate
• Whiny. volume for
• Fearful the setting.
• Good
modulation
for emphasis
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27. Passive? Aggressive?
Which personality type best
describes you?
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28. Here are some interesting statistics about
what we communicate face to face
words
facial expression 7%
and body
language
56% 37%
tone of voice
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29. Knowing this should remind us that
the real message is not in words but n
our tone of voice and body language.
And that our assertive messages are first
communicated without ever saying a
word.
words
7%
56%
37%
facial expression tone of voice
and body 29
language

30. Another important nonverbal
message we send is through our
appearance. What we are wearing, our
makeup or lack of it, jewelry and a
hundred other cues send strong
messages about who we are and what
the receiver can expect on us.
words
7%
56%
37%
facial expression tone of voice
and body 30
language

31. Eleven Qualities of a Successful
Manager
1. Command of Basic Facts Basic
2. Relevant Professional Knowledge Knowledge
3. Continuing Sensitivity to Events
4. Analytical Problem-Solving and
Decisions. Judgment-Making Skills
6. Social Skills and Abilities Skills &
7. Emotional Resilience Attributes
8. Proactivity – inclination to respond
Purposefully to events
10. Creativity
11. Mental Agility
12. Balanced Learning Habits “Meta-
Qualities”
And Skills
11. Self - Knowledge
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32. The WINNER is always part of the answer,
The LOSER is always part of the problem.
The WINNER always has a programme,
The LOSER always has an excuse.
The WINNER sees an answer for every problem,
The LOSER sees a problem in every answer.
The Winner sees green pasture near every sandbag,
The LOSER sees two or three sandbags near every green.
The WINNER says: “ It may be difficult but it’s possible”,
The LOSER says: “ It may be possible but it’s too difficult”.
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33. ASSERTIVENESS
Thank you.
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