Aditya struggled with interpersonal skills at his new job. He was often late, argued with colleagues, and made inappropriate jokes and remarks about others. As a result, his colleagues started avoiding him and found it difficult to work with him. In contrast, Anita was well-liked at her job due to her strong interpersonal skills. She spoke confidently and respectfully to everyone, customized her approach based on who she was interacting with, and maintained a calm and poised demeanor even in difficult situations. Developing self-awareness, managing emotions, empathy, and effective conflict resolution are important interpersonal skills that help people work well with others.

1. Interpersonal Skills

2. Case Study 1
Aditya Shah, an MBA from a prestigious college, is witty and
intelligent. When he joined ABC Life Insurance Co, his colleagues
liked him instantly. At the beginning, at least.
However, as they got to know him better, they realized he wasn't that
as much fun as he seemed at first.
He would walk into office late, argue with his seniors and make nasty
jokes and remarks about his colleagues. He was always late for
meetings .
Eventually, his colleagues started avoiding him. His seniors were wary
of him. It became a Herculean task for him to get the smallest
things done; no one wanted to cooperate with him.
He began to feel isolated and found it hard to work effectively. Finally,
he started wondering if something was wrong with him.

3. Case Study 2
Anita, is one of the most liked employees of the Swift Life Insurance
Company
She spoke with grace and confidence to everyone from the watchman
to the director, customizing her technique to suit whoever she was
dealing with.
Everybody knew who Anita was. She commanded awe and respect in
the organisation. She also had a good dress sense, smiled a lot and
looked into peoples' eyes while speaking. Her tone was soft, yet
confident. She was poised and no crisis was big enough to ruffle
her feathers. She was able to handle the most trying and seemingly
impossible situations with a kind of ease most people would kill to
have. She knew what she wanted and got it.

4. Analyze the Cases
What do you think went wrong for Aditya?
What was the impact of his behaviour on his work?
What qualities does Anita have that make her excellent at
people skills?
How will these skills help her at work?
Why do you think it is important to have good interpersonal
skills?

5. Why is it important to develop good
interpersonal skills?
Interpersonal skills are the ability to interpret situations correctly and
behave accordingly. They are the base on which etiquette is formed
We begin developing our social skills from the time we are born.
From then on, it is a never-ending journey. As we grow older, we
learn how to interact with family and friends. We also learn of or are
faced with the problems associated with poor social skills.
While instances of employee immaturity or lack of appropriate
social skills are not difficult to locate, they often go unaddressed.
Good interpersonal skills go a long way in commanding respect,
communicating effectively and building strong relationships.

6. Aspects of Good Interpersonal
Skills
Competency in two areas needs to be developed in order to
have good interpersonal skills
Personal Competency
Self Awareness
Managing Emotions
Social Competency
Empathy
Handling Conflicts

7. Personal Competency
Self Awareness:
High self-awareness refers to having an accurate understanding of how you
behave, how other people perceive you, recognizing how you respond to
others, being sensitive to your attitudes, feelings, emotions, intents and
general communication style at any given moment and being able to
accurately disclose this awareness to others.
SKILL INDICATORS
Know when you are thinking negatively
Know when your self-talk is helpful
Know when you are becoming angry
Know how you are interpreting events
Know what senses you are currently using
Know how to communicate accurately what you experience
Know the moments your mood shifts
Know when you are becoming defensive
Know the impact your behavior has on others

8. Self Awareness – Skill
Development
Do you recognize your feelings and emotions
as they happen?
Are you aware of how others perceive you?
How do you act when you are defensive?
Are you aware of how you speak to yourself?

9. Self Awareness – Skill
Development
Examine how you appraise people and situations
Tune into your reactions on three levels; Thought, Feeling and
Behaviour
Get in touch with your feelings
Learn what your intentions are
Pay attention to your actions

10. Personal Competency
Managing Emotions:
The capacity to soothe oneself, to shake off rampant anxiety, gloom,
despair, or irritability. The ability to be able to keep an emotional
perspective.
SKILL INDICATORS
Able to identify shifts in physiological arousal
Be able to relax in pressure situations
Act productively in anxiety-arousing situations
Calm oneself quickly when angry
Associate different physiological cues with different emotional
states
Use self-talk to affect emotional states
Communicate feelings effectively
Reflect on negative feelings without being distressed
Stay calm when you are the target of anger from others

11. Managing Emotions – Skill
Development
Do you use anger productively?
Can you manage your anxiety in times of
change?
Can you put yourself in a good mood?

12. Managing Emotions – Skill
Development
To manage Emotions:
Use your self-talk as a teaching tool
Avoid distorted thinking
Use relaxation to decrease you irritation
Become a good problem solver
Generate humor
Take time out

13. Social Competency
Empathy:
Empathy is the recognition and understanding of the states of mind,
beliefs, desires, and particularly, emotions of others. It is often
characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes", or
experiencing the outlook or emotions of another being within
oneself; a sort of emotional resonance.
One of the foundation skills that contributes to a manager's or
leader's success is the skill of empathy. It starts with self-
awareness, in that understanding your own emotions is essential to
understanding the feelings of others. It is crucial to effective
communication and to leading others.

14. Social Competency
Without an adequate capacity to understand the other's point of
view, some managers lack sufficient flexibility for change, cannot
work well with team collaboration, and cannot relate well with the
very people that affect the results they are trying to achieve.
Both managers and employees need empathy in order to interact
well with customers, suppliers, the general public and with each
other. Managers need it even more when they are assigning a task
to someone who won't like it; when offering criticism to someone
who predictably will get defensive; when having to deal with
someone we don't like; when dealing with employee disputes; and
when giving bad news such as telling someone that they won't be
promoted or that they're being laid off. The first step in dealing with
any negativity is to empathize. The next step is to focus back to the
goals and the tasks at hand.

15. SKILLS INDICATORS
• Understanding others: Sensing others' feelings and perspectives,
and taking an active interest in their concerns
• Service orientation: Anticipating, recognizing and meeting customers'
needs
• Developing others: Sensing others' development needs and
bolstering their abilities
• Leveraging diversity: Cultivating opportunities through diverse people
• Political awareness: Reading the political and social currents in an
organization

16. Developing Empathy
Here are some steps to take to begin improving
empathy as an effective management tool.
Keep a log of situations in which you felt you were able to
demonstrate empathy and a log in which you felt you did not. Make
a note of missed opportunities to respond with empathy.
Become aware of incidents where there may be some underlying
concerns that are not explicitly expressed by others.
Make a note of possible emotions or feelings that the other person
may be experiencing. Keep an open mind and never assume,
merely explore the possibilities.
Develop a list of questions to ask at your next encounter with that
person. Try to make the questions open-ended, that is, questions
that can't be answered by yes or no.
Practice listening without interrupting. Wait until the other person is
complete with their point of view before offering yours.

17. Developing Empathy
Avoid being defensive in order to create an open dialogue where
possibilities can be explored freely.
Allow creative time for people to express opinions and ideas without
judgment.
Practice active listening: always check out the meaning of what was
said with the person speaking. Paraphrasing what was said helps to
clear up misconceptions and to deepen understanding
Always bring focus back into the conversation. Remember that
optimal effectiveness is achieved by a combination of focus and
empathy
Work on achieving an effective balance of focus, goal orientation
and empathic listening.

18. Social Competency
Handling Conflict
What is conflict
Disagreeing with another.
Difference of opinion with another.
Complaints about our performance.
Criticism of our behavior or attitude.
Negative evaluation of our performance.
Fighting with another.
Stress inducing event in which we are confronted in a negative way.
Matching of wills.
An anger producing event.
A threat to our security.
Speaking out for our beliefs.
Risking the loss of acceptance.
A time when no one is communicating; whether people are angry silently or
are yelling at one another.
Someone acting in direct opposition to our request.
Defending our rights when they are being ignored.

19. If Conflict is not handled well, a person may feel
scared
frightened
ignored
confused
isolated
challenged
threatened
unwanted
disliked
put down
controlled
judgmental

20. If a conflict is handled well, a person feels:
confident
relieved
listened to
clear on things
more intimate with others
challenged to grow
open to truth
accepted by others
respected
supported
understood
accepting of differences

21. Handling Conflicts – “Fighting the
Fair way”
Fair fighting is a way to manage conflict and
associated feelings effectively. To fight fairly, you
just need to follow some basic guidelines to help
keep your disagreements from becoming
entrenched or destructive. This may be difficult
when you think another's point of view is silly,
irrational, or just plain unfair. But remember, he or
she may think the same thing about your ideas.

22. Ground Rules
Remain calm. Try not to overreact to difficult situations. By
remaining calm it will be more likely that others will consider your
viewpoint.
Express feelings in words, not actions. Telling someone directly
and honestly how you feel can be a very powerful form of
communication. If you start to feel so angry or upset that you feel
you may lose control, take a "time out" and do something to help
yourself feel steadier - take a walk, do some deep breathing, pet the
cat, play with the dog, do the dishes - whatever works for you.
Be specific about what is bothering you. Vague complaints are
hard to work on.
Deal with only one issue at a time. Don't introduce other topics
until each is fully discussed. This avoids the "kitchen sink" effect
where people throw in all their complaints while not allowing
anything to be resolved.
No "hitting below the belt." Attacking areas of personal sensitivity
creates an atmosphere of distrust, anger, and vulnerability.

23. Ground Rules
Avoid accusations. Accusations will cause others to defend
themselves. Instead, talk about how someone's actions made you
feel.
Don't generalize. Avoid words like "never" or "always." Such
generalizations are usually inaccurate and will heighten tensions.
Avoid "make believe." Exaggerating or inventing a complaint - or
your feelings about it - will prevent the real issues from surfacing.
Stick with the facts and your honest feelings.
Don't stockpile. Storing up lots of grievances and hurt feelings
over time is counterproductive. It's almost impossible to deal with
numerous old problems for which interpretations may differ. Try to
deal with problems as they arise.
Avoid clamming up. When one person becomes silent and stops
responding to the other, frustration and anger can result. Positive
results can only be attained with two-way communication.
Establish common ground rules. You may even want to ask your
partner-in-conflict to read and discuss this brochure with you. When
parties accept positive common ground rules for managing a
conflict, resolution becomes much more likely

24. Don’t Attack ‘em – WAC ‘em
Positive confrontation has a simple rule. It’s easy. When you wish to
confront someone, WAC them. WAC’em is an acronym. Each letter
stand for a key step in getting your words for a difficult conversation
together.
W – What’s really bothering you?
A – Ask – What do you want to ask the other person to do.
C – Check In – You’ve asked the other person to change something
about his/her behaviour. What does he/she think about it, check in
and find out.

25. Getting the W right.
Be specific – Describe the person’s behaviour, don’t judge it.
Don’t label or generalise – Avoid statements with words like
“selfish”, “inconsiderate”, “always”, or “nevers”
Understand the effect the person’s behaviour has on you.
Use positive wording to express your W, including “I”
statements.
Don’t use negative or harsh words, like bother, annoy,
stupid, etc.
Use a softening statement to put the other person at ease,
when appropriate.

26. Getting the A right.
You must be specific about your A. If you’re not specific in
what you ask the other person to do, you may not get what
you want but what the other person thinks you want or what
the person wants to do or give.
Deciding upon how direct you must be – Depending upon
your relationship with the person or the seriousness of the
situation, you choose to be very direct or less so.
Position v/s Want – A want states your desired outcome. A
position on the other hand is much stronger and has much
more significance. A position has a consequence to it. Don’t
state a position unless you are prepared to follow through.
Ask for what is possible – When you ask for what you want,
it must be in the person’s power or ability to give it to you.

27. Getting your C right
The C is often a question that requires a response from the
other person. It’s important to know that the other person
has heard your and you need to hear the other person’s
thoughts or opinions. The other person may have good ideas
too.
Your C can be as simple as asking the other person,
“Okay?”
Some other phrases might include:
Is that okay?
What do you think?
Can that happen?

28. Pointers to People Skills
Smile
Be Appreciative
Pay Attention to others
Practice Active Listening
Bring people together
Don’t be afraid of using Humor to
lower barriers