This document provides guidance on conflict resolution. It discusses that conflict is a normal part of relationships but can harm relationships if mismanaged. The fundamentals of conflict resolution include recognizing differing needs and examining them with compassion to find creative solutions. Successful conflict resolution relies on managing stress, emotions, paying attention to others' feelings, and respecting differences. It offers tools for conflict resolution like using a win-win approach, empathy, assertiveness, and broadening perspectives. Healthy responses to conflict include compromise while unhealthy ones include anger and withdrawal. The keys to resolution are stress relief, emotion management, communication skills, and humor.

1. CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Mr Junior Sencion

2. CONFLICT
 Normal and healthy part of relationships
 When mismanaged, can harm relationships
 When handled in a respectful and positive way, provides
opportunity for growth

3. THE FUNDAMENTALS
OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION

4. FUNDAMENTALS
 Conflict arises from differences.
 Values, motivations, perceptions, ideas, or desires
 Sometimes these differences may seem trivial to you, but when a
conflict triggers strong feelings, a deep personal and relational
need is at the core of the problem
 a need to feel safe and secure
 a need to feel respected and valued
 a need for greater closeness and intimacy.

5. FUNDAMENTALS
 Recognize the legitimacy of conflicting needs
 Be willing to examine them in an environment of compassionate
understanding
 This will open pathways to creative problem solving, team
building, improved relationships, and trust

6. FUNDAMENTALS
 Successful conflict resolution depends on your ability to:
 Manage stress while remaining alert and calm.
 Control your emotions and behavior.
 Pay attention to the feelings being expressed.
 Be aware of and respectful of differences.

7. CONFLICT RESOLUTION
TOOL KIT

8. WIN-WIN APPROACH
 Cooperation
 I want to win and I want you to win, too.
 Discuss underlying needs
 Orange example
 Ask probing questions to find out needs
 Recognize individual differences
 Be open to adapting your position in light of shared information
and attitudes
 Attack the problem, not the people

9. CREATIVE RESPONSE
 Turn problems in to possibilities
 Attitude colors thoughts
 Perfection (winners and losers)
 Discovery (winners and learners)

10. EMPATHY
 Information
 Getting a clear picture
 Affirmation
 Affirming, acknowledging, exploring the problem
 Inflammation
 Responding to a complaint or attack on you

11. APPROPRIATE ASSERTIVENESS
 When to use “I” statements
 How it is on my side, how I see it, and how I
would like it to be.
 You need to let the other person know you
are feeling strongly about the issue
 Others often underestimate how hurt or angry
or put out you are, so it’s useful to say exactly
what’s going on for you—making the situation
appear neither better nor worse.

12. COOPERATIVE POWER
 Responding to resistance from others
 Ask open questions to reframe resistance
 Find options
 Redirect
 Move to the positive
 Go back to legitimate needs and concerns

13. MANAGING EMOTIONS-HANDLING
YOURSELF
• 5 questions
• Why am I feeling so
angry/hurt/frightened?
• What do I want to
change?
• What do I need in order
to let go of this feeling?
• Whose problem is this,
really?
• What is the unspoken
message I infer from the
situation?
• 5 goals
• Aim to avoid the desire
to punish or blame.
• Aim to improve the
situation.
• Aim to communicate
your feelings
appropriately.
• Aim to improve the
relationship and
increase
communication.
• Aim to avoid repeating
the same situation.

14. MANAGING EMOTIONS-HANDLING
OTHERS
 People’s behavior occurs for a purpose. They are looking
for ways to belong, feel significant, and self-protect.
 Avoid attention-seeking behaviors.
 Disengage from the struggle for power.
 Convince them that you respect their needs.
 Encourage any positive attempt, no matter how small.

15. NEGOTIATION
 Be hard on the problem and soft on the person.
 Focus on needs, not positions.
 Emphasize common ground.
 Be inventive about options.
 Make clear agreements.
 Where possible prepare in advance.

16. MEDIATION
 These attitudes are relevant when you are advising a conflict that
is not your own.
 Be objective and supportive
 No judging
 Steer the process, not the content
 Win/win
 This may be an informal chat with both conflicting people or a
formally organized mediation session.

17. BROADENING PERSPECTIVES
 Respect and value differences.
 Recognize a long term timeframe.
 Assume a global perspective.
 Deal with resistance to the broader perspective.
 Be open to the idea of changing and risk-taking.

18. RESPONSES TO CONFLICT

19. UNHEALTHY RESPONSES
 Inability to recognize and respond to matters of great importance
to the other person.
 Explosive, angry, hurtful, and resentful reactions.
 Withdrawal, resulting in rejection, isolation, shaming, and fear of
abandonment.
 Expectation of bad outcomes.
 Fear and avoidance of conflict.

20. HEALTHY RESPONSES
 The capacity to recognize and respond to important matters
 A readiness to forgive and forget.
 The ability to seek compromise and avoid punishing.
 A belief that resolution can support the interests and needs of
both parties.

21. FOUR KEY CONFLICT RESOLUTION
SKILLS
1. Quickly relieve stress.
2. Recognize and manage your emotions.
3. Improve your nonverbal communication skills.
4. Use humor and play to deal with challenges.

22. QUICK TIPS
FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION

23. TIPS
 Make the relationship your priority.
 Focus on the present.
 Pick your battles.
 Be willing to forgive.
 Know when to let something go.

24. TIPS
 Fair fighting: Ground rules
 Remain calm.
 Express feelings in words, not actions.
 Be specific about what is bothering you.
 Deal with only one issue at a time.
 No “hitting below the belt.”
 Avoid accusations.
 Don’t generalize.
 Avoid “make believe.”
 Don’t stockpile.
 Avoid clamming up.

25. LEARN HOW TO LISTEN
 Tips to be a better listener
 Listen to the reasons the other person gives for being upset.
 Make sure you understand what the other person is telling you—from his point
of view.
 Repeat what the person said in your own words, and ask if you have
understood correctly.
 Ask if anything remains unspoken, giving the person time to think before
answering.
 Resist the temptation to interject you own point of view until the other person
has said everything he or she wants to say and feels that you have listened to
and understood his or her message.

26. ACTIVE LISTENING
 Encourage the other person to share his or her issues as fully as
possible.
 Clarify the real issues, rather than making assumptions.
 Restate what you have heard.
 Reflect feelings.
 Validate the concerns of the other person.

27. REFERENCES
 Conflict Resolution Network http://www.crnhq.org
 The Counseling and Mental Health Center at The University of
Texas at Austin, University of Wisconsin, Madison
http://www.edcc.edu/counseling/documents/conflict.pdf