This document outlines the learning outcomes and content of an assertiveness training course. By the end of the course, students will gain knowledge and skills related to assertive communication, dealing with difficult people and situations, identifying personal rights, developing a "win-win" mentality, and changing unproductive habits. The course will cover topics like listening skills, questioning techniques, identifying different types of behaviors, and models for conflict resolution.

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Learning Outcomes
By the end of the course you will :
Have knowledge and understanding of where you need to be as a person before you
can act assertively
Have identified your rights as an individual (Believe in?)
Have knowledge and understanding of how we communicate assertively and the
value of listening and questioning skills in doing so
Have knowledge and understanding of the 3 main types of behaviour and how to use
this to deal with difficult people and situations
Have identified and know how to remove your “blockers” to behaving assertively
Have knowledge and understanding of why a “Win – Win” mentality is critical for
long term individual survival
Have knowledge and understanding of the Thomas Kilmann Conflict Model
Have identified the positive behaviours we need to work productively

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Creating an Environment which supports
Positive Behaviour
Beginning with YOU

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Stimulus Response
Gather Information
Generate Options
Select “Best” Option
Take Decision
Review Decision
The Decision Taking Process
Make
M
A
K
E
The World Changes Here

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What does this say?
happinessisnowhere
happiness is now here
Positive v Negative Thinking

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Is your view of the world the only one?
What do
you see?
What might
they see?

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Are things always as they seem?

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The way an individual perceives, understands and
interprets the surrounding world
– a mental map
Paradigms

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“If you want small changes, work on your
behaviour. If you want quantum leap changes
work on your paradigms”
Stephen R.Covey- “The Seven Habits of Highly
Effective People”
Changing YOUR Paradigm

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A Foundation Model – For you to follow
CharacterCharacter CompetenceCompetence
A person with highA person with high
character exhibits integrity,character exhibits integrity,
maturity and an Abundancematurity and an Abundance
MentalityMentality
A person with highA person with high
competence hascompetence has
knowledge and abilityknowledge and ability
in a given areain a given area
TrustworthinessTrustworthiness
TrustTrust
Being TrulyBeing Truly
EffectiveEffective

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““WeWe who lived in concentration camps can remember thewho lived in concentration camps can remember the
men who walked throughout the huts comforting others,men who walked throughout the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread. They may have beengiving away their last piece of bread. They may have been
few in number, but they offer sufficient proof thatfew in number, but they offer sufficient proof that
everything can be taken away from a man but one thing :everything can be taken away from a man but one thing :
the last of the human freedomsthe last of the human freedoms – to choose ones’ attitude in– to choose ones’ attitude in
any given set of circumstances, to choose ones own way”any given set of circumstances, to choose ones own way”
Viktor Frankl – Man’s Search for MeaningViktor Frankl – Man’s Search for Meaning
Attitude is everything – Who chooses yours?

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Dealing with People
Only YOU can develop the model of
YOU required to act assertively

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“Seek first to understand
Then be understood” – Habit 5
Think Win – Win – Habit 4

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Developing a Win – Win Relationship
The OK Corral
I’m OK
Your OK
I’m OK
Your not OK
I’m not OK
Your OK
I’m not OK
Your not OK
Win
Win
Lose
Win
Win
Lose
Lose
Lose

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The Three Main Behaviours
Aggressive – Assertive – Non-assertive (Submissive)
Productive v Unproductive Behaviours

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Levels of Listening
• Ignoring – Making no effort to listen
• Pretend Listening – Giving the appearance of listening
• Selective Listening – Hearing the bits that interest you
• Attentive Listening – Paying attention, focusing, comparing to
personal experiences
• Empathetic Listening – Listening and responding with both heart and
mind

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The Power of QuestionsThe Power of Questions
• Reflective – You seem unhappy about …?
• Open – Tell me about …? To what extent does …?
• Probing – Tell me more about …? Better in what way …?
• Link – You mentioned that …?
• Direct – When do you need this by …?
• Closed – Are you happy with the proposal?
• Silence

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12
Can you see what they see?

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How do they see things?

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Assertiveness means ..
• Standing up for your own rights in such a way that you do not
violate another persons rights
• Expressing your needs, wants, opinions feelings and beliefs in
direct, honest and appropriate ways

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Assertiveness
Assertiveness is based on the belief that in any situation;
• You have needs to be met
• The other people involved have needs to be met
• You have rights, so do others
• You have something to contribute, so do others
Aim - To achieve “Win – Win”

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Submissiveness means ..
• Failing to stand up for your rights or doing so in such a way that
others can disregard them
• Expressing your needs, wants, opinions feelings and beliefs in
apologetic, diffident or self effacing ways

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Submissiveness
Submissiveness is based on the belief that in any situation:
• The other persons needs and wants are more important than your
own
• The other person has rights, but you do not
• You have little or nothing to contribute, the other person has a
great deal to contribute
Aim – To avoid conflict and please others – “perceived
benefits”

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AGGRESSION MEANS ..
• STANDING UP FOR YOUR OWN RIGHTS BUT DOING
SO IN SUCH A WAY THAT YOU VIOLATE THE RIGHTS
OF OTHER PEOPLE
• IGNORING OR DISMISSING THE NEEDS, WANTS AND
OPINIONS, FEELINGS OR BELIEFS OF OTHERS
• EXPRESSING YOUR OWN NEEDS, WANTS AND
OPINIONS (WHICH MAY BE HONEST OR DISHONEST)
IN INAPPROPRIATE WAYS

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AGGRESSION
AGGRESSION is based on the belief that in any situation:
• YOUR OWN NEEDS, WANTS AND OPINIONS ARE
MORE IMPORTANT THAN OTHER PEOPLE’S
• YOU HAVE RIGHTS BUT OTHER PEOPLE DO NOT
• YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO CONTRIBUTE, OTHERS
HAVE LITTLE OR NOTHING TO CONTRIBUTE
AIM – TO WIN. IF NECESSARY AT THE EXPENSE OF
OTHERS.

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Assertive “Persuasion”
• Relax (as far as possible)
• Have your information ready
• Be sure of your facts
• Calmly state your feelings
• Keep to the point
• Acknowledge the other persons point of view
• Encourage joint solutions where possible
• Go for “Win – Win”
• Summarise the agreement
Acknowledge Feelings
Make positive statements
Listen & Question

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Dealing with things Assertively
Dealing Assertively with submissive/aggressive behaviour
• Self Awareness – Know the potential affects and exercise control
• The“Self-fulfilling prophesy” – Make it positive
• The “Inner Dialogue” – Make the right choices
• Assertive Persuasion – Memorise the process and choose to use it
(Listening and Questioning – a Team of Two)

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Have we agreed the Principles?
• We all have rights to which we are entitled
• Others have rights to which they are entitled
• Everyone has the right to be treated with respect
• In working towards a solution these rights must be respected at
all times
• Our style of behaviour is by personal choice

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Looking at Conflict – Causes and Responses

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The Thomas - Kilmann Model
Defining the conflict modes
Assertiveness
Co-operation
Collaborating
(High Assertive/High Coop)
(Low Assertive/High Coop)
Accommodating
Compromising
(Mid Assertive/Mid Coop)
Competing
(High Assertive/Low Coop)
(Low Assertive/Low Coop)
Avoiding
Avoidance (low coop, low assertiveness)
Denial, under-responsiveness, shifting, semantic
focus, postponement,
– Advantage - takes out the heat of the moment
– Disadvantage - conflict remains unresolved,
may lead to larger outbreak
Competition (low coop, high assertiveness)
Presumptive attribution, prescription
– Advantage - increased creativity and enthusiasm
– Disadvantage - violence, driving opponent
underground
Compromise (moderate coop and assert)
Reaching for a middle ground
– Advantage - often actually resolves the conflict
– Disadvantage - may actually be bad policy or
decision by not staying true to either set of goals
Accommodation (High coop, Low assert.)
Appeasement, smoothing over
– Advantage - often quickly leads to solution
– Disadvantage - may, in the long run, be detrimental,
denies the legitimacy of the claims of one of the
participants
Collaboration (High coop, High assert.)
–Use description, qualification, accept responsibility,
initiating problem solving
– Advantage - Achieves trusting relationships
– Disadvantage - difficult and many are not trained to
do it very well
The Thomas - Kilmann Model
Defining the conflict modes
Assertiveness
Co-operation
Collaborating
(High Assertive/High Coop)
(Low Assertive/High Coop)
Accommodating
Compromising
(Mid Assertive/Mid Coop)
Competing
(High Assertive/Low Coop)
(Low Assertive/Low Coop)
Avoiding

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Learning Outcomes
By the end of the course you will :
Have knowledge and understanding of where you need to be as a person before you
can act assertively
Have identified your rights as an individual (Believe in?)
Have knowledge and understanding of how we communicate assertively and the
value of listening and questioning skills in doing so
Have knowledge and understanding of the 3 main types of behaviour and how to use
this to deal with difficult people and situations
Have identified and know how to remove your “blockers” to behaving assertively
Have knowledge and understanding of why a “Win – Win” mentality is critical for
long term individual survival
Have knowledge and understanding of the Thomas Kilmann Conflict Model
Have identified the positive behaviours we need to work productively

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“We first make our habits then our habits
make us”
Stephen Covey
Knowledge (what
to, why to)
Desire
(want to)
Skill
(how to)
Habits
Changing Habits

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Within (Team Name ) we will build effective working relationships
by:
Creating a safe and comfortable working environment
Being open, trusting and honest with one another
Valuing and respecting all fellow workers
Having two-way communication
Accepting that you can say “no” without feeling guilty
Encouraging equality by showing no favouritism and not allowing cliques to

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Within (Team Name) we will build effective
working relationships by:
RESPECT – Respecting and valuing fellow workers
COMMUNICATION – Effective two-way
communication
TRUST – Being open, honest and approachable
EQUALITY – Treating everyone equally and fairly
ATTITUDE – Being positive and focused
SUPPORT – Showing compassion and sincerity
DIVERSITY – Respecting individuality