The document discusses how people make decisions and use logic and emotion. It makes the following key points: 1) We primarily make decisions based on emotions, either moving towards pleasure or away from pain, but then use logic to justify those emotional decisions. 2) Our subconscious mind, which controls up to 97% of our life, assesses situations instinctually based on avoiding pain and reacting, then our conscious mind makes decisions cross-referencing new information with preexisting beliefs. 3) Emotion is the primary driver in decision making, though we think we are being logical. Logic is better used to initially engage people and then appeal to their emotions to motivate action. 4) Building rapport

1. How do we decide
anything?
(from an NLP viewpoint)
By Mike Friganiotis

2. How do we decide anything?
W make decisions based on emotion….
e
We e ithe r d e c id e to … . .
a) Move away from pain
b) Move towards pleasure
The n, we us e lo g ic to jus tify tho s e d e c is io ns !!

4. Decision making
• We avoid perceived risk
• We tend to make decisions
independently, rather than seek the
advice of someone else who can provide a
different perspective
• We will take a sure thing (even when it
doesn’t always make sense) as opposed
to taking the risk of something with a
50/50 chance.
• e.g would you like $50 now, or a chance to get half of
$200 later?

5. Sub-conscious vs conscious mind
• Our sub-conscious is 1 million times
more powerful!
• It controls up to 97% of our life
• It is incapable of thinking or making
decisions – and it will never be…
• It simply assesses the surroundings and
responds in a way to avoid pain, fear, or
any type of negative associations &
reacts.
• Instinctual behaviour – ‘fight or flight’

7. Sub-conscious vs. conscious mind
• When we come across something that
involves making a decision, we
sub-consciously cross-reference it with all
our pre-conceived notions & beliefs.
• THEN we make a decision!

8. Emotion vs. Logic
We are emotional people making decisions
primarily based on emotions
BUT
We think we are logical….
and we try to justify
the decision with logic!

9. Emotion vs Logic
• First ENGAGE people using logic
• THEN tap into the emotion to get them to
take action

10. Using Logic
• Third party evidence is a MUST!
• Use a third party expert rather than
presenting evidence from yourself.
• Testimonials are powerful because of this.

11. Using Logic
• Use up-to-date information…..If you are
trying to make a point, don’t bring up a
study of something that took place 10 or
more years ago…..it will make your
audience doubtful….
• Use evidence that your
audience can relate to…
avoid technical jargon

12. Mental Triggers
• Obligation/Reciprocity – people generally feel
obligated to return favours or good deeds that
have been done to them by others.
• Likewise, people feel uneasy if they don’t return
favours, or if favours are not returned to them.

13. Mental Triggers
• Contrast – the perception of
something changes when
compared to something else..
• Generally speaking, if whatever we’re
being presented with now seems equal or
better than something we were presented
with in the past, we will take action to
obtain it.
• Add more benefits/rewards or reduce
consequences/risks to get agreement

14. Commitment - Types
• A written commitment – an exchange of
signed promises.
• A minor commitment – if you can get a
commitment in ANY form, it will eventually
make it easier to get a larger commitment
• A public commitment – people do not want
to look like hypocrites. The more public
the commitment, the more likely it is to be
kept.
• Commitments must be VOLUNTARY, not
FORCED

15. Using Logic
•
•
•
•
Use statistics – people love statistics!
Statistics prove that a many people
believe, act or behave in a certain way.
When people see that a MAJORITY
behave in a certain way, they assume it
must be right or correct.
Social proof – if it worked before, it will
probably work again.

16. Mental Triggers - Connections
• The link that exists between others can be
enough to create the emotional need to
act…
• CONNECTIONS are created using Rapport,
Attraction,
People skills, and
Similarity

17. Connections
• Rapport – a powerful way to create
rapport is through BODY LANGUAGE (we
are perceived visually through body
language 55% of the time.)

18. Rapport
• “A loop of mutual influence.” M. Erickson
• Rapport is to communication what fuel is
to a car; without it, you get nowhere.
• Rapport is different from agreement—it is
being understood and regarded.
• Successful people create rapport
and rapport creates trust

19. Building Rapport - Pacing or
Mirroring
Making yourself similar to your client…
• Repeat their key words & phrases
• Use the same tone of voice
• Similar breathing
• Similar posture

20. Building Rapport - Leading
After Pacing, Leading is having someone follow you…
• Lead with voice, language and body language.
• You lead the target in the direction you want e.g. name
three statements you know to be true then add one you
want to be true…
Example: “Mr. Stewart you came here today looking for a TV,
(Yes, I told you my old one gave up the ghost)
and you like the features I have showed you on this Sony,
(Yes, that picture in picture was awesome for game day)
You already told me it will fit perfect in your living room.
(Oh yeah I can picture it above the mantle)
and you know you can afford the tiny monthly payment
(Yeah 20 bucks a month is nothing).
So can I help you load it into your car?”
(Yes)

21. Achieving Credibility
Capable of being believed, worthy of belief
or confidence, trustworthy…….
• If people perceive YOU as credible, they
will be open to your beliefs, values,
opinions and what you have to say.
• Components of credibility include:
Competence,
Likeability,
Expertise,
Composure,
Social ability & Trustworthiness

22. Representational Systems
We communicate mostly one/two of three
ways….

23. Representational Systems
• People will often have one or two
preferred representational systems
• These are ones that we will use most
often and, particularly, in times of stress or
pressure
• It can be helpful to identify someone’s
preferred system so that you can
communicate better with them and so that
you can understand how they have
created their way of thinking

24. Assessment Time!
Do the quiz to see what your main
representational system is……

25. How we represent
Visual
Auditory
Kinesthetic
I see what you mean
That sounds good to
me
That feels right to me
Looking back
That rings a bell
I’ll be in touch
Pretty as a picture
Singing from the
same hymn sheet
Get a grip
Showing off
Loud and clear
Jump for joy
Clear cut
I’m all ears
Warm hearted
I’ll see to it
It’s music to my ears
Hang on
It looks like
We’re all on the
same wavelength
Too much hassle

26. Eye Accessing Cues

27. Visual
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Organized, neat, well-groomed.
Use visualization for memory and decision making - often getting
insights about something.
Are imaginative, may have difficulty putting their ideas in words.
Speak faster than the general population.
Prefer in-person interactions - to see the other person and his/her
reactions.
Want to see or be shown concepts, ideas or how something is done.
Want to see the big picture.
May not remember what people have said or be confused with
verbal instructions.
– Maps/pictures are better
•
Remember faces more easily than names.

28. Auditory
•
•
•
•
•
•
Aware of change in the tone of your voice
Are responsive to certain tones of voice.
Remember directions or instructions more easily.
Learn by listening and asking questions.
Enjoy discussions and prefer to communicate verbally.
Talk through problems
– like someone to be a sounding board
• Need to be heard.
• Be easily distracted by noise.
• Tend to cross appendages when listening.

29. Kinesthetic
• More sensitive to their bodies and their
feelings
• Tend to respond to physical rewards and
touching.
• Learn by doing, moving or touching.
• Dress/groom more for comfort than looks.
• Make decisions based on their feelings.
• Stand closer to other people than those
with a visual preference

30. Time for practice 1
Exercise #1: 2 minutes for each person
Describe your house to your colleague using
your most PREFERRED modality

31. Time for practice 2
2 minutes for each person:
Describe your house to your colleague using
your LEAST preferred modality

32. Representational Systems
• How could you apply this knowledge in
your job?
– 1 minute to reflect
– 2 minutes to share

33. Connections
• Attraction – The more attracted we are to
someone, the more likely we are to agree
with them.
• Attraction includes physical, level of
intelligence, ability to care, ability to make
other people laugh.

34. Connections
• People skills – using humour & having
people respect you.
• Use a person’s name when
communicating with them.
• Don’t criticize or make fun of people.

35. Connections
• Similarity – We tend to agree with the
opinions of people that we feel we are
similar to, because we feel that we can
relate to them more.
• Determine the morals and core values of
others, so you can create the similarity
between the two of you and gain
agreement.

36. The Power of Questions
• They enable you to gain someone’s
attention
• They help alleviate distractions – they
keep your audience engaged
• Want quick agreement or commitment?
Then ask alternate choice questions.
• Ask for success – don’t ask a question in
such a way that your audience can
respond with a “no”

37. The Power of Questions
• Ask questions and LEAD them where you
want them to be.
• Limit choices to avoid confusion…..give
them ONE or TWO choices only.

38. Questions - Sequence 1
• Identify the problem – What’s the
problem?
• Identify the consequence of the problem –
What are the possible consequences?
• Identify the chosen solution – What do you
think would fix this? What would be the
ideal outcome for you? What would you
prefer?

39. Questions - Sequence 2
• Identify the consequences of the solution
– Do you understand the consequences of
your agreed outcome?
• Check for confirmation – Are you really
happy with this result?
• Ensure that the solution is beneficial – Do
you see this as a win for you? Is it a winwin?

40. Overcoming Resistance
Reactance resistance – a knee-jerk reaction against something in a person’s
mind that jeopardises their freedom, opinion or values
The best way to prevent this from happening is the change the person’s mind
as soon as possible. The longer you let the decision to disagree linger, the
lower your chances of ultimately overcoming the decision
Make YOUR offer look more attractive (+)
Reduce the resistance from your target – let them feel as if they are in control
Point out what the person has to LOSE – will bring anticipated regret (-)

41. Getting an Agreement
How do YOU achieve that???

42. The NLP Way – Negotiating a WIN
1. Establish or Re-establish Relationships
(build rapport)
2. Establish the Total Win Mindset
– Clean up past emotional issues
– Get to the real issue
– Allow brainstorming to occur (participation by
participants)
3. Generate Options
– Yours
– His/Hers
– Other
4. Find Mutual Outcomes
5. Close
– Dovetail Outcomes
– Plan a future meeting if necessary (to handle details)