. “Assertiveness basically means the ability to express your thoughts and feelings in a way that clearly states your needs and keeps the lines of communication open with the other”. An honest, direct, and appropriate expression of one's feelings, thoughts, and beliefs. Assertive People Communicate (irrespective of where they stand and on any topic) clearly and respectfully their Wants, Needs, Positions, and Boundaries to others. Do not Make demands of other people or Lash out if requests are not met Don't shy away from Defending their points of view or goals, or Trying to influence others to see their side.

1. Compiled by Col Mukteshwar Prasad(Retd),
MTech(IITD),CE(I),FIE(I),FIETE,FISLE,FInstOD,AMCSI
Contact -9007224278, e-mail –muktesh_prasad@yahoo.co.in
for book ”Decoding Services Selection Board” and SSB ON
line guidance and training at Shivnandani Edu and
Defence Academy
ASSERTIVENESS

2. Introduction
 . “Assertiveness basically means the ability to express your thoughts
and feelings in a way that clearly states your needs and keeps the lines
of communication open with the other”.
 An honest, direct, and appropriate expression of one's feelings, thoughts, and beliefs.
 Assertive People
 Communicate (irrespective of where they stand and on any topic)
clearly and respectfully their
 Wants,
 Needs,
 Positions, and
 Boundaries to others.
 Do not
 Make demands of other people or
 Lash out if requests are not met
 Don't shy away from
 Defending their points of view or goals, or
 Trying to influence others to see their side.

3. Introduction
 Assertive People.....
 Make overtures to other people
 Stand up for themselves or others in a nonaggressive way.
 Protect others from bullies and other social predators.
 Experience fewer anxious thoughts, even under stress(From a
cognitive standpoint ).
 Are firm without being rude(From a behavioral standpoint ).
 They react to positive and negative emotions
o Without becoming aggressive or
o Resorting to passivity.
 Open to both compliments and constructive criticism.
 People can improve their assertiveness through practical exercises and
experience.

4. Your RIGHTS(Be aware that there are responsibilities attached
to all these rights!)
 The right to decide how to lead your life. This includes pursuing your own
goals and dreams and establishing your own priorities.
 The right to your own values, beliefs, opinions, and emotions — and the
right to respect yourself for them, no matter the opinion of others.
 The right not to justify or explain your actions or feelings to others.
 The right to tell others how you wish to be treated.
 The right to express yourself and to say “No,” “I don’t know,” “I don’t
understand,” or even “I don’t care.” You have the right to take the time you
need to formulate your ideas before expressing them.
 The right to ask for information or help — without having negative feelings
about your needs.
 The right to change your mind, to make mistakes, and to sometimes act
illogically — with full understanding and acceptance of the
consequences.
 The right to like yourself even though you’re not perfect, and to
sometimes do less than you are capable of doing.

5. Your RIGHTS
 The right to have positive, satisfying relationships within which you feel
comfortable and free to express yourself honestly — and the right to
change or end relationships if they don’t meet your needs.
 The right to change, enhance, or develop your life in any way you
determine.

6. Benefits of being assertive and danger of not being assertive
 Benefits of being assertive
 Less anxiety
 Less depression
 Greater sense of agency
 Better relationships
 Higher self-esteem
 Higher confidence.
 Dangers of not asserting
 May experience sensitivity to criticism,
 Extreme passivity,
 Insecurity
 Anxiety
 Low self-esteem
 May be treated like emotional doormats whose needs always come
second.
 May completely lose sight of what they need and want in life.

7. How to be assertive
 Who are not assertive?
 Those who believe that they’re less worthy than others
 Those who doubt themselves and hesitate before taking action for
fear of the consequences.
 Those who Frequently avoid trying new things
 Those who tend to let other people’s desires determine their goals.
 How to Be Assertive
 Project confidence
 Maintain eye contact
 Have good posture
 Use body language effectively
 Express thoughts and beliefs honestly and reasonably—and
encourage other people to do the same.
 Speak up for one’s rights without disrespecting anyone else’s.
 Manage stress
 Solve problems as they arise
 Staying calm no matter how the other person reacts.

8. How to be assertive
 How to Be Assertive ……
 Staying calm no matter how the other person reacts.
 Concisely state what you want or need from the other person.
 Listen carefully to their response.
 Respect their thoughts and feelings
 Don’t argue or attack if you sense resistance.
 Offer potential solutions to the problems that come up.
 If you reach a stalemate where there’s no possible
compromise, be prepared to walk away.

9. What are assertive behaviors?
 Assertive people are honest about their thoughts and
feelings in a respectful way.
 They actively listen to and are considerate of other people’s
perspectives.
 Assertive people are able to maintain control over their
feelings
 Admit when they’ve made a mistake.

10. Characteristics of Passive /Aggressive rather than Assertive
People
 Passive
 More passive will go along with the wishes and desires of others to
please them.
 They let others lead and make most of the decisions.
 They tend to lack confidence and often belittle and put
themselves down.
 They don’t advocate for themselves and may lose sight of
their own goals.
 Aggressive behavior may include
 Using offensive language,
 Telling instead of asking
 Either ignoring or trying to shame the other person into
submission.
 Strong need to win often resulting in a pushy attitude
and bullying.
 Seem

11. ASSERTIVE PEOPLE Example
 Gandhi's struggle for India's independence, along with the
communication strategy and actions he used for this, are a good
example of assertiveness. He used a people movement which
he called "Satyagraha" which used non violent means to
achieve his objective. He kept communicating the Indians' right
to rule themselves to the British, irrespective of what the British
thought about Indians. Gandhi was sent to jail several times and
in many cases was asked to pay a fine for opposing British rule.
He never agreed to fine, saying that he had the right to say what
he thinks is correct. After several decades of this struggle, India
became independent.

13. Test Your Assertiveness
 Can you express negative feelings about other people
and their behaviours without using abusive language?
 Are you able to exercise and express your strengths?
 Can you easily recognize and compliment other people’s
achievements?
 Do you have the confidence to ask for what is rightfully
yours?
 Can you accept criticism without being defensive?
 Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments?
 Are you able to stand up for your rights?
 Are you able to refuse unreasonable requests from
friends, family, or co-workers?
 Can you comfortably start and carry on a conversation
with others?
 Do you ask for assistance when you need it ?