This document provides information on anger management techniques. It discusses identifying thoughts and feelings related to anger, different anger styles ("lock it up", "turn it loose", "manage it"), communicating during conflicts using "What, Why, How" messages, using positive self-talk, acknowledging other people's feelings, sharing your own feelings, making conciliatory gestures, expressing needs calmly, using self-protective techniques during criticism, and coping with angry outbursts by reflecting on personal experiences and relationships.

1. Anger Management

4. IDENTIFICATION
THOUGHTS
FEELINGS
ACTION

5. Day 1Day 1
Personal AngerPersonal Anger
Day 2Day 2
Interpersonal AngerInterpersonal Anger
Effects of anger on timeEffects of anger on time

6. What is your anger style?
1. Lock it up
2. Turn it loose!
3. Manage it

7. 1. Lock it up
 Withdraw emotionally
BEHAVIOUR
 Give the “silent
treatment”
 Become ill or anxious
 Deny anger but show it in
other actions
 Revenge fantasies
What is your anger style?

8. 2. Turn it loose!
 Blowing up at people
BEHAVIOU
R
 Getting physical or hurting people
 Threatening, shouting or swearing
 Blaming people
 Breaking things
 Flying off the handle at small things
 Bringing up old grievances
What is your anger style?

9. 3. Manage it
 Remaining calm
BEHAVIOUR
 Focusing on the behavior, not the person
 Using “I” statements: “I feel angry when…”
 Sticking to the subject
 Allowing discussion to happen
What is your anger style?

10. 1. Lock it up
 Withdraw emotionally
BEHAVIOUR
 Give the “silent
treatment”
 Become ill or anxious
 Deny anger but show it in
other actions
REASONS
 I don’t have the right to be angry
 Anger is inappropriate or
childish
 I may lose control of myself
 I cant cope with strong
feelings
 People will dislike me if I show
anger
 I may lose my job or a relationship
 I fear I will hurt or offend
 Revenge fantasies
What is your anger style?

11. 2. Turn it loose!
 Blowing up at people
BEHAVIOUR
 Getting physical or hurting
people
 Threatening, shouting or
swearing
 Blaming people
REASONS
I need to assert my power over
people
The best defense is a good
offense
I’m afraid of getting close to someone
I cant stand to be wrong
I don’t know how to
communicate calmly when angry
 Breaking things
 Flying off the handle at
small things
 Bringing up old grievances
What is your anger style?

12. 3. Manage it
 Remaining calm
BEHAVIOUR
 Focusing on the behavior,
not the person
 Using “I” statements: “I
feel angry when…”
 Sticking to the subject
REASONS
Anger is a normal emotion -
it’s okay to be angry
 Allowing discussion to
happen
What is your anger style?

13. ““WHAT, WHY AND HOW” MESSAGEWHAT, WHY AND HOW” MESSAGE
1.1. Name What behavior is bothering youName What behavior is bothering you
2.2. Explain Why it’s bothering you & how youExplain Why it’s bothering you & how you
feel about itfeel about it
3.3. Say how you’d like the other person toSay how you’d like the other person to
behave insteadbehave instead
MANAGING – TURN IT LOOSEMANAGING – TURN IT LOOSE

14. ““WHAT, WHY AND HOW” MESSAGEWHAT, WHY AND HOW” MESSAGE
Situation : A friend keeps borrowing money and forgetting to
pay you back
Message : Yesterday I lent you money and you haven’t pain me
back. Now I don’t have any lunch money and I’m hungry. Please
pay me back the day after you borrow money if you can.
Situation : A friend is rude with someone you like.
Message : When you are rued with ____, it makes me angry
because you know I like ____. I wish you wouldn’t do that any
more.
MANAGING – TURN IT LOOSEMANAGING – TURN IT LOOSE

15. POSITIVE SELF TALKPOSITIVE SELF TALK
1.1. Negative thoughts leads to negativeNegative thoughts leads to negative
actionaction
2.2. Positive thoughts leads to positivePositive thoughts leads to positive
action.action.

16. Negative thoughts leads toNegative thoughts leads to
negative actionnegative action
 Shabana transfers to a new school andShabana transfers to a new school and
misses her old friends. She thinks she willmisses her old friends. She thinks she will
never find any friends. She feels hopelessnever find any friends. She feels hopeless
about the situation and does not even tryabout the situation and does not even try
to meet anyone. This attitude shows in herto meet anyone. This attitude shows in her
face and body language, making peopleface and body language, making people
reluctant to approach her. Shabana isreluctant to approach her. Shabana is
likely to continue to feel lonely.likely to continue to feel lonely.

17. Positive thoughts leads toPositive thoughts leads to
positive action.positive action.
 Shabana decides to make new friends.Shabana decides to make new friends.
She feels hopeful and looks friendly.She feels hopeful and looks friendly.
Shabana makes an effort to talk toShabana makes an effort to talk to
classmates, join a school club, and to aclassmates, join a school club, and to a
sports event.sports event.

18. Whenever we are faced withWhenever we are faced with
something new, difficult, orsomething new, difficult, or
challenging, we can askchallenging, we can ask
ourselves two questions:ourselves two questions:
1.1. What is the best that can happen? WhatWhat is the best that can happen? What
are the most positive thoughts andare the most positive thoughts and
emotions I can have?emotions I can have?
2.2. What is the worst that can happen? WhatWhat is the worst that can happen? What
are the most negative thoughts andare the most negative thoughts and
emotions I can have?emotions I can have?

19. Read this positive statementRead this positive statement
and add more of your own.and add more of your own.
1.1. The way I feel about myself doesn’t depend onThe way I feel about myself doesn’t depend on
other opinions of me.other opinions of me.
2.2. The only person who never makes a mistake isThe only person who never makes a mistake is
the person who never does anything.the person who never does anything.
3.3. I am special, the only one there of me.I am special, the only one there of me.
4.4. If I’m slower at some thing then other people,If I’m slower at some thing then other people,
that’s just fine.that’s just fine.
5.5. I will do what I can, with what I have, where II will do what I can, with what I have, where I
amam
6.6. I can’t change others, but I can try to changeI can’t change others, but I can try to change
my self.my self.

20. 7.7. I will try to see problem as opportunities.I will try to see problem as opportunities.
8.8. I can’t constantly depend on others; someI can’t constantly depend on others; some
things I have to do myself.things I have to do myself.
9.9. Instead of saying “if only I had,” I will say “nextInstead of saying “if only I had,” I will say “next
time I will.”time I will.”
10.10. I can help other people, and I can ask for helpI can help other people, and I can ask for help
when I need it.when I need it.
11.11. I am prepared to lose once in a while.I am prepared to lose once in a while.
12.12. I will be responsible for my own positiveI will be responsible for my own positive
attitude.attitude.
13.13. I will try to live my life an an exclamation, notI will try to live my life an an exclamation, not
an explanation.an explanation.
Read this positive statementRead this positive statement
and add more of your own.and add more of your own.

21. Acknowledge the other person’sAcknowledge the other person’s
feelingfeeling
You can do this by making an empathicYou can do this by making an empathic
statement such as:statement such as:
1.1. ‘‘You are obviously very irritated.’You are obviously very irritated.’
2.2. You certainly seem annoyed.’You certainly seem annoyed.’
3.3. ‘‘I can understand that you are angry.’I can understand that you are angry.’

22. Share your ownShare your own
feelings and fearsfeelings and fears
1.1. You are frightening meYou are frightening me
2.2. You’ re terrifying me and making meYou’ re terrifying me and making me
worry about getting hit.worry about getting hit.
3.3. You’re making me angry … it will be yourYou’re making me angry … it will be your
fault if I lose control.fault if I lose control.
4.4. You’ve made me so upset that I can’tYou’ve made me so upset that I can’t
think straight.think straight.

23. Make a conciliatory gesture
1. A genuine apology
2. A statement of regret
3. A compromise
4. Recognition that the other person has a
right to their view
5. Acceptance of responsibility for your share
of the problem
6. A statement which indicates that you
would like to see a positive outcome to
the conflict for both parties.

24. Express your needs and wants
calmly and persistently
You keep on repeating more or less the
same statement over and over again in a
calm, controlled voice.

25. Self-protective techniques to
block criticism
1.You simply take the wind out of your critic’s sail
by saying that there may be some truth in what
they have said or agreeing in principles with
them.
2.You are not actually agreeing, but neither are
you entering into the flight by disagreeing

26. Coping with an angryCoping with an angry
outburstoutburst
1.1. Think of an example from personal experienceThink of an example from personal experience
where someone’s anger effected yourwhere someone’s anger effected your
relationship with that personrelationship with that person
2.2. Think of an example from personal experienceThink of an example from personal experience
where someone’s anger did not effect yourwhere someone’s anger did not effect your
relationship with that personrelationship with that person
3.3. Analyze the reasons for your experienceAnalyze the reasons for your experience
4.4. What are the general principles that I can drawWhat are the general principles that I can draw
from it?from it?
5.5. What step will you personally take to helpWhat step will you personally take to help
apply these principles?apply these principles?