This document provides information on anger management including identifying anger, different anger styles, and techniques for managing anger. It discusses three anger styles: locking anger up, turning anger loose, and managing anger. It then gives examples of behaviors and reasons associated with each style. The document also provides communication strategies for managing anger including using "I" statements, making requests respectfully, acknowledging others' feelings, and expressing one's own needs calmly.

1. Anger
Management

4. IDENTIFICATION
THOUGHTS
FEELINGS
ACTION

5. Day 1
Personal Anger
Day 2
Interpersonal Anger
Effects of anger on time

6. What is your anger style?
1. Lock it up
2. Turn it loose!
3. Manage it

7. 1. Lock it up
 Withdraw emotionally
BEHAVIOUR
 Give the “silent treatment”
 Become ill or anxious
 Deny anger but show it in
other actions
 Revenge fantasies
What is your anger style?

8. 2. Turn it loose!
 Blowing up at people
BEHAVIOUR
 Getting physical or hurting people
 Threatening, shouting or swearing
 Blaming people
 Breaking things
 Flying off the handle at small things
 Bringing up old grievances
What is your anger style?

9. 3. Manage it
 Remaining calm
BEHAVIOUR
 Focusing on the behavior, not the person
 Using “I” statements: “I feel angry when…”
 Sticking to the subject
 Allowing discussion to happen
What is your anger style?

10. 1. Lock it up
 Withdraw emotionally
BEHAVIOUR
 Give the “silent treatment”
 Become ill or anxious
 Deny anger but show it in
other actions
REASONS
 I don’t have the right to be angry
 Anger is inappropriate or childish
 I may lose control of myself
 I cant cope with strong feelings
 People will dislike me if I show
anger
 I may lose my job or a relationship
 I fear I will hurt or offend someone
 Revenge fantasies
What is your anger style?

11. 2. Turn it loose!
 Blowing up at people
BEHAVIOUR
 Getting physical or hurting
people
 Threatening, shouting or
swearing
 Blaming people
REASONS
I need to assert my power over people
The best defense is a good offense
I’m afraid of getting close to someone
I cant stand to be wrong
I don’t know how to communicate
calmly when angry
 Breaking things
 Flying off the handle at
small things
 Bringing up old grievances
What is your anger style?

12. 3. Manage it
 Remaining calm
BEHAVIOUR
 Focusing on the behavior,
not the person
 Using “I” statements: “I
feel angry when…”
 Sticking to the subject
REASONS
Anger is a normal emotion -
it’s okay to be angry
 Allowing discussion to
happen
What is your anger style?

13. “WHAT, WHY AND HOW” MESSAGE
1. Name What behavior is bothering you
2. Explain Why it’s bothering you & how you
feel about it
3. Say how you’d like the other person to
behave instead
MANAGING – TURN IT LOOSE

14. “WHAT, WHY AND HOW” MESSAGE
Situation : A friend keeps borrowing money and forgetting to
pay you back
Message : Yesterday I lent you money and you haven’t pain me
back. Now I don’t have any lunch money and I’m hungry. Please
pay me back the day after you borrow money if you can.
Situation : A friend is rude with someone you like.
Message : When you are rued with ____, it makes me angry
because you know I like ____. I wish you wouldn’t do that any
more.
MANAGING – TURN IT LOOSE

15. POSITIVE SELF TALK
1. Negative thoughts leads to negative
action
2. Positive thoughts leads to positive action.

16. Negative thoughts leads to
negative action
 Shabana transfers to a new school and
misses her old friends. She thinks she will
never find any friends. She feels hopeless
about the situation and does not even try
to meet anyone. This attitude shows in her
face and body language, making people
reluctant to approach her. Shabana is
likely to continue to feel lonely.

17. Positive thoughts leads to positive
action.
 Shabana decides to make new friends.
She feels hopeful and looks friendly.
Shabana makes an effort to talk to
classmates, join a school club, and to a
sports event.

18. Whenever we are faced with
something new, difficult, or
challenging, we can ask ourselves two
questions:
1. What is the best that can happen? What
are the most positive thoughts and
emotions I can have?
2. What is the worst that can happen? What
are the most negative thoughts and
emotions I can have?

19. Read this positive statement and add
more of your own.
1. The way I feel about myself doesn’t depend on
other opinions of me.
2. The only person who never makes a mistake is
the person who never does anything.
3. I am special, the only one there of me.
4. If I’m slower at some thing then other people,
that’s just fine.
5. I will do what I can, with what I have, where I
am
6. I can’t change others, but I can try to change
my self.

20. 7. I will try to see problem as opportunities.
8. I can’t constantly depend on others; some
things I have to do myself.
9. Instead of saying “if only I had,” I will say “next
time I will.”
10. I can help other people, and I can ask for help
when I need it.
11. I am prepared to lose once in a while.
12. I will be responsible for my own positive
attitude.
13. I will try to live my life an an exclamation, not
an explanation.
Read this positive statement and add
more of your own.

21. Acknowledge the other person’s
feeling
You can do this by making an empathic
statement such as:
1. ‘You are obviously very irritated.’
2. You certainly seem annoyed.’
3. ‘I can understand that you are angry.’

22. Share your own
feelings and fears
1. You are frightening me
2. You’ re terrifying me and making me
worry about getting hit.
3. You’re making me angry … it will be your
fault if I lose control.
4. You’ve made me so upset that I can’t
think straight.

23. Make a conciliatory gesture
1. A genuine apology
2. A statement of regret
3. A compromise
4. Recognition that the other person has a
right to their view
5. Acceptance of responsibility for your share
of the problem
6. A statement which indicates that you
would like to see a positive outcome to
the conflict for both parties.

24. Express your needs and wants calmly
and persistently
You keep on repeating more or less the
same statement over and over again in a
calm, controlled voice.

25. Self-protective techniques to block
criticism
1.You simply take the wind out of your critic’s sail
by saying that there may be some truth in what
they have said or agreeing in principles with
them.
2.You are not actually agreeing, but neither are
you entering into the flight by disagreeing

26. Coping with an angry outburst
1. Think of an example from personal experience
where someone’s anger effected your
relationship with that person
2. Think of an example from personal experience
where someone’s anger did not effect your
relationship with that person
3. Analyze the reasons for your experience
4. What are the general principles that I can draw
from it?
5. What step will you personally take to help
apply these principles?