Ability to speak and interact in a manner that considers and respects the rights and opinions of others while also standing up for your rights, needs, and personal boundaries. Assertive communication will help you reduce workplace conflict, assist you with the skills to speak up at meetings, and deal with difficult conversations.

1. A S S E RT I V E , PA S S I V E & A G G R E S S I V E
COMMUNICATION

2. PASSIVE COMMUNICATION

3. PASSIVE COMMUNICATION
• Pattern of avoiding expressing their opinions or feelings, protecting their
rights, and identifying and meeting their needs.
• Usually born of low self-esteem.
• These individuals believe: “I’m not worth taking care of.”

4. SIGNALS OF
PASSIVE COMMUNICATION
• Do not respond overtly to hurtful or anger-inducing situations.
• Allow grievances and annoyances to mount, usually unaware of the build
up.
• Prone to explosive outbursts, which are usually out of proportion to the
triggering incident.
• After the outburst, however, they feel shame, guilt, and confusion,

5. PASSIVE COMMUNICATORS
• fail to assert for themselves
• allow others to deliberately or inadvertently infringe on their rights
• fail to express their feelings, needs, or opinions
• tend to speak softly or apologetically
• exhibit poor eye contact and slumped body posture

6. IMPACT OF
PASSIVE COMMUNICATION
• Often Feel anxious because life seems out of their control
• Often feel depressed because they feel stuck and hopeless
• Often feel resentful (but are unaware of it) because their needs are not
being met
• Often feel confused because they ignore their own feelings
• are unable to mature because real issues are never addressed

7. FEELINGS, BELIEFS , THINKING
OF A PASSIVE COMMUNICATOR
- “I’m unable to stand up for my rights.”
- “I don’t know what my rights are.”
- “I get stepped on by everyone."
- “I’m weak and unable to take care of myself.”
- “People never consider my feelings.”

9. AGGRESSIVE
COMMUNICATION

10. AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATION
• Express feelings and opinions and advocating for their needs in a way
that violates the rights of others.
• Verbally and/or physically abusive.
• Born of low self-esteem (often caused by past physical and/or
emotional abuse), unhealed emotional wounds, and feelings of
powerlessness.

11. SIGNALS OF
AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATORS
• try to dominate others
• use humiliation to control others
• criticize, blame, or attack others
• be very impulsive
• have low frustration tolerance
• speak in a loud, demanding, and overbearing voice
• act threateningly and rudely
• not listen well
• interrupt frequently
• use “you” statements
• have piercing eye contact and an overbearing posture

12. IMPACT OF
AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATION
• Become alienated from others
• Alienate others
• Generate fear and hatred in others
• Always blame others instead of owning their issues
• and thus are unable to mature

13. FEELINGS, BELIEFS , THINKING
OF AN AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATOR
• “I’m superior and right and you’re inferior and wrong.”
• “I can dominate and intimidate you.”
• “I can violate your rights.”
• “I’ll get my way no matter what.”
• “You’re not worth anything.”
• “It’s all your fault.”
• “I’m entitled.”
• “You owe me.”

14. PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE
COMMUNICATION

16. PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATION
• Appear passive on the surface but are really acting out anger in a
subtle, indirect, or behind-the-scenes way.
• Prisoners of War (POWs) often act in passive-aggressive ways.
Quietly disrupt the system while smiling and appearing cooperative.
• Feel powerless. Feel incapable of dealing directly with the object of
their resentments.
• Instead, they express their anger by subtly undermining the object
(real or imagined) of their resentments.
• Smile at you while setting traps all around you.

17. SIGNALS OF
PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATORS
• Mutter to themselves rather than confront the person or issue
• Difficulty acknowledging their anger
• Facial expressions that don't match how they feel - i.e., smiling when angry
• Sarcasm
• Denial there is a problem
• Appear cooperative while purposely doing things to annoy and disrupt
• Subtle sabotage to get even

18. IMPACT OF
PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATION
• Alienated from those around them
• Remain stuck in a position of powerlessness (like POWs)
• discharge resentment while real issues are never addressed so they can't
mature

19. FEELINGS, BELIEFS , THINKING OF
A PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATOR
• “I’m weak and resentful, so I sabotage, frustrate, and disrupt.”
• “I’m powerless to deal with you head on so I must use guerilla warfare.”
• “I will appear cooperative but I’m not.”

20. ASSERTIVE
COMMUNICATION

21. ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATORS
• Clearly state their opinions and feelings,
• Firmly advocate for their rights and needs without violating the rights of
others.
• Born of high self-esteem.
• Value themselves, their time, and their emotional, spiritual, and physical
needs
• Strong advocates for themselves while being very respectful of the rights of
others.

22. SIGNALS OF
ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION
• State needs and wants clearly, appropriately, and respectfully
• Express feelings clearly, appropriately, and respectfully
• Use “I” statements
• Communicate respect for others
• Listen well without interrupting
• Feel in control of self
• Good eye contact
• Calm and clear tone of voice
• Relaxed body posture
• Feel connected to others
• Feel competent and in control
• Do not allow others to abuse or manipulate them
• Stand up for their rights

23. IMPACT OF
ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION
• feel connected to others
• feel in control of their lives
• are able to mature because they address issues and problems as they arise
• create a respectful environment for others to grow and mature

24. FEELINGS, BELIEFS , THINKING
OF AN ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATOR:
• “We are equally entitled to express ourselves respectfully to one another.”
• “I am confident about who I am.”
• “I realize I have choices in my life and I consider my options.”
• “I speak clearly, honestly, and to the point.”
• “I can’t control others but I can control myself.”
• “I place a high priority on having my rights respected.”
• “I am responsible for getting my needs met in a respectful manner.”
• “I respect the rights of others.”
• “Nobody owes me anything unless they’ve agreed to give it to me.”
•
“I’m 100% responsible for my own happiness.”

25. DIFFERENTIATORS

27. PASSIVE, AGGRESSIVE AND
ASSERTIVE

28. RESPONDING ASSERTIVELY

29. SCENARIO A
Someone cuts in front of you at the
supermarket.
• Aggressive response: You assume they did it
on purpose and you angrily say, “Hey, buddy,
no cuts!”
• Passive response: You let the person stay in
front of you.
• Assertive response: You assume that they may
not have seen you in line, and politely say,
“Excuse me, but I was in line.”

30. SCENARIO B
Your friend, who talks a lot, calls to vent about her bad day.
Unfortunately, you have a lot of work to do and don’t have
time to talk.
• Aggressive response: You become angry that she
obviously doesn’t respect your time, cut her off, and
sarcastically say, “Oh, get over it! I have my own
problems!”
• Passive response: You let her talk for as long as she
needs, and figure that your deadline can suffer; she needs
your help.
• Assertive response: You listen for a minute or two, then
compassionately say, “Wow, it sounds like you’re having a
tough day! I’d love to talk to you about it, but I don’t have
the time right now. Can we talk later tonight

31. SOME MORE SCENARIOS

32. • Scenario One: Your boss has asked you to mop the floors. You start
mopping them. Ten minutes later he comes and says rather meanly that he
would like you to shovel the front walkway.
SCENARIO 1

33. SCENARIO 2
• Scenario Two: You bring your car to a garage for service. You ask the
mechanic to call and let you know how much it will cost before doing the
work. He doesn't call and when you call him he tells you he has already
done the work and your bill is Rs. 20000.

34. Scenario Three: You go to a party with some people but the person who is
driving has too much to drink and refuses to let anyone else drive
• .
SCENARIO 3

35. • Your co-worker always asks to borrow a few thousands at lunch
each week, but he rarely pays you back. You are beginning to resent
him.
SCENARIO 4

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SOLUTIONS
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