2. DRAFT 1:1:1 FEEDBACK DATE:
28/11/2018
1) Turn script to black colour, the programme, automatically put headings and names in red and blue. This
also includes the spacing between the characters names and dialog. I need to remove this.
2) I need to out basic emotions and direction in a bracket underneath the character names where appropriate.
3) I am to write a brief description when introducing the characters, this is to include what they are wearing,
their age and their relationships.
4) I need to change how the first scene is being portrayed. It needs to be more light-hearted. This should be
done by writing, in brackets, jokingly, smiling, sarcastically, etc.
5) I need to add a line after ‘No, that’s mine’ (page 3). To help the line make sense and that it’s supposed to
be a joke.
6) Change how the word ‘makeover’ (page 4) is said, to make it humorous.
7) Add, ‘Umm…’ before the line ‘I don’t know’ (page 4)
8) Correct the spelling from ‘un-interested’ to ‘disinterested’.
9) Check how a montage is explained in a script format, (from Script Bible).
https://screencraft.org/2018/03/16/screenwriting-basics-how-to-write-an-effective-montage/
10) Change the order of words from ‘suck your soul out’, to ‘suck out your soul’.
11) In the description of Anna’s reaction, about to be beaten up, expand on her action to make it
understandable that she is joking. (page 6)
3. DRAFT 2: 1:1 FEEDBACK DATE:
29/11/2018
1) Move the basic direction next to the character name
2) Change (O.S) and (V.O) to stand next to the characters name.
3) Change montage to a split scene.
4) Make sure that the ‘texting’ content is formatted on the left hand side as if
it was direction or description. This will help establish what is being said
and what is being written.
5) Move the direction ‘(CERTAIN)’, next to the characters name.
6) Change ‘ABBIE’ to sentence case, when the ‘Mum’ is calling her from
upstairs.
4. DRAFT 3: E-MAIL FEEDBACK DATE:
29/11/2018
My questions:
1) If I have basic direction between lines where I do I need to place it? For
example, at the top of page 4, the first part is said normally and the last
words is shouted. Where should I place the ‘shouting jokingly’ direction?
2) I have two montages. Are there correctly formatted to represent the
appropriate information?
3) In terms of the spacing and colour, the script template automatically uses
colour to determine the scene heading and character names, as well as the
spacing in between the characters name and the script being said. Does
this need to be changed?
4) Are there any other general pointers and improvements for my script?
