Mastering Difficult Conversations Dan Brown & Chris Detzi EightShapes, LLC IA Summit 2009, Memphis, TN

Dan Brown & Chris Detzi

EightShapes, LLC

IA Summit 2009, Memphis, TN

Introductions

About Us Who we are Why we’re here

About Us

Who we are

Why we’re here

About You Your Name Your Occupation Why you’re here

About You

Your Name

Your Occupation

Why you’re here

Our Agenda Introductions done! Best Practices 15 minutes A Model 15 minutes The People 60 minutes The Situations 60 minutes Sample Scenarios 30 minutes Summary of Techniques 30 minutes

Our Agenda

Introductions done!

Best Practices 15 minutes

A Model 15 minutes

The People 60 minutes

The Situations 60 minutes

Sample Scenarios 30 minutes

Summary of Techniques 30 minutes

Let’s Start with the Basics the Basics Communication Best Practices

Communication Best Practices

Be Positive Engage Your Audience Empathize Lighten Up

Be Positive

Engage Your Audience

Empathize

Lighten Up

Rephrase the negative statements Negative = "We can't start until we get requirements" Positive = "Please give us the requirements so we can start." Rise above the Naysayers “ We can’t do that.” “ That’s way to complicated.” Always Start with the Good “ What I like about this so far is....” Openness over Defensiveness “ I think that’s a great idea. Perhaps we can talk about it how it might work?” Communication Best Practices Be Positive

Rephrase the negative statements

Negative = "We can't start until we get requirements"

Positive = "Please give us the requirements so we can start."

Rise above the Naysayers

“ We can’t do that.”

“ That’s way to complicated.”

Always Start with the Good

“ What I like about this so far is....”

Openness over Defensiveness

“ I think that’s a great idea. Perhaps we can talk about it how it might work?”

Personalize the Message “ Great Question, Molly .” “ Jason , what do you think about that?” Repeat the Questions You’re Asked “ So the question is .... Did I get that right?” Position Your Questions for Success Use Humor Communication Best Practices Engage Your Audience

Personalize the Message

“ Great Question, Molly .”

“ Jason , what do you think about that?”

Repeat the Questions You’re Asked

“ So the question is .... Did I get that right?”

Position Your Questions for Success

Use Humor

Know the situations, not just the people Listen and Seek to Understand Don’t be quick to dismiss (even if you disagree) Respond with an acknowledgement of situation / emotion Communication Best Practices Empathize

Know the situations, not just the people

Listen and Seek to Understand

Don’t be quick to dismiss (even if you disagree)

Respond with an acknowledgement of situation / emotion

Humor can be a powerful communication tool Reduces anxiety and hostile moods Establishes a positive environment Helps “gauge” the audience Provides a way to make a point, without attacking Does not have to mean insincerity or frivolity Make it relevant Be on the lookout for material Prep & Plan (don’t assume it will just ‘come to you’) When in doubt, point to yourself Communication Best Practices Lighten Up

Humor can be a powerful communication tool

Reduces anxiety and hostile moods

Establishes a positive environment

Helps “gauge” the audience

Provides a way to make a point, without attacking

Does not have to mean insincerity or frivolity

Make it relevant

Be on the lookout for material

Prep & Plan (don’t assume it will just ‘come to you’)

When in doubt, point to yourself

A Site Map of Communications A model for interpersonal interactions

A model for interpersonal interactions

Difficult Conversations :: © Copyright EightShapes, LLC 2009

Difficult Conversations :: © Copyright EightShapes, LLC 2009

Difficult Conversations :: © Copyright EightShapes, LLC 2009

Difficult Conversations :: © Copyright EightShapes, LLC 2009

Difficult Conversations :: © Copyright EightShapes, LLC 2009

Difficult Conversations :: © Copyright EightShapes, LLC 2009

Difficult Conversations :: © Copyright EightShapes, LLC 2009

Difficult Conversations :: © Copyright EightShapes, LLC 2009

Difficult Conversations :: © Copyright EightShapes, LLC 2009

Difficult Conversations :: © Copyright EightShapes, LLC 2009

Common behaviors in creative environments They’re the People that You Meet that You Meet

Common behaviors in creative environments

What makes people hard to work with?

What makes people

hard to work with?

No Direction They can’t tell you what’s wrong Symptoms Float with the wind Broad, non-specific or emotional feedback Fear conflict Techniques Be mindful of goals Separate yourself from the issue Ask good, specific questions

No Direction

They can’t tell you what’s wrong

Symptoms

Float with the wind

Broad, non-specific or emotional feedback

Fear conflict

Techniques

Be mindful of goals

Separate yourself from the issue

Ask good, specific questions

Misdirected Passion They feel strongly about the strangest things Symptoms reaction not commensurate with issue taking things personally Techniques See other perspectives/agendas Pick your battles Let others have their say Set expectations and explain context

Misdirected Passion

They feel strongly about the strangest things

Symptoms

reaction not commensurate with issue

taking things personally

Techniques

See other perspectives/agendas

Pick your battles

Let others have their say

Set expectations and explain context

Inconsistent messaging They talk out of both sides of their mouth Symptoms “That’s not what we discussed...” “I don’t recall saying that specifically....” “Well he told me...” Techniques Bite your tongue (well, nibble it) Pick your battles Validate and capture messages

Inconsistent messaging

They talk out of both sides of their mouth

Symptoms

“That’s not what we discussed...”

“I don’t recall saying that specifically....”

“Well he told me...”

Techniques

Bite your tongue (well, nibble it)

Pick your battles

Validate and capture messages

Unwilling to admit ignorance They get stuff wrong Symptoms outputs show misunderstanding “Let me try that again!” Techniques Deflect responsibility Avoid distractions

Unwilling to admit ignorance

They get stuff wrong

Symptoms

outputs show misunderstanding

“Let me try that again!”

Techniques

Deflect responsibility

Avoid distractions

No Vision They don’t know where they want to go Symptoms Willing to listen to any direction Can’t separate good from bad Techniques Ask good questions Find out what stifles their vision

No Vision

They don’t know where they want to go

Symptoms

Willing to listen to any direction

Can’t separate good from bad

Techniques

Ask good questions

Find out what stifles their vision

No Structure They are disorganized Symptoms unaware of project plan missing deadlines Techniques Define action items Set expectations and explain context

No Structure

They are disorganized

Symptoms

unaware of project plan

missing deadlines

Techniques

Define action items

Set expectations and explain context

No Strength They are easily taken off course Symptoms a new problem every week Techniques Avoid distractions Set expectations and explain context Remind of implications

No Strength

They are easily taken off course

Symptoms

a new problem every week

Techniques

Avoid distractions

Set expectations and explain context

Remind of implications

Not Available Eighty percent of success is showing up Symptoms missing meetings not responding to email Techniques Set action items Set expectations and explain context

Not Available

Eighty percent of success is showing up

Symptoms

missing meetings

not responding to email

Techniques

Set action items

Set expectations and explain context

Tunnel Vision Other things get in the way of their view Symptoms refusal to compromise Techniques Ask good questions Let others have their say Tell a good story and align it with audience Deflect responsibility Set expectations and explain context

Tunnel Vision

Other things get in the way of their view

Symptoms

refusal to compromise

Techniques

Ask good questions

Let others have their say

Tell a good story and align it with audience

Deflect responsibility

Set expectations and explain context

Prioritize reputation Rather save face than admit they're wrong Symptoms (might come with other habits, like lack of focus) Techniques Letting others be right Picking your battles Setting action items: how do we fix this?

Prioritize reputation

Rather save face than admit they're wrong

Symptoms

(might come with other habits, like lack of focus)

Techniques

Letting others be right

Picking your battles

Setting action items: how do we fix this?

Poor communication skills They can't articulate concerns Symptoms rambling messages difficult to map/contextualize messages Techniques Ask good questions Define action items Find out what’s stifling

Poor communication skills

They can't articulate concerns

Symptoms

rambling messages

difficult to map/contextualize messages

Techniques

Ask good questions

Define action items

Find out what’s stifling

Poor use of communications tools They love love love love love email Symptoms long emails detailed project correspondence in IM tangents in meetings Techniques See other people's perspectives Find out what stifles them Redirect to another tool

Poor use of communications tools

They love love love love love email

Symptoms

long emails

detailed project correspondence in IM

tangents in meetings

Techniques

See other people's perspectives

Find out what stifles them

Redirect to another tool

They’re the people that you meet No direction Misdirected passion Inconsistent messaging Unwilling to admit ignorance No vision No structure No strength Not available Tunnel vision Prioritize reputation Poor communication skills Poor use of communication tools

They’re the people that you meet

No direction

Misdirected passion

Inconsistent messaging

Unwilling to admit ignorance

No vision

No structure

No strength

Not available

Tunnel vision

Prioritize reputation

Poor communication skills

Poor use of communication tools

The situations we face and techniques to master them It’s Called Work Work

The situations we face and

techniques to master them

What situations do you face?

What situations do you face?

The Challenge The size of the ‘stakeholder’ or interested party list is unwieldy and dramatically inhibiting progress. The Techniques Identify the Influencers and speak directly to them Don’t ask questions of the group, ask of specific individuals Provide channels for individual feedback, but publish for broader consumption Managing Bumps in The Road (Circumstances) Too Many People Involved

The Challenge

The size of the ‘stakeholder’ or interested party list is unwieldy and dramatically inhibiting progress.

The Techniques

Identify the Influencers and speak directly to them

Don’t ask questions of the group, ask of specific individuals

Provide channels for individual feedback, but publish for broader consumption

The Challenge The performance of one or several team members is jeopardizing project success The Techniques First identify all of the positive aspects of the performance Avoid explicit and implicit personal attacks Coach don’t point Use Positive language Express confidence about abilities Managing Bumps in The Road (People) Poor Team Member Performance

The Challenge

The performance of one or several team members is jeopardizing project success

The Techniques

First identify all of the positive aspects of the performance

Avoid explicit and implicit personal attacks

Coach don’t point

Use Positive language

Express confidence about abilities

The Challenge The project is facing seemingly insurmountable complications, losing support, and overall confidence is waning The Techniques Get out of the Weeds Reminders of Why we’re here, What we’re doing Change the conversation; focus on Path Forward There’s Light at the End of the Tunnel Managing Bumps in The Road (Circumstances) Losing Momentum

The Challenge

The project is facing seemingly insurmountable complications, losing support, and overall confidence is waning

The Techniques

Get out of the Weeds

Reminders of Why we’re here, What we’re doing

Change the conversation; focus on Path Forward

There’s Light at the End of the Tunnel

The Challenge Clarifying and rationalizing design choices when challenged The Techniques Establish “common practices” before design exercise Pick your battles If supporting data isn’t there, explain the hypothesis Know Your why’s Make sure stakeholders are on the ride for the whole way Communicating Design Defending Decisions

The Challenge

Clarifying and rationalizing design choices when challenged

The Techniques

Establish “common practices” before design exercise

Pick your battles

If supporting data isn’t there, explain the hypothesis

Know Your why’s

Make sure stakeholders are on the ride for the whole way

The Challenge Communicating Design to varied interests and perspectives The Techniques See Others Perspectives / Agendas Identify the Influencers and speak directly to them Get Your Story Straight; Prep with the ‘Whys’ Pick Your Battles; know your give points Communicating Design Design Reviews

The Challenge

Communicating Design to varied interests and perspectives

The Techniques

See Others Perspectives / Agendas

Identify the Influencers and speak directly to them

Get Your Story Straight; Prep with the ‘Whys’

Pick Your Battles; know your give points

The Challenge Creating a shared understanding of scope, timelines, and accountability for a complex, multi-faceted design project The Techniques Prepare Questions for Success...and ask every one of them! Expose the Elephants Clarify & Set Expectations Confirm and Validate those Expectations Planning Design Resources, Scope, & Timelines

The Challenge

Creating a shared understanding of scope, timelines, and accountability for a complex, multi-faceted design project

The Techniques

Prepare Questions for Success...and ask every one of them!

Expose the Elephants

Clarify & Set Expectations

Confirm and Validate those Expectations

The Challenge Divergent ‘stakeholder’ (client) interests are inhibiting progress The internal team is not in agreement on the design direction The Techniques Work from a foundation of agreements Listen; understand the scope of the disagreements Focus on the positive aspects of each of the ‘approaches’ Remove personal interests from the equation Take it offline, if necessary (ideate with each person separately or collectively) Managing Bumps in The Road (People) Resolving Conflicts

The Challenge

Divergent ‘stakeholder’ (client) interests are inhibiting progress

The internal team is not in agreement on the design direction

The Techniques

Work from a foundation of agreements

Listen; understand the scope of the disagreements

Focus on the positive aspects of each of the ‘approaches’

Remove personal interests from the equation

Take it offline, if necessary (ideate with each person separately or collectively)

The Challenge Divergent ‘stakeholder’ (client) interests are inhibiting progress The Techniques Work from a foundation of agreements Encourage discussion to arrive at the root disagreement Ideate with each stakeholder (collectively or separately) Focus on the business; take personal interests out of the equation Forward Focused Managing Bumps in The Road (People) Resolving Conflicts (among Stakeholders)

The Challenge

Divergent ‘stakeholder’ (client) interests are inhibiting progress

The Techniques

Work from a foundation of agreements

Encourage discussion to arrive at the root disagreement

Ideate with each stakeholder (collectively or separately)

Focus on the business; take personal interests out of the equation

Forward Focused

The Challenge The proverbial finger is pointing at you relative to lack of progress or missteps The Techniques Avoid the Situation through Proactive statusing and risk cataloging Don’t point -or deflect- the finger Facts and Objectivity are key Change the conversation; focus on path forward Managing Bumps in The Road (Circumstances) Defending Status & Progress

The Challenge

The proverbial finger is pointing at you relative to lack of progress or missteps

The Techniques

Avoid the Situation through Proactive statusing and risk cataloging

Don’t point -or deflect- the finger

Facts and Objectivity are key

Change the conversation; focus on path forward

The Challenge Despite all of your best efforts, the project has failed The Techniques Communicate the reusable parts, not everything that was done was for naught Remind people of the good work that is still relevant Remain confident and upbeat Outline the Lessons and keep them at the ready Managing Bumps in The Road (Circumstances) Project Failure

The Challenge

Despite all of your best efforts, the project has failed

The Techniques

Communicate the reusable parts, not everything that was done was for naught

Remind people of the good work that is still relevant

Remain confident and upbeat

Outline the Lessons and keep them at the ready

Planning Design Resources, Scope, & Timelines Communicating Design Design Reviews Defending Decisions Managing the Bumps in the Road People Resolving Conflicts (internal & stakeholder) Poor Team Member Performance Too many people Circumstances Defending progress Losing Momentum Project Failure The Situations That We Face

Sample Scenarios

Situation: Poor Team Member Performance You have a client meeting on Wednesday to present a draft deliverable. You’ve arranged a meeting with the IA responsible on Monday to discuss progress and conduct a review. The IA arrives at the review meeting without the document, claiming she/he didn’t have a chance to work on it. Characteristics: Doesn’t admit ignorance, Poor communication skills Role-Playing » The Missing Deliverable The Missing Deliverable

Situation: Poor Team Member Performance

You have a client meeting on Wednesday to present a draft deliverable. You’ve arranged a meeting with the IA responsible on Monday to discuss progress and conduct a review.

The IA arrives at the review meeting without the document, claiming she/he didn’t have a chance to work on it.

Characteristics: Doesn’t admit ignorance, Poor communication skills

Situation: Defending Design Decisions Your client sets up a meeting between you and another stakeholder. You’ve heard of this person, but haven’t ever met with him/her before. Your client wants you to walk this person through the work done to-date. Your client says that this person is paying for part of the project, and wants to get a sense of what’s going on. During the meeting, the new stakeholder pokes all kinds of holes in the design. Characteristics: Tunnel vision, No structure Role-Playing » The Late Stakeholder The Late Stakeholder

Situation: Defending Design Decisions

Your client sets up a meeting between you and another stakeholder. You’ve heard of this person, but haven’t ever met with him/her before.

Your client wants you to walk this person through the work done to-date. Your client says that this person is paying for part of the project, and wants to get a sense of what’s going on.

During the meeting, the new stakeholder pokes all kinds of holes in the design.

Characteristics: Tunnel vision, No structure

Situation: The Design Review You're reviewing a design but the feedback you're getting is broad, and non-specific. When it is specific, it's centered around inconsequential details that don't help you move the design forward in a meaningful way. You can sense from the body language and tone of the comments that there's some confusion or uncertainty about the design but they can't seem to articulate it well and they may not be comfortable with providing direct, potentially damaging feedback. What do you do? What tactics / techniques do you use to facilitate a meaningful discussion? Characteristics: No Direction, Poor Communication Skills, Misdirected Passion Role-Playing » The Evasive Critique The Evasive Critique

Situation: The Design Review

You're reviewing a design but the feedback you're getting is broad, and non-specific. When it is specific, it's centered around inconsequential details that don't help you move the design forward in a meaningful way.

You can sense from the body language and tone of the comments that there's some confusion or uncertainty about the design but they can't seem to articulate it well and they may not be comfortable with providing direct, potentially damaging feedback.

What do you do? What tactics / techniques do you use to facilitate a meaningful discussion?

Characteristics: No Direction, Poor Communication Skills, Misdirected Passion

A summary of skills and techniques discussed Tricks of the Trade the Trade

A summary of skills

and techniques discussed

Tricks of the trade Telling a good story and aligning it with your audience Seeing other perspectives/agendas Picking your battles: knowing when to turn on the passion Setting expectations/context Setting action items: the art of what do we do now? Avoiding distractions, even if timely and relevant Deflecting responsibility Asking good questions Letting others be right Letting others have their say Encouraging discussion Finding out what stifles people Channeling other people

Tricks of the trade

Telling a good story and aligning it with your audience

Seeing other perspectives/agendas

Picking your battles: knowing when to turn on the passion

Setting expectations/context

Setting action items: the art of what do we do now?

Avoiding distractions, even if timely and relevant

Deflecting responsibility

Asking good questions

Letting others be right

Letting others have their say

Encouraging discussion

Finding out what stifles people

Channeling other people

Thanks! Dan Brown • dan@eightshapes.com Chris Detzi • chris@eightshapes.com

Thanks!

Dan Brown • dan@eightshapes.com

Chris Detzi • chris@eightshapes.com