Transformative Counselling: Cognitive Therapy Approaches

Daniel Keeran, MSW, President,
www.collegemhc.com
The College of Mental Health Counseling presents:
Transformative Counseling:
Cognitive Therapy Approaches
A Course in Empathy, Finding Wisdom: Verbalizing Your Inner
Dialogue, Creative Solution Development, Counseling
Assessment Self-Healing Life Story Questionnaire, Your
Spirituality Score, Counseling for Depression, Practicing the
Presence of God: Spiritual Mindfulness, Sixteen Principles for
Anger, Thirty-Five Positive Suggestions for Ego Strength

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Copyright  2014 by Daniel Keeran
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or
reproduced in any manner whatsoever without specific written
permission from the author except for use in public schools and in
the case of brief quotations in reviews for inclusion in a magazine,
newspaper, or broadcast. Photocopies and electronic copies may
not be sold.
Special permission requests and inquires can be directed to the
author at collegemhc@gmail.com
ISBN-13: 978-1503292567
ISBN-10: 1503292568
Printed in the United States.

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Dedicated to
my loving wife and daughter

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Table of Contents
A Course in Empathy: The New Revolution
of the Heart 8
Finding Wisdom: Verbalizing Your
Inner Dialogue 32
Counseling Assessment Self-Healing
Life Story Questionnaire 40
Reaching Agreement: Steps To Peace Through
Creative Solution Development 46
Your Spirituality Score 50
Counseling for Depression 56
Practicing the Presence of God: Spiritual Mindfulness 60
Sixteen Guidelines for Anger 76
Thirty-Five Positive Suggestions for Ego Strength 78
About the Author 82

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A Course in Empathy
The New Revolution of the Heart
How do you think society might be affected if empathy was
taught in the home, the workplace, and in schools? Imagine a
world in which everyone, children and adults, knew how to care
about how others feel and what they need, want, and think.
While each individual has a unique capacity for empathy, some
more than others, the author believes empathy may be assisted
and encouraged for those who possess some aptitude.
Empathic development requires an awareness of one's own
emotions, addressed in the first exercise on page 12, in order
to begin to recognize and feel connected with the emotions of
others.
Now for the first time, we have a set of tools to actually learn
empathy so that it becomes part of one's way of relating to
others.
On completion of assignments* for A Course in Empathy, with
no more than a two-page report for each chapter including your
responses to questions found at the end of each one, the
Certificate of Empathy Development is awarded by the
College of Mental Health Counseling.
In this concise volume, the author describes ten practical
exercises to enable the development of empathy and thereby
aid the transformation of the self and the community.
The way to peace with everyone is empathy for everyone,
including and especially your opponent in any matter. Empathy
for self and others is the key to inner peace and world peace.
For connecting with a social media group about empathy go to
https://www.facebook.com/groups/empathicskills/
*Assignments and inquiries should be directed to Daniel Keeran, MSW, at
the College of Mental Health Counseling collegemhc@gmail.com

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Introduction: What Is Empathy?
Lesson Objectives:
1. To understand empathy.
2. To acquire an increased sense of empathy for the emotions
and circumstances of others.
Empathy Definition: To sincerely and accurately feel and
reflect the specific emotion(s) of another person. Empathy
also means to value others’ emotions.
Why teach and learn empathy? The important reason to
teach and learn empathy is that if individuals are able to
learn empathy skills, they will be most likely to apply the
skills in their current life with peers and future adult
relationships.
The ability to have empathy is important as a foundation for
caring and compassion between and among people and
contributes to positive relationships in all areas of life.
Empathy builds a sense of community and reduces the
tendency to discriminate or exclude others. Someone who
bullies or excludes others can benefit from being aware of the
emotions of a potential victim and to value those emotions.
While some people may have difficulty feeling or
communicating sincere empathy more than others, everyone
will derive some benefit from the exercises in this lesson.
Select those exercises that correspond to the overall capacity
of the age group and modify exercise descriptions for the
comprehension level of the group.
Group Discussion:
1. What is empathy? How are empathy and sympathy

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different? Empathy is not sympathy. Empathy means to feel
the emotion of another person. Sympathy means to agree
with the thoughts of another person.
2. Empathy means that you must set aside your own thoughts
and feelings and pay attention only to the other person’s
thoughts and feelings. Why does this ability require inner
strength?
3. How is empathy communicated? Empathy is communicated
in the sincere accurate reflection of the emotions of another
person, conveyed in accurate facial expressions for the
emotions, accurate voice tones for the emotions, and
accurate words for the emotions.
4. How are thoughts different from emotions? Emotions are
not thoughts. Emotions are sensory experiences in the mind
and body such as relaxed, fear, caring, anger, guilt, happy,
sadness, confident, low self-worth, hopeful, despair.
Thoughts are ideas about another person, thing, or situation.
5. What is sincerity and why is it important? Sincerity means
to be genuine, to truly value the other person’s feelings as
important, and to take his or her feelings seriously. If
sincerity is missing, then empathy will not be communicated.
6. Are emotions OK? Yes. Emotions are neither good nor bad.
Having emotions is an important part of being human.
Believing this is necessary in order to have sincere empathy
for another person’s feelings. What you do with an emotion
can be healthy or unhealthy.

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Exercises For Empathy Training
Exercise One: Building Your Emotion Vocabulary
Description: The leader introduces the exercise by saying that
having a vocabulary of words for different emotions, is helpful
for making sentences that communicate empathy. Many
feeling or emotion lists can be found on the internet.
Emotions can be separated into categories of pleasant and
painful feelings. For example, pleasant emotions are: happy,
excited, peaceful, relaxed, calm, hopeful.
Examples of painful emotions are: fear, anger, guilt, sad,
empty, low self-worth, and despair.
An acronym can be used to help remember a list of words. For
example, the acronym FAGSELD is a way to remember the
painful emotions listed above.
Invite group members (in group or as an assignment) to make
a list of emotions or feelings they have about different
experiences during the day. Examples: waking up, getting
dressed, smelling breakfast, getting on the bus, hearing
people arguing, hearing people laughing, entering the room,
sitting at the desk, listening to the teacher, going to recess,
More information: Painful feelings can be divided into
hard and soft emotions. Examples of hard painful feelings
are anger, frustration, irritation, and annoyed, while
examples of soft painful feelings are fear, sadness, guilt,
emptiness, low self-worth, and despair.

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taking a test, having lunch, doing homework, seeing parents,
playing with friends, sitting down to dinner, going to bed.
Post-Exercise Discussion:
1. What do you realize about emotions and experiences?
2. Why is it important to be aware of your emotions as you
feel them in the moment?
3. How does being aware of your own emotions affect the way
you understand other people and things that happen in their
lives?
Assignment: Make a list of your experiences between the end
of group today and the next group meeting and then write the
emotions related to each experience.

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Exercise Two: Distinguishing Emotions and Thoughts
Description: In this exercise, group members are asked to
make three sentences beginning with “I feel” followed by a
feeling word such as happy, sad, frustrated, or other
emotion.
Examples: “I feel happy when it’s time to play.”
“I feel excited when I get to do math.”
“I feel sad when my friends have to go home
after visiting.”
What is the difference between a thought and a feeling? A
thought is an idea. A feeling is an emotion.
More information: Remember that a thought, instead of
an emotion, is expressed if “I feel” is followed by the
word “that” rather than a feeling word. The phrase “I
feel that....,” really means “I think” or “I believe.”
If you begin a sentence with “I think” followed by an idea
such as “I think this subject is interesting” or “I think this
group is fun,” you are communicating a thought instead of
an emotion.

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Exercise Three: Making Sentences for Empathy
Description: Practice making sentences that communicate
empathy using this form and words from the feeling list. Fill in
the blanks, followed by checking to see if you are accurate:
“You feel____________ because ___________. Is that
accurate?”
Scenario examples: Here are examples of two scenarios
followed by examples of sentences that show empathy and
checking for accuracy.
1. Jill has a frown on her face and says her best friend just
moved away.
Empathic reflection: “Jill, you feel sad because you best
friend just moved away. Is that what you feel?”
2. Dad is very quiet when he comes home from work and says
he just lost his job.
Empathic reflection: “Dad, you feel worried because you lost
your job. Is that what you feel?”
Practice Scenarios: After each scenario below, write a
sentence that shows empathy followed by checking to see if
you are accurate.
1. Your brother comes home crying and then says he was
called hurtful names at school.
2. The boy at school that others just called hurtful names, is
sitting quietly and looking down.

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3. Your friend says he does not want to go home because he
received low scores on his report card.
4. Your friend says she can’t invite you over because her Mom
doesn’t feel well.
5. A person at school is sitting alone at lunch time and not
eating his lunch.
1. What questions do you have about writing a sentence that
shows empathy?
2. Why is it important to check to see if you are accurate?

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Exercise Four: Role Reversal
Description: In the Role Reversal exercise, empathy skills are
increased when individuals are asked to imagine he or she is
someone else who will be interviewed in pairs. The group is
divided into pairs, and each person takes turns telling the
other person basic personal information in answer to a brief
set of questions. Then each person imagines he or she is the
other person and speaks to the group in the first person as if
he or she is the other person. Mary interviews Rosie and then
presents herself as if she is Rosie by saying, “My name is
Rosie. I am 12 years old,” etc. Then Rosie does the same by
saying, “My name is Mary. I am 12 years old,” etc.
Accuracy is important for building empathy skills in this
exercise.
The following is a list of basic questions for collecting basic
personal information:
1. What is your name?
2. What is your age?
3. What is your favorite color?
4. How many brothers and sisters do you have?
5. Where did you go on vacation?
6. What do you like to do most?
Demonstrate to the group:
“Now I need a volunteer to show you what role reversal looks
like. Who would like to volunteer?” The leader asks the above
questions to the volunteer as you sit together in front of the
group. Then the leader presents herself as the student

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speaking in the first person and relating the information
collected in the interview using the questions above.
Then the leader says, “What questions do you have about
what you will be doing?”
Instructions to the group:
“Now I want you to divide into pairs and interview each other
using these questions (written on the board or given as a
printed handout). Remember what the other person says, and
then you will present yourself as if you are the other person
starting with the name and so on. You will have to listen very
carefully and remember what the other person said. What
questions do you have about what I am asking you to do?”
Post-Exercise discussion:
1. What was it like hearing your partner speak as if he or she
was you? Was he or she accurate?
2. What was it like being your partner? What did you feel or
think when you were being someone different than yourself?

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Exercise Five: Doubling
Description: In the Doubling exercise, similar to the Role
Reversal exercise, the individuals build empathy skills by
becoming a double or alter ego for another person. This is
done by inviting students to walk around the room in pairs (or
to sit in chairs in parallel position) while one speaks as the
other doubles.
The speaker talks about a happy memory or expected future
event. As the speaker is talking, the Double also talks in the
first person as if he or she is also the speaker and reads
between the lines by inserting feeling words.
Example:
Speaker: “I am going to visit my grandparents next week.”
Double: “And I feel happy.”
Speaker: “My grandma makes the best cookies.”
Double: “I am excited to eat the cookies.”
The speaker can let the Double know if she or he is accurate
or not by saying what the accurate feeling is.
“Now I need a volunteer to show you what Doubling looks like.
Come here and sit with me (chairs in parallel position facing
the group). Talk about a happy memory or something you look
forward to in the future.”

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As the volunteer talks, the leader speaks in the first person as
if she or he is the student and fills in feelings or emotions not
spoken by the volunteer.
After a brief while, the leader turns to the group and says,
“What questions do you have about what I am asking you to
do?”
Instructions for the group exercise:
Divide the group into pairs, and as they are engaged in the
exercise, let them know when to switch roles with one as the
speaker and the other as the Double.
After each person has had an opportunity to experience both
roles (speaker and Double):
1. What was it like being the speaker and hearing the Double
speaking as yourself?
2. What was it like being the Double? What was the hardest
part?
3. How did the exercise of Doubling help you understand the
other person?

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Exercise Six: Listening with Empathy
Description: Practice listening to another person talk about
something that is personally important, and make sentences
for empathy that reflect his or her emotions. Remember that
empathy means to set aside your own thoughts and feelings
and to pay attention to what the other person thinks and
feels.
“Now I need a volunteer so that I can show the group what a
sentence for empathy sounds like. Think of something you can
say about what is important to you or something that
happened or you hope will happen in the future. Who would
like to volunteer?”
After a brief demonstration, thank the volunteer and ask the
group, “What questions do you have about what you will be
doing?”
Instructions for the group exercise:
“Now we will practice making sentences for empathy. I want
you divide into pairs. One of you will speak for a little while
and the other will listen. The speaker can talk about
something that happened last night or today or something in
the future. The listener will make a sentence for empathy and
check to see if it is accurate. Then I will tell you when to
switch, with the speaker becoming the listener, and the
listener becoming the speaker. Remember that empathy
means to set aside your own thoughts and feelings and to pay
attention to what the other person thinks and feels.”

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After giving instructions, ask the group, “What questions do
you have about what you will be doing?”
1. What was it like being the speaker and hearing the listener
make sentences for empathy (reflections)?
2. What was it like being the listener? What was the hardest
part about it?
More information: In making an empathic reflection, an
overstatement of the other person’s thoughts and feelings
can give added support when the reflection is accurate and
sincere. This involves seeing implications of what the
speaker says and including these implications in the sincere
reflection while being careful to check for accuracy. If the
empathic reflection is an understatement and leaves out
accurate basic information given by the speaker, the
speaker will feel a lack of empathy and support.
Additional exercises can be created to assist group members
to recognize and reflect empathy for different specific
emotions such as fear, anger, guilt, sadness, celebration,
humiliation, and others. See an exercise for empathizing
with anger below.

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Exercise Seven: Becoming Another Character
Description: In this exercise, members are asked to break
into groups of three to do the following:
1. Write the dialogue for and then enact a scenario for three
people: a victim, a bully, and an observer.
2. Each group enacts the scenario three times. Each time the
scenario is enacted, each person rotates to take on the role of
a different character.
3. After all scenarios are enacted with each person rotating to
each role, each person then discusses what it was like to take
on the role of each character, what emotions were felt, and
what thoughts came up in each role.
1. What emotions did you feel as the bully?
2. What emotions did you feel as the victim?
3. What emotions did you feel as the observer?
4. What decisions have you made after doing this exercise?

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Exercise Eight: Understanding the Story
Description: This exercise is about understanding the story of
another person. “An enemy is someone whose story you have
not heard.”
1. Ask members of the group to think (and write) about
someone they are afraid of or someone with whom they do
not want to be friends and to give a reason.
2. Ask group members to imagine they found out reasons why
the person behaves in a negative way and to write the reasons
down.
3. Ask group members to share how they feel about the
person after realizing there may be a story that explains the
negative behavior of the person.
Example: (corresponding to the three points above)
1. I do not want to be friends with Rosie because she never
talks to me.
2. I found out that Rosie is unhappy and lonely at home, and
she is afraid her Mom may not be able to pay the rent.
3. Now that I know this may be true, I want to be friends with
Rosie because her not talking is not about me but about her
feelings about what is happening at home.
1. How has this exercise changed the way you think about
people you are afraid of or with whom you do not want to be
friends?
2. Imagine how understanding the story of the other person
could affect the way people feel and think about their
perceived enemies, nations in conflict, and groups of people
that you or perhaps others dislike.

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Exercise Nine: Imagine the Emotions of a
Historical Character
Description: This exercise is about understanding the
emotions of a historical character. The leader asks group
members to make a list of five people from history and
circumstances. Then write emotions that each person may
have felt about what was happening in history or in the life of
the person when they were experiencing the emotions.
Alternatively, the leader can make a list of historical people,
describe their circumstances, and then invite group members
to list emotions the person might have had.
Example: Abraham Lincoln sees slaves being sold in the town
square, and in that moment he feels sad that they have no
families of their own, angry that men would treat other men
as property, and hopeless that he could do nothing about it.
1. Who would like to share your list of historical people and
circumstances with the group?
2. What emotions did you come up with and what are the
emotions about?

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Exercise Ten: Having Empathy for Anger
Description: This exercise assists the development of ways to
cope with the anger of another person by using empathic
reflection. Empathy for anger can sometimes have the effect
of reducing the anger of a person.
A scenario is demonstrated by the leader who makes a
reflective empathic statement when someone is very angry.
After observing this, group members are asked to form pairs
and to practice making a reflective empathic statement to
the other person who makes an angry statement.
Example: (demonstrated)
Angry Person: “You never do what you’re told, and so now I
have to do it for you.”
Empathic Listener: “You feel angry because I didn’t do my
work, and that makes more work for you. Is that what you are
feeling?”
Following this demonstration, ask group members to enact the
same scenario in pairs with each person taking turns being the
angry person, then the empathic listener. Use the statements
provided in the above example and repeated them to help you
feel more of the emotion and what it is like to say and hear
the words.
1. What was it like making the angry statement?
2. What was it like making the empathic reflective statement?
3. What was it like as the angry person hearing the empathic
reflective statement of the listener?

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4. Imagine how empathic reflection could be used between
nations to reduce hostility. How could it work?

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Finding Wisdom
Verbalizing Your Inner Dialogue
New generation psychological technology can improve
conditions in persons with normal or average cognitive
functioning. The cognitive mental functions give humans a
particular advantage in terms of creative solution development.
Humans are constantly engaging in a process of internal
dialogue across a variety of subject areas. Mental distress may
be at least partly remedied by verbalizing, understanding, and
perhaps modifying the internal dialogue.
For persons suffering from chronic dependency as well as
anxiety, depression, and relationship issues, the following
technique may be useful:
1. Invite the client to talk about what they know will improve
their situation and what could worsen their situation.
2. Identify the parts of the self as the knowing confident self and
the unknowing negative self.
3. Ask the client to verbalize each part of the self in response to
the other (like Golum in Lord of the Rings).
4. Discuss ways to strengthen the knowing confident part of the
self. This is also the observer will part of the self that is able to
evaluate and modify the dialogue and draw a conclusion that
works best.
The above technique can be easily learned, recorded through
journaling, and repeated as a core process in therapy in order
to make the inner dialogue most conscious and useful to the
client. This psychological technology can improve conditions in
persons with normal or average cognitive functioning.
The therapeutic use of inner dialogue can focus on a specific
issue or area of mental distress and invite the client to have a

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conversation between the knowing confident part and the
negative self-doubting or unhealthy part.
Here is an example of an exchange using this inner dialogue
approach:
Client: I feel so inadequate and lacking in self-confidence.
Counselor: So, part of you feels inadequate and lacking in
self-confidence. I wonder if there is another part of you, a
knowing part, even a small part, that feels adequate and
confident about some things.
Client: Yes, there is. I moved out here on my own. I have a job
and pay my rent (client smiles).
Counselor: You are very resourceful, capable, and
independent. You can strengthen the positive, capable part of
yourself just by talking more about it. Tell me more.
In this example the counselor further supports the knowing
supportive self by adding to the dialogue. The counselor can
also invite the client to verbalize the inner dialogue between the
positive knowing part and the negative doubting part.
Counselor: Now I want you to speak your negative thoughts
and also your positive thoughts.
An exchange with someone suffering from
depression
Counselor: If there’s a conversation inside you about the
depression, how does it go? Speak the conversation out loud.
Client: I am a failure. Nothing I do is good enough.
Counselor: So that is the negative part of you that feeds the
depression. There is another part of you, even if it is a small
part, that knows more and that can see the big picture. What
does that part say?

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Client: I have been resourceful, independent, and self-reliant. I
pay my own rent, buy my own food, hold a job, moved far from
home, and have travelled to Europe on my own.
Counselor: Yes. Which part of you feels better than the other
part of you: the negative part or the other part?
Working with different personality disorders
The beginning of the process is to identify the central issue
defining the personality disorder.
Personality disorders are understood as a pattern of behaviour
beginning in childhood, causing subjective distress and
affecting social and occupational functioning.
The central issue of each disorder is actually the voice of the
negative unhealthy self that is larger or stronger than the
positive confident self. The goal of therapy is to strengthen the
positive confident self and thereby relieve mental distress. This
occurs by bringing the inner dialogue into conscious awareness
and by focusing attention on the positive healthy confident self
by talking about, elaborating, and affirming it.
The negative unhealthy self is significantly fed by negative
uncaring experiences during childhood, usually the parental
relationship. A way to strengthen the positive self is to say,
“What would you say or do if what happened to you happened
to your own child?” and “If you were the healthy caring adult or
parent in the situation you describe, what would you say or do
for you, the child?”
This approach utilizes the person’s own cognitive ability and
sense of empathy to create and define healthy choices.
Another approach is to say, “If you had power to change any
three things about your childhood or family when you were
growing up, what would they be?” and, “I wonder if you can
imagine how you might be different today in some ways if
things had been different as you describe.”

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This approach helps the person use memory to identify
significant unresolved issues from childhood that require
healing as well as visualization in order to identify and
strengthen the positive healthy self. A key to moving forward is
to hold two opposite realities simultaneously, the reality of loss
of parental caring or other loss and also one’s power to make
healthy choices in thought and action now: “Maybe you could
not choose what happened in your childhood, and you can
choose what you do now.”
Paranoid Personality Disorder
Central issue: No one can be trusted because they want to
harm me in some way.
Common associated major negative life experience: Loss of
caring and closeness in the parental relationship during
childhood. Possibly physical or verbal abuse.
Therapeutic statements supporting the healthy self:
What happened in your childhood or your past that you think
has contributed most to your distrust of others?
I wonder if part of you knows what someone would be like if
they could be trusted.
How much is your fear and distrust based on what you think
about other people? If you could allow yourself to think
differently about others, how might your fear be affected?
How would you feel toward others if you could believe that
people are generally sincere and well-intentioned?
Schizoid Personality Disorder
Central issue: No one understands me because I am different.
I prefer to be alone.
Common associated major negative life experience:
Childhood abuse, loss of parental caring, bullying.

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When in your life did you first start feeling alone or of being
lonely?
What happened in your childhood or your past that you think
has contributed most to your desire to be alone?
I wonder how you might be different today if there had been
something different in your life when you were growing up.
What is your image of the person you want to be? Describe this
person for me.
Part of you prefers to be alone. Another part of you has a
different need or different idea about people. What does that
part say?
Schizotypal Personality Disorder
Central issue: I have odd or delusional thoughts but I may not
recognize them as odd or delusional; no one can be trusted.
Possible abuse or abandonment experience in childhood.
Common associated major negative life experience: Loss of
parental caring; lack of social skill development in childhood.
Part of you thinks what you described (the odd thought) is true,
and maybe you need to have those thoughts for now.
Part of you believes no one can be trusted, and everyone
wants to harm you in some way.
There is another part of you that may have a different idea
about your thoughts and knows what you need and who you
can be. What does that part of you say?
Antisocial Personality Disorder
Central issue: I am willing to violate the rights of others to
serve my own profit and pleasure.

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Common associated major negative life experience: Lack of
parental discipline during childhood; loss of parental caring.
Part of you is use to surviving on your own, believes sometimes
you must take advantage of other people to look after your own
interest, and that the end justifies the means. Is that accurate?
There is another part of you that feels a little guilty about taking
advantage of others to meet your own needs. What does that
part of you say?
Borderline Personality Disorder
Central issue: I don’t have control over my emotions. “I hate
you, don’t leave me.” I am afraid of abandonment.
Common associated major negative life experience: Abuse
and/or abandonment during childhood.
Part of you hates people, feels emotionally negative toward
others, and also fears being left alone by others. Who was the
first important person in your life who hurt or left you?
Another part of you, perhaps a small part, believes that you are
capable of being OK and surviving even if people leave you.
What else does that part know? Maybe that you can manage
your emotions, especially your anger?
Histrionic Personality Disorder
Central issue: I need the attention and approval of others in
order to be happy. My worth depends on my physical
attractiveness.
Childhood abuse and learning to believe that value is
associated with sexuality or external appearance. Lack of
training in healthy values and beliefs during childhood.

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Part of you believes your worth depends upon your sex appeal
and physical appearance.
There is another wiser part, even if it is a small part of you, that
knows more about you and your worth as a person. What does
that part say?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Central issue: My ideas and abilities are superior to those of
others.
Parental abandonment or rejection by the father.
Part of you thinks your ideas and abilities are superior, perhaps
far superior, to those of others.
Another part of you thinks you may be an imposter or feels very
inferior to others. What does that part say?
And part of you thinks others are capable of having important
ideas and abilities. What does that part say?
Avoidant Personality Disorder
Central issue: I am afraid that others will criticize me in social
situations.
Common associated major negative life experience: Critical
parenting during childhood or bullying by peers or siblings.
There is part of you that is afraid of criticism in social situations.
Another part of you is able to reassure you or encourage you.
What does that part say?

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Dependent Personality Disorder
Central issue: I fear being alone and must subordinate my
own needs and feelings to those on whom I rely.
Dominating parenting that makes obedience and subservience
a condition of caring.
Part of you believes you must serve others in order to be
accepted by them, and you must be accepted by them in order
to be happy.
Another, knowing part of you believes you are worthwhile even
if others do not accept you. This part wants you to be true to
yourself and to assert your own needs and feelings even if
others are displeased. What else does it say?
Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder
Central issue: I must control my environment and finances,
because of my fear of chaos, disorder, or poverty. Things,
working, and financial security are more important than people.
Poverty or financial stress or financial loss during childhood.
Part of you thinks you must achieve and maintain financial
security even if you must sacrifice closeness and caring in your
relationships with others. If that seems accurate, elaborate on
this a little.
Another part of you believes people and the quality of your
relationships are more important than things or even than
keeping order.

40
Counseling Assessment
Self-Healing Life Story Questionnaire
Introduce Yourself
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your age and gender?
3. What is your marital status? Single, married, separated,
or divorced? How long? Explain the reasons for
separation(s) or divorce(s). What happened?
4. What is your race, ethnic, or cultural background?
Caucasian, Chinese, East Indian, Aboriginal, Other?
5. What are your children's genders and ages? If they are
adults, give their occupations and marital situation.
6. Do you live alone or with someone? How long?
What Happened?
7. What problems and concerns do you have now?
8. What emotions have you been having and what is each
one about? Fear, anger, frustration, guilt, sadness, low
self-worth, despair, other feelings?
9. How long have you been feeling this way? (for each
feeling or problem)
10.What happened at the time you began feeling this way?
11.When have you felt like this in the past and what
happened?
12.Any health problems? E.g. epilepsy, diabetes, etc.
13.Any counseling or hospitalized for emotional reasons?
How old were you? Please give the reasons.
Instructions: Only say as much as you want to. Skip questions that
are too uncomfortable, but think about why they are. Simply
completing this questionnaire can be a healing experience in itself.
To understand the deeper meaning of the questions and your
answers, consider this important resource Effective Counseling Skills.

41
The Family You Grew Up In and Your
Childhood
14.How many brothers and sisters do you have? Give each
person's gender, age, occupation, and marital situation.
15.Which one are you in the line of birth? First, last, second
or third, etc. How many years separate you from the
others nearest you?
16.Who were you closest to when growing up?
17.Are your parents still living? What was your age at their
death?
18.Have your experienced any other deaths of family
members or friends? What was your age?
19.Describe your father's (and step-father's) personality and
your relationship to him when you were growing up.
Were you close, not so close, distant, affectionate? Give
an example of something that happened that shows this
and how old you were.
20.Talk about how your relationship with your father (or
father figure) during childhood may have affected you in
both positive and negative ways.
21.How have the negative experiences with your father
figure(s), come up again in your relationships with other
people up to now?
22.Describe your mother's (and step-mother's) personality
and your relationship to her when you were growing up.
Were you close, not so close, distant, affectionate? Give
an example of something that happened that shows this
and how old you were.
23.Talk about how your relationship with your mother (or
mother figure) during childhood may have affected you
in both positive and negative ways.
24.How have the negative experiences with your mother
figure(s), come up again in your relationships with other
people up to now?

42
25.What were your spiritual or religious beliefs before age
10 and how have your beliefs changed since then?
26.What was your role in the family when you were growing
up? Think of a word, e.g. peacemaker, black sheep,
victim, outsider, assistant parent, invisible, baby, etc.?
Give an example of what happened.
27.Describe your parents' relationship. Were they
affectionate? How did they deal with conflict? Give an
example of what happened.
28.Was anyone in the family or extended family ever
hospitalized for emotional reasons or commit suicide?
Any mental retardation?
29.How did family members relate to each other when you
were growing up? Give an example.
30.How were feelings of anger, sadness, fear, and guilt
expressed? Give an example.
31.Describe a time when you were disciplined that was
most painful for you. How old were you? What
happened?
32.What personality features do you have which your
parents also have?
33.Who was there for you when you were hurt as a child?
34.What messages about your worth and the worth of
others, was communicated by each parent both verbally
and nonverbally?
35.How old were you when you left home, and why did you
leave?
36.If you had power to change your family when you were
growing up and your childhood in any three ways, what
would you choose?
37.If your family experience had been different in the ways
you mentioned above, how do you imagine your life
might be different today?
38.Do you know if your mother had any problems with your
birth?

43
Your School Experience and Friends
39.What was the first day of school like?
40.How many moves and school changes occurred during
school years? How old were you, what grades did you
move and why?
41.Describe your relationships with teachers.
42.Describe your relationships with peers.
43.Do you believe you achieved your best in school? Why?
What grade or education level did you complete? What
happened?
44.Did you have a group of friends during the first six
grades? If not, why?
45.Did you have one or two very close friends as a
teenager? If not, why?
46.Did you tend to be a follower or a leader with friends as
a teenager?
47.How old were you when you first started go out with
someone (or dated)?
48.Do you have a satisfactory network of friends, family,
groups? Describe these briefly.
49.How would you describe the types of people you
associate with? (What is your role with friends and
acquaintances? Helper, victim, other?)
Your Work Experiences
50.How old were you when you first went to work?
51.What types of jobs have you had and how many? Why
did you leave each job?
52.What has been your role at work? Helper, invisible,
responsible, victim, other? And how have you gotten
along with bosses?
Your Social Life and Relationships
53.What was your first date like for you?

44
54.How old were you with your first sexual experience? And
first intercourse?
55.How many sexual partners have you had over time? And
what is your sexual preference or orientation?
(heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual)
56.Describe your partner’s personality and your
relationship. Aggressive, passive, abusive, caring,
other? And describe previous meaningful relationships,
their personalities, and why they ended.
Your Legalities, Use of Substances,
Financial Situation
57.Have you had any past arrests, warrants, charges, suits
against you? How old were you and what were they
about?
58.What amount of debt do you have?
59.Any drug or alcohol use? Why do you use it? Has
anyone complained that you use too much or too often?
Your Mood
60.Have you ever had suicidal thoughts at any time in your
life? How old were you? What happened?
61.What is your mood right now on a scale of zero (0) to 10,
with zero meaning ‘life is not worth living’ and 10
meaning you are very optimistic and life is wonderful?
What number do you give your mood?
62.Any thought of wanting to harm yourself or anyone else?
Your Final Thoughts and Understandings
63.What are your greatest strengths? And what skills or
abilities do you currently have the most confidence in?

45
64.Having looked at your life from early days until now,
what do you think may have contributed most to your
present difficulties?
65.Of all the questions above, what has been most difficult
for you to face?
66.If you were to continue on a path of change and growth
what would you hope to achieve or what would be your
goals in counselling?
67.What has it been like completing your Life Story
Questionnaire?

46
Reaching Agreement
Steps To Peace Through Creative Solution Development*
The process can involve a single individual, a couple, two or
more parties having issues, or a large group, and moves
beyond control to mutual agreement or majority decision.
Explain that the process depends upon acceptance of the
following guidelines by all participants:
1. Do not judge, criticize, or evaluate any ideas as you engage
in the solution development process.
2. Do not use attempts to exercise power or control of any kind:
such as anger, yelling, name-calling, put-downs, threats or
intimidation or manipulation.
Step One: Identifying Issues
1. The facilitator invites participants to say “what issues and
challenges need to be addressed.”
2. The facilitator writes these issues in a numbered list on a
chalk board or flip chart.
(As the issues are being stated, the facilitator uses reflective
listening as needed in order to clarify meaning. In the event a
strong emotion is expressed or a participant becomes too
verbal, the facilitator uses reflective statements, checks if the
person feels understood, then directs the participants back to
the issue.)
3. The facilitator then asks members to say the number of one
of the listed issues that he thinks needs to be addressed first.
4. The facilitator makes a tick by the number of each listed
issue selected by participants, then circles the one with the
most ticks; this becomes the first issue for solution
development.

47
Step Two: Creating Solutions
1. Writing the issue on the chalkboard or flipchart, the facilitator
makes a numbered list below it and says, “Now I would like us
to brainstorm as many solutions for this issue as you can think
of, and as you state them I will write them down on this list
without judgment, criticism or discussion.”
2. To increase the number of ideas and with writing material,
large groups can break into small groups or dyads and
brainstorm using the following statements presented by the
facilitator:
a. Let’s write down what’s happening now, because that is
always a choice.
b. What’s the opposite of what’s happening now?
c. What is a fantasy of what you might like to see happen
but you don’t think is possible?
d. Think of an approach that seems silly or ridiculous.
e. Imagine what someone you respect (a relative or other
wise person) might say as a solution.
f. I can think of a possible solution that would work well
and that no one has mentioned. Can anyone quess what
it is? (the facilitator writes down ideas the participants
guess)
g. My idea is ...... (facilitator adds his or her solution to the
numbered list)
Step Three: Reaching A Creative Agreement
1. The facilitator says: “Now using your writing material, I would
like each of you to take a separate sheet of paper and privately
write down the number of up to three of the listed possible
solutions or approaches that you think would be most practical
or workable to address the challenge or issue.”

48
2. The facilitator says: “Now tell me the number of the listed
solutions you have chosen, and I will make a tick by each of the
solutions.”
3. The three solutions most selected by the participants
become the creative agreement or solution strategy for the
issue addressed.
4. Depending on the issue, volunteers can be invited and a time
can be determined to implement the strategy or action plan.
5. Repeat Step Two and Step Three for the second, third,
fourth, etc. issue selected most often by the participants.
*If the conflict is related to differences in philosophy, religion,
personal taste, or if agreement cannot be reached, the
following approaches may provide a solution: agree to
disagree, flip a coin, take turns or agree to separate or
alternating action plans, implement trial time periods to try
different plans, or return to the above process.
Additional information is found in the practical manual How To
Do Professional Mental Health Counseling.

50
Your Spirituality Score
Spirituality provides values and beliefs for making healthy
choices, a foundation of hope and meaning for direction and
optimism, and support and encouragement to face major life
difficulties.
Strengthening your spiritual growth and awareness can set you
on a path to find inner peace, physical and mental healing, and
personal fulfillment.
Your Spirituality Score is based on how many questions of the
total for which you can provide a confident answer, rather than
saying, “I don’t know.” Responses can be written, verbal, or
mental, but written may be beneficial for most people.
1. What is your age, gender, and ethnic/race origin?
2. What were the spiritual/religious views of your father? Your
mother?
3. How has your spirituality changed from your childhood until
now?
4. Is there anything more than the material universe? Do you
believe anything is true that you cannot personally and directly
perceive with your five senses? Explain.
5. Do you believe intelligence and creativity exist in the
universe? Explain.
6. Do you believe in the existence of a transcendent
intelligence or superior reasoning power? Explain why or why
not.
7. Do you see evidence of creative intelligence in the design
and complexity of the universe or do you lean toward a material
natural explanation?

51
8. Do you believe all human beings have equal worth and
value? Explain why or why not? What are the implications?
9. Do you believe the human species has greater or superior
value or greater importance or more responsibility compared to
other life forms? Why or why not? What are the implications?
10. What is the meaning or purpose of human existence?
11. How do you know what is right and wrong?
12. What is the most important thing you can do with your life?
13. Is hope important? Explain.
14. What happens after you die? Does your individual identity
or consciousness continue to exist? What are the implications?
15. Is the idea of the meaning of human life essential to the
idea of hope? Explain.
16. Is the idea of right and wrong essential to the idea of
meaning? Explain.
17. What have been some of the most important influences on
you for what you value and believe?
18. What spiritual practices do you have? Prayer, centering
prayer, meditation, scripture reading, worship, singing, other.
19. Does moral accountability only happen within the legal
systems of nations? Is there ultimate accountability in a venue
after death? What are the implications?
20. If people are reborn into new lives, what if anything
determines the nature or quality of their existence? What are
the implications?
21. Comment on this statement: “Many people think only
tangible things are real, yet the same people admit intangible

52
things are most important: love, compassion, empathy, justice,
morality, consciousness, wisdom, human value, meaning of life,
and eternity... for without these, life is void and vain, and
aspirations mere illusions.”
22. Have you ever experienced what you believe to be a sign or
communication from God or other spiritual being?
23. What is your view of this statement? “Humans are spiritual
beings existing in physical bodies.”
24. Do you believe you have convincing evidence of spiritual
reality?
25. What is your idea of an ideal society? World? Life?
26. When does an individual human life begin?
27. What is the essence of the self?
28. Do you believe angels and demons exist?
29. Do you believe everyone after death goes to heaven or to
hell?
30. Do you believe the superior reasoning power has ever
communicated with humanity?
31. How open are you to exploring different aspects of
spirituality?
32. If you saw someone raise the dead, what would you think or
do?
33. If you saw a person die and then you saw him alive again a
few days later, what would you think or do?
34. Comment on the statement: “Humans are a parasite
infestation of the earth.”

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35. How can you prove to anyone else that you are aware of
yourself, your own consciousness?
36. Describe a healthy relationship.
37. How important is your spirituality to your life? And do you
want your spirituality to increase or decrease?
38. If we are made in the image of God, what qualities do we
share with God?
39. Read Isaiah, chapter 53, written in 700 BC. Who is being
described? See other amazing examples of future-telling here
or http://goo.gl/uM1e7p
40. Do you now belong to or have you thought of joining a
spiritual community to strengthen your values and beliefs for
making healthy choices, to acquire a foundation of hope and
meaning for direction and optimism, and to receive support and
encouragement to face major life difficulties?
41. How has this questionnaire affected your awareness of your
belief in non-material things?
Final instructions: Count the number of questions for which
you struggled to give a sincere answer, and then subtract the
number from the number 41. The answer is your Spirituality
Score.
How to use this assessment: Whatever your score may be,
give further consideration to questions you are unsure about or
for which you have difficulty giving a response.

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Calculating Your Spirituality Score
1. Make a mark indicating any question for which you feel
unable to give a satisfactory answer or that you find
especially challenging.
2. Add the number of marks in #1 and subtract this
number from 41.
3. The answer to #2 is your Spirituality Score.
NOTE: This score and your answers to questions are
to be used only by you and anyone to whom you grant
permission.
Total number of questions 41
Number of difficult questions
Your Spirituality Score
For assistance to explore or discuss your score, email
collegemhc@gmail.com

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Counseling for Depression
Depression can be caused by chemical changes in the body,
physical illness, and different types of loss. Very often,
depression and anxiety are the result of self-defeating life
patterns forming unhealthy neural pathways that can be healed
by incorporating caring self-talk and by supporting self-worth
and assertiveness. We tend to do to ourselves and to others
that which was done to us in childhood. Now as adults we must
give to ourselves all the healthy things we needed from healthy
parents. Here are some things to do to change the inner-
dialogue foundations of depression and anxiety:
Step 1. Write down the negative things you think about
yourself, others, and your circumstances.
This activity will bring to your conscious awareness the
negative thinking and self-talk that is common to many kinds of
depression and anxiety. The negative and self-critical self-talk
demoralizes the ego and manifests as feeling down, blue, sad,
anxious, fearful and self-doubting. This low mood and anxiety
then affect sleeping, eating, and low energy. Common
examples of negative self-talk are: I am incapable, I can't do it, I
am unlovable, I am a failure, I failed again, I can't do it, No one
wants to talk to me, No one cares about me, etc.
Step 2. Write down statements that are self-caring,
nurturing, reassuring, supportive, and validating.
This exercise helps to identify the opposites of the negative
self-talk: I can do it, I have strengths and abilities, I am caring
and kind, I can get what I need and want, I deserve to be
happy, I can succeed, I am just as important and valuable as
anyone else, My pain is normal for what I have been through,
etc.

57
Step 3. Write down negative things parents said or
communicated to you when you were growing up.
Here you can write down what you thought parents felt about
you by what they said or did such as: I wish you were never
born, I do not like you, I do not care about you, I care about
alcohol more than I care about you, I do not want to be around
you, You are in the way, You are a bother, You should be seen
but not heard, You can’t do that, You could have done better,
You will never amount to anything, Don’t cry, etc.
Step 4. Write down things you needed or wanted parents to
say to you as a child.
Here you can write the things you wanted or needed parents to
say or do such as: I love you no matter what happens, I am so
glad you are in my life, You can succeed, It's OK to cry when
you're hurt, Everything will be OK, I felt the same as you
sometimes, Imagine the possibilities. You are good at that, You
are so helpful, You are so kind and caring, etc.
Step 5. Write down what you would do or say if you saw
another child being treated the way you were treated in #3.
If you heard someone say mean things to a child or slap a
child, what would you say? Maybe you would say things like:
You have no right to say that, Be nice to the child, The child
needs your love, You need to support your child and be
reassuring and caring and loving and affectionate, You need to
be encouraging, etc.
Step 6. If you had all the positive things as a child that you
needed from healthy parents, how do you imagine your life
might be different today?
If your parents had said encouraging, caring, and supportive
things to you as a child, how do you imagine your life might be
different today? This step helps you formulate and create a
vision for how your life can be different in a healthy way.
Depression that comes from negative self-talk is a form of self-

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abandonment and self-abuse. The ultimate self-abuse and self-
abandonment is self-harm and suicidal thinking. Conversely,
hope, optimism, self-worth, and self-confidence form the basis
of a stable mood and sense of security, safety, confidence,
well-being, inner peace, personal power, and happiness.
Step 7. Now you must be for yourself all the things that
you needed your parents to be for you: encouraging,
nurturing, loving, caring, supportive, and reassuring.
This means you need to say to yourself and be for yourself all
the positive things you needed from healthy parents. If no one
else can give you the caring that you need, who does that
leave? Ultimately, you are the one who must care for you. So
this means you must choose healthy people to be in your life,
and you must be supportive of yourself and of that other
healthy caring person you have chosen to be in your life. In this
way you will be caring of yourself. Another important piece is to
stand up for yourself and support yourself when you are treated
badly by others.
Step 8. You must be assertive.
Stand up for yourself by saying things like: I don't like your
tone, I deserve more respect than that, I deserve a raise in
salary, I feel annoyed when...., etc. Take care of that little boy
or girl who was abused and mistreated. That little boy or girl is
still inside you and needs your protection. Be for yourself now
what you needed then as a child. Will you stand up for him or
her? When will you start?
The Angel View
When depressed some years ago because of a painful loss, I
was sinking and stuck in despair. Then I thought that the angels
are watching, looking down from above, and able to see my life
from beginning to end. They can see the valleys and mountains
of my life, and they are wondering how I will face the present

59
challenge. Will I be stopped and give up, defeated? Or will I
move forward and on to the next challenge?
On realizing this and seeing my life from beginning to end, I
understood that life is an adventure with obstacles and
opportunities, mountains and valleys. I concluded that my life
will change if I can persevere. I saw that the sense of loss and
depression were only temporary and that other challenges
await.
When I saw the angel view, my depression lifted, and I felt free
to go forward in my life knowing that I am able to move through
the momentary difficulties and challenges of life.

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PracticingthePresenceofGod
Spiritual Mindfulness
by Daniel Keeran, MSW, College of Mental Health Counselling
www.ctihalifax.com
1 John 3:6
...and people who stay one in their hearts with him won’t keep on sinning.
If they do keep on sinning, they don’t know Christ, and they have never
seen him
Contemporary English Version (CEV)
Spiritual Mindfulness definition: Focusing one’s conscious awareness
upon the attributes and thoughts of God as fully present in the current
moment.
“Where is God? I don’t see any God. Show me God, and I will
believe.”
How many times have you heard this? And maybe you are
hearing it more as time goes by. We all have friends or family
members who doubt that God exists, and sometimes you may
have doubts about God’s presence or sometimes you may feel
very distant from God or may simply not be aware of his
presence.
Peter says our confidence is not about seeing Him but about
loving and believing in Him.
1 Peter 1:7-9 “Though you have not seen him, you love him;
and even though you do not see him now, you believe in
him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for
you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your
souls.”
The difference between a secular mindset and a sacred
mindset is that in the secular life, one engages in daily life
disconnected and without awareness of God. In the sacred life,

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one engages in daily life with a strong awareness of God. In
the sacred life, the child of God sees everything and every
moment in the context of the spiritual and says, “The God of the
universe who holds everything together is fully and personally
present right here, right now.”
When you read sacred scripture, you are struck in every verse
by the writers’ constant awareness of God. This is in stark
contrast with the secular life in which one merely seeks the
good life in harmony with one’s neighbour but without any
awareness of God. When a child is very young she is aware of
God, then from pre-school to university, the secular worldview
is taught, and the secular media and the secular workplace
prohibit God, or place faith in a negative light. So the faith
community is an oasis where we fill up on God. Then we leave
the community, the secular chains go back on, and God is left
behind. Is that what happens?
To live spiritually and to break off the secular chains, believe
God is always present, always caring, always guiding and
directing and nurturing, always eager to hear from you,
always forgiving, always loving, always reaching out to
you, always watching and waiting for you to turn to him,
and when you do turn to God, he sings and rejoices over
you. Do you believe it?
If you believe it, you can know it, then you can see God at
work everywhere and hear God’s constant reassurance and
encouragement.
Psalm 139:7-10 “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I
flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are
there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on
the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even
there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me
fast.”

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God is present and near to you right here, right now. What
emotions do you feel? If you believe it you can see and feel
God with your heart right now.
God loves you and He is so proud of you.
Zephaniah 3:17 “The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty
to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you
with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."
Listen to God singing and rejoicing over you. What do you feel?
Maybe you feel so loved, so accepted, so cared for by the
Creator of the universe that you think for a moment it could
last forever, and that is exactly what God wants for you.
Psalm 147:11 “The LORD delights in those who fear him, who
put their hope in his unfailing love.”
Believe the Lord is proud of you. What do you feel? Yes, God
is proud of you. Maybe you feel peaceful and happy, a sense of
deep contentment. This picture of delight the Father feels about
you is described in the story of the prodigal son.
Luke 15:20-23 “So he got up and went to his father. But while
he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled
with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms
around him and kissed him. The son said to him, 'Father, I
have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer
worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his
servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a
ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened
calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of
mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So
they began to celebrate.”
If you believe God delights in you, loves you, and rejoices in
song over you, then you can see and hear God with the eyes

63
and ears of your heart. Can you begin to see and hear God
and sense his constant presence and love for you?
Suppose God told someone to write a note and give it to
you and the note said, “You can’t see me, but I am very
close to you right now and I want you to know that I love
and care about you and that I am working in your life to
make good things happen.” How would you feel if you
received that note? Wouldn’t it be wonderful? Wouldn’t
you feel special and confident and have such peace that
would never fade away? God has written such a note. It’s
called the Bible...the holy scriptures. It’s a bit longer than a
note.
Psalm 119:64 “The earth is filled with your love, O LORD;
teach me your decrees.” If you believe, you can know, and
then you can see the evidence of God’s love everywhere. Look
around the room. See those in whom the Spirit lives. See all the
gifts of God around you.
2 Corinthians 5:16 “So from now on we regard no one from a
worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this
way, we do so no longer.”
God works directly in your life.
to make everything work for your good and for his purposes.
Psalm 138:8 “The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your
love, O LORD, endures forever....” God is making things
happen in your life to serve his purposes. You do believe God
will fulfill his purpose for you. You do feel his constant enduring
love for you.
Psalm 145:20 “The LORD watches over all who love him...”
You do believe God watches over you. God is looking at you
right now, right here. Do you know it? What emotion comes

64
up inside you right now as you sense God’s attention focused
on you? Does it make you want to smile?
Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for
good to them that love God, to them who are the called
according to his purpose.” You have the confidence that God
is working in your life and will make everything work out even
through suffering and tragedy. Look for ways God is working in
your life and give thanks in everything, knowing God is working
in all things for your good.
Proverbs 16:9 “In his heart a man plans his course, but the
LORD determines his steps.”
Ephesians 5:20 “always giving thanks to God the Father for
everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
Remember the words of Job: “The Lord gives and the Lord
takes away. Blessed is the name of the Lord.” And “Even if the
Lord slays me, yet will I serve him.” You can have the faith of
Job. You can feel those chains of doubt and unbelief falling
away.
God will always love you and nothing will ever change that.
You are surrounded by his love and that will never change.
God’s own love has been poured into our
hearts.
Romans 5:5 “God has poured out his love into our hearts by
the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”
If you believe God’s love is in you, then you can love
everyone as God loves. Remember that God loves the world
so much that he gave Jesus to suffer and die and take away
the sins of the world. What a wonderful gift to have inside you!
God’s own love.

65
Romans 8:35-39 “Who shall separate us from the love of
Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or
nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: ‘For your sake
we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be
slaughtered.’ No, in all these things we are more than
conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that
neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the
present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor
depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate
us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Faith is how we enter into eternal
reality; how we come to God.
Today I want you to be aware of God’s presence and nearness.
God is Spirit, so you cannot see Him with your physical eyes,
but you can see God with the eyes of your heart, the eyes of
faith. You can believe and know that God is near you and in
you. Then knowing this, you can look at God and see God
looking back at you. You can speak to God and hear God
speaking to you. God is always speaking and saying more
than you can hear. Your mind and heart cannot possibly
contain or hear all that God is saying. Can your mind contain all
that is written? His word is living and active. Your heart must
be selective because if you heard all that God is saying to you,
you would be overwhelmed. The more of God’s word you
know, the more you will be able to hear what God is saying
to you personally.
2 Corinthians 4:18 “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen,
but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but
what is unseen is eternal.”
Things that are seen are temporary but things unseen are
eternal. So through every word of God, that Jesus says we live
by, we know about God and about his relationship with us. So

66
when we read or hear God’s word, we believe it, and by this
we know God, see God, and hear God, not with physical
eyes and ears but by the eyes and ears of our hearts, the
eyes and ears of faith.
Jesus made this direct reference when he said, “Having eyes
they see not and ears they hear not”....he’s talking about
having the eyes and ears of faith.
Being aware of God requires engaging in certain kinds of
activity that encourage faith. Our physical eyes see material
things, and so God is often not in our minds. The saying “out of
sight out of mind” is true. Because we do not see God with our
physical eyes, God is not in our mind. Yet God is always
present, and so we must encourage one another to be
aware of God’s presence by talking about spiritual things
and listening to spiritual teaching, singing praises and
spiritual songs, and reading God’s word.
We are made alive.
Since we walk around and breathe in these bodies, we
naturally think we are alive. The following words must be taken
to mean we are made alive (with Christ) in a spiritual way and
forgiven of sins, and this is associated with the act of baptism
(overwhelmed with physical water) when it is done as a
conscious act of faith:
Colossians 2:12-13 “….having been buried with him in
baptism, in which you were also raised with him through
your faith in the working of God, who raised him from the
dead. When you were dead in your sins and in the
uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ.
He forgave us all our sins….”
Identical terms are used in Ephesians 2:4-6, but without a direct
mention of baptism:

67
“But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy,
made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in
transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God
raised us up with Christ….”
Why doesn’t God just show himself, or work a miracle,
or shout with a booming voice from the sky?
1 Corinthians 1:22-24 “Jews demand miraculous signs and
Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a
stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to
those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the
power of God and the wisdom of God.”
Hebrews 11:6 “And without faith it is impossible to please
God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he
exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.”
“The just shall live by faith” Romans 1:17, and by this faith we
know God, we know his presence, we know his love. If God’s
word says it, then we know it is real even if we do not see with
our physical eyes.
Faith says: James 4:8 “Come near to God and he will come
near to you.” Believe and know that God is near you right now.
What emotions are you feeling? Maybe a little anxious but also
loved and assured.
Faith says: Hebrews 10:22 “let us draw near to God with a
sincere heart in full assurance of faith...”
Faith says: 1 John 4:12 “No one has ever seen God; but if we
love one another, God lives in us and his love is made
complete in us.”
Faith says: Acts 17:27-28 “...reach out for him and find him,
though he is not far from each one of us. 'For in him we live
and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets

68
have said, 'We are his offspring.' “ Your life depends upon
God. God gave us the spirit of life in each of us, and he is near
you right now. Know and feel the presence of God right now.
Faith says: John 14:23 Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he
will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will
come to him and make our home with him.” You follow his
teaching. You are living in the center of his will and trusting his
grace. Then you know God is with you right now, and when you
sleep, when you go about your daily activities, in every moment
God is present and living with you and in you because “your
body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom
you have received from God” 1 Corinthians 6:19.
Faith says: 2 Cor.1:3-7 “Praise be to the God and Father of our
Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of
all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we
can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves
have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ
flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort
overflows.”
Believe God cares about you so much that he is here right
now to comfort you, to reassure you, to let you know that
he is working everything out for your good. He is the God of
all comfort for every kind of trouble.
Faith says: Psalm 23:4 “Even though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

69
Do you know Christ?
Paul says in Philippians 3:10 I want to know Christ and the
power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings,
being conformed to Him in His death, so that I may somehow
attain to the resurrection from the dead.
In Hebrews 1:1-3 we find these wonderful words: After God
spoke long ago in various portions and in various ways to our
ancestors through the prophets, in these last days he has
spoken to us in a son, whom he appointed heir of all
things, and through whom he created the world. The Son is
the radiance of his glory and the representation of his essence,
and he sustains all things by his powerful word, and so when
he had accomplished cleansing for sins, he sat down at the
right hand of the Majesty on high.
The Spirit of God can live within.
In order to have the Spirit of God living within, one must live
according to or bear the fruits of the Spirit.
Romans 8:5-11 Those who live according to the flesh have
their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in
accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what
the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death,
but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind
governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to
God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the
flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the realm of
the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of
God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of
Christ, they do not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, then
even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the
Spirit gives life because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of
him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he

70
who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal
bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you.
Galatians 5:22-25 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy,
peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no
law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the
flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the
Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.
Have you seen Jesus our Lord?
Matthew 25:39-41 ‘When did we see you sick or in prison and
go to visit you?' He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you
did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did
for me.'
I like this fictional version of the 4th wise man. The story is that
there was a 4th wise man but he became ill and could not go
with the other three to see the baby Jesus and to lay their gifts
at his feet. So they left without him. Then when he was feeling
better the wise man started out to take his precious jewel as a
gift for the new Saviour King of Israel. But on his way, he met a
poor dying beggar, so he sold the jewel to buy the beggar some
food shelter and clothing, then came a leper, then a man
robbed and left for dead, and after many years he had spent all
he had on caring for those in need. Many years later, he was in
Jerusalem and heard that Jesus was condemned to be
crucified. The wise man hurried to see Jesus carrying his cross.
Jesus looked at the wise man and smiled.
When you see the homeless or anyone in trouble, draw near to
them, attend to them, and then you will draw near to Jesus.
Don’t walk by on the other side.

71
Who is this God?
John 1:3 “Through him all things were made; without him
nothing was made that has been made.” The universe from the
smallest atom or single-cell organism to the vastness of space
and billions of galaxies...He made it all.
Colossians 1:17 “He is before all things, and in him all things
hold together.”
When you think about God being present, think about who
God is. Then think about his promise to be near you and
words of faith that this God is really present in you and
with you.
This almighty all-powerful creator God who holds
everything together is sitting right next to you right now.
Look at him with the eyes of your heart.
Then listen with the ears of faith. God is always speaking to you
more than you can possibly hear.
What is God saying?
I love you more than you can imagine. I care about you. I know
you better than you know yourself, and I will always give you
what you need. I love you so much that I suffered and died and
took all your sins and punishment upon myself. I forgive you. I
forgave you when you were immersed into Jesus for the
forgiveness of your sins as my servant Peter spoke in Acts
2:38.
Psalm 139:1-4 “O LORD, you have searched me and you know
me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my
thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying
down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is
on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.” God knows

72
you personally and intimately. He knows you far better than you
know yourself.
Matthew 10:30 “And even the very hairs of your head are all
numbered.” Does anyone here know how many hairs are on
your head? That’s just a tiny example of how thoroughly God
knows you.
Matthew 6:8 “...for your Father knows what you need before
you ask him.” You don’t have to worry about what you need.
God already knows what you need and what is best for you.
God says, I will make good things happen from suffering. I
will comfort and guide you when you trust me.
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean
not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge
him, and he will direct your paths.”
God says, ask me for anything and I will do it when you
want to serve my purpose. When we ask God for something,
we need to humbly say, “Lord I ask this only if it serves your
purpose and gives you glory, because otherwise I don’t want it.”
God says, when you ask for my forgiveness, you know that I
will forgive you and will not be angry with you.
God is eager to hear from you.
God is eagerly waiting for your conversation. Talk to him now
and often.
“I love you Lord, and I give my life to serve and worship you.
Thank you for always being here for me. Thank you for my life,
and for my health. I depend on you for everything. Help me to
always remember to talk to you and to serve you. Give me
wisdom to do great things for you my Lord. Open doors for me.

73
Make things happen and give me opportunities to share your
love and forgiveness with the lost and hurting around me.”
Psalm 42:8 “By day the LORD directs his love, at night his
song is with me— a prayer to the God of my life.” Remember
God’s love directed toward you today.
1 Peter 3:12 “For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their prayer...” Remember God is
present, watching and waiting for you to speak to him.
James 4:2 “You do not have, because you do not ask God.”
He is ready to answer your prayer.
1 John 5:14 “This is the confidence we have in approaching
God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears
us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we
know that we have what we asked of him.”
God says we can go to him with confidence that he will
answer when we ask anything to serve his purpose.
James 1:5-7” If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God,
who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be
given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt,
because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and
tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive
anything from the Lord.”
Are you confused about what to do? Ask the Lord for wisdom,
and know that you will receive it.
Psalm 16:7 “I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at
night my heart instructs me.” When you lie awake at night,
listen for counsel from the Lord.

74
Spiritual Practice
Here is an example of what you can say to come near to God in
faith.
First, remind yourself:
“God made the universe and holds everything together. Jesus
promised to make his home with me. God is always near and
present because I live and move in God who is all around me.
This God is here now, near me and seeing me, and eager to
hear from me. Now in faith believing and knowing God is as
close as my breath, I can hear his voice loving and forgiving
me. I know that I can tell him what I feel and what I want to do,
and he will do it if it will serve his purpose and glorify him
because that’s all I ever want to do.”
Then think something like:
“Thank you, God. I know you are here right now. God, use me
up. Show me things that will encourage others and serve your
purpose. Thank you for always being with me to guide me and
make good things happen. I will always trust and never doubt
you, Lord. But if I do doubt, I know you will still be there
patiently and eagerly waiting for me. In Jesus’ precious name.
Amen.”

76
SIXTEEN GUIDELINES FOR
ANGER!
from the College of Mental Health Counselling
by Daniel Keeran, MSW
www.ctihalifax.com
People abused by angry discipline as children, may tend to
abuse or overly punish other people or themselves for
perceived wrongs in their adult life. In some individuals,
aggressive personality traits may be genetically inherited.
Anger is a normal human emotion, and these guidelines can
help express anger in a healthy way:
1. no yelling
2. no name-calling
3. no humiliating or demeaning sarcasm
4. no threatening behaviour
5. no pointing your finger or standing over a person
6. no physical anger
7. no obscene language; no profanity
8. no long punishing lectures or emails
9. no dominating conversations
10. use only assertive forms of expression: "I feel angry when
you....(observed description of behaviour)"
11. no long punishing silences
12. no passively-aggressive anger, e.g. burning dinner
13. no humiliating sarcasm
14. no serial accusations or criticisms
15. no getting back or getting even or taking revenge
16. no angry discipline

78
Thirty-Five Positive Suggestions
for Ego Strength
by Daniel Keeran, MSW, President,
College of Mental Health Counselling, Victoria, Canada
YOU ARE OPEN TO INFORMATION IN YOUR SEARCH FOR MEANING
Different personalities may require different approaches. The self-
absorbed person may need “constructive feedback” while the one with low
self-esteem may benefit from positive suggestions. People tend to become
more of a positive quality and the sense of self-worth is strengthened when
you commend their positive quality. The encourager looks for positive
qualities already existing in the person, that can be nurtured and
strengthened. The person being encouraged must perceive your sincerity,
and giving an example as proof of a quality, increases the therapeutic
effect. The person you commend feels a desire to fulfill the expectation of
the positive quality you acknowledge in them.
The intentional use of positive statements for a predictable benefit,
can accurately be termed “Positive Suggestion Therapy,” and the reader
can add more examples to values listed here:
1. “You are a kind and considerate person, yet balanced,
often thinking of others while supporting yourself in the
process.”
2. “You are very loyal and responsible. If you commit to a
task, you can be trusted to fulfill it.”
3. “You are honest and transparent. For you, personal
integrity is a greater treasure than immense material
wealth.”
4. “You think of the needs of others, and you look for ways
to help people thrive.”
5. “You speak up for yourself and for people who cannot
speak for themselves.”

79
6. “You possess a high level of self-awareness, and you can be
very positive, supportive, and encouraging of other people
as well.”
7. “Your knowledge and intelligence are assets that you use
for the good of others and yourself.”
8. “Your creative ability is obvious from your thinking
patterns requiring many aspects to be organized.”
9. “Your compassion is apparent from the way you care for
others.”
10.“Your insight and self-awareness help you understand your
patterns in life and how they work for you and against you,
and how you can heal and find solutions, and how to
create your own positive suggestions.”
11.“You are making important contributions to the
improvement of your own life and of the well-being of
others.”
12.“What are some examples of strengths or positive things
about you that people sometimes, or perhaps often,
overlook?”
13.“Your interest in spiritual things gives depth, inner peace,
meaning, hope, and health to your life and the people
whose lives you touch.”
14.“What qualities do you see in yourself and others that you
think are important or helpful?”
15.“You are a kind and generous person.”
16.“You are sensitive to others needs and feelings.”
17.“You are very respectful of others, and people know you
value them.”
18.“You are gentle even with those who oppose you.”
19.“You possess empathic ability and connect well with others
emotions.”
20.“You listen well to others.”
21.“You are very patient.”
22.“You are slow to become angry or irritated and you never
become hurtful of others.”

80
23.“If you have a need or emotion, you are able to let people
know in a respectful way.”
24.“You are interested in getting to the truth and telling
others about it.”
25.“Your honesty is what helps people trust you.”
26.“You can keep a secret when asked to do so.”
27.“You won’t let yourself be walked on or taken advantage
of.”
28.“You like to have order but not by demanding, controlling
or intimidating others.”
29.“You encourage others by acknowledging their positive
qualities.”
30.“You are emotionally available when people near you need
your support.”
31.“You place people above things as a basic value or belief.”
32.“You have effective practical approaches to problems.”
33.“You are not defensive in the face of criticism but rather
accept as much responsibility as you can for what others
accuse you.”
34.“You express gratitude and appreciation for what others
do for you.”
35.“You give hope by creating choices and keeping an
optimistic outlook when challenges arise.”

82
About the Author
Daniel Keeran, MSW, has been a counselor and therapist for
over 30 years in hospital and private practice settings. He is the
author of Effective Counseling Skills: the practical wording of
therapeutic statements and processes, and the founder and
President of the College of Mental Health Counseling providing
practical online skill training in counseling, for personal and
professional development.

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