Anger management techniques

1. Muhammad Musawar Ali
Mphil Psych, icap
psychmmusawarali@gmail.com
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2. ANGER
Anger is a normal, healthy emotion, neither good nor bad. Like any
emotion, it conveys a message, telling you that a situation is
upsetting, unjust, or threatening. It’s perfectly normal to feel angry
when you’ve been mistreated or wronged, anger becomes a
problem when you express it in a way that harms yourself or others.
the truth is that anger is much more likely to have a negative impact
on the way people see you, impair your judgment, and get in the
way of success.
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3. TYPES OF ANGER
 Passive Anger:
This is an anger that doesn't express itself as anger. Instead, it
seeps out in little ways, such as sarcastic comments or acts of
unconscious aggression against the person you're mad at. Passive
anger can also be directed internally. This is especially true if you
have repressed your anger so much you don't even know you are
angry. You may simply find yourself stress eating, having panic
attacks, drinking or shopping to excess, behaving erratically, or
self-harming.
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4. 2. Volatile Anger:
This anger type is on the opposite end of the spectrum from passive anger. With
volatile anger, you know you're mad, and so does everyone else. This kind of anger is
often explosive and unpredictable. It can easily spiral out of control, leading to words and
actions that you immediately regret once the storm has passed. Just as with passive anger,
denial and repression are often at the heart of volatile anger as well. Instead of leaking out
in small, unrecognizable ways, this anger makes itself heard loud and clear.
3. Fear-Based Anger:
Sometimes, it is easier to be mad than scared. That's especially true when we are
fearing for the safety of a loved one. After all, no one can hurt us more than the people
closest to us. So when we see them behaving in ways that could harm them in some way,
we may react with anger rather than show our fear. Consciously or unconsciously, we may
vent our anger on our loved one in the hope of shocking them out of the behaviors that
terrify us. Angry outbursts only lead to hurt, fear, and resentment in those we love-hardly
the best way to protect them from the things we fear for them.
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5. 4. Frustration-Based Anger:
When frustration-based anger is directed against a loved one, it's a lot
like fear-based anger. We have the highest expectations and greatest hopes
for those we love. When we see them failing to live up to what we think is
their highest potential, we get frustrated, and that frustration can all too
often boil over into anger. Frustration-based anger can also be inwardly
directed. Maybe we are disappointed with life. Maybe we feel that others
have the things we don't. We watch as others seem to thrive and prosper,
while we struggle from one disappointment to the next. This kind of anger
is based, above all, in the comparison of how life is (or seems) with some
grand ideal of how you think life should be. The fact is that whether your
dream is for yourself or your loved ones, real life can never live up to the
fantasy.
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6. 5. Chronic Anger:
Anger can be a rush. The adrenaline surges. You feel powerful,
dominant--at least in the moment. Anger certainly makes an impact.
You can see how the people around you change their behaviors to
accommodate you, to prevent another outburst. In a way, that feels
bad. You don't want your loved ones, in particular, to feel afraid. You
don't want a reputation as a hot-head. But there's another side, a secret
one that maybe you don't like to admit to yourself, and that
side likes the anger and the effect it has on others.
That hormonal rush can feel great, and to be sure there's a sense of
power in watching others handle you with kid gloves. But chronic
anger is an addiction and, without help, not only will it wreak havoc
on your physical and mental health, but it will also destroy your
relationships. 6

7. 7. Overwhelmed Anger:
No question, life is hard. We're stressed. We're tired. We're anxious and worried.
Some days, you feel like you're barely keeping your head above water.
This is when we are most vulnerable to "overwhelmed anger." This is the kind of anger
that happens when life just gets to be too much. Often, it's the result of not taking proper
care of ourselves, of failing to get enough sleep, eat nutritiously, exercise, or de-stress.
8. Physiological Anger:
Anger isn't only a psychological state. It can also often a physical basis.
Low blood sugar, for instance, is usually the cause of the new buzzword, "hungry", as in
"hungry/angry". Blood sugars aren't the only physical causes for anger, however.
Imbalances in brain chemical or hormones, for instance, can easily give rise to anger, as
can other illnesses. So if you find yourself getting angry for no apparent reason, it's not a
bad idea to make an appointment with your doctor!
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8. 9. Pain-Based Anger:
This is a type of anger that masks hurt, pain, or even clinical
depression. Just like fear, pain and sadness are among the most
difficult emotions to deal with. For some people, anger is easier
because if only for a moment anger can make you feel
powerful, whereas sadness and depression can make you feel
weak. When pain threatens to engulf you in sadness, then
sometimes anger can feel like the only weapon to fight with.
But in fact, it only makes matters worse. Not only does this
anger type fail to address the underlying pain, it also just adds
more pain, the pain of regret, of loneliness and of guilt.
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9. 10. Righteous Anger:
This is the kind of anger that is constructive. This is anger with
a cause. It's the kind of anger that spurs you to action-righting a
wrong, defending the innocent and the helpless. This is the kind
of anger that makes the world a better place.
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10. EFFECTS OF ANGER
Chronic anger that can have serious consequences for your:
Physical health. Constantly operating at high levels of stress and
anger makes you more susceptible to heart disease, diabetes, a
weakened immune system, insomnia, and high blood pressure.
Mental health. Chronic anger consumes huge amounts of mental
energy, and clouds your thinking, making it harder to concentrate or
enjoy life. It can also lead to stress, depression, and other mental
health problems.
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11. Career. Constructive criticism, creative differences, and heated debate
can be healthy. But lashing out only alienates your colleagues,
supervisors, or clients and erodes their respect.
Relationships. Anger can cause lasting scars in the people you love
most and get in the way of friendships and work relationships.
Explosive anger makes it hard for others to trust you, speak honestly,
or feel comfortable—and is especially damaging to children.
If you have a hot temper, you may feel like it’s out of your hands and
there’s little you can do to tame the beast. But you have more control
over your anger than you think. With insight about the real reasons for
your anger and these anger management tools, you can learn to
express your emotions without hurting others and keep your temper
from hijacking your life.
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12. BE AWARE OF YOUR ANGER WARNING SIGNS
While you might feel that you just explode into anger without warning, there are in
fact physical warning signs in your body. Becoming aware of your own personal
signs that your temper is starting to boil allows you to take steps to manage your
anger before it gets out of control.
 Pay attention to the way anger feels in your body, Knots in your stomach
 Clenching your hands or jaw, Feeling clammy or flushed
 Breathing faster, Headaches
 Pacing or needing to walk around, “Seeing red”
 Having trouble concentrating , Pounding heart
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13. IDENTIFY YOUR TRIGGERS
Stressful events don’t excuse anger, but understanding how these
events affect you can help you take control of your environment and
avoid unnecessary aggravation. Look at your regular routine and try
to identify activities, times of day, people, places, or situations that
trigger irritable or angry feelings.
Maybe you get into a fight every time you go out for drinks with a
certain group of friends. Or maybe the traffic on your daily commute
drives you crazy. When you identify your triggers, think about ways
to either avoid them or view the situations differently so they don’t
make your blood boil.
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14. NEGATIVE THOUGHT PATTERNS THAT CAN
TRIGGER ANGER
You may think that external factors are causing your anger. But anger problems
have less to do with what happens to you than how you interpret and think about
what happened.
Common negative thinking patterns that trigger and fuel anger include:
 Overgeneralizing. For example, “You always interrupt me. You never
consider my needs. Everyone disrespects me. I never get the credit I deserve.”
 Obsessing over “shoulds” and “musts.” Having a rigid view of the way a
situation should or must go and getting angry when reality doesn’t line up with
this vision.
 Mind reading and jumping to conclusions. Assuming you “know” what
someone else is thinking or feeling that they intentionally upset you, ignored
your wishes, or disrespected you. 14

15. Collecting straws. Looking for things to get upset about, while
overlooking or blowing past anything positive. Letting these small
irritations build and build until you reach the “final straw” and explode,
often over something relatively minor.
Blaming. When anything bad happens or something goes wrong, it’s
always someone else’s fault. You tell yourself, “life’s not fair,” or blame
others for your problems rather than taking responsibility for your own
life. When you identify the thought patterns that fuel your anger, you can
learn to reframe how you think about things. Ask yourself: What’s the
evidence that the thought is true? That it’s not true? Is there a more
positive, realistic way of looking at a situation? What would I say to a
friend who was thinking these things
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16. HOW TO CONTROLANGER IN ISLAM
 Seek refuge in Allah. This is the simplest way to control your anger. Whenever
you feel angry, sit down, and seek refuge in Allah from Shaytaan. Have a drink of
water, and relax; don't get tense or stressed out. The Prophet (peace be upon him)
said, "If a man gets angry and says, ‘I seek refuge with Allah,’ [and] his anger will
go away."Sulayman ibn Sard said: "I was sitting with the Prophet, and two men
were slandering one another. One of them was red in the face, and the veins on his
neck were standing out. The Prophet said, ‘I know a word which, if he were to say
it, what he feels would go away. If he said "I seek refuge with Allah from the
Shaytaan," what he feels would go away.
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17. Keep silent.
If someone says something offensive to you, don't retaliate and
say something mean back. If you're having an argument, be the
better person, realize that nothing good comes out of petty
arguments, and keep silent. When one is angry, they often lose
self-control, and may utter words they later regret. The
Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "If any of you
becomes angry, let him keep silent.
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18. Relax yourself.
If you get angry, move away from the source of anger, and sit down. If
you still feel angry, lie down. Try to think of positive thoughts instead
of dwelling on thoughts that make you angry. Breathe in through your
nose and out through your mouth, and try to get peace of mind. If
you're standing, you may, again, out of anger, do something you regret,
such as hitting someone. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him)
said: "If any of you becomes angry and he is standing, let him sit down,
so his anger will go away; if it does not go away, let him lie down. If
the anger still does not go away make wudu.
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19. Understand what makes you angry
It may be someone at work or at school that you find annoying or rude instead of
getting angry, kindly speak to them. Nothing good comes out of shouting at each
other. It's been narrated that, "Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has
the means to act upon it, Allah will fill his heart with contentment on the Day of
Resurrection. The cure to anger is avoiding its causes.
Realize the bad consequences of getting angry
In extreme situations, anger can lead to family breakups or someone getting
seriously injured. It can be linked to mental issues or lead to health problems such
as a high blood pressure or tachycardia.
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20. Know that those who control their anger are praised.
They are given a high status and are praised in several ahadeeth. The
Prophet (peace be upon him) said: The strong man is not the one who
can overpower others (in wrestling); rather, the strong man is the one
who controls himself when he gets angry.“ The strongest man is the one
who, when he gets angry and his face reddens and his hackles rise, is
able to defeat his anger.The man who, when he is mistreated by another,
controls his anger, has defeated his own shaytaan and the shaytaan of
the one who made him angry.
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21. •Make du'a.
Supplication humbles us and can help us control our anger. There are
many du'as for people who find themselves getting worked up easily as
a result of waswas.I seek refuge in Allah's perfect words from His anger
and punishment, from the evil of His slaves, and from Satan's whispers
and presence.
"Laa ilaa haa il-laa an-ta subh-haa-na-ka in-nee kunn-tu minadh-dhaa
li-meen.There is no God but you.
•"Oh Allah, remove anger from my heart
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22. FIND HEALTHIER WAYS TO EXPRESS
YOUR ANGER
If you’ve decided that the situation is worth getting angry about and there’s
something you can do to make it better, the key is to express your feelings in a
healthy way.
 Always fight fair. It’s okay to be upset at someone, but if you don’t fight fair,
the relationship will quickly break down. Fighting fair allows you to express
your own needs while still respecting others.
 Make the relationship your priority. Maintaining and strengthening the
relationship, rather than “winning” the argument, should always be your first
priority. Respect the other person and their viewpoint.
 Focus on the present. Once you are in the heat of arguing, it’s easy to start
throwing past grievances into the mix. Rather than looking to the past and
assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the present to solve the
problem. 22

23. Be willing to forgive. Resolving conflict is impossible if you’re
unwilling or unable to forgive. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to
punish, which can never compensate for our losses and only adds to our
injury by further depleting and draining our lives.
Take five if things get too heated. If your anger starts to spiral out of
control, remove yourself from the situation for a few minutes or for as
long as it takes you to cool down.
Know when to let something go. If you can’t come to an agreement,
agree to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a
conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.
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24. STAY CALM BY TAKING CARE OF
YOURSELF
Manage stress. If your stress levels are through the roof, you’re more likely to
struggle controlling your temper. Try PMR such as mindfulness meditation,
progressive muscle relaxation, or deep breathing. You’ll feel calmer and more
in control of your emotions.
Talk to someone you trust. Nothing eases stress more effectively than chatting
face-to-face with a friend or loved one. The person doesn’t have to provide
answers, they just need to be a good listener. But talking about your feelings
and seeking a different perspective on a situation is not the same as venting.
Simply venting your anger at someone will only fuel your temper and reinforce
your anger problem.
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25. Get enough sleep. A lack of sleep can exacerbate negative thoughts and
leave you feeling agitated and short-tempered. Try to get seven to nine
hours of good quality sleep.
Exercise regularly. It’s an effective way to burn-off tension and ease
stress, and it can leave you feeling more relaxed and positive throughout
the day. Aim for at least 30 minutes on most days, broken up into
shorter periods if that’s easier.
Be smart about alcohol and drugs. They lower your inhibitions can
make it even harder to control your anger. Even consuming too
much caffeine can make you more irritable and prone to anger.
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26. HUMOR AND PLAYFULNESS
Humor and Playfulness can help you lighten the mood, smooth
over differences, reframe problems, and keep things in perspective.
When you feel yourself getting angry in a situation, try using a
little lighthearted humor. It can allow you to get your point across
without getting the other person’s defenses up or hurting their
feelings. However, it’s important that you laugh with the other
person, not at them. Avoid sarcasm, mean-spirited humor. If in
doubt, start by using self-deprecating humor. We all love people
who are able to gently poke fun at their own failings. After all,
we’re all flawed and we all make mistakes.
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27. So, if you’ve made a mistake at work or you’ve just spilled coffee over yourself,
instead of getting angry or picking a fight, try making a joke about it. Even if the
joke falls flat or comes out wrong, the only person you risk offending is yourself.
When humor and play are used to reduce tension and anger, a potential conflict can
even become an opportunity for greater connection and intimacy. If despite putting
these previous anger management techniques into practice, your anger is still
spiraling out of control, or if you’re getting into trouble with the law or hurting
others, you need more help.
Anger management classes allow you to meet others coping with the same
struggles and learn tips and techniques for managing your anger.
Therapy, either group or individual, can be a great way to explore the reasons
behind your anger and identify triggers. Therapy can also provide a safe place to
practice new skills for expressing anger.
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28. DISTRACTIVE TECHNIQUES
 Backward Counting
 Music
 Do what you want to do
 Put your fingers to do something
 Laugh at your anger off
 Train your mind to be patient
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29. Thanks
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