1. Stress is a feeling created when reacting to challenging events and prepares the body to meet tough situations with focus and strength. 2. The human body responds to stressors by activating the nervous system and hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. This stress response is critical for emergency situations but can cause problems if overactivated or fails to shut off properly. 3. Young children are more vulnerable to stress due to their developmental capabilities. Excessive stress can have immediate and long-term negative effects on children's adaptability, behavior, and health. Chronic stress from poverty, violence or bullying poses more risks to children than acute short-term stress.

1. What Is Stress?
Stress is a feeling that's created when we react to particular events.
It's the body's way of rising to a challenge and preparing to meet a
tough situation with focus, strength, stamina, and heightened a The
hypothalamus signals the adrenal glands to produce more of the
hormones adrenaline and cortisol and release them into the
bloodstream. These hormones speed up heart rate, breathing rate,
blood pressure, and metabolism. Blood vessels open wider to let
more blood flow to large muscle groups, putting our muscles on
alert. Pupils dilate to improve vision. The liver releases some of its
stored glucose to increase the body's energy. And sweat is
produced to cool the body. All of these physical changes prepare a
person to react quickly and effectively to handle the pressure of the
moment.lertness.
The events that provoke stress are called stressors, and they cover a
whole range of situations — everything from outright physical danger
to making a class presentation or taking a semester's worth of your
toughest subject.
The human body responds to stressors by activating the
nervous system and specific hormones.
This natural reaction is known as the stress response. Working
properly, the body's stress response enhances a person's ability to
perform well under pressure. But the stress response can also cause
problems when it overreacts or fails to turn off and reset itself
properly.
Good Stress and Bad Stress
The stress response (also called the fight or flight response) is
critical during emergency situations, such as when a driver has to
slam on the brakes to avoid an accident. It can also be activated in
a milder form at a time when the pressure's on but there's no actual
danger — like stepping up to take the foul shot that could win the

2. game, getting ready to go to a big dance, or sitting down for a final
exam. A little of this stress can help keep you on your toes, ready
to rise to a challenge. And the nervous system quickly returns to its
normal state, standing by to respond again when needed.
But stress doesn't always happen in response to things that are
immediate or that are over quickly. Ongoing or long-term events,
like coping with a divorce or moving to a new neighborhood or
school, can cause stress, too.
Long-term stressful situations can produce a lasting, low-level
stress that's hard on people. The nervous system senses continued
pressure and may remain slightly activated and continue to pump
out extra stress hormones over an extended period. This can wear
out the body's reserves, leave a person feeling depleted or

3. overwhelmed, weaken the body's immune system, and cause other
problems.
Continue
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Stress and anxiety in children and teenagers are just as prevalent as
in adults. Stressed out and negligent parents, high expectations in
academic or other performances, abused or deprived childhood,
growing up tensions and demand for familial responsibility are the
main causes of childhood and teen stress. Parents, who are not
emotionally available for their children or lack positive coping

4. mechanisms themselves, often spur stress in their offspring.
Stressed children show signs of emotional disabilities, aggressive
behavior, shyness, social phobia and often lack interest in
otherwise enjoyable activities. Research tells us that children, who
are forced to live on prematurely adult levels, sometimes become
oppositional to following the parents` rules (or those of society).
Such children tend to respond to stressors with aggression and
indignation.
Many teenagers tend to become nonconformists and fall prey to
teenage depression in response to a variety of growing up
anxieties. However, stress induced fears and anxiety in children
adversely affect children`s performances at various levels.
`Points to Follow` for Both Children and Parents:
• Talk with your child. Find out what`s happening in his life. Be
honest and open with him. He should talk about his problems or
write them down. Teach him to transfer coping strategies to other
situations.
• Don`t burden them with your problems. But, tell children about
the family`s goals and discuss difficulties in a friendly manner.
•Compliment children when they do well, and don`t forget hugs
and kisses.
•Use humor to buffer bad feelings and situations. A child who
learns to use humor himself will be better able to keep things in
perspective.
•Don`t overload your child with too many after-school activities
and responsibilities. Let children learn to pace themselves. Don`t
enroll them in every class that comes along, and don`t expect them
to be first in everything.
• Set a good example. Demonstrate self-control and coping skills.
He can benefit by seeing how you cope successfully with stress.
• Get friends` or professional help when problems seem beyond
your skills.
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Stress and Young Children

10. Traditionally, stress has been defined in terms of its source (e.g.,
internal and external) (Marion, 2003). Internal sources of stress
include hunger; pain; sensitivity to noise, temperature change, and
crowding (social density); fatigue; and over- or under-stimulation
from one's immediate physical environment. External stressors
include separation from family, change in family composition,
exposure to arguing and interpersonal conflict, exposure to
violence, experiencing the aggression of others (bullying), loss of
important personal property or a pet, exposure to excessive
expectations for accomplishment, "hurrying," and disorganization
in one's daily life events (Bullock, 2002). Although the research
literature tends to focus on the impact of single-variable stressors
on children's development, in real-life situations, children
experience stress from multiple sources. Researchers note that
multiple stressors interact with one another and can have
cumulative effects (Stansbury & Harris, 2000). This digest
discusses how children experience and adapt to stress, and offers
suggestions to teachers and parents on preventing and reducing
children's stress.
How Vulnerable Are Young Children to Stress?
Stress is experienced in many forms and varies by the individual,
the child's developmental level, and the child's previous life
experience. Adapting or managing stress appears to be highly
dependent on a child's developmental capabilities and coping-skill
inventory. Researchers suggest that children under the age of 6 are
developmentally less capable of
1. thinking about an event in its entirety;
2. selecting from a menu of possible behaviors in response to any new,
interesting, or anxiety-inducing event;
3. comprehending an event separate from their own feelings; and
4. modifying their physical reactions in response to change in stimuli (Allen
& Marotz, 2003).
Stress can have positive as well as
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negative influences. The younger
the child, the greater the impact of
new events, and the more powerful
and potentially negative stress becomes. Some stress is a normal
part of a child's everyday life and can have positive influences.
However, excessive stress can have both immediate and far-

11. reaching effects on children's adaptability to new situations, even
events that are seemingly unrelated to the specific stressful event.
Research indicates that the negative impact of stress is more
profound on children who are younger than age 10, have a genetic
temperament that is "slow-to-warm-up" or "difficult," were born
premature, are male, have limited cognitive capacity, or have
experienced prenatal stress (Monk et al., 2000). Children who live
in poverty, who live in violent communities, or who are bullied in
school settings are also subject to more external stress (McLoyd,
1998) than other children. Children who have lower thresholds for
external and internal stimuli will find a wider variety of events and
conditions to be negatively stressful (Stansbury & Harris, 2000).
How Do Children Experience Stress?
Specialists have identified two categories of stressful experiences.
Acute stress is defined as a sudden, intense onset (e.g., short-term
parental illness) and then the subsidence of stressful stimuli.
Chronic stress (e.g., loss through death or prolonged separation of
a significant person in the child's life--grandparent, caregiver,
sibling) is, on the other hand, ongoing and has the most significant
and detrimental effects on children, including changing brain
chemistry and function, and lowering resistance to disease (Gunnar
& Barr, 1998; Lombroso & Sapolsky, 1998).
Zegans (1982) theorizes that stress is experienced in four
somewhat distinct stages:
1. alarm and physical reaction;
2. appraisal, as a child attempts to make meaning from the event;
3. searching for adaptation and coping strategies; and finally
4. implementation of a strategy or strategies.
This implementation stage may be a one-time action or may be
extended over hours or days. Children's appraisal of stressful
events and their choices of viable coping strategies are different
from those used by adults (e.g., leaving a favorite toy at child care
overnight may have a negative impact on children who cannot
"find" a way to "wait" until they are reunited; this reaction and fear
of its recurrence may last for several days). In addition, experts
have observed that children's physical responses to stress are also
different from adult responses in that they may be more intense
and involve the whole body (Zegans, 1982).

12. How Does Stress Manifest Itself in Children?
Stress is most often seen as an overt physical reaction: crying,
sweating palms, running away, aggressive or defensive outbursts,
rocking and self-comforting behaviors, headaches and
stomachaches, nervous fine motor behaviors (e.g., hair twirling or
pulling, chewing and sucking, biting of skin and fingernails),
toileting accidents, and sleep disturbances (Stansbury & Harris,
2000; Fallin, Wallinga, & Coleman, 2001; Marion, 2003). Experts
suggest that children may react globally through depression and
avoidance; excessive shyness; hyper-vigilance; excessive
worrying; "freezing up" in social situations; seemingly obsessive
interest in objects, routines, food, and persistent concern about
"what comes next"; and excessive clinging (Dacey & Fiore, 2000).
Sidebar: Children with ADHD, ODD, and other
behavioral disorders are particularly vulnerable to low
self-esteem. They frequently experience school
problems, have difficulty making friends, and lag behind
their peers in psychosocial development. They are more
likely than other children to bully and to be bullied.
How Do Children Adapt to Stress?
Theorists believe that these behaviors represent children's struggles
to manage and react to stressful events. They believe that children
generally distance themselves emotionally from stressful situations
by behaving in ways to diminish the stress (e.g., crying and being
upset in order to show feelings of abandonment when parents go to
work) or acting in ways to cover or conceal feelings of
vulnerability (e.g., acting out and being aggressive or disruptive
when it's time for toys to be put away or play to stop). With age,
children increasingly use cognitive problem-solving strategies to
cope with negative stress by asking questions about events,
circumstances, and expectations for what will happen and
clarification of what has happened (Kochenderfer-Ladd & Skinner,
2002).
Prolonged exposure to stress and a child's continued use of coping
strategies may result in behavior patterns that are difficult to
change if the child perceives the strategy as being effective
(Kochenderfer-Ladd & Skinner, 2002; Stansbury & Harris, 2000).

13. How Can Adults Respond to Children's Stress?
Assisting children in understanding and using effective adaptation
and coping strategies must be based on the child's developmental
level and understanding of the nature of the stress-inducing event.
Teachers and parents can prevent and reduce stress for children in
many ways:
Help the child anticipate stressful events, such as a first haircut or the birth
of a sibling. Adults can prepare children by increasing their understanding
of the upcoming event and reducing its stressful impact (Marion, 2003).
Over-preparing children for upcoming stressful events, however, can
prove even more stressful than the event itself (Donate-Bartfield &
Passman, 2000). Adults can judge the optimal level of preparation by
encouraging the child to ask questions if he or she wants to know more.
Provide supportive environments where children can play out or use art
materials to express their concerns (Gross & Clemens, 2002).
Help children identify a variety of coping strategies (e.g., "ask for help if
someone is teasing you"; "tell them you don't like it"; "walk away").
Coping strategies help children feel more effective in stressful situations
(Fallin, Wallinga, & Coleman, 2001).
Help children recognize, name, accept, and express their feelings
appropriately.
Teach children relaxation techniques. Consider suggesting to a child such
things as "take three deep breaths"; "count backwards"; "tense and release
your muscles"; "play with play dough"; "dance"; "imagine a favorite place
to be and visit that place in your mind" (use creative imagery) (O'Neill,
1993).
Practice positive self-talk skills (e.g., "I'll try. I think I can do this.") to
help in promoting stress management (O'Neill, 1993).
Other basic strategies include implementing sound positive
discipline strategies, following consistent routines, enhancing
cooperation, and providing time for children to safely disclose their
concerns and stresses privately and in groups.
Conclusion
Our increasing knowledge about the importance and impact of

14. stress on young children should be put to good use in reducing
stress factors for young children and in assisting children to
increase coping strategies and healthy responses to the unavoidable
stresses in their lives.
For More Information
Allen, K. E., & Marotz, L. R. (2003). Developmental profiles (4th
ed.). Albany, NY: Delmar.
Bullock, J. (2002). Bullying. Childhood Education, 78(3), 130-
133.
Dacey, J. S., & Fiore, L. B. (2000). Your anxious child. San
Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
Donate-Bartfield, E., & Passman, R. H. (2000). Establishing
rapport with preschool-age children: Implications for practitioners.
Children's Health Care, 29(3), 179-188.
Elkind, D. (1988). The hurried child (Rev. ed.). Menlo Park, CA:
Addison-Wesley.
Fallin, K., Wallinga, C., & Coleman, M. (2001). Helping children
cope with stress in the classroom setting. Childhood Education,
78(1), 17-24.
Greenman, J. (2001). What happened to the world? St. Paul, MN:
Redleaf Press.
Gross, T., & Clemens, S. G. (2002). Painting a tragedy: Young
children process the events of September 11. Young Children,
57(3), 44-51.
Gunnar

15. Children and Stress: Caring Strategies to Guide Children
350-054
Novella J. Ruffin, Ph.D., Assistant Professor and Extension Child
Development Specialist, Virginia State University, Virginia Dept.
of Education Licensed School Psychologist and NCSP
As adults, we are usually busy as parents and workers and often
feel stressed and experience burn-out at times, but would you ever
think that children can experience stress too?
Most of us probably think that childhood is a time when children
are carefree, having no worries or responsibilities; yet, studies tell
us that many children experience extreme stress and have similar
symptoms as those of adults. Like adults, children often have bad
feelings and have difficulty handling their stress. Unlike adults,
though, children do not have the means or the skills to understand
or manage their stress in appropriate ways. Children must depend
upon us to help them. As parents and caregivers we need to
recognize when children are feeling stressed and help them feel
better. We can also help by decreasing the discomfort for the child
and, in some instances, by assisting a child or family in dealing
with the situation that caused the stress.
What is Stress?
Stress is the body's reaction to a physical or emotional situation
that causes imbalance in a person's life. Occasional stress is normal
and predictable in our daily lives. Normal stress serves to present
us with challenges for greater learning and opportunity, such as the
stress that we may experience before meeting new people. On the
other hand, constant stress can cause us many problems and, unless
handled, can add to the stress of another situation.
Children react in different ways to stress. Some children become
ill. Some may become withdrawn and nervous while others show
anger and demand attention. In some instances, development is
affected. There are also some children who do not seem bothered
by stress. We often call these children resilient.
Stress becomes a problem when the ordinary stress of daily life
becomes overwhelming. When under stress, there is an increase in
heart rate, breathing is faster, and muscles tense up. When there are
several stressors, the level and duration of the stress are greater.

16. Causes of Stress
Both negative and positive events can cause stress. Family events
are often a source of stress for children. The break up of a family is
a negative event that can cause stress in children. Events such as
physical abuse, separation, rejection, and fights are some other
negative sources of stress. Other events such as a parent losing a
job, or the death of a parent, grandparent, or sibling can create
stress. Positive events that cause stress in children include birthday
parties, new pets, and the birth of new siblings. Everyday family
obligations, events, and routines can create stress and tension for
the young child, as in the case of an active family that may be so
busy that the needs of a young child may be overlooked.
Parents and caregivers need to be aware of what is happening in a
child's life that may affect the child's behavior. A sudden change in
a child¼s behavior may be related to stress. Caregivers can talk
with the parents about what is going on in the home.
Signs of Stress
Common signs of stress are listed below. These signs also may
indicate that the child is experiencing problems other than stress.
How do you identify stress from other problems that the child may
be experiencing?
First, parents and other caregivers must observe children's
behavior. Children who isolate themselves from other children
may be feeling stress. Also, the child who is easily agitated,
irritable, lethargic, lazy, or aggressive may also suffer from stress.
It is also important to watch the child for changes in habits or
behavior. For example, a friendly, quiet child who suddenly has
been fighting and arguing with his friends may be suffering from
stress. As a caregiver, you notice normal behavior among children
and you will also be aware when there are changes in children's
behavior.
How should you react when a child changes his or her normal
behavior? Accepting the child's behavior is important. For
example, it is useless to scold a child for thumb sucking. Scolding
will not stop the behavior. Also, forcing the child to eat does not
result in the child eating. When you notice unusual behavior, care
for the child, remain close to the child, and comfort the child.
Reassure the child that you care about him or her.

17. Possible Signs of Stress in Young Children
Accident
Hitting
proneness
Anger Kicking
Anxiety Insomnia
Appetite Loss Stuttering
Baby Talk Indigestion
Thumb
Bed-wetting
sucking
Pounding
Biting
Heart
Grinding
Crying Spells
Teeth
Fingernail
Detachment
Biting
Respiratory
Excessive
Tract
Aggressiveness
Illness
Excessive
Tattling
Laziness
A first step in decreasing a child's stress is to be knowledgeable
and aware of the symptoms of stress. These symptoms or warning
signs include bed-wetting, upset stomach, irritability, nightmares,
lying, withdrawal from activity, change in activity level, poor sleep
or eating habits, teeth grinding, or decline in school achievement.
Recognizing children's stress symptoms is not easy. It is very
important to recognize that it is normal for children to exhibit some
of these signs at some times in their lives. Adults need to be alert
when a child is showing a cluster of these signs or symptoms
simultaneously or when no apparent cause can explain why the
child may be stressed. In either of these cases, it is a sign that the
adults who are involved in the care of children need to intervene. If
the child feels that it is impossible to handle the stress, he or she
can become angry or aggressive. If the stress becomes too
overwhelming for the child, then the child will experience anxiety.
If the body remains in a state of anxiety, then physical, social, and
emotional damage and deterioration can occur.

18. The age of the child is a factor in recognizing stress. Children often
cannot tell us what they feel or they do not have the language to
describe the stressful situation. They tend to show the stress
through their behavior. When you notice a three-year-old child
crying constantly (or more than usual), or an eight-year-old having
a temper tantrum, that may be the child's way of alerting you to
something or letting you know that too much is happening.
Children react differently to stressful events and situations and also
have different coping strategies. Children can cope through tears
and crying, through tantrums, or by retreating from unpleasant
situations. Children who are around supportive adults and
caregivers usually develop a variety of coping strategies and are
more likely to become more resilient. Many children, however, do
not have a supportive environment and do not learn a set of
positive management strategies.
Strategies to Reduce Stress in Children/Helping to Manage
Stress
Children need help in learning to manage and function with the
stress they feel. One means to assist children is to acknowledge
their feelings. It is important that children understand what they
are feeling, that we teach the word "stress" by letting them know
that they may feel "butterflies in the stomach," or that their heart
may pound. Let children know that it is all right to feel angry,
alone, scared, or lonely. Teach children names or words for their
feelings and appropriate ways to express them. Show more interest
in the child's experience than in the behavior that results. There are
times when a child just needs a hug for reassurance. In the case of
older children, help them learn to problem solve for themselves
and come up with management (coping ) strategies. This builds
their independence and mastery of coming up with options, finding
solutions, or finding other ways to comfort themselves. For
example, if a child repeatedly bullies other children, lies,
withdraws, gives up, hurts or blames other children, the adult can
ask the child what other ways there are to handle the situation that
caused the reaction in the child.
Promote a positive environment - Praise children for the
acceptable things that they do. The experience of stress and tension
can serve to defeat an individual's concept and confidence. Help
children see and understand the positive things about themselves
and that they are worthwhile persons. Listen without judging the
child or the situation; that is, if the child chooses to tell you about
the situation that produced the stress. Help the child feel

19. comfortable in expressing feelings. Assist the child in clarifying
his or her feelings. You may need to correct any misconceptions
that the children may have about themselves or their feelings.
Set a good example - Children learn lessons from us, whether
these lessons are positive or negative. Keep in mind that children
are imitators and may cope with stress in the same ways they see
adults handle their stress. In some cases, it is appropriate to
explain, especially to older children, why something is being done.
This explanation can often ease the child's reaction.
Help children through stories - Sometimes children can't talk to
us about the distress they feel. They may not have the words or the
concepts to easily express themselves. They may feel shy,
embarrassed, guilty, or ashamed. If you try to talk to them using
adult logic, most children will "turn off." How can we then talk to
children about their fears and problems? How can we get through
to them, let them know that we understand, and offer them ways to
manage their fears and find comfort? Stories are a great answer.
Children will "turn on" to story time. Some stories are therapeutic
stories which help children feel better and cope better with their
fears and problems. The character in the story can be a little boy or
little girl just like them. They are worried about the same things
and have the same problems to deal with. In the story, the boy or
girl finds ways of coping with and resolving troubling issues of
concern to the child. As the child listens to the story, he or she is
able to identify with the hero or heroine. There is safety in the
story. The child is free to listen and to learn without risking feeling
embarrassed or uncomfortable.
Telling children stories about children with feelings just like theirs
helps them realize that other children have been through the
situation too. This is very reassuring to children. It also lets them
know that you understand their feelings.
Telling a story also provides a way of communicating with
children. If you are unsure of how children are feeling, you can ask
them, "And what do you think John (name of the story character)
was most worried about?" The answer that the child gives will be a
direct reflection of his own fears, or anger. This communication
about the story can be very effective because children can be very
truthful and insightful about the feelings and fears of story
characters even though they may be reluctant when asked about
their own feelings.

20. When a parent tells a story to a child, an atmosphere of warmth
and intimacy is created that is comforting for parents as well as
children. It helps as a parent to know that storytelling is a simple,
natural, and age-old technique that can be used to comfort children.
If a child is experiencing stress, there are other ways to assist the
child to gain control. The aim is to help the child to relax. Some
ways are: deep breathing exercises, listening to soothing music,
reciting nursery rhymes and finger plays, listening to the rain fall,
drawing or coloring. These "stress breakers" can help the child
decrease the level of stress that he or she is feeling. Children can
also learn to harness the positive energy of stress and use it to their
advantage.
Additional Strategies
Be aware of the child's temperament; what seems to be fun for one
child may feel overwhelming to another child.
Make an effort to cut down on activities when you see signs of
stress in children's behavior. Allow children to go at their own
paces. Structure activities so that children can cooperate with each
other, lessening competition among children.
Teach children tricks for calming themselves, such as taking deep
breaths, thinking of a quiet place, etc.
Take care of yourself! Children often pick up stress from parents
and caregivers. Keep calm and control your anger.
Plan plenty of time for play. Inform children when there will be
transitions or changes in the child care curriculum. Plan activities
to allow children to express their feelings through play. Books, art
activities, puppetry, play and drawing allow children to think
through and label their feelings.
Reassure children that what has happened is not their fault.
Children often believe that their "bad" behavior caused bad things
to happen, such as the breakup of their mother and father. They
have a tendency to assume guilt for situations that adults know are
entirely beyond the child's control.
Give children a lot of cuddles, reassurances, and familiar routines,
like a bedtime or sleep time story. Giving a child a special toy for
comfort is also suggested.

21. Helping children to deal positively with stressful and tension
causing events prepares them for healthy emotional and social
development. This is an important responsibility of parents,
teachers, and other caregivers: to effectively guide and help
children.
Related Readings:
Caplan, Ilene. (1997). Kindergarten Program for Children of Separation and Divorce. Baltimore,
MD.
Elkind, D. (1988). The Hurried Child. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley.
Honig, A.S. (1986). Stress and Coping in Children. In J. McCracken's Reducing Stress in
Children's Lives.
National Network for Family Resiliency (1995). Family Resiliency: Building Strengths to Meet
Life's Challenges. Ames: Iowa State University Extension.
Schaefer, C. (Ed). (1979). The Therapeutic Use of Child's Play. New Jersey: Aronson. University
Extension. (1993). Stress and Coping with Disaster Manual. Columbia, Missouri.
Stories for Children:
Asch, Frank. (1989) Good-bye House. Simon and Schuster.
Bradley CoCo, Eugene. (1990). Glow in the Dark Stars, Moon and Clouds. A Golden Book,
New York, Western Publishing Company
Brett, Doris.. (1986). Annie Stories: A Special Kind of Storytelling. Victoria, Australia.
"Annie Stories" address many different situations, from the first day of school, to fear of
monsters, to loss of a loved one.
Crary, E. (1992). I'm Mad. Seattle: Parenting Press.
Simon, Norma. (1976). All Kinds of Families. Albert Whitman & Company.
Skutch, Robert. (1995). Who's in a Family. Tricycle Press.

22. Virginia Cooperative Extension materials are available for public use, re-print, or citation
without further permission, provided the use includes credit to the author and to Virginia
Cooperative Extension, Virginia Tech, and Virginia State University.
Issued in furtherance of Cooperative Extension work, Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State
University, Virginia State University, and the U.S. Department of Agriculture cooperating. Alan
L. Grant, Dean, College of Agriculture and Life Sciences; Edwin J. Jones, Director, Virginia
Cooperative Extension, Virginia Tech, Blacksburg; Jewel E. Hairston, Interim
Administrator,1890 Extension Program, Virginia State, Petersburg.
May 1, 2009
Available as:
PDF (636 KB)
Other resources in:
Child Development
Other resources by:
Novella J. Ruffin
Other resources from:
HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH STRESS

23. Stress is a natural and normal part of children's lives. The process of growing up carries
with it quite a bit of stress. Children begin to experience stress at a very early age, and
they are often more vulnerable to stress than adults because they have not yet learned
effective ways to cope with it. Parents should, therefore begin helping their children
acquire the skills necessary to effectively cope with stress while their children are
young. These skills are very important for children not only throughout their growing
years, but into adulthood, too.
How Parents Can Help
*Be aware of protective factors. Why is it that some children seem to handle stress
well, while other children do not? Research indicates that there are numerous
differences between children who do and do not handle stress effectively. Children
who manage stress well tend to have good self-esteem, a sense of humor, a perception
of control over their lives, a consistent family structure (rules/limits), a cohesive
family, open communication in the family, a warm supporting relationship with their
parents, good relationships with friends and teachers, a religious affiliation, and receive
recognition for their achievements.
*Help your children develop an awareness of the signs of stress. Different children
exhibit different symptoms of stress. These symptoms often depend on children's ages,
personality, and level of development. However, there are many clues that children's
bodies provide that indicate when children may be under too much stress. Such clues
can include a tight throat, sweaty palms, headaches, fatigue, nausea, diarrhea,
uneasiness, indigestion, depression, restlessness, frustration, and a change in sleeping
patterns. Other possible symptoms include withdrawal, irritability, aggression,
excessive daydreaming, excessive sensitivity, changes in eating habits, and general
changes in behavior. Parents and children who learn how to recognize these stress

24. signs have taken the first step to combating stress.
*Prepare your children for potentially stressful situations. Parents should take time
to prepare their children for potentially stressful situations they might face. Parents can
rehearse how to handle potentially stressful situations with their children. For example,
if a child is feeling stressed because of a conflict with a friend in school, parents should
encourage the child to practice (with him or her) a conversation with this friend to
attempt to resolve the conflict.
*Avoid overprotecting your children. It is sometimes hard for parents to watch their
children deal with stressful situations, since their first instinct is often to protect them
from the stresses of life. However, stress is unavoidable in life. Parents will be doing
their children a disservice if they always try to protect them from stress. Children learn
how to cope with stress only by experiencing it.
*Try to build your children's self-esteem. Parents should help their children gain
confidence in handling problems by giving them responsibilities and letting them make
decisions from an early age. Parents should also help their children develop interests in
which they can succeed. Parents should offer their children a lot of encouragement and
praise.
*Provide support and reassurance. Parents should be available to their children
when they are experiencing stress. They should provide lots of hugs, pats on the back,
kisses, etc. to let their children know that they are there for them. When their children
are experiencing stress, parents should let them know they understand that they are
having a difficult time. Having a warm and supportive relationship with a parent is one
of the single best predictors of how well children cope with stressful situations during
childhood.
*Provide an environment with open communication. Parents should be available to
listen when their children need to talk. They should ask open-ended questions (e.g.,
questions that can't be answered with just a "yes" or "no") if their children need help
discussing the subject. Examples of open-ended questions include "What do you think

25. about ...?" and "How does ... make you feel?" One of the benefits of talking about
stressors is that discussing them brings about increased awareness. Also, parents should
be willing to share some of their own stresses and feelings to let their children know
(without worrying them) that their feelings are normal.
*Make sure your children get enough sleep and/or rest. Children who do not get
enough sleep will not have the energy required to combat life's stresses. Parents should
make sure their children get enough sleep every night. A regular bedtime should be
maintained. Getting enough rest is critical to children's mental and physical health.
*Model appropriate coping skills. Children learn by watching their parents. If
children see their parents using appropriate coping skills when they are under stress,
they will be more likely to use appropriate skills when they experience stress, too.
Parents should try to demonstrate that stress is normal and can be handled in a calm
and effective manner. Parents should try to be optimists who view a stressor as a
challenge rather than a catastrophe.
*Have your children learn relaxation skills. Relaxation skills can help children
release tension caused by stress. There are various specific relaxation techniques that
professionals can teach children. Some techniques involve having children use their
imagination to recall or develop positive and relaxing images (e.g., playing outside,
being at the beach). Other relaxation techniques involve teaching children to
systematically tense and relax various muscle groups. These relaxation techniques must
be practiced on a daily basis to be most effective. What relaxation technique is chosen
is usually not critical. What is important is that it is comfortable for children, that it
works, and that they stick to it. Parents who think their children might benefit from
training in these relaxation techniques should ask their children's health care provider
for a referral to a professional who is qualified to provide this training.
*Teach your children how to handle criticism. All of us are criticized at one time or
another. Increased stress can result when a person has difficulty accepting criticism.
Children are often exposed to criticism at an early age. This criticism can take the form

26. of peer teasing or constructive feedback from teachers and parents. Parents should try
to teach children how to handle criticism from an early age. Children should be taught
that no one is perfect and that we all make mistakes that we can learn from. Parents can
use role playing to teach children how to handle teasing and unfair criticism.
*Provide proper nutrition. Proper nutrition is a very important part of combating
stress, especially for children. The best diet to help children handle stress is one that
has few additives, has the right amount of calories to maintain normal development,
and is balanced. Children with poor diets (unbalanced, high in junk foods) should be
encouraged to decrease their intake of foods high in fats, cholesterol, salt, and refined
or processed sugars. Children's consumption of junk foods and caffeine should be
limited. They should be encouraged to increase their intake of fruits, vegetables, and
whole grains. Children should maintain a healthy body weight. Parents whose children
are overweight should consult their children's health care provider for
recommendations regarding weight loss.
*Provide a consistent routine or schedule. Children need predictability in their lives.
A consistent schedule of meal times, homework time, bed time, etc., allows children to
know what to expect in their lives. This in turn, helps them feel secure and reduces
stress.
*Help your children reframe stressful situations. Children have control over the
way things affect them. Children's perceptions of a stressful situation help determine
how stressful it becomes. Parents should take steps to help their children develop
alternative interpretations of the things that cause them stress. For example, if a child is
experiencing stress because he thinks his teacher doesn't like him because she didn't
say hello to him at the beginning of class, a parent can ask the child to try to come up
with other explanations for his teacher's behavior. A parent might suggest that perhaps
the teacher was busy thinking about something else and therefore forgot to say hello.
This is an example of reframing a stressful situation. The key is for parents to help their
children come up with alternative and more positive interpretations of stressful
situations. Of course, it's not possible to reframe every stressful situation. There will be

27. times when the stress children perceive in a situation is quite real. At these times, it is
necessary for parents to help their children cope with the situation in other ways.
*Help your children alter their beliefs about stressful situations. Children's beliefs
have a major impact on their behavior: How they behave, who they choose for friends,
what subjects they study in school, etc. Children's beliefs also determine, to a certain
extent, what will and will not be stressful for them. Sometimes certain beliefs lead to
increased stress. In these instances it's a good idea for parents to make an attempt to
help their children change these specific beliefs. For example, children who believe
that they must get an A+ on every homework assignment or else they will be a failure
will experience stress whenever they don't get an A+. In such a case, it would reduce
stress significantly if parents helped their children alter this belief to one that allows for
imperfection.
*Encourage your children to participate in enjoyable activities. When children are
experiencing excessive stress, parents should encourage them to take part in activities
they enjoy (e.g., sports, listening to music, playing a game, art, reading). In order to be
stress reducing, the activity needs to be enjoyable and should allow them to take their
mind off their troubles.
*Encourage your children to get regular exercise. Regular exercise is an excellent
way to help manage stress. First of all, it helps work out tension that can build up in
children's bodies. Secondly, exercise provides for physical fitness, which allows
children's bodies to be more efficient at combating stress. Finally, exercise helps clear
the mind, making it easier to relax. Exercise, however, will not be effective in
combating stress unless it is done regularly. The specific activity that is chosen is not
important. What is important is that children find it enjoyable. Also, children will be
much more likely to exercise on a regular basis if their parents exercise regularly and
are physically fit.
*Help your children develop good problem-solving skills. When children face a
significant problem parents should take the opportunity to teach effective problem-

28. solving strategies. They should start by helping their children clearly define the exact
problem. Then parents should have their children generate a list of possible solutions
(not evaluating them at this stage). Once a list of solutions is generated, parents should
have their children go through each possibility and evaluate its potential for success.
Once all the solutions have been evaluated parents should encourage their children to
choose what appears to be the best solution. Parents should encourage and praise their
children for the use of effective problem-solving strategies.
*Help your children learn how to manage time. Parents should help their children
learn how to prioritize activities. If children have a tendency to take on too much
responsibility, parents should help them learn to place limits on their commitments.
Parents should help teach their children how to schedule their time (e.g., specific time
for homework) so they can get things done.
*Teach your children to be assertive. Children who are afraid to stand up for
themselves tend to have difficulty handling stressful situations. Parents should teach
their children to stand up for themselves. Parents can role-play problem situations and
teach their children how to stand up for themselves in an appropriate, non-aggressive
manner.
*Develop your children's sense of humor. Children who can see the humorous side
of things and can laugh at themselves tend to handle stressful situations more
effectively. Parents should teach their children not to take things too seriously.
Laughter is good medicine!
*Get professional help if your children have continued difficulty coping with
stress. There are times when professional help is necessary to help children deal with
excessive stress. Consult with your children's health care provider for assistance and
recommendations.
www.parenting-ed.org

29. Center for Effective Parenting
Little Rock Center: (501) 364-7580
NW Arkansas Center: (479) 751-6166
Written by Kristen Zolten, M.A. and Nicholas Long, PhD, Department of Pediatrics,
University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences
Artwork by Scott Snider
© 1997