CFD 163 Relationships in Today's Families

1. Chapter 10
Dating, Mate
Selection, and Living
Together

2. 10-2
Based on the principle that elders have the wisdom to select the
appropriate spouse
Lineage and family status considered more important than love
Serve to extend existing family units rather than to create new
units
Common in many non-industrialized cultures

3. 10-3
Highly stable
Harmonious
Premarital intimacy is minimal
No risk of being rejected by the partner
One does not have to determine whether one’s partner is
committed to the relationship

4. 10-4
Freedom of choice in marriage, referred to as the love
match
More likely among people who:
• Marry at a later age
• Have a higher level of education
• Have a higher socioeconomic status
• Live in an urban setting
Financially independent women more likely to opt for a love
match

5. 10-5
Semi-arranged marriages: Parental approval is obtained
before the marriage
• Becoming more common in India
Love-based marriages: Happen more often in larger cities
• Gaining popularity in Japan
Cohabitation: Most common type of
relationship until birth of a child

6. 10-6
Bogle’s findings on the
contemporary trends in dating
• After the 1970s, couples began to be
more comfortable congregating in
groups and getting into couple
relationships at these gatherings
• Hooking up: Common term with a
vague definition, which does not
reveal specific details of a
relationship
• Traditional dating only occurred after
a couple was in an exclusive
relationship

7. 10-7
Traditionally, people used friends or family as a source for
meeting a partner
• Allowed one to meet someone with a similar background in
terms of income level, race, and religion
• Acted as a third party who could vouch for a potential
partner
Recent trends show that the internet and friends have
become the most cited connection sources of finding a
mate

8. 10-8
According to Rosenfeld and Thomas, meeting on the
internet did not result in less stable relationships
• No difference in quality between face-to-face relationships that
had started online and those that did not
• People who meet someone on the internet still rely on friends
and family to help determine whether their partner is a good
match
• Gay and lesbian couples are even more likely to search for a
partner on the internet
• Other resources such as friends and family are less likely to know
about potential partners for this same-sex population

9. 10-9
Research on internet dating
• 15 % of adults in America have used online dating sites
• Since 2013, usage between the ages of 18-24 years has increased
threefold
• For adults between the ages of 55-64 years, it has doubled
• In a 2015 study conducted by Pew Research Center and cited by
Smith, 12% of adults have used an online dating site
• Smith in 2016 indicated that the more affluent are more likely than
the less affluent to use online resources
• 80% of those who have used internet dating to find dating partners
agree that it is a good and generally efficient way to meet people

10. 10-10
Weiser and Niehuis in 2014 summarized and discussed earlier
research, which identifies multiple steps people go through in
developing intimate relationships
• Initially, a conversation between two people begins
• Next, the conversation may extend to learning about each other
and may include basic information
• Couple learns to trust each other; develops a level of commitment
• May move forward to committed relationship or marriage
• Many couples, of course, end the relationship before they get to a
trusting and committed relationship

11. 10-11
Effect of breakups can be devastating
• Depression
• Insomnia
• Increased use of alcohol or medications
• Increased susceptibility to disease
• Increased distress and lower self-esteem
Not all breakups result in heartbreak
• Some individuals experience relief on ending a relationship

12. 10-12
• Divorce
• Never having been married
Result of:
Offers the potential for happiness and companionship
May hamper self-confidence
• Direct approach in building relationships
• Long-term companionship instead of living together
or marriage
Older people prefer

13. 10-13
Similarity
• Many people marry others who are similar in income levels and
education
Age and finding a mate
• Mating gradient: Women’s tendency to marry men who are better
educated or more successful than they are
• Sex ratio: Relationship between the number of men and number of
women of a given age
Similar or different personalities
• Do not impact marital satisfaction
Interracial and interfaith marriages
• Endogamy: Tradition of choosing a mate from within one’s group
• Exogamy: Tradition of choosing a mate from outside one’s group

14. 10-14
Factors that influence the degree of adjustment:
• Values
• Acculturation
• Religion and race
• Sex and sex roles
• Socioeconomic differences
• Cultural familiarity
• Extended-family agreement

15. 10-15
Attachment theory
• Assumes that the same kind of emotional bonds between parents
and children are evident in adult intimate relationships
Exchange theory
• Focuses on how relationships are developed based on rewards
received between partners
Equity theory
• Focuses on what is fair and unfair in relationships

16. 10-16
Life course theories
• Describe how individuals and couples transition
throughout different stages in life
Feminist theory
• Focuses on gender
Sociobiological theory
• Emphasizes how evolutionary factors affect romantic and
sexual preferences

17. 10-17
Early stages of a relationship
• Jealousy and other personality issues
Later stages of a relationship
• Differences in background
• Balance of power in the relationship
• Parent relationships
Sources of conflicts
Jealousy and differences in the level of commitment
may result in violent behavior
Likely that violent behavior during dating will
continue after marriage

18. 10-18
Two unrelated adults of the opposite sex sharing the
same living quarters before marriage
Applicable to same-sex unmarried couples who have an
emotional and sexual relationship

19. 10-19
Religion
• More religious individuals are less likely to cohabit
Divorce
• Divorced individuals are more likely to enter into a
cohabiting relationship
Marital discord or growing up without a father
• Increases the chances of cohabiting

20. 10-20
Enables spending more time together
Allows sharing intimacy without the commitment of marriage
Economic advantage
Allows learning the habits and character of each other
No complicated divorce if the relationship fails
Allows testing compatibility for a potential future marriage
Engagement

21. 10-21
Working-class
couples
• Cohabitate more
quickly than middle-
class couples
• Serves as a better
financial alternative
than living separately
Middle-class
couples
• Have more resources
to live independently
• Work requirements
slowed down move
toward cohabitation
• Seen as a step toward
marriage

22. Chapter 10
Dating, Mate
Selection, and Living
Together