The document discusses assertiveness, emphasizing its importance in self-confidence, self-awareness, and respect for oneself and others. It contrasts assertive behavior with negative attitudes and passive or aggressive behaviors, outlining human assertive rights and challenges in saying 'no' or 'yes.' It concludes with strategies for assertively declining requests while maintaining respect and clarity.

1. ASSERTIVENESSASSERTIVENESS
NEIL PAULNEIL PAUL
Rehabilitation CounselorRehabilitation Counselor

2. 2-WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS?2-WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS?
 Assertiveness is about selfAssertiveness is about self
confidence which means havingconfidence which means having
a positive attitude towardsa positive attitude towards
yourself and others.yourself and others.

3. Being AssertiveBeing Assertive
1-Being assertive is focusing on your1-Being assertive is focusing on your
goalgoal
2-Being assertive is being self-aware2-Being assertive is being self-aware
3-Being assertive is being true to3-Being assertive is being true to
yourselfyourself
4-Being assertive is building self4-Being assertive is building self
esteemesteem
5-Being assertive is nurturing yourself.5-Being assertive is nurturing yourself.
6-6-Showing respects toShowing respects toyour rights andyour rights and
others rightsothers rights

5. Negative attitude andNegative attitude and
passive behaviourpassive behaviour
 Lack of self confidence and low selfLack of self confidence and low self
esteemesteem
 Lack of self respectLack of self respect
 Self putdownsSelf putdowns
 Negative feelings and thoughts aboutNegative feelings and thoughts about
yourselfyourself
 Feeliings of inferiority compared to othersFeeliings of inferiority compared to others
 Like others to be in control of people andLike others to be in control of people and
situationssituations
 Feel guilty towards othersFeel guilty towards others
 demotivateddemotivated

6. Negative attitude andNegative attitude and
manipulative behaviourmanipulative behaviour
 Lack of self confidence and low self esteemLack of self confidence and low self esteem
 Lack of self respect and lack of respect forLack of self respect and lack of respect for
othersothers
 Mistrustful and suspicious of others’ motivesMistrustful and suspicious of others’ motives
 Negative feelings and thoughts about selfNegative feelings and thoughts about self
and othersand others
 Feel very wary towards othersFeel very wary towards others
 Dishonest and indirectDishonest and indirect
 Twist what others have saidTwist what others have said
 Undermine others’ self esteemUndermine others’ self esteem
 Depressed and demotivatedDepressed and demotivated

7. Negative attitude andNegative attitude and
aggressive behaviouraggressive behaviour
 Lack of self confidence and low self esteemLack of self confidence and low self esteem
 Lack of respect towards othersLack of respect towards others
 Put others downPut others down
 Feelings of superiorityFeelings of superiority
 Like to be in control of people and situationsLike to be in control of people and situations
 Disinterested in others’ thoughts and feelingsDisinterested in others’ thoughts and feelings
 Feel angry towards others and are quick to blameFeel angry towards others and are quick to blame
themthem
 Don’t listen to or ask questionsDon’t listen to or ask questions
 Dismissive of feedbackDismissive of feedback

8. Positive attitude andPositive attitude and
assertive behaviourassertive behaviour
 Self confidence and high self esteemSelf confidence and high self esteem
 Respect for self and towards othersRespect for self and towards others
 Take responsibility for selfTake responsibility for self
 Motivated to do a good jobMotivated to do a good job
 İnterested in others’ feelings andİnterested in others’ feelings and
thoughtsthoughts
 Ask questionsAsk questions
 Honest and directHonest and direct
 Listen to othersListen to others
 Ask others for feedbackAsk others for feedback

9. 7-HUMAN ASSERTIVE RIGHTS7-HUMAN ASSERTIVE RIGHTS
 The right to expressThe right to express sexualitysexuality
 The right to have needs and desiresThe right to have needs and desires
 The right to have informationThe right to have information
 The right to have goods or services which haveThe right to have goods or services which have
been paidbeen paid
 The right to be independent and to be left aloneThe right to be independent and to be left alone
 The right to say noThe right to say no
 The right to be treated with respectThe right to be treated with respect

10. Why is it difficult to say no?Why is it difficult to say no?
 If I say no,they may feel hurt or injectedIf I say no,they may feel hurt or injected
 If I say no this time, they may not like meIf I say no this time, they may not like me
anymoreanymore
 If I say no this time,they may never ask againIf I say no this time,they may never ask again
 They won’t take any notice if I say noThey won’t take any notice if I say no
 They would say ‘yes’ to me (and so I will feelThey would say ‘yes’ to me (and so I will feel
guilty if I refuse them)guilty if I refuse them)
 I can’t say no, because I feel sorry for themI can’t say no, because I feel sorry for them

11. How to say ‘no’ assertively?How to say ‘no’ assertively?
 Start your reply with aStart your reply with a
clear,firm,audible ‘no’clear,firm,audible ‘no’
 Do not justify or makeDo not justify or make
excuses.Giving a reason is differentexcuses.Giving a reason is different
from over-appologizingfrom over-appologizing
 Feel that you have a right to say noFeel that you have a right to say no
 Once you have said ‘no’ , do not stayOnce you have said ‘no’ , do not stay
around waiting to be persuaded toaround waiting to be persuaded to
change your mind.Make a definitechange your mind.Make a definite
closure by changing theclosure by changing the
subject,walking away, continiuingsubject,walking away, continiuing
with what you are doing-whatever iswith what you are doing-whatever is
appropriateappropriate

12. How to say ‘no’ assertively?How to say ‘no’ assertively?
 Remember you are saying ‘no’ to thatRemember you are saying ‘no’ to that
particular request,not rejecting theparticular request,not rejecting the
personperson
 If the request takes you unawares orIf the request takes you unawares or
you have not sufficent time to thinkyou have not sufficent time to think
when asked,you can always say, ‘I willwhen asked,you can always say, ‘I will
let you know’ in order to give yourselflet you know’ in order to give yourself
time to think about what you want totime to think about what you want to
saysay
 Take responsibility for saying no-do notTake responsibility for saying no-do not
blame the other person for asking youblame the other person for asking you
 Ask for more information if you need itAsk for more information if you need it
in order to decide whether you want toin order to decide whether you want to
say ‘yes’ or ‘no’say ‘yes’ or ‘no’

13. Why is it difficult to say ‘yes’?Why is it difficult to say ‘yes’?
 I don’t deserve itI don’t deserve it
 They might not really mean itThey might not really mean it
 I am not really sure that is what I wantI am not really sure that is what I want
 I don’t have enough informationI don’t have enough information

15. NEIL PAUL
Rehabilitation Counselor
www.neilpaul.co.in